Sade Olutola

shark vs the universe
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tannertan36
Sweet Seals For You, Always
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YOU ARE THE REASON

Kiana Khansmith
Keni
cherry valley forever
todays bird

#extradirty
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@bogorotties
the biggest lie, i think, the internet perpetuates about D&D is that a skinny little twink of a bard just needs to roll a nat 20 to seduce a dragon
like a dragon…a creature with more wealth and power than any other creature on the planet…a creature who is easily an 11/10 when they deign to take humanoid form…would look at your skinny little 8 STR half-elf Bard whose own father doesn’t even love them and go…yeah I’d like to fuck that
Counterpoint, my good man:
Dragons fuck
Dragons fuck, clearly, but not just any joe blow schmoe with a big Charisma stat. If I’m Joseph J Dragon sitting on a small hill of gold and jewels I’m not gonna waste my time boning every monsterfucking tiefling twink with a lyre. I would have standards.
Counter-counterpoint: dragons are SUPER horny
Counter-counter-counterpoint: even if dragons are SUPER horny they’ve got better prospects than spindly little bards!!!! They could be off fucking cloud giants or beholders or planetars!!!! They could be having sex with kraken in the middle of the ocean or fire giants in the mouth of an erupting volcano!
There is a wealth of sexual excess and opportunity available to dragons; so much that they do not need to be slumming it with an adventurer who hasn’t washed his ass in a month and a half and is probably covered in kobold blood by the time they get to the dragon’s lair!
Seriously!!!
I don’t care how many times you cast Charm Monster, the Elder Dragon who has probably slept with more princesses than there are princedoms is not going to bite! When you have bedded the most beautiful mortals on the Prime Material Plane on a pile of gold and jewelry you are not gonna be looking twice at any MOTHERFUCKEr who can’t at least True Polymorph to make things interesting
triple-counterpoint:
you’re right but please shut up you are actively ruining my 10 strength half-elf twink bard’s sexual prospects with this post
OP is right and they should say it
Actually…
As we can see from this most excellent chart, dragons can and will fuck anything. Even humans do not compare. The only species that can match dragons for horny-ness is, in fact, nymphs.
Therefore your twinky-ass lil bard has as good a chance as anyone. Go forth and thot your way through your DM’s carefully planned Big Bad encounter and
fuck the dragon.
I’m not even sure where I stand on this argument but I absolutely need to keep that chart for reference, so
That chart is not proof that a dragon would fuck anything and youre a charlatan for pretending it does!!!
That is a crossbreeding chart not a horny chart, and it says right on it that what it is tracking is the likelyhood that a union between two races would yield offspring. It is NOT saying that a dragon WILL fuck any of those creatures, just that doing so would result in a half-dragon child.
If anything this just proves siderealsandman’s point the dragon could have any creature or being under the sun so why the fuck would it ever settle for a shitty PC and their +1 light leather armor. What’s the bard gonna say?? You should fuck me because you techically can?? That bitch getting sauteed
OP IS CORRECT SORRY BUT THE TWINK BARD ISNT GETTING ANY DRAGON ASS
a dragon fucked a donkey in shrek, your argument is invalid
Don’t bring shrek into this
OH YEAH?? YOU WANNA DO THIS?? FINE
CLASS TRAITS OF A BARD: 1) Your spells inspire and invigorate your allies – Donkey’s role in the film was to inspire and invigorate Shrek to begin his hero’s quest and keep him on his path 2) You channel magical power through words and music – Doney never stopped talking or singing. That was his THING 3) Key abilities: Charisma, Intelligence, Constitution – Do we even need to question this?? Charisma - he managed to convince a dragon to fuck him. He gave both Fiona and Shrek the pep-talk they needed to come to terms with their feelings. Intelligence - He’s COLOR BLIND and still managed to figure out the flowers Fiona asked for. Constitution - dude you saw the shit he managed to survive in that movie
CONCLUSION – SHREK IS A DND CAMPAIGN, DONKEY IS A BARD THAT SEDUCED THE DRAGON. NEVER QUESTION ME IN MY HOUSE AGAIN
big mood
I can’t get over this
me screaming in another plane of existence
I HAVE COMPLETED THE JOEY CHALLENGE, I HAVE BEATEN TEAM ROCKET, COLLECTED 16 BADGES, BEATEN THE LEAGUE TWICE, AND HAVE DEFEATED RED, I HAVE COMPLETED THE ENTIRE GAME USING ONLY A TOP PERCENTAGE RATTATA, I HAVE NOT FAINTED ONCE, TOP % TOP % TOP %
THIS MAN DESERVES THE HIGHEST AWARD!
When another gay is hired at your job
Comrades, Henry Scott Tuke 1924.
Two bros chilling at the beach 5 feet apart cuz they’re not gay
[►]
this is the best most concise takedown of safe space critics I’ve ever seen
8.18.17
“And while you want to yell that, don’t yell it at the clan, yell it into the cake.”
Being a DM and writing your own campaigns is like buying your cats an elaborate cat condo and watching those dumb idiots spend 4 days in the box it came in eating packing peanuts
*slams the reblog so fast*
Non-Boring Environments that need Fantasy Representation
Tropical Rainforests
Scrubland/Dry Forests. For extra effect make them the sort that burn very often; some native plants never germinate until after a fire, and some animals not only rely on fire to smoke out prey, but may even start them themselves.
Savannas/Tropical Grasslands
Temperate Rainforests. I almost didn’t include this bc New Zealand is covered in them, and that’s where they filmed Lord of the Rings. But tbh, no one really knows about them, so it belongs here
Taiga Forests
Barren Tundra, perfect for some extreme seasonal dichotomy
Polar Ice Sheets
Desert-Grasslands (arguably the same as Scrubland but Australia’s good at adding its own twists)
Barren Desert
If you like Cacti, look at American Deserts like the Sonoran
Salt Flats
Soda Lakes and Alkaline Lakes
Madagascar’s Karst Limestone Formations
Madagascar’s Spiny Forests
Madagascar’s Baobab Forests
Madagascar’s Subhumid Forests (Madagascar is cool as hell ok)
Danxia Landforms
Badlands/Mountainous Deserts
Steppes and Highland Prairies
Flood Basalts
Newly-Formed Islands, still rife with Volcanic activity
Now for Underwater Environments, sure Coral Reefs are cool.
But there are SO MANY other kinds of environments for aquatic settings, it’s unbelievable:
Seaside Cliffs
Archipelagos. Not just Tropical Island chains like Polynesia (Moana anyone?) but also Coldwater Archipelagos like the Aleutians.
Tidal Flats
Bayous/Cypress Swamps
Tropical River Basins, AKA Seasonally Flooded Rainforests
Mangrove Swamps/Deltas/Beaches
Kelp Forests
The Open Ocean
Coastal Seabeds
Rocky Beaches with Tidepools
And there are a LOT more I could name but this post is already obscenely long as is, if you’d like to toss in your own go right ahead, but my point is if you limit yourself to European Deciduous Forests you’re a wimp.
The zombie outbreak started 2 years ago now you find yourself cornered by a decaying zombie when you do the unthinkable and bite it first when it falls to the floor and grows its skin back and sits up and asks what is going on
This may be the best subversive idea for zombie apocalypse stories i think I’ve ever seen.
“How the fuck did you know that would work?”
“I didn’t, dude, I just fucking panicked.”
“Bitch, you’re going to eat me? Me?! I’ve crossed three states in two months, mostly on foot, and you’re going to eat me? Not if I eat you first, bitch!”
~Later, accepting yet another award for finding the cure~
“Honestly, I’d like to thank spite which has carried me through much more than these past two years. Pure, unadulterated spite and adrenaline fueled rage. Thank you.”
brooklyn nine-nine + hogwarts houses (more)
get you a man who can do both
one of my patients came in for an emergency visit, because she snapped the wire on her retainer watching the movie when MBJ took his shirt off she clenched her teeth so fucking hard she snapped it. that is the fucking funniest shit ever to me this tiny 17 year old girl thirsting so goddamn hard she busted steel
Y'all, it gets better. She found out.
We interviewed her, obviously.
update:
Now THIS is art.
Have I reblogged this before. I don’t care, How absolutely amazing this is.
IT JUST GOT BETTER
Y’all, this Moore spokesman’s stunned silence when Jake Tapper tells him you don’t have to swear on a Bible to join Congress is a-mee-zing.