incubus gf

Billie || 18 || Dude/Bro || Bi (sad Apple user)

[jame7t]

chases you around the cathedral with an executioner’s axe but we’re both giggling and laughing and frolicking then I GET you

[normal-horoscopes]

[I resurrect after a few seconds and we immediately go back to giggling and chortling and chasing]

[eduards-stuff]

Okay okay okay. But in turkey if i remember correctly this was a thing in very old turkey

You could escape a death sentence if you can beat the garderner at a chase through the gardern and be the first to touch the execution block.

But heres the thing the gardener is this huge incredibly tall dude who has incredibly huge muscles and knows all the shortcuts

So youd either be really fast or really lucky to not get caughy and escape your execution.!!

[thewerman100]

im sorry but who is The Gardener

[jame7t]

Well he’s from turkey.

[fairyfalling]

I need someone to remove my spine and stretch it out like a bendy straw before putting it back.

[nonetoon]

Today I encountered a white and red lamp of a saint that said “Ride Or Die Bitch” on the halo and I’m basically gonna think about it for the rest of my life now

[nonetoon]

Went back to get a pic and on second viewing I think it’s of the Virgin Mary but idk I’m not an expert on these things

[nonetoon]

I think it’s these two dudes that really make it for me

[femmeharlequin-deactivated20240]

I love furries, marijuana, autism, schizophrenia, abortion, vandalism, shoplifting, Molotov cocktails, free healthcare, adderall, and gay sex

[liquidstar]

Thank god finally

[liquidstar]

Why is every single one of you tagging this saying “oh just like horseshoe crabs” why the hell do you all know how horseshoe crabs mate off the top of your heads?

[liquidstar]

What the fuck do you mean “because of the lesbian horseshoe crabs”

[theocseason4]

anyways In a Dream You Saw a Way to Survive and You Were Full of Joy

[bilover]

if i bring a book someplace it doesn't necessarily mean i want to read it mayb i just want to take her own a walk. Get her some fresh air and a change of scenery

[slcpunkmoved]

men love being pinned up against walls by other men it makes them feel masculine it's the same as going fishing

[boywizard-moved]

mutuals to go to the aquarium with

[boywizard-moved]

mutuals to hold hands with at the aquarium and whenever we see a weird looking fish we point at it and say "thats you"

[boywizard-moved]

recognition of love through being told you look like a slightly weird fish

[kristina100000]

kris give me a cig

[silenthillpussy]

they should give you a paid leave if you're in love

[nepofledgling]

12 year old lesbians are masters of mental gymnastics. “I wish I was a lesbian so I could date women and didn’t have to date men, sadly I’m straight but i really wish i could date women”

[lesbiankisses]

When I was 12 I was talking to a friend about boys or whatever and I said, out loud and with compete confidence, “I think I would make a good lesbian. Like, I’m not one, I like boys, but if I was a lesbian, I think I would be really good at it.”

[ex-electron-blue]

[cookie-sheet-toboggan]

I remember being around that age and saying, "Boys are so lucky, they get to date girls. But we have to date boys (derogatory). That's so unfair."

[biggaybunny]

Pronouns? Yeah I gots all the pronouns you could want. Bootleg? No, no, you've got it all wrong. They just, uh, fell off the back of a truck. Now, can I interest you in a she/sher? Or how about a nice he/hee? That one's gonna get real popular, lemme tell you what. What? I'm telling you, these are genuine articles of speech. Look kid, I don't normally do this, but you buy a set of, uh, lemme see... not those... you/youse, I'll throw in another pair free. I dunno, for your dog or something. You ever think about your dog's pronouns? I thought not. Cash only.

[shelter-wood]

there's a tortoise at work and he's 30 years old and I love that he's 30 years old because I can look at this animal that is 3 years older than me and go "does the man want his appy slices??" and he hustles over cause the man do want his appy slices

[halobats]

this has reduced me to tears

[perceabeth]

i love girls with no ‘maternal warmth’. girls who are affectionate in awkward ways. girls who are not ‘caregivers’ so much as care needers. girls who mean well but come across as assholes. girls who don’t mean well. girls who cry a lot but it isn’t ‘cute’ it’s just annoying. girls who aren’t always the most beautiful one in the room. girls who are obnoxious. girls who kind of suck but u can’t help but love them bc they really are just trying,

[woolfpuppy]

It’s 2008. I’m in O'Hare (Chicago airport) around Christmas time, absolutely tired from a 36+ hours of travel from Lithuania. My flight to North Dakota has just been cancelled by a region-wide snowstorm. My cell phone and credit cards aren’t working because I haven’t called to have them turned back on/authorized for the US. I’m so tired and a little delirious, and coming down with a cold. I just want to get home and see my family. I shuffle into the line for the airline to see what can be done about my flight, but the line is long and I am already defeated. Tears leak from my eyes intermittently from tiredness, helplessness, and self pity.

A business woman in the line turns around. She introduces herself, frowning a little because this is so against whatever code she lives her life by. She explains she’s a pharmaceutical exec from New Jersey and that she is visiting some distant relative in North Dakota, and was on the same (now cancelled) flight as me. She hands me an apple and protein bar and says something like ‘I have no maternal instinct. I do not have children and I do not want them. But you are so clearly out of your depth here I feel compelled to help you in some way.’ She helps me book a room in the airport hotel and trusts I will pay her back when I get home (which I do). She pays for a meal we have together, in which she mostly talks about how she climbed the ladder at her corporate job.

The whole incident now seems like a fever dream because I truly was sleep deprived and loony. This woman emphasized many times how she was not a caretaker, she was not a warm person. Indeed she was not gregarious or solicitous. But she also very very much was deeply kind to me, much to her own surprise I think. 0 percent maternal, but my extreme patheticness really drew out something she didn’t know was in her.

I hope she has continued to have a great child-free life.

[archosaur-automaton]

You don’t hate the elderly; you hate people who are living long lives at the expense of others, people whose longevity is made possible via suffering and injustice. There is no generational conflict and there never has been. You have more in common with old people living in poverty than you ever will with someone who watched the same TV shows you did when you were both twelve. 

[archosaur-automaton]

reblogging this because some of you are acting like “the elderly” are a monolithic racist, sexist group who are just horrible and demanding. Ignoring, of course, Black elders. Indigenous elders. Gay elders, lesbian elders, trans elders, working class elders, etc. Someone isn’t automatically a shitty person just because they’re 75 and acting like anyone over a certain age isn’t to be trusted is egg-fucking-zactly what I’m warning against with this post