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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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@bmichelle14
Existential Crisis
#45 activates my anger.
Political pundits activate my anxiety.
The democratic debates activate my ambivalence.
All news stations activate my depression.Â
I need to hide under a rock for a while attempt to activate peace.Â
you’re projecting
Where I am now is not where I imagined myself at this time. During our weekly 3 hour conversation, my God Mom asked me to write down my thoughts of how my life should look at this moment in time. I described to her with 3/4 honesty how I wasn’t living my perceptions of success. So why 3/4? Because the other 1/4 was too hurtful and self involved for me to share. Foolish is a more accurate. Comparison culture is real. But comparisons are usually based in fantasy not reality. At least for me this is true. And after watching a few hours of music videos and reality TV, my logic becomes even more warped and deception at an all time high. Bey’s lyrics never ring so true- “I see it want it, I stunt yellow bone it, dream it I work hard I grind till I own it” That’s how I lived my life in my 20′s. Grad school, my work with the Center, teaching...it was my high life, my most satisfied. I did not know how much I would look back so wishful and wanton. Reflection hurts, deeply cuts, and shames me. When I was prospective, I saw my life at that moment x 10. A larger team, a bigger mission, greater influence and impact, stronger community connections, more teaching/training opportunities, walking taller, faster, further in my purpose. All while flaunting bad suites, fly hair , and tall heels. Waist snatched, brain exploding with ideas and knowledge. Financial security - not rich but no longer a broke grad student. Jet setting at least 4 times a year to deliver presentations and meet with others who are focused on partnering with communities of color to eliminate health disparities, improve educational opportunities, and conquer systemic inequity. A champion of the people with a beat face and phat ass (the 1/4 honesty missing earlier hahahahaha). A loft with an open concept and chill country chic vibe. A new car, low key fancy yet very affordable. Long days of hard work with short nights of drinks with colleagues and friends. A boo or two (or more) who I would only see 1 day a week -- nothing serious b/c I didn’t have time. I was saving the world and only needed that human contact sporadically (or so I had become accustomed. Miss Independent/Upgrade You (music video interlude)
The other side of the coin wasn’t wanted but was there regardless. Like depression/anxiety medications and mandated counseling sessions. Days of isolation. So many lonely days and nights - labeled a “walking depressant”. Limited time for family. Vacations booked but not fully experienced. There was always something to read, write, review, submit, revise, resubmit, prepare or respond. Scheduled always scheduled. Constant second guessing and paranoia. Criticism was swift, earnest, and plentiful. Resentment, a lot of resentment.  But, the longing is still there.i The longing for what was and what I thought I would be by now. It’s not diminished and it roars so loud some days. I read something today that challenges how I feel right now. “Anyone who desires to be used in a consequential way by God understands the divine prerequisite of overcoming one’s own fleshly responses to life.” I am definitely having a fleshly response to my life. My 30′s have been a fleshly response to where I was and it’s vast contradiction to where I imagined I would be now. I see this time as living in confusion, with no vision, and no road map to one. I look to my past in a pointless comparison to some imagined future. I’m holding tight to dated relationships like they are life preservers, they aren’t attached to anything. “If my most passionate desire is to be a grand display of the fruit of the Spirit and the personality of God, the price that I must pay is to crucify the flesh and to discipline my emotions.” Heavy. Spot on. Instructive. So, the next course is to understand how.
Change of Plans
This weekend I was scheduled for travel & chill. I planned the perfect get away, for me. Airbnb, a live show, and a new environment. However, like me ex, my plans were cancelled. So, turning a disappointing situation to opportunity (ever the optimist) I decided to RSVP for a meetup I had previously been unable to attend. But, that was a 10 am decision and by 5pm Netflix had my attention and my couch my support. I was about to curl myself tighter, snuggle in deeper, select my next binge watch, when something came over me to do different. So before I could change the channel or my mind I jumped into a pair of heels and dashed out the door… Parking in the city no matter how small is a hassle to detract the flighty from following through on a RSVP
My photo is not a reason to be self-loathing. It is to document my feelings through my face-which never lies no matter how hard I try to hide. Today, I feel “better than just OK.”
Blah-dom
“What am I doing?” The same question over and over again. I don’t have an answer and no matter how much I beg and plead with God to give me a direct answer, there’s no immediate response I recognize. Tired of lying around feeling stunted - “having been prevented from growing or developing properly.” Having been prevented, and not knowing how and/or why is the issue. Not knowing what I am supposed to be growing and developing into is the second half. And it sucks--from the bottom of my ovaries to to the tips of my hair extensions.Â
Am I whining, wriggling and jiggling in self loathing? Yes. Crying into sofa pillows stained with cheese pizza, coffee and wine? Yes. Trying on outfits with some semblance of trend and structure, instead of my yoga pants tank top combo I seem to veer towards everyday? No. Wishing I was anyplace but where I am? Yes. Do I have any idea of how to BE anywhere but here? NO. Sinking deeper into melancholy and apathy with each payday/billing cycle? YEPPERS. Still no clarity, no vision, no umph. Blah-dom, I am experiencing blah-dom. This feeling makes me want to do something dramatic, not like cut my hair or complete a 10K, something messy and sneaky. But, even then I get bored with the thought. Not good at being disloyal, not good at lying, not good at that...which is probably why I don’t have a “hot girl summer” vibe sliding into my DMs. Just my bestie’s BS about a random pic while she’s out in the Bahamas. Crazy, I don’t want to be in the Caribbean unless it’s for a PAID reason. Don’t know what that could be, but that’s the ideal vacation right now. Living in Blah-dom makes everything that used to peak my interest seem regular, basic, blah-zay.Â
Something has to give. I don’t want to go back into the cyclone of depression. I feel it sucking me back in. It’s calling for me. Whipping around every late evening and early morning. Usually that’s my time of day to connect with the world, with the moment. Lately, all I feel is the death of a day and the dawn of a shitty day of blah-dom. I will try to be positive, but that shyt is tiring. Think I may add wine to my couch’s growing stain collection.Â
Fear Doesn't Go with MY MARRIAGE @crystalmarieevents A word from Kacie Thompson also known as #thehitchedbitch. "What I have learned is that, sometimes, you have to be Bad A$s Boss Wife to get your point across and get what you want. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t loving, nurturing, vulnerable, or open to compromise, it just means that sometimes, you have to have a “b^t*h state of mind” to own who you are as a woman and make the changes you need to be happy and healthy. I’m a better wife because I put myself first. When it comes to marriage, you have to learn to be courageous, bold, open to change, open to risk, and you have to be open to communicating topics and issues, that may not always be warmly received. At the end of the day, being a “b^t*h” is not a bad thing, it means you are bold in your stance and you do not care what others think. You have a deeper understanding of the bigger picture and what makes you happy first and foremost as a woman and what will make you a happy and healthy wife for your partner." Fearless Flygirl: Kacie Thompson @the.miles.files 💄: Regan Wolfrey Hair: Rico Suave #FDGWMO #acrystalmariebrand #fearnot #fearless #fearlessfashion #marriage https://www.instagram.com/p/BqFMPTunuCADCrgcjDhskyb6BQcXYNUEY_sjKo0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7ybyrr6aeqb4
Fear Doesn't Go with MY CREATIVITY @crystalmarieevents Creative people make the world go round. Their imagination runs so wild at times that they function in another dimension. They see and hear things differently.The most creative people are motivated by the grandest of problems that are presented before them. They understand that everything doesn't always have the solution right then and there so sometimes it's up to them to create one. At work, at home and in our communities. The creative ones don't sit and complain with no action. They don't fear being the first to take a stand. Creatives not only entertain but they also inspire and remind the folks in the regular world to catch up, and somehow still have time to make their own tutu. Fear Doesn't Go With My Creativity. MUA: @reganmua Fearless Flygirl: Demetria "Dirty" @dasdeets #FDGW #FEARLESS https://www.instagram.com/p/BqARXeyHbDF7yyAkd3_ouPwuAabW34Y2PWuszg0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=7ez6f4qal4ux
Fear Doesn't Go with MY ENERGY @crystalmarieevents Negative people are energy vampires. They will drain the ENTIRE life out of you if you let them. Always complaining about what somebody did, how it wasn't their fault, and pulling the victim card every chance they get. Sometimes the energy vamps are within ourselves. We put so many demands and stress on ourselves with fear, self-doubt and insecurities. My personal favorite energy stone is Amethyst. It helps with purifying the mind and clearing it of negative thoughts. I protect my energy because everyone and every situation doesn't deserve it. But more importantly, I protect it from those fearful thoughts of not good enough, what if I fail.. .blah..blah..blah..Don't dress up in that! Fear doesn't go with my outfit and it damn sure doesn't go with my energy. MUA: @reganmua Fearless Flygirl: @aignermartine #FDGWO #FEARLESS https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp7cCX8nfKFtaTCynB4P9WCHpfbp8Ate1ru-ag0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=wl5g7pt33lzj
Fear Doesn't Go with MY CONFIDENCE @crystalmarieevents Don't ever confuse my confidence with conceit. I've seen a few things. Been involved in not so pretty things. Fought tooth and nail to get out of those ugly things. Took risks fearlessly..some I failed and some I succeeded. I've done and am continuing to invest in bettering myself personally and professionally. I refuse to beg people to..as we use to say when we were kids "play with me". I'm to fly (and to old) for that. Confidence is about living boldly in your truth. Picking the brightest bulb in the hardware store to shine in your crown because you intend to blind the whole room, while offering them a cute pair of shades in the process but encouraging them to make crowns for themselves. Confidence is being okay if nobody claps for you, because your clap should be the loudest one you hear anyway. I know..I know...I can't take myself either... MUA: @reganmua Fearless Flygirl: @browngirlbookmark #FDGWO #FEARLESS https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp7crLcHBycBFWDPSALsbdI8qTm7EIzXa7Usos0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1pqqeuawbxwyc
Fear Doesn't Go with MY FIGURE @crystalmarieevents Body type categories such as Ectomorph (lean, thin), Mesomorph (athletic, muscular), or Endomorph (curvy, fat) separate us solely on shape and build. But, when applied to women’s bodies and beings don’t define who we are, what we think or how we choose to live. As an Ambassador for the “Thick Thighs Save Lives” Committee (yes, it is a real thing) we understand body type categories mostly assist others to determine how they will respond to us. However, we accept and flaunt our thickness – hair thick, lips thick, relationships thick, faith thick, and feelings thick. We celebrate and empower all bodies without judgement, without condemnation. The motto “Fear Doesn’t Go with My Figure” reminds me we are sufficient because who we are, what we are capable of doing, and the promise of a bright future. Our bodies don’t limit our ability to live healthy, abundant lives – they are the source of why we can! I’m loving me at any size and every day is another opportunity to do my best. So, don’t assume because our thighs rub together we can’t run. Don’t assume because we have “peppermint stripes” we won’t wear a high-waist, 2-piece swimsuit. Don’t assume my grocery basket isn’t stocked with multiple plant-based meal items. Don’t assume any of the negative stereotypes. Assume I am “thick as all outside” and relishing in it! Assume people of every size, shape, and ability are people trying their best to live out loud, beyond the boundaries of a category. I am reminded of Brandy (AKA Big Red) who, during our freshman year of college, tried out for the marching band’s Divas Dance Squad. She was the curviest girl out there and put everyone to shame..literally! MUA: @reganmua Fearless Flygirl: Brandy Michelle @impeccable12 #FDGWO #FEARLESS https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp971sgnidN1kP_2D8FvcwB4k0E1nrfwoyW-z40/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=ytvmkq5mh735
Fear Doesn't Go with MY CONFIDENCE @crystalmarieevents Don't ever confuse my confidence with conceit. I've seen a few things. Been involved in not so pretty things. Fought tooth and nail to get out of those ugly things. Took risks fearlessly..some I failed and some I succeeded. I've done and am continuing to invest in bettering myself personally and professionally. I refuse to beg people to..as we use to say when we were kids "play with me". I'm to fly (and to old) for that. Confidence is about living boldly in your truth. Picking the brightest bulb in the hardware store to shine in your crown because you intend to blind the whole room, while offering them a cute pair of shades in the process but encouraging them to make crowns for themselves. Confidence is being okay if nobody claps for you, because your clap should be the loudest one you hear anyway. I know..I know...I can't take myself either... MUA: @reganmua Fearless Flygirl: @browngirlbookmark #FDGWO #FEARLESS https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp7crLcHBycBFWDPSALsbdI8qTm7EIzXa7Usos0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=cqg70rfuxquu
Fear Doesn't Go with MY ENERGY @crystalmarieevents Negative people are energy vampires. They will drain the ENTIRE life out of you if you let them. Always complaining about what somebody did, how it wasn't their fault, and pulling the victim card every chance they get. Sometimes the energy vamps are within ourselves. We put so many demands and stress on ourselves with fear, self-doubt and insecurities. My personal favorite energy stone is Amethyst. It helps with purifying the mind and clearing it of negative thoughts. I protect my energy because everyone and every situation doesn't deserve it. But more importantly, I protect it from those fearful thoughts of not good enough, what if I fail.. .blah..blah..blah..Don't dress up in that! Fear doesn't go with my outfit and it damn sure doesn't go with my energy. MUA: @reganmua Fearless Flygirl: @aignermartine #FDGWO #FEARLESS https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp7cCX8nfKFtaTCynB4P9WCHpfbp8Ate1ru-ag0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1808tcscl1khh
Witchy Woman Complex (initial thoughts)
NPR catxhdes me unawares regulaely. Especially with taboo, cultural topics at least taboo in this country. Anyway, yesterday a short story on Romanian witches and witchcraft still has me thinking today: What if my faith in God & belief in His transference of power to me was as wholly developed as that of these Romanian witches?
After listening to the entire commentary I was left reflecting on my own God power and my ability to transform belief into action. The draw of these women, witches as they identify, is their strong belief in their abilities withou the guarantee of a successful outcome i.e. getting what they (or you) want. For me, their system of beliefs, traditions, rituals and incantations is so similar and yet directly underscores what is an inherent flaw in many self-doubting Christians (myself at the top if the pile) today-- if I don't get what I want then my faith is faulty, my God is failed, and I am no longer hopeful. Why? Just like these witches we are tehered to a gospel and a power without limitations. But unlike them, we place limits on who we are and how far God can/will take us, even into drastically changing thw3 outcomes of those around us.
So, maybe it's time I change tactics and be a "witchy woman" - not one practicing the art of witchcraft but taking on the characteristics of faith, power, and resiliency. I draw such energy from family, friends, ancestors and spiritual guides adding another role model into the mix can't hurt.
For the full story visit NPR
In Romania, two-thirds of the population believes in spells, so witches work as "life coaches" of the supernatural.
If today, I don't have a clear understanding of my specific purpose & vision, then what should I do? Wait. While waiting, what do I do? "be ready" to act when each step is revealed. Step by step.
In my readings of the Bible or Sunday School lessons, or Wednesday nite Bible studies I don’t remember Jesus inserting or asserting himself in places where he was not asked. Yet, the evangelicals, fundamentalists and “holy rollers” do it often and so aggressively, sometimes even violently. Abusing the power of God to beat down the actions of others IN THEIR OWN SAFE SPACE is not your right nor is it right to do so. The times Jesus did assert his dominance (1) when vendors (allowed by other religious leaders) took over the holy place and set up disgraceful and sin-filled booths, alters, etc. He had every right to do so! They were disrespecting HIS HOUSE.Â
Jesus taught those who came to Him and because of His humility and graceful acceptance of others WHERE THEY ARE, His actions and words changed the minds of thousands of people to follow Him.
So, the next time YOU are in MY TRAP CYCLE class wear noise cancelling headphones or GO HOME!
For the good times...
The deep tenderness and brutal honesty within this Al Greene hit is one I wish my parents had applied to their relationship. Maybe their lives would've turned out differenly...longer, happier. I love you and your unkown lessons on life, love, fulfillment. lessonsleaernedinthelookingback
Sharing My Energy
Day 3: Today during practice I asked God share my energy with those who may need help to manifest theirs. Consciously or unconsciously I pray it was delivered & added to the energy God placed within.