Find You
Bucky Barnes! Female-Named-Reader
Word Count: 8,726
Warnings: Angst, SMUT, D/s dynamic, MINORS DNI 18+, mentions of past abuse both familial and relationship. Bucky is so out of character (to me anyway). If I missed any warnings, please let me know.
A/N: I honestly don't know where this came from. I was listening to music in the car and "I'll Never Love Again" by Lady Gaga came on and this was born.
This is the first thing I have literally written in 8 years since my mom got sick and passed away. It could probably be so much better but I'm still so proud of it.
This story is dedicated to my sister @krissy25, you inspire me daily! Thank you @sweetdreamsbuck for reading over it for me and also for just inspiring me to write in general. One day I'll get that Lance Tucker fic written. Also shout outs to @obscurilicious @breanime @banditthewriter you three have inspired me with your writing on a daily basis. You are such amazing writers and I hope to be a quarter as good as ya'll are one day!
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Joey slowly walked to the edge of the bridge and looked down at the dark water below. She felt complete apathy. Everything in her core felt empty and numb. There was a giant hole in her that could not be filled by anything. She had tried for five years, and nothing helped. Everything she loved was gone. Everything that she wanted was gone. In an instant, with one simple snap, everything was gone.
She guessed that’s how she ended up at this spot. On this bridge, ready to say goodbye to the world. She sighed and stared down again as she slowly climbed over the railing onto the ledge. She felt the wind pick up and swore she could hear him say her name.
“Promise me you’ll take care of yourself,” he whispered. “That you’ll wait for me.”
But he was gone. The only person she truly ever loved gone in the blip.
“Bucky,” she cried. It was a strangled cry as tears started down her cheeks. Again, she looked down at the darkness below. She moved her foot and she slipped, grabbing onto the railing as tight as she could. Memories started to flood her.
~
Joey stepped off the jet excited and in awe of Wakanda. It was more beautiful than Shuri had explained and unlike anything she’d ever seen. When flying in, it was surrounded by small hills and mountains then a vast forest of trees. She had no words to describe its beauty. She grabbed her small backpack onto her shoulder and looked up at the building in front of her.
She had met Shuri when she went with her father to New York. Both women were just young teenagers at the time, but they had become quick friends. Especially after Shuri had stopped Joey’s cousins from attacking her. Shuri had took both of them down quickly and asked if she was okay. They spent the entire time together when they weren’t busy.
After that, they always kept in touch and became best friends. She considered Shuri the sister she never had.
That’s how Joey ended up in Wakanda; one phone call to Shuri after an incident back home and she was on a jet before the day was even out.
“Josephina!” she heard her named yelled and turned just in time to be embraced into Shuri’s arms.
Wrapping her arms around the woman, she smiled. “Shuri! It’s been too long,” she said trying to hold back tears. “I can’t believe you sent a jet for me. Thank you for letting me come see you.”
Shuri shushed her, “Of course. You are always welcome here.” She pulled back and instantly brought her hand to Joey’s freshly bruised cheek and eyed her shoulders, making Joey bring her sweater tighter about herself. “I got something to help that.” Joey just smiled softly but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Come on, I have so many people to introduce you to.”
After being bombarded with meeting what felt like everyone in Wakanda, Joey was tired, so Shuri showed her where she’d be staying and she tried to lay down to take a nap. Everything that had happened in the last few months weighed on her mind to be able to rest. She decided to go find Shuri in her lab and visit with her. The rest of the day flew by in a blur of people. She had met T’Challa, who welcomed her with open arms. She felt like she had been rushed through so many people and things, trying to learn everything.
The next few days went by in the same form mostly. Just watching Shuri in the lab and absorbing as much knowledge about Wakanda that she could. The nights were the worst though. Nightmares plagued her so she didn’t rest much, which made her friend take notice.
“Are you getting any sleep, Josephina,” Shuri asked her while they sat and ate dinner. “You look exhausted.”
“I’m okay,” she said. “Just being in a new place I think.” She took a bite of her salad and smiled.
“I can give you something to help if you want,” Shuri suggested.
“No,” she said. “I don’t think it’s that bad yet. Maybe I’ll take a long walk and wear myself out before bed.”
“I could think of something that would wear you out and make you sleep,” Shuri said wiggling her eyebrows.
“Shuri!” she shrieked as they both started laughing.
“Lots of hot boys around here,” Shuri said.
Joey choked a bit as she drank. “I think I’m done with boys. I’ll stick to exercise.”
“Suit yourself,” Shuri said as they stood up. “You want some company on your walk?”
“No, I’ll be okay,” she said tossing her stuff in the trash. “If I get lost you can send out a search party.” They both laughed and said their goodbyes for now.
Joey was excited to finally get some alone time and also to explore the land. There was so much more outside of the city that was just beautiful she wanted to see. As she walked farther away from the city, she realized there were more people of Wakanda that lived simpler. She’d pass little huts every so often and she loved the solitude of it. She made a note to ask Shuri if there was an empty hut she could just take over, instead of staying in the city. It was all so breathtaking and she never wanted to leave it.
That night sleep found her quicker, but the nightmares still came full force. She woke screaming to Shuri trying to wake her.
“Shuri?” she asked shaking in the woman’s arms. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Shuri looked her over, the worry plain in her features. “Are you okay? I…you were screaming and sounded so terrified.”
“Nightmare,” she said sitting up straighter. “They won’t really go away. I’m sorry. I didn’t wake anyone else, did I? I don’t wanna be any trouble, Shuri.”
“Oh shush,” Shuri said. “I’m just glad it was a nightmare. And you could never be any trouble.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t stay,” Joey started but Shuri cut her off.
“Nonsense!” the woman said. “Stop all that.”
They sat there in silence for a while. Joey felt like such a burden suddenly. She came out here to get away from what happened, but the nightmares obviously followed her. She just wanted to run but she also knew she didn’t really have anywhere else to run. She couldn’t keep waking people up screaming or crying every night, so she thought it was the perfect time to bring up the huts. Shuri wanted her nearby but agreed to the idea and that’s where she was the next night.
A small one room hut near the lake. Shuri knew she loved the water and it made Joey smile to know her friend wanted her to be in a place that gave her as much peace as possible. Shuri also made her promise to talk to someone when she was ready. She didn’t know if she’d ever be ready. She felt stupid for being so traumatized for something so little. People had it so much worse and here she was acting like she was.
She still went into the city to have dinner with Shuri and T’Challa every night and would end her nights with a walk before bed.
Late one night, after dinner, she felt like she had walked further than she had before. She wasn’t sure if she was lost or not but nothing really seemed familiar. Nope, she was lost. She kept walking and saw a small hut. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to disturb this person after sunset. She didn’t mean to even come this far and didn’t want to intrude on someone else’s space, especially when she knew what it was like to not want people around.
She didn’t realize she had been standing there next to a pile of hay, just staring at the small hut until she saw a man in the doorway. Her eyes locked with his and she felt like she couldn’t look away. She wanted to run but her feet were planted in place. She recognized him at once and wasn’t sure whether to be frightened or not. He didn’t look menacing or anything like she expected. She’d seen pictures of him in the museums and on the news but none of it did him justice. She saw his lips move but in her own thoughts, didn’t hear anything. When he started to move, she turned around and started walking away.
“Hey,” she heard him call out, “did you need something.”
She kept walking but responded, “I didn’t mean to bother you. I was just out walking. Sorry, I’ll…I was just out walking.” She quickened her pace, but she heard his step get closer. How did he get so close so fast?
“I’ve never seen you before,” he was right behind her now and it made her jump slightly to a stop, her feet fumbling and she started to fall until a strong arm wrapped around her waist, steadying her. “You alright, doll?” Once she was standing firmly, she pulled away quickly. She didn’t like this stranger was so close. He put his hand up seeing her uneasiness. “Hey, hey, I’m not going to hurt you.”
Her eyes went from his eyes to his lack of a left arm to his muscles in the other arm right back to his eyes. “I didn’t mean to disturb you,” she said. “Really, I’m sorry. Shuri said it was okay to explore and I think I just got lost on the way back to the lake.”
“You know Shuri?” he asked but didn’t wait for an answer. “I’m Bucky,” he said holding out his right hand.
“I know who you are,” Joey said not taking it. She just stared at. She saw something flash in his eyes. Hurt? Disappointment? Guilt? Now she felt guilty. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” she fumbled over her words. “I…I just meant…I’m from New York…so…God I can’t say anything right.”
Bucky studied her a minute. He could tell she was apprehensive and on edge. He figured it had something to do with the fading bruises on her face and around her upper shoulders and arms. She realized her top did nothing to hide her bruises and pulled her arms around herself. He frowned. “Hey,” he said gently giving her a smile. “It’s okay. I wouldn’t be offended if you did mean it that way.”
His smile was deafening and blinding all at once. Even if it was just small. She really didn’t know why she was enamored by this man. She didn’t need any distractions, that was for sure, and he was definitely a distraction. Everything about him screamed into her soul and she just wanted to never leave his side. Like he could protect her from everything that’s ever happened.
Damn it. He was a huge distraction.
Bucky just watched her stare at him, and it made him let out a chuckle. “Am I that intimidating?” he asked.
“Huh,” she said confused. She realized she was staring then. “I’m sorry,” she said laughing softly for what felt like the first time in forever. “I get lost in my thoughts sometimes. I’ll get out of your way. I was just looking for the lake anyway.”
Bucky reach out and stopped her with his hand on her arm lightly. He didn’t want her to leave. “The sun’s setting, I can walk with you, if you don’t mind the company. I don’t get much around here.”
“Sure,” she said before even thinking about it. She didn’t know why she was so quick to accept his self-invitation but she was sure she didn’t want to leave him in the moment. “I’m Joey,” she said softly.
That night began weeks of them walking together. They would walk down and sit by the lake all night talking. She told him all about her childhood. About how she lost her parents young, and her aunt raised her. How she met Shuri because her cousins were assholes and liked to beat her up. How at fifteen, her aunt kicked her out and she survived on the streets. How she stayed in contact with Shuri through it all.
He told her about growing up in Brooklyn in the 30s and 40s. Always getting in fights to protect Steve and the war. He even told her about Hydra. He hesitated to tell her about the Winter Soldier and those years, but she understood and said he didn’t have to. She knew how it was to want to forget things in the past.
“I’m just still dealing with that,” he said softly.
“I get it,” she said bringing her arms around herself. She brought a hand up to touch small scars at the nape of her neck. “I’m dealing with nightmares right now myself.”
Bucky didn’t know why but he brought his hand to her cheek and his thumb brushed over it. “You told me everything but what brought you here,” he said softly. She turned her face away, but he softly pulled her chin back. “Hey, don’t do that, doll.” He wiped a tear away.
She groaned. “I hate crying,” she laughed. “I don’t even know how I ended up here. Shuri always had a safe place for me. I needed one.” She shrugged.
“Who you runnin’ from?” he asked, keeping her facing him.
“He’s not even worth mentioning,” she sighed.
“He is if he’s still in your head,” Bucky said. Joey hesitated. “You don’t have to, doll.”
She sighed. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just feel so stupid and like it wasn’t that big of a deal. Some people have it so much worse than me.” He kept quiet and let her talk. “I thought I found someone who understood me or he acted like he did but he changed. It didn’t last long, he just took some of what I wanted and made it sadistic and cruel.”
Bucky clenched his jaw before asking, “How many times did he hit you?”
“Just the once,” she said, again trying to turn away, feeling ashamed but he held her face toward him. She looked up into his eyes and just felt like everything melted away. She sighed again and then laughed lightly, “I had told him about some things I…um wanted…or I guess craved in a relationship and he twisted them to his liking.” He raised his eyebrows in curiosity and she laughed again. “I don’t know what sex was like in your day but people have a hell of a lot of kinks now.”
His smile widened and he laughed with her. “Sex hasn’t changed, doll. It’s just everywhere now.”
Joey stared into his eyes as they lit up and her breath caught in her throat. She turned away so she could think straight, “Anyway, the last time I was with him, he…he started to carve something- “
“What?” He interrupted. Every fiber of his being wanted to find this man and dismantle him slowly. He was surprised by the violence in his thoughts because they were definitely his and not the Winter Soldiers.
She brought her hand up to the back of her neck again. “He called it branding. I fought back,” she said. “He didn’t like that. I ran and called Shuri and here we are.”
Bucky again brought her face back to him by her chin. What should have bothered her was actually comforting. It was bringing fire to her cheeks and she kept glancing at his lips. She noticed he was doing the same. He slowly tugged her closer till she could feel his breath on her face and her eyes fluttered up to his. “You’re safe here,” he said his lips barely on hers. He kept looking up, asking for permission with his eyes.
Finally, she nodded, and his lips were on hers. It was soft at first, his lips just gliding slowly over hers. His tongue darted out to trace her lips softly but not forcing her to open up to him. She felt like her stomach was doing fireworks with butterflies dancing the tango. Her lips parted for a second and that’s all he needed to start his own exploration with his tongue inside. The warm wet dance their tongues did felt like it went on forever. The world stopped and nothing existed but this feeling. She only pulled back when she knew she needed to breathe but they didn’t part far.
He leaned his forehead to hers and smiled. “I don’t know what it is about you, doll face,” he said slightly out of breath, “but I don’t want to stop doing that.”
And they didn’t.
Joey’s stay in Wakanda was extended from a few weeks to almost six months. Her time was mostly consumed with spending time with Bucky, either watching him work or learning all they could about each other. She would lay on his chest for hours with his arm around her just holding her as close as possible. The routine they got into was so simple and easy. She truly felt blissful for the first time in her life.
She was aware of her growing feelings, but she didn’t know if Bucky felt the same. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered if she was just keeping him company while he healed in Wakanda. Was she just easy company? Another part of her hoped and prayed it was mutual. She couldn’t stand being away from him for long periods of time. She had even started staying over in his hut most nights.
Bucky was nervous about her staying in the beginning. The first time was an accident, but it was the best night sleep she’d gotten in a long time. The nightmares stayed at bay for a few days for her. The first time she had one while there, he had soothed her back to sleep but the next night another hit worse than the night before.
She sat straight up covered in a cold sweat. She could still feel the steel of the knife at her neck and the heavy body holding her down. When Bucky touched her shoulders, she jumped straight up and across the room looking for anything to grab as a weapon. He was quickly alert and slowly got up, walking toward her.
“Hey, hey, it’s just me. It’s Bucky,” he said trying to get her attention.
Joey slowly came back to reality and immediately felt like she was stupid for reacting that way. “I’m sorry. God, I’m so stupid.”
Bucky pulled her to him and pulled her back to the bed. “Quit saying that. I swear I want hurt every person that ever put that thought into your head,” he said. Joey tried to laugh. “Wanna talk about it?” he asked.
“It was just that night,” she said snuggling as close to him as she could. “When I dream like this, I can still feel the tip of the knife and his body holding me down. I try so hard to move…I just can’t forget that.”
Bucky brought her face to his and kissed her lips softly. “I hope I never meet him because if I do,” he said seriously. “I’ll kill him.”
“Bucky,” she started.
“I mean it,” he said sitting up, pulling her with him. “I’ve never wanted to hurt someone more than I want to hurt him.” Joey sat in silence, not sure how to respond. “Not even hydra,” he whispered. Before he could continue, she kissed him gently on the lips.
“I’ve never had anyone want to do that for me,” she said. “I don’t want you to because I know how you struggle with your past but the fact you want to. I’ve just never had that.” She brought her lips to each of his eyes, then his nose, then his lips quickly. “Thank you.”
After that night, Joey’s nightmares became fewer, but she soon found out quickly why he was so scared to have her there. They both had been fast asleep when she heard him groan in his sleep and chant no repeatedly. She reached out and touched his chest to shake him awake and his screams got louder until she was on her back with his hand sharply around her throat.
Her hands came up to claw at his and she tried with all her might to fight back. “Bucky,” she choked out when he loosened his grip a little. “Buc-…wake up, please,” she cried, tears starting to fall.
Bucky blinked his eyes and let go at once as she slinked back against the wall, hands going to her throat. Taking deep breaths, she tried to calm her heartrate. Tears came to Bucky’s eyes as realization dawned on him. He brought a hand up to touch her, but she retreated. He didn’t push any further and they sat there in a deafening silence.
“I’m sorry, Jo,” he said softly breaking the silence. “I…I never wanted that to happen.”
“I…it’s okay,” she said. “I know that. I just…I guess I have my own issues to deal with too.” She crawled over to him slowly and put her arms around his neck, his arm cautiously wrapping around her waist and settling her on his lap. They sat like that for a long time before she started to laugh a little.
“What’s funny?” he asked. He watched her face turn a deep crimson. “What is it, doll?”
She hesitated then looked up at him. “When I pictured your hand around my throat, I wasn’t quite thinking about it that way,” she said so quietly, he wasn’t sure he heard her right. She watched his eyes turn a darker shade of blue as he searched her face, his arm tightening his hold. “I told you I had some kinks,” she said.
He struggles for a second. “Tell me some of them,” he said. She hesitated. “Come on, doll, appease me here,” he smiled as best he could.
She settled against his chest so she wasn’t looking at him. “I’ve always had to take care of myself, be independent so the one thing I’ve always wanted was to be taken care of,” she stopped but he encouraged her to go on. “I’ve always wanted to find that one person I could give complete control over to.” He brought his lips to her neck and hummed.
“Any more?” he asked as he kissed lower on her shoulder.
She sighed content, “I realized a few years back I have a praise kink.”
He stopped and brought his head up to look into her eyes. “You wanna be my good girl,” he asked with a smirk on his face. He felt her shiver and bring her thighs together. His mouth found hers and he moved to her chin and down to her neck but he stopped. He sighed seeing the forming red marks on her neck. “One day, baby girl,” he said kissing her forehead, then nose, then lips. “One day I’m gonna give you everything. I promise you.” She smiled up at him as his hand ghosted over her neck and guilt was again seen in his eyes. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, kissing her neck softly. “So sorry.” She could feel his tears against her skin and just held him close as he cried into her neck.
The next morning, Bucky was nowhere to be found. He had disappeared and all Shuri would tell her was they were working on getting Hydra out of his brain for good. She stayed in the city while he was gone. It didn’t feel right staying at his hut or even hers anymore without him there. He was gone for a week and Joey barely slept. She kept having nightmare after nightmare. They merged from her past as a child to her adulthood traumas.
Her ex-boyfriend, if you could call him that, had her pinned down and was punching her repeatedly in the face. She kept her hands up and started fighting back but when she went to punch him, it wasn’t him. It was Bucky. He was bringing his arm back to punch her in the face and she cried out his name, but nothing came out. He landed a punch to her stomach, then her face. It kept blurring between her ex and Bucky. Then it was both coming at her.
She woke covered with sweat dripping down her face, chest and back. Taking deep breaths, she got her bearings. She knew Bucky would never hurt her so why was she dreaming like this. Was she truly worried they couldn’t help him but hurt him more? She didn’t know. She couldn’t sleep at all after that and headed to the kitchen for some tea. As she was waiting for the kettle, she heard someone shuffle in behind her.
The woodsy smell that was uniquely Bucky enveloped her and so did his arm. She leaned her head back against his chest. “I missed you,” he said. She tried to say anything but the knot in her throat wouldn’t let her. She started to shake in his arms and a sob broke out. “Oh, baby girl,” he said turning her around and pulling her to him. She broke down and he sat in a kitchen chair pulling her into his lap.
They stayed like that until the kettle whistled. The tea forgotten, he reached over and removed the kettle and turned the stove off before wrapping his arm tightly back around her waist. “Wrap your arms around my neck, doll face,” he said. “Then your legs tightly around my waist. You need sleep and we are getting sleep.” She did as he said, and he stood up carrying her to her room with his arm securely around her.
He laid her in the bed and crawled in beside her, pulling her as close to him as he could. She sighed and sniffled. “I couldn’t sleep at all this week. Nightmares suck,” she mumbled. He kissed her forehead and ran his hand through her hair softly. “I knew you’d come back to me,” she whispered. “You would never hurt me.”
He pulled her tighter. “Never intentionally.” After he heard her even breathing, he relaxed. “I don’t know when it happened, baby girl, but you have become so important to me. You are my entire world and hopefully one day I can tell you that while you’re awake. This week changed something in me and I’m ready to be all in for the first time in a very long time. I’m never gonna leave you again if I have anything to say about it. I’m all yours, doll.”
The last few days of her stay, Joey had felt a sickening feeling in her stomach, and she started waiting for the bottom to fall out. She didn’t want to feel that way, but it was a nagging feeling she couldn’t ignore. Bucky was tossing hay into the wagon and she was leaning against a tree staring at him.
“Why don’t you ever take that wrap off?” she asked.
“What?” he laughed.
“I like you shirtless,” she shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“Oh?” he said with a mischievous smile spreading across his lips. “Is that so?” The next thing she knew, he had picked her up with his one arm and had her over his shoulders.
“How in the world?” she asked surprised. “How are you so strong?”
He put her down and kissed her forehead. “Super soldier,” he said as if it was normal.
“Of course,” she laughed but her smile fell from her lips when she saw people walking towards them.
Joey received her answer for the bad feeling when T’Challa showed up with a metal box. It was Bucky’s metal arm. There was a war coming and Bucky had to fight.
When she heard Bucky ask where’s the fight, she felt that bottom fall so far, her legs gave out. Everything happened so quickly around her, it felt like it swarmed in her head. She heard Shuri telling her she was to leave the next day, but things would be okay. Bucky found her still sitting on the ground in the same spot later that night.
“Doll,” he said pulling her up and it took her a minute to notice he had both arms. Her eyes widened. “It’s different huh? Does it bother you?”
She looked up at him, “God no. I’m just not used to being able to hold both your hands,” she said intertwining her fingers with both his hands. “It’s definitely different.” She allowed her hands to slowly trace up the metal arm and feel all the nooks and crevices. She travels up to where the arm meets his skin and feathers over the scarring. “I leave tomorrow,” she said hardly audible.
“It’ll be okay,” he said pulling her to him and loving the feel of having both arms around her. “We will take care of this threat, I’ll come find you and you’ll be back with me in no time.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to leave but Shuri says the fight is most likely following them here.” He nods. She tightened her grip on him and it felt like she couldn’t get close enough. “I just want to crawl inside you,” she cries. “I can’t get close enough.”
“Hey, hey,” he said stilling her. “We’ll see each other again.”
She shook her head again. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” she said, now trying to pull away. He held her tight and wouldn’t let her move. “Please,” she pleaded, “if I can’t stay with you…I just…I have to go.”
“Jo,” he started. “I’m not going anywh—”
“Stop lying!” she screamed in his face. “You can’t promise that you’ll survive this. This isn’t fucking Nazis or even Hydra, this is aliens and shit we don’t know anything about!” She was crying now, full fledge ugly sobbing. “I didn’t even get a chance to tell you I wanted to be yours.” “What?” “That you have become my whole life and I don’t know if I can liv—”
Bucky’s lips found hers, hard and rough and passionate, like he couldn’t breathe unless he was kissing her. She kissed him back, just as desperate and needy. Her mouth opens the minute his tongue darts out and welcomes him. Their tongues dance fiercely, fighting for dominance. His hands tangled in her hair and pulls her head back, biting her bottom lips and moving to leave bites and kisses along her jawline and back to her mouth.
His hands moved down her back and cup under her ass, pulling her closer. Then without warning he picked her up, never breaking the kiss and wrapped her legs around his waist. She pushed her core straight into his and could feel his hardening cock. She gasped when he pulled her hips forward as hard as he could. He couldn’t walk towards the hut fast enough and when he entered, he pulled back. Both taking deep breaths to catch up.
“Doll, you have to know this,” he says pulling her chin up and holding it there. “If we do this, you’re mine. There’s no going back. You belong to me forever.” His thumb rubbed across her bottom lip, and she darted her tongue out. He grunted. “You’re killing me baby girl.”
“Bucky,” she rasped out, “I don’t wanna ever belong to anyone else. Please, make me yours.”
That was all the approval he needed before his lips were back on hers. Laying her in the pile of blankets on the floor, she started to remove her top and bra. She hadn’t remembered the last time she felt this turned on by the anticipation alone. Everything between her legs felt like it was on fire and she wasn’t sure he could put it out. Or maybe he was the only one who could.
He bent down in front of her, after removing his shirt. “I need to see all of you,” he said hooking his fingers under her shorts and panties, swiftly pulling them to her ankles and off completely. He stopped and stared at the sight of her. “Fuck, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so beautiful in my life.” She got extremely self-conscious in that moment and started to close her legs. Bucky smacked the inside of her thigh and she jumped. He stood up to remove the rest of his clothes and she went to close her legs again, but his foot shot out stopping her. “Don’t fucking move,” he growled.
The feral feeling inside her sent heat straight below and she bit her lip. She contemplated for a moment if she should go where she wanted to go with his demand. It felt like everything she ever wanted. Nothing she ever had come close to this feeling, so she threw abandon to the wind. “Yes, sir,” she said so softly, surrendering completely.
The look that changed in Bucky’s eyes was something she couldn’t describe as he shed the last of his clothes. The atmosphere changed and she didn’t know what it was, but it was primal and the need in her grew more. He crawled slowly down by her calves and lifted one to his mouth leaving kisses up to her thigh. He inhaled as he went past her center to the other thigh. She squirmed at the hair tickling her legs and he smacked her thigh again.
“What happened to not moving?” he asked looking her in the eyes. All she saw was dark lust and need.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered.
“You’re sorry, what?” he asked leaving a smack on her other thigh.
She yelped. “I’m sorry, Sir,” she said again more heat pooling below.
“Good girl,” he said, and she let out a guttural moan. He smiled. “Oh, you like being my good girl?”
She nodded her head and answered, “More than anything in the universe.”
He gave several more kisses to your thighs before coming up and claiming your mouth. More forceful this time. A bruising kiss like he was claiming her. Marking her. He moved farther down her jaw to her neck and chest. He kissed feverishly between her breasts before taking a nipple into his mouth. Her moans just spurring him on. When his hands found her mound, he ran his fingers through her folds and gasped.
“Is that all for me?” he laughed. “You are so fucking wet, and I’ve barely touched you.”
His fingers found her bundle of nerves and her hips bucked off the ground. “Buck,” she said breathless.
“I haven’t even started yet,” he laughed coming back to her mouth as he pushed two fingers into her heat, adding his thumb to her clit, rubbing circles. Her hips moved with his thrusts, and he pulled her face closer, pushing his mouth to her cheek. “I can feel you squeezing my fingers so damn tight, baby girl. Are you that close already?” he asked kissing her face. All she could do is mumble. “Come for me, baby.” He moved his fingers faster. “Tell me your mine. You belong to me.”
She was so close, the coil in her belly getting tighter. “I’m yours, Bucky,” she huffed out. “I’ve never belonged to anyone the way I belong to you. I only ever want to be yours.”
And with that she came hard, the coil bursting. She saw white and felt like her body would burst into flames and literally physically explode. Bucky continued to pump his fingers as she rode her orgasm out. “That’s my girl. All mine. Only for me.” As she came down, he leaned into her forehead, brought his hand to his lips and licked her off his fingers. She let her tongue dart out and taste herself on his fingers as well and he growled. “Fuck, you really are perfect. I love you.”
Joey stopped and stared at him but before she could say it back, he moved quickly, capturing her lips and lining himself up with her core. He entered her slowly and swallowed the moans that came out of her mouth. Bucky didn’t know if he was going to last long the way she was squeezing his cock. It was like she had a vice grip on him.
“Bucky,” she groaned into his lips. “You have to move, please, move.”
“Baby,” he literally whined, “once I start, I don’t think I’ll last long.”
She brought her hands to his hair and pulled him back to her lips. “Bucky, just fucking move,” she commanded.
His grin was wicked as he pulled out slowly. “Yes, ma’am,” he said as he slammed back into her hard. She felt like her lungs exploded as she let out a gasp. “That good, doll?” His thrusts became faster and harder as she wrapped her legs around his waist and brought her hands to his ass. He knew he wouldn’t last long but he wanted her to come again so he brought his metal hand between their bodies.
Joey stopped him and pulled it up to her neck. “Please,” she begged seeing his hesitation. “I’m so close.”
For a second, his eyes turned to worry. “Are you sure?”
She wrapped his metal hand around her throat and held it there. “Claim me, please,” she begged. “Please make me yours!” He tightened his grip slightly as he felt his own coiling and she let out a primal moan he wanted to hear forever. “Bucky!” she cried out as he tightened his hand more.
“Damn right,” he said thrusting harder into her than he ever could remember anyone. “You are mine.” She reached her hand between their bodies and started quick circles to her clit. Tears streaming down her face, Bucky had never seen anything so gorgeous in his life. “Mine!” he growled into her mouth and squeezed her throat even tighter. “Look at me when you come,” he commanded. He felt her fluttering and squeezing him. His grip tightened further. “Fucking look at me!” he yelled.
Joey’s eyes flew open and she came hard. Her entire body vibrated and her legs were jerking as she orgasmed. Bucky continued to thrust her through it before he came. She felt the heat of him fill her up and gasped. She didn’t know if she orgasmed again or if it was the same one. When he was done, he rolled over and pulled her with him. They were both panting when she went to move.
“No,” he said. “I’m sleeping inside you all night. I want to remember how this feels till I can have it again.”
She relaxed against him and laid her head on his chest, falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat and the feeling of warmth with his arms around her.
The next morning, Joey found herself alone in the blankets as she stretched. She felt sore all over but smiled regardless. As she slowly stood up with the sheet wrapped around her, she looked for her clothes and found a fresh outfit laid out in the corner. She went to walk towards it and had to limp. She laughed remembering all the things she did or had done to her last night. She brought her fingers to her bruised feeling lips and couldn’t help the giant smile that came to her face.
After she fell asleep last night, she woke up several times to Bucky pumping inside her and everything started all over again. Every feeling came back as she walked slowly to get dressed. She felt every bruise he left on her hips and legs. Every mark on her neck and chest. She felt it all and loved it. Once she was dressed, she walked outside to see Bucky standing there. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and buried her face into his back.
“Thank you for the clothes,” she said.
“I wanted you to rest so I went to your room and packed everything up for you,” he put his hands over hers on his stomach. “You’ll go back on the jet that is bringing Steve.”
“I don’t wanna go,” she says softly.
“I know, baby girl,” he said pulling her to his front. They stood like this till Bucky saw the jet fly through the barrier. “So, are you ready to meet Steve?” he asks pulling her hand to his lips.
She really wasn’t. “What if he hates me?” she asks as they walk toward the city.
Bucky laughed. “Steve doesn’t hate anyone. It’s not in his blood.”
As they come to the landing where everyone is exiting the jet, Joey is extremely nervous all of a sudden. She lets go of Bucky’s hand as he walks toward Steve and says, “A semi stable hundred year old man,” Bucky says smiling. It was weird seeing Bucky’s attitude change. He was hugging Steve and laughing softly. ‘Wait. Did he say hundred year old man?’ she thought. She always forgets that part.
“How you doin, Buck,” Steve says after hugging him.
“Pretty good…for the end of the world,” he says as he looks back at Joey. He grabs her hand and pulls her forward. She felt like all eyes were on her. “I want you to meet someone.”
“Bucky,” she says softly being pulled forward. She had to limp because she was still sore. “Maybe now is not the time.”
A blonde you come to learn was Natasha, just smiled at you and held out her hand. Joey shook it and just smiled softly, not really meeting anyone’s eyes.
Shuri came up beside them and eyed Joey’s nervousness. It wasn’t like her to be so timid. “What did you do to Josephina, Bucky?” Shuri asked laughing.
“I just don’t want to go, Shuri,” Joey said sadly trying to take the focus off her. Shuri pulled her into a hug, not saying anything. When the hug ended, Shuri hurried away hiding her own tears saying she had work to do.
“Steve,” Bucky said grabbing you back to his side, “This is Joey. She kind of helped save me.”
Joey looked at Bucky and felt like her breath was knocked from her lungs. Before she could say anything, Steve laughed mumbling something about Bucky always being the lady’s man to which Bucky punched his arm.
“It’s nice to meet you, Steve,” she said. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“I hate to break this up,” T’Challa said, “but the jet has to leave now.”
Joey turned to Bucky and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Please stay alive,” she cried. Bucky held her as if the world was actually ending and she felt it might be. She didn’t know if she’d see him again and she couldn’t bring herself to think about it. “Bucky, I…”
“Shhh,” he said bring a finger to her lips. “You take care of yourself because when this is over, I’ll find you so I can give you the world.” He replaced his finger with his lips in the softest kiss he’d ever given her.
Just as quick, it was all gone.
She was climbing onto the jet, letting her tears fall openly and she could swear she saw one fall from Bucky’s eyes. All she wanted to do was tell him she loved him, but he wouldn’t let her. Why wouldn’t he let her tell him? She wanted to say it so badly.
The last thing she saw was Steve putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder as they walked away.
~
The next week went by so quickly yet achingly slow until Steve showed up. She opened the door and smiled seeing him, then looked around him but no one else was with him and the look on his face wasn’t a happy one. There was a dreadful sadness in his eyes. She began to back up, repeating no over and over. When she hit the wall, she just dropped to the floor and heard the worst scream she’d ever heard before.
She realized it was hers.
“He promised,” she cried. “He said nothing would happen to him. He promised he come find me.” She sat there crying for hours before she fell asleep in that spot on the floor.
Steve and Natasha, one or the other, stopped by when they could to make sure she was eating something. The first couple weeks, they found her wrapped in the flannel wrap that Bucky wore when she first met him in Wakanda. He had packed it with her things. She felt like she couldn’t move. She found herself only eating a few bites when one of them was there. She only moved to use the restroom. Once the tears finished, she didn’t know if she felt anything. She just felt empty and stayed curled up on the floor in the flannel wrap.
After a month, Steve showed up and he could have sworn Joey wasn’t alive. “Joey,” he ran to her nonmoving body lying on the floor.
“Bucky!” she cried out and jerked away. She looked at Steve and every bit of anger came out of her. “Why did you wake me up?” she hit him with all the force she could muster than screamed as she held her fist. “Why did you wake me?” she whimpered. “He was right there, right next to me. Why did you wake me up?”
Steve tried to touch her, but she retracted. “Joey,” he said, “You can’t go on like this. Bucky wouldn’t want this for you.”
The tears she thought were long gone, sprang anew and she leaned against the wall. “I know,” she cried. “I know.”
Steve had let her cry there, not knowing what to do and called Natasha feeling she could help her to get a shower and get moving. When Natasha showed up, she told Steve she had it and told him to leave.
“Come on, babe,” Nat said pulling Joey up. “Let’s get a shower.” Joey let Nat get her shower ready but asked her to wait, saying she’d be okay. “I’ll be right out here if you need me.” Joey nodded. “Hey Joey, please let me know if you need help.” Joey nodded again and then walked to her bathroom.
She didn’t feel the heat of the water or when it ran cold. She didn’t feel the motions she was doing as she washed her hair or wrapped a towel around herself when she got out. She felt like someone was moving her body. Like she was a marionette on strings. She looked at herself in the mirror and was startled. Not because of the weight she had lost or the circles under her eyes but because the bruises were gone. The marks that Bucky left behind were no more and it was proof that he was really gone.
The hairbrush fell from her hand in a loud clatter, and she fell to the floor once again, tears coming to her eyes. Natasha ran in the room and pulled her into her arms. “Oh babe,” she said. “I know. I know.”
“He’s gone,” Joey mumbled. “He’s really gone.”
It was six months before she actually left the apartment but after that day, she started taking better care of herself. Eating a little more each day and cleaning the house. She started to enjoy Nat and Steve’s company and they even started having a game night.
Over the next few years, things became more going through the motions even if she wasn’t so much sad anymore. She’d still have her days when she would think of Bucky and cry. Steve started a support group, he tried to get her to come to, but she never could bring herself to go. Nat had set her up on dates, but they always ended with her saying goodnight and not wanting to see them again. They just didn’t make her feel the way Bucky did.
Things just went by like nothing really happened until Steve called and left her a message.
Five years.
It had been five years since the blip. How had five years passed by already? She thought. How could it have been five years since she saw Bucky last. Five years since she lost the only two people she ever really cared about. She still could feel his arms around her some days. How could she still be grieving a man she only knew a little over a year like she’d been with him for sixty years? Why couldn’t she just move on?
She tried but no one compared. She wanted that feeling back. She knew she couldn’t go on forever waiting for a ghost to show up, but nothing made her feel the way Bucky made her feel. She concluded she would be alone the rest of her life and that was fine with her. If she couldn’t feel the same way with anyone else, then she’d rather be alone forever anyway.
Steve called saying they had a plan on how to reverse the blip, but she really didn’t believe him. He said he was going to do everything in his power to bring Bucky home. To bring everyone home. She didn’t want to hang on to that hope. She didn’t want to believe in something that wasn’t going to happen. Not after all your tears and heartbreak. She wanted everything to end. It had been several months since that message and that’s how she ended up here on the bridge.
And now she realized she didn’t want to die.
Everything changed the minute she almost slipped off the side of the bridge. She climbed back over the railing as fast as she could and took a deep breath. She was taken back to the day on the helipad in Wakanda. The last time she saw Bucky. He had made her promise she would take care of herself. That she would be ok even if he wasn’t. She shuddered a breath of regret. She hadn’t kept that promise.
“I’m sorry, my love. But I will,” she said to the night air. “I promise Bucky.”
After she found her footing, she stood on shaky legs and began to walk home. As she came onto her street, it seemed busier than usual. She didn’t remember this many people living in this area, not in a long time. She wanted to avoid the crowd, so she turned down an alleyway that was quicker to her apartment. She smiled thinking of how peaceful she felt. Like something changed in the air. As she rounded the corner out of the alley, the breath was knocked out of her.
She was quickly against a brick wall with a knife at her throat. A man yelling in her face. “Give me your money!”
She sighed. “I don’t have any on me,” she said, no fear in her voice. She really wasn’t afraid of him. In that moment she realized she wasn’t afraid to die but she wasn’t afraid to live either.
“Don’t lie t—” the man was cut off as he was pulled from you. Black and gold flitting in front of her eyes as a metal arm punched the guy. The man put his hands up. “I’m sorry man! Don’t’ hurt me!” He got up and ran away as fast as he could.
Joey had closed her eyes and when she opened them, she couldn’t breathe. Was she dead? Did the man kill her? Bucky was standing right in front of her. She reached out but pulled her hand back quickly. She didn’t want him to disappear like in her dreams. He was walking closer and she was so afraid he’d fade away like all her nightmares. His hands found her face and kissed her before she could stop him. When he pulled back, she expected him to evaporate before her eyes, but it didn’t happen.
“Bucky?” she cried. “Am I dead? Please don’t let me wake up. Please let me be dead.”
“Don’t say that baby,” he said pulling her to his chest and holding her close. “Please don’t ever wish yourself dead. I couldn’t bare it.”
“How?” she asked, and he just mumbled something about Steve and everyone reversing the blip. “You found me.”
“I’ll always find you,” he said pulling her into another kiss.
