🖤Driving Colours🖤

I wish my life was as carefree as I pretended to be.

[blurrylove97]

[blurrylove97]

Tarnished

Forth loving me is such divinity that no mere mortal can suffice.

My soul hath been tarnished by the bleak reality of life.

My heart stained, black, to the point that drawing a white line with charcoal would suffice.

I gave my heart and soul plenty,yet left none for myself.

Now I'm stuck, mindless, soulless, and once again lonely with so much company.

No mere mortal can love a heart as tarnished, stained, or broken...

[blurrylove97]

Star crossed lovers

I've heard that the sun and moon are star crossed lovers, destined to never meet, yet fate hath brought eclipses to fill that yearning.

As the moon yearns for the touch of sun's rays, I yearn for thine and as such, the sun burns for the moon, as my love burns for thee.

I may hath hope that soon our eclipse may come, forth loving thee, hath vexed my very essence, not as in such, vexed, rather stirred my being into submission.

I yearn for thee, I burn for thee, thine day is my day and may nightfall come, my heart belongs to thee.

Whether it be a weorpan or not, thou hath captured such essence, in brown eyes delight, on a starry, summer night.

With voice as sweet as nightingale, I entrust my heart to thee , in hopes that thine would make it's way to me...

[ssweet-dispositionn]

“I’m scared as hell to want you. But here I am, wanting you anyway.”

— “Crash Into Me, Part Two.“ Grey’s Anatomy. (via wordsnquotes)

[blurrylove97]

Love me

I don’t want to be just a toy

Something to play with when you’re bored

I don’t want to make love to you,knowing you love someone else

I’m not a reconciliation prize

I have feelings,I’ll admit most of them revolve around you and they send me on a whirlwind,roller coaster ride that makes my head spin with each step I take

I love you, I’ll scream it from the rooftops if I must but would you do the same for me...

[blurrylove97]

Scars

You can walk past someone and not know

Not know about the scars they hide

Beneath those clothes lay rows

Rows of love,hatred,pain,words left said and unsaid

You can walk past someone and not know what they are about to do

The pain they are going to inflict

Not on you but themselves

How they will deal with their pain

I sometimes wish someone would notice these scars

Whether they be emotional or physical

Wish they would see it and not judge

Just be here for me,for them,for every single one who bares these scars

[blurrylove97]

Presence

Never have I felt so present,yet so alone

I feel left on my own

I feel deserted and trapped at the same time

Why my thoughts don’t even feel like my own

The darkness is slowly creeping from every orifice of my skin

Emitting it’s beautiful cruelty from deep within my soul

I’m alive,yet I still feel like I’m walking around like the dead

I want to be saved, I don’t want to be alone

But still I’m not willing to let down my walls to let anyone in

[leilahalipoetry]

she might as well have had a sign hung around her neck that said,

“i bite”,

from the way she smiled at me.

all teeth.

-leilah ali

[blurrylove97]

The winter freezes my hands as the smoke warms up my lungs

[blurrylove97]

Just a thought

As I took a swig of my cigarette

My senses go off and I look around

Will I get caught taking my secret pleasure

The one that keeps me sane

My mind twisted and a thought occurred to me

We all die one day

Whether it be by the hand of a cigarette

Or by the hand of a blade against my skin

Which would you rather have it be

[blurrylove97]

Am I over you

I’m stuck with this pain inside

One that I can’t show

I’ve told everyone that I’ve let you go

Everyone except you

I love you but I can’t seem to leave you

You are slowly forgetting our texts

You start answering your phone less

And I just feel like a mess

I’ve gone psychotic and you’re the mental one

I feel like I’m not myself anymore

That you killed off some part of me

Would you be glad if I left

Would you be sad

Would you return to who you used to be

But most importantly

Would I....

[blurrylove97]

The last lie

I’ve always thought that I can deal with this

But I can’t anymore

I love you, I freaking love you

Don’t leave me but don’t keep me

Need me but don’t speak to me

My mind and heart is playing a tug of war

You lie to me

I catch you

You try to blame it on me

I hate you, no I don’t,maybe I do

Maybe I just hate myself a bit too much

A bit too much

My panic attacks grow worse ,They leave me breathless,cold

You’re the source of it

The creator of these masterpieces

I want to leave,so bad but my feet,they’re stuck to the ground

[blurrylove97]

The mental illness

As your illness eats at your head

It eats at my heart

So many times you have accused me of things

Things I haven’t done

You talk to me sweetly in one moment

Then tear me down the next

I don’t know where to turn anymore

We made so many promises and I hate to break them

But I can’t be everything to you

I can’t be your emotional,physical and mental stability

It’s too much to just put on my shoulders

It eats at me each time you go off the rails

I keep saying sorry, I don’t know what for anymore,soon enough my sorry won’t mean anything

I really do love you,don’t get me wrong but I don’t know what to do anymore

[blurrylove97]

A Smoker’s Confession

I see people walking with a cigarette in hand

But none of them seem happy

They stare at you with beady eyes,eyes filled with judgement

Do they judge you for looking at them and acknowledging the monster or is it a self loathing triggered by the good inside

Isn’t it supposed to make them happy,drugs are for the purpose of escaping

Yet it binds them to an eternity of despair

Never getting rid of the smoke monster stuck on your back with it’s paw stuck deep in their wallet

It starts out with a simple taste

The silent hiding behind the neighbors lemon tree

Staring at smokers

Silently wishing you were them

My mother told me to never smoke but I knew better,what does she know

My smoke monster is tucked away,deep inside my wallet,peeking it’s head out every time I buy something

Constantly reminding me he’s still there for me

He’s just a word away.... “cigarette “

[blurrylove97]

Feeling

I know I’m not alone,yet I feel hulled in loneliness

I know you love me,still I feel vacated

I know you’re just a call away but it never feels enough

I can’t touch you because you’re too far away

I stare at ceilings,stare into darkness,hoping that maybe I would find something there

Maybe you,maybe what’s left of me

I feel dead inside,yet still breathing on the outside

How do I handle this without tearing you and me apart

[blurrylove97]

Snowy ice shards

As the snow falls softly and slowly around me

I can’t help but think of what lies underneath

Above all soft and white

Underneath hard,dirty and dangerous

I’ve gotten to know the hard part really quick

Having my heart cut and then put on ice

Slowly my will is fading away

The will to keep this going

I made so many promises to you and I don’t want to take them back

How can I keep us together without breaking me apart ?

You said I am the only one you are living for but I need you to live,live for yourself too

How can you live for me if you don’t even want to live for yourself ?

So many times I just want to leave but it tears me apart

I don’t want to let go of you, of the destruction and most importantly what I think we have

[blurrylove97]

My heart

Slowly my heart betrayed me

Made me fall in love with another,not making me leave you either

Now my mind is filled with the both of you

One consuming my heart, the other my mind

I don’t know which consumes which but I know it is true

With you I feel safe, with her I feel like I am flying,like everything is crazy and amazing

I love you and her but is it really love at all if I developed feelings for another

My heart and brain are both confused, not knowing what to do but for now I will slowly silence it with a drink