Body Positive Parent

There is no wrong way to have a body

[howilearnedtocope]

The secret about self esteem

You don’t actually have to love yourself to be happy, healthy, and stable. Here are some beliefs that you can work towards instead

- no one deserves bad treatment, including you - You deserve to be treated with self kindness & to meet you own physical and emotional needs - Physical appearance isn’t the most important thing, and even if you’re unattractive you deserve to be able to live your life without shame - that no one is expected to be perfect at everything they try, and that it’s ok to enjoy things you aren’t good at - It’s more interesting and fun to focus your thoughts outward on the world and other people than to think about how much you like or dislike yourself - That everyone makes mistakes and does embarrassing things, and that an embarrassing event might feel really terrible but it’s not actually a threat - It’s not worth obsessing over whether you are a good or bad person, bc those things don’t really exist. (There are only good & bad actions; humans are way too complex & ever changing to fit into black & white labels) - Your thoughts and emotions are as valid & team as anyone else’s

Basically, the goal with all of this is to accept that you can treat yourself with self compassion. It is going to be near impossible to be happy if you constantly tear yourself down, or if you don’t respect needs, but it’s definitely possible to be happy feeling pretty meh about it.

I recommend focusing on things you believe are true for all people, then working back to yourself (for example, that everyone deserves to be treated kindly, that physical appearance isn’t shameful, that everyone makes mistakes, etc). Make self kindness the goal. When you are being mean to yourself, remind yourself to be kinder. If you feel horrible about a mistake remember you are only human. And the rest of the time? Pour your energy into creating meaningful activities in your life. Make art, chase goals, call friends, read books, learn, create, engage. You will find the works is much bigger and brighter when you make room for something besides self criticism.

[sheeriouslysheerio]

I suggest everyone to read this

[ithelpstodream]

[bodypositiveparent]

Preach!

[bodypositiveparent]

Not looking forward to tomorrow

Heading to bed & I think *ugh* I'm not looking forward to tomorrow...or the next day, or the next... Shit, there must be something I'm looking forward to. *searches brain for something* Mental illness whispers "the sweet release of death" ...

[mysharona1987]

And there it is.

[autisticarchive-deactivated2019]

I wish that anti-bullying campaigns would stop arguing that “anyone can be bullied”/that “it’s completely random who the bullying victim is” cause it’s usually not just “anyone” who’s being bullied - it’s the disabled kids, the neurodivergent kids, the kids of color, the fat kids, the mentally ill kids, the poor kids, the transgender kids, the gender nonconforming kids, the non-straight kids. We won’t get anywhere with stopping bullying if we don’t confront the underlying reasons causes it’s no accident that it’s the kids belonging to marginalized groups who ends up being bullying victims. Bullying is not just a “random” evil it’s an expression of the ableism, racism, classism, sexism, homophobia, fatphobia and transhobia in our society and it’s about time that we confront that in our anti-bullying campaigns. 

[autisticarchive-deactivated2019]

Edited version. Please reblog this version instead if you’ve reblogged the unedited version. 

[plannedparenthood]

Understanding consent is as easy as FRIES.

Consent is:

Freely given. Doing something sexual with someone is a decision that should be made without pressure, force, manipulation, or while drunk or high.

Reversible. Anyone can change their mind about what they want to do, at any time. Even if you’ve done it before or are in the middle of having sex.

Informed. Be honest. For example, if someone says they’ll use a condom and then they don’t, that’s not consent.

Enthusiastic.  If someone isn’t excited, or really into it, that’s not consent.

Specific. Saying yes to one thing (like going to the bedroom to make out) doesn’t mean they’ve said yes to others (like oral sex).

[feministlikeme]

Someone needs to drill this through Donald Trump’s thick skull..

[fuckyeahfeminist]

Remember: This is for ALL sexual situations, not just penetrative sex.

[bodypositiveparent]

#ShoutItFromTheRoofTops

[bodypositiveparent]

The bleak truth about parenting

I feel like I just had a very profound (but kind of bleak) thought if anyone is interested…

My job as a parent is to slowly & gently as possible drip feed this universal truth to my kids:

The world doesn’t owe you anything. Your life is random & fragile. There are many things that could hurt or kill you, both inside your own body & in the outside world.

No one really knows what they are doing, adults just try & do the best that they know how to do.

It is not a given that you will always have a roof over your head, access to food when you’re hungry or have people who care for you in your life.

You will get hurt, both emotionally and physically. Sometimes this will permanently change you.

Your health, happiness & wellbeing is not the priority for most people. Most people don’t care about you. Some people will actively try and hurt you. Some people in jobs that are designed to help you will try and hurt you rather than help you.

Just because you like something or are good at something does not mean you will be able to make that your career. No one gets everything they want. Life is not fair or just.

You & everyone you have met or ever will meet will die. There is no rhyme or reason for who dies & when.

No one knows everything. There is always more to learn.

Everything you see & feel are just interpretations of chemical & electrical signals. They can be wrong.

[bodypositiveparent]

Unpacking my sexual fantasies

I just realized last night that I only have a handful of sexual fantasies that I use while masturbating (not uncommon I guess) BUT what I did find worrisome is when I unpacked the content of these fantasies they were not about my pleasure AT ALL.

In fact when I look at the “story line” of what I’m playing out in my head it is all about being the object of desire for someone else, giving someone else pleasure or viewing (not actually experiencing) acts that in real life would give me no sexual pleasure what so ever.

The really messed up thing is that because I’m using these handful of fantasies whenever I masturbate, I’m wiring my brain to have a turned on response to situations that when acted out in real life, have no way of actually giving me any sexual pleasure. 

How is it that I am a bystander in my own fantasies and that I’m masturbating to the thought of SOMEONE ELSE receiving pleasure, not me?!

So this is my mission. To bin all my old “go to” fantasies that I’m a bystander in and find new sexy thoughts that actually involve me having a good time being pleasured.

Wish me luck!

[girlsuggestion]

you don’t need a vagina to be a girl

[bodypositiveparent]

Preach!

[misandry-mermaid]

“Crazy” is one of the five deadly words guys use to shame women into compliance. The others: Fat. Ugly. Slutty. Bitchy. They sum up the supposedly worst things a woman can be. What we really mean by “crazy” is: “She was upset, and I didn’t want her to be.”

Men Really Need to Stop Calling Women Crazy - Harris O'Malley (via misandry-mermaid)

[kingforaking]

I’m doing a social experiment called ‘agreeing with boys when they compliment you’. 

the results: 

[fuckyeahbodypositivity]

perf example of how uncomfortable boys are with women owning their own awesomeness. for many men, beauty, coolness, desirability are gifts they alone can bestow upon women. they get baffled, even aggressive when you show you’ve known you possess those things all along. 

[officialjeffgoldblum]

i love this experiment! 

[daggers-drawn]

[toughlovemuse]

I reblog stuff like this every time I see it, because I figure women who follow me need the reminder, and men who follow me also need the reminder.

If you pay someone a compliment and they accept it and that makes you angry? You weren’t really interested in paying them a compliment. 

[bodypositiveparent]

Also important for parents/caregivers out there to remember to accept compliments in front of their kids (not just deflect them) as well as dish out diverse compliments like they are going out of style. Not just beauty & athletic achievements deserve compliments, praise tenacity, empathy, volunteering, curiosity, experimentation, self awareness, self care, kindness, & so much more!

[still-notaskingforit]

[bodypositiveparent]

*sigh* I really wish this was common knowledge.

[bookphile]

I don’t think it ever occurred to me before how much and how often women are praised for displaying traits that basically render them invisible. When I really think about it, I realize the culprit is the language generally used to praise women. Especially mothers. “She sacrificed everything for her children… She never thought about herself… She gave up everything for us… She worked tirelessly to make sure we had what we needed. She stood in the shadows, she was the wind beneath our wings.” Greeting card companies are build on that idea. “Tell her how much all the little things she does all year long that seem to go unnoticed really mean to you.” With a $2.59 card. Mother’s Day is build on that idea. This is good, we’re told. It’s good how Mom diminishes and martyrs herself. The message is: mothers, you are such wonderful and good people because you make yourselves smaller, because you deny your own needs, because you toil tirelessly in the shadows and no one ever thanks or notices you… this all makes you AMAZING.

Year of Yes, Shonda Rhimes

Can we talk about how Shonda is just fearlessly laying down the truth and not censoring the awful truth? And before anyone stupid jumps in, Shonda is not saying Motherhood shouldn’t be praised, she’s saying we shouldn’t be praising women for erasing themselves.

(via kceyagi)

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

Oppressive by Default

When you have privilege (and everyone does, on one axis or another), a lot of the oppression that you don’t face is completely invisible to you. Like, there are thousands and thousands of tiny links in an oppressive system that, without someone pointing it out, you would literally never notice or think anything of because the whole culture says that stuff is okay.

Since all this stuff is invisible to you as a privileged person, your default is to go along with it. It’s just what happens when you’re raised in an oppressive culture. Your opinions, shaped by this culture, are oppressive by default, and not being oppressive takes constant work and listening to people who can see the things you can’t. That’s what people mean when they say “all (X) people are inherently oppressive.”

The identity itself (being hetero, for instance) isn’t wrong or bad. But in the world we live in, some identities are privileged so you don’t need to question the status quo unless someone points out the problems to you. And remember, the status quo is oppressive.

You don’t need to be intentionally mean to be oppressive. Literally all it takes is just not noticing the bad stuff in something you’ve been taught your entire life is normal. So when someone calls you problematic in one way or another, they may be pointing out something that’s been completely invisible to you, and if you’re wise enough to listen and apply that knowledge, you’ll become a better person for it.

Don’t get caught up in being offended that someone called you oppressive. You’re oppressive by default; it’s expected that there will be things you don’t know yet. What matters is how well you listen, and how hard you work to unlearn all the toxic stuff you’re raised in and still surrounded by.

[bodypositiveparent]

My squishy tummy

Fact: Fart noises are funny. Fact: My children laughing with delight as they blow loud raspberries on tummy is awesome. Fact: My tummy is squishy, wobbly, & covered in stretch marks. Fact: I AM FUCKING BEAUTIFUL & my squishy tummy is great for making loud fart raspberries.

[groupchatbabes]

 Here Are 9 Racist Fashion Trends That Need to Die Immediately  (via micdotcom)

[fuckyeahfeminist]

Looking for info on intersectionality?

Here’s an awesome, free guide from Dr. Olena Hankivsky of Simon Fraser University. “Intersectionality 101″ gives a great background on the topic as a theory, a methodology, and a framework for academic and activist work.

Please please PLEASE check this out! Here’s a little clip:

[bodypositiveparent]

I need this in pamphlet form to hand out to all the people I meet who say “WTF? Intersectional? Is that even a word?”