Intermediate pancake wizard

23yr he/him Greetings Federal Agents I Am A Satire Account

[milfsmackdown]

[mleprae]

how do i explain to non brazillians that theres a guy in the new season of a reality show who spent weeks rubbing his shirt in his girlfriends armpits just so he could sniff it while he was in the program. then started crying and this girl just pulls out the shirt for him to sniff and calm down. the last romantic on earth

[ntrider]

giving increasingly loud sighs as I wait for my crush to ask "what's wrong?" so I can say I'm in a state of depression unless I can touch someone's boobs with no bra

[ntrider]

I stop once I start getting short of breath

[aokozaki]

[Your crush, on the phone to someone unseen] Yeah I think she needs to be put down, her breathing-- yeah I know it can be a problem for her breed, but it's getting really bad.

[ntrider]

I'M NOT A DOG??????

[aokozaki]

[clearly less interested now] Oh.

[ntrider]

wait! au au

[aokozaki]

[walking over the distant horizon, towards the West]

[ntrider]

AU AU!!! AU AU!!!!! 😭

[rapidlydecayingcorpse]

i work in childcare right? yeah so lately the kids’ favorite game has been “is it poison or not” which is just code for pretending to forcefeed me sticks and leaves and then yelling “POISON !!” and me going “aww man not again !” and when they offer me more im like “surely this isnt poison right guys?” and they shake their heads and grin mischievously and i eat it and they scream “POOOIIIIISOONNNN”

[berdyayeva]

Am I allowed to post this

[xquisitedeadguy]

my hot minecraft take is that all the mammals should drop the same meat we dont need pork and beef and mutton

[passion-of-l0vers]

my hot minecraft take is that all the mammals should drop different meat if u kill a cow it will say cow #48936 meat and if u kill a pig it will say pig #295 meat and if u kill a sheep with a name tag it will say jeb_ meat and it does this for wolves and dogs and cats and horses also. and the horse meat can be turned into glue. and also if you kill a villager it will say robert toolsmith meat and that is the only way to find out the villagers names. is by killing them. for their meat. and none of the meats are stackable u can’t combine white sheep #327 with white sheep #58297 and absolutely not with pink sheep #1 they all take up their own inventory space. and sometimes when u kill a cow it will say stephenie meat and you’ll be left to wonder why this particular unnametagged cow had a name.

[xquisitedeadguy]

im killing myself in front of you and clogging up ur inventory with xquisitedeadguy meat

[casawio]

fujoshi who hasnt realized he's: Hey why does it say "he" in my dialogue description

[sacred-portal]

[vicquoria]

today i offer you sasunaru almost kissing. tomorrow? who knows

[lakemojave]

The biggest indicator of tumblr's decline and increased anglification in the last half decade or so is that no one's sharing shit like the entirety of the hot pickle girl video anymore

[lakemojave]

Actually @blackfem this exchange belongs on the main post

[lakemojave]

Here's the video itself if you don't know. Sit down and watch it all then move on

[sageiswherethemageis]

I fear I will never be as excited about anything ever as she is about hot pickle

[gamer-goo]

Hot pickle girl is a Victoria’s Secret model now btw

Meet Quenlin Blackwell: The Social Media Star Turned Victoria's Secret Model

Quenlin Blackwell impressed fans with her Victoria's Secret Fashion Show debut. Here's everything to know about the star, including her rumo

[krussyarts]

A little bit of light bullying for his birthday

[solradguy]

Ok I guess if you want to get really absolutely technical about it, I guess Martin Luther's 95 Theses were a zine. I guess. I suppose.

[foffythesheep]

from what i understand, the guidelines of his zine were the subject of a lot of discourse. some things never change!

[average-beets]

[mxmollusca]

Feel like I need to add this addition from the mod

And this comment

[soupcowboy]

I chipped a tooth and its the only one i can chew with. Ive had an enamel deficiency all my life, and regardless of how hard I try, I cant afford the dentist. So my teeth eroded, got worse, and I only have 17 left. An average adult has 32.

I need a lot of help.

My dental issues have slowed down now that Im in a healthier, safer, environment. Im not grinding my teeth constantly and making it worse. I may have last night though bc a tooth broke this morning. It was the last molar on the side I could still chew on. Its been hurting lately but I hoped it wouldnt worsen..

At this point I need to throw away my pride and ask my community for help. I cant keep living like this. I cant eat, I cant smile, I struggle to chew food. Its horrible.

If anyone is able to help me, even a dollar here and there, Id be eternally greatful. Anything helps. I appreciate everything.

P*ypal

C*shapp: $coffeeandcastiel

V*nmo: @ soup-cowboy

Update:

I was able to get the tooth fixed and I'm waiting on a permanent crown. It cost $1,652. My dentist is encouraging I come back for further treatment, to avoid this again.

I need to start paying back the debt of this tooth and also pay for future work that needs to be done.

$700/$1,652

Anything helps, and I genuinely appreciate it 💖

[soupcowboy]

Hello! I forgot to calculate my medicine into my budget, so anything that gets donated is going towards this, my medicine, and groceries to keep me afloat.

Anything helps! Thank you for your support!

[soupcowboy]

Hello! I now need new glasses on top of paying everything back!

Anything helps, I appreciate it!

[maryoliveoil]

Gonna chill out the rest of May and then change my entire life in June. Possibly July if that doesn't work out. Certainly no later than September or October.

[maryoliveoil]

Uh oh

[kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd]

SAUCE AND PROTEIN, VEG AND RICE

FEELS SO FILLING, TASTES SO NICE

VEG AND PROTEIN, RICE AND SAUCE

HELP BRING BACK WHAT ONCE WAS LOST

[keyboardfantasies]

Literally the most important words ever spoken