everyone is welcome here. love is love. trans right are human rights. be kind.
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One Shots
IN BLOOM - Rafe Cameron x You
sex pollen dub!con, no use of Y/N, no description of reader, Rafe Cameron is bad at feelings
PART 1
Mini Series
ON THIN ICE - College!Hockey! Rafe Cameron x You
college classmates to fwb, no use of Y/N, no description of reader
PART 1 ~ PART 2 ~ PART 3 ~ PART 4 ~ PART 5 ~ PART 6 ~ PART 7 ~ PART 8 ~ PART 9 ~ PART 10 ~ FINALE
DROWNING IN HIM -Kook!Rafe x PTSD!Pogue! You
sort of forbidden, sort of want to avoid each other but are attracted to each other, 18+ due to heavy subject matter and some smut, no use of Y/N, no description of reader
PART 1 ~ PART 2 ~ PART 3 ~ PART 4 ~ PART 5 ~ PART 6
Main Series
AFTER THE STORM - Rafe Cameron x chronicallyill!OC.
coworkers, slowburn, nickname/pet name, he doesn't care until all of a sudden he does, plot heavy with eventual smut
I miss college a lot sometimes. I've always been a pretty quiet person but somehow made friends really easily in college and I liked running into people on campus or at a party or a bar and always having a chance to make new friends. It made me realize that at least in America, college is one of the last places where you have a real sense of community and it really sucks to lose that.
Can u pls give me some writer recs ? I desperately need more active rafe writers bc i have so many requests but all my favs haven't posted in months
hiii!! id be so incredibly happy to give you some recs! just a few off the top of my head are
@spankyourlocalbrat her smuts are INCREDIBLE, and she does a lot of requests!
@rafesteddy has many amazing pieces! also she updated her theme recently and im obsessed its so cute!
@angelicstarkey has a new rafe series shes doing and its such a fun premise im SO locked innn
@ditzyrafe has a hugeeee catalogue of rafe smut and all of it is impeccable, but i haven't checked her acc in a while for new stuff so not a 100% sure if shes still super active
@babydollrafe is amazing as well! and she is very active on tumblr!!
@barbienextdoor also has a talent for smut, and they are multifandom
@bookishbelle2312 also has a series im loving rn! and she posts often!
omgggg there are so many more amazing writers on here!! if i left you off dont feel bad i need to make more recommendation posts! anon PLEASE send me another ask so i can make a longer list not just off the top of my head! also most of these are writers that do predominantly smut (😋 hehe)
I love your series so much and your writing is always amazing and never disappoints, hope your taking care of yourself while writing the chapters. Can't wait for the next one!🫶
Ahhh thank you so much babe that's so sweet of you to say!!! I appreciate you, thank you so much for reading 🩷🩷🩷🩷
summary: after falling off a boat during a storm, you'd given up adventuring with the pogues. and dating all together. but the nightmares and panic attacks stayed with you all these years. you bared it alone, until an unlikely kook keeps showing up when you need help.
wc: 2.8k
warnings: 18+ due to later explicit chapters and heavy subject matter. this particular chapter is some fluff and slight angst if you squint.
a/n: something soft and sweet to make up for the upcoming chaos. I keep crying while writing this series I love it so much lol let me know what you think!!
banner: @/rumbleonthemill
table of contents: PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5
Once all your Pogues are back in town, everyone wants to hit the beach. The waves aren’t quite big enough to surf today, so most of you lounge on the shore while JJ and John B swim. You’d texted Rafe to see if you could come to the pool in the afternoon on Tuesdays and Thursdays, but you hadn’t heard back from him yet. It made you wonder if he regretted agreeing to it. If he wanted to take it back.
“It feels so nice to sleep in. And not be up all night studying.” Kiara yawns, interrupting your thoughts.
“Speak for yourself, Kie. Some of us have to work.” Pope jabs, but he’s smiling to soften it.
“Yet you’re still here, laying around. So, I don’t wanna hear it.” Kiara playfully rolls her eyes. Your phone vibrates next to you, and you’re quick to grab it. To your relief, it’s Rafe.
Rafe Cameron: sure works for me. i’ll be ur personal lifeguard.
That makes you smile, which Kie is quick to notice.
“Oooo, who are you texting?” She coos, leaning toward your screen. You’re quick to shut it off. The Pogues have never been subtle about disliking Rafe. Trying to pretend you’re not flustered, you smile back and try to keep your voice even.
“Just some touron I met the other day. He’s leaving soon, so it’s whatever.” You shrug.
“Boo,” Sarah sighs. “Was he cute at least?”
“Yeah.” You murmur, feeling heat rush to your cheeks. Because you weren’t thinking about some tourist boy. You were thinking about Rafe. In his red swim trunks. Already tanned and toned at the start of summer. You pictured how it would be to have him helping you in the pool. Remembered how his muscles felt when he pulled you out a few months ago. How it felt when he roughly backed you against the wall at the boathouse.
You’d gone from scared to a little smitten. It was hard to believe, and a little embarrassing. Rafe had kissed you in the boathouse, sure, but you were convinced he’d kiss any girl that got that close to him. He had never given off the impression that he was picky when it came to women.
Topper’s first party of the summer was further proof of that. You arrived with your friends, just like you had over spring break. But your eyes search for Rafe without meaning to, finding him by the stairs to the pool with a redheaded girl already chatting him up. He looks good. Crisp white polo showing off his tan. And when his icy blue eyes meet yours from across the party, he nods, smile tugging at his lips.
Of course, both of you spend the party ignoring each other. It was like an unspoken agreement so that neither of your friends would pick up that you two had agreed to hang out. Kook and Pogue friendships had already been drama enough in the past. Kie burned all her Kook bridges when she chose the boys. And John B dating Sarah almost destroyed the friend group. Even as people your age became more tolerant of the other social class, resentment was still there. And the younger groups kept the class war going.
The first pool session with Rafe comes quicker than you expect. You’re more nervous than you thought you’d be, trying to pick out your best swimsuit and an outfit that’s casual but somehow more put-together than you feel. Even though it’s not a date, coming to Figure Eight to see a boy felt like a whole new pressure you weren’t used to. Ringing the doorbell at Tannyhill, your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest.
“Hi, sweetie. Sarah isn’t here.” Rose answers the door. You’re pretty sure she doesn’t remember your name, even though you’ve been here a handful of times over the years.
“I’m actually here to see Rafe.” You tell her, watching her face twist a bit before she composes herself. It was clear she didn’t want a Pogue here at all, but it was even worse in her mind that a Pogue was here to see Rafe.
“He’s at the pool.” She says cooling, stepping aside to let you in. It only takes a few steps before you can spot him past the sliding glass doors, sitting on a lounge chair by the pool. His hand slides down his face as his eyes stay trained on the pool gate. It makes you smile a bit because it seems like he’s nervous too.
The second you open the sliding glass door, Rafe’s back straightens. When you open the pool gate, you try to smile at him like this was a normal, everyday hang out. Nothing to be worried about. He greets you, you greet him. But the reality of what you’re doing creeps in anyway.
“So, what’s the plan here?” Rafe asks, no intention of hiding how clueless he is about this shit. You’d lead, and he’d follow. Thankfully, your explanation seems simple enough. You want to start with the steps, then make your way further into the pool. Rafe was your support. And, apparently, your distraction. But he’s never been as talkative as Sarah.
He starts by asking you about your major. Stupid small talk, but easy. And it turns out you’re both business majors. By then, you take another step in the pool. Even though he’s only standing beside you, he can see the way your breathing gets shallower. The way your fingers shake before you grab the railing. He feels the urge to grab your hand or your arm. But this needs to be your pace. Yours to initiate. Especially after how you reacted after the kiss, and how terrible he felt his self-control is.
Rafe talks louder, as if that would help. He tells you about UNC. Anything he can think of. Parties. Classes that were easy and classes that kicked his ass. He gets you talking about your classes. About your jobs. About your friends, even if he’s not a huge fan of all of them. He kind of likes just talking aimlessly at first, it’s nice in a way. But it gets even better once the two of you talk to each other.
Tuesdays and Thursdays at the Tannyhill pool become routine. To the point where Rafe doesn’t feel the need to force a conversation in the silence. He gets used to your hand flying out and grabbing his arm when you start to panic. He gets used to standing in the water so long that his legs start to go numb.
But it’s not without setbacks. The first time you make it to waist-deep water, you panic so bad that Rafe has to carry you out. You shake so much and stay so quiet that he just holds you until you manage to tear yourself away, muttering that you needed to go home. And yet, you show up at the next session like nothing happened. He kind of wants to admire that, even if it isn’t healthy.
A few sessions later, you try to step further into the deep-end. Without thinking, it’s Rafe that reaches out and grabs your arm, holding you back.
“What? Don’t think I can do it?” Your eyes narrow at him.
“I just-” Rafe stops himself, trying to choose his words carefully. “Take it easy.”
“I have been.” Your words slip past gritted teeth. “We only have a few more weeks until you go back to UNC.”
“Doesn’t mean you gotta rush.” He keeps his hand on your arm, but you brush him away.
“Fine. Yeah, sure. That’s it for today, I guess.” Your voice drips with sarcasm as you get out of the pool, not even bothering to dry off before heading to your truck. And completely ignoring Rafe calling your name. He’d never, ever admit it. But it hurts Rafe to see you like that. To think that he could have upset you or fucked up your progress in some way.
Of course, that’s the day Sarah sees what’s going on and confronts him. The day that you’re obviously pissed, tracking water through the Cameron household. Sarah’s got that look in her eyes. The one Rafe has seen so many times. Shouldn’t have done that. Should’ve listened. Should’ve been her.
“Helping her in the pool?” Is all Sarah asks, brow raised.
“Yeah.” Rafe replies curtly, wiping up the water you’d tracked with his towel before Rose sees and loses her shit.
“Why?” Sarah asks bluntly. It’s a valid question. But twofold. Why did you pick him? And why is he helping?
“She asked. And I thought about how much I’d wanted someone to help me when I needed it.” Rafe’s answer is honest, and that makes Sarah soften.
“Don’t fuck it up.” She whispers with a sigh.
“I won’t.” Rafe would do anything to not let someone else down again. It would destroy him.
Things are slightly tense for a moment after that. You stop meeting his gaze at parties for a little while. And Rafe keeps wondering if you’ll stop showing up for pool sessions. But you always show up, which he’s surprisingly relieved about. And it doesn’t take long for you to go back to normal. The one day you have to cancel because of a storm, Rafe finds himself looking out at the pool anyway. He realizes he misses it. Misses you.
That was a problem.
The one day you couldn’t do a pool session because of a storm made you feel a little derailed. It was a change in the routine you’d built. It felt like a little setback, less time to improve before summer break ended. And you didn’t get to talk to Rafe. It was weird to not have that outlet after a shift at the Wreck. Good customers that left hefty tips or bad customers that cursed you out, he was there to listen.
You found yourself thinking back to past sessions. How at first you were hyper-aware of every shallow breath you took. Forcing yourself to inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth, deeply, like your campus counselor taught you. And yet at the last session, Rafe had been cleaning some bugs out of the pool when you arrived, and tripped over the pool hose. You’d laughed, and it had made him laugh a little. Rafe Cameron, laughing. Something you weren’t even sure that stoic man was capable of.
Every time, you were getting more and more relaxed. The next session you’re almost excited for, until Mr. Cameron calls for Rafe before either of you get in the pool. You recognize that tone. Polite enough for guests, but with a firm edge underneath. Rafe stiffens before heading inside.
You stare out at the pool, sipping lemonade that Wheezie got you. Every now and then, a dragonfly would pass over the pool, touching down for a second before flying away. You could hear the waves of the ocean past the dunes. The sun was just starting to set, slowly casting an orange glow across the pool. It’s so serene that the faint sound of Mr. Cameron yelling feels like shattering an illusion.
Rafe returns, pool gate slamming closed behind him. He doesn’t say anything, his jaw tense as he rubs a hand over his face. Without even glancing at you, he gets in the pool, waiting for you to join. You slowly do, your heart feeling like it’s stuttering as you stand beside him.
“What’s up?” You try to keep your voice casual, bracing for Rafe to snap at you. Trying to distract yourself, you step further into the pool. He follows.
“Nothin’. Just some stupid shit.” He mutters. Silence falls over the pool, and you can hear crickets as the sun sets. “You ever just work your ass off for somebody every single fuckin’ day, and it feels like they still only remember the fucked-up shit you’ve done?” His voice is quiet, and your body goes still in the pool for a moment.
“Yeah,” You reply softly. “It’s worse when it’s a parent, isn’t it?” Rafe nods, fists clenching. His eyes are darting around the pool, refusing to focus on anything in particular. He paces a little, like his legs were restless. So many times, in this pool, he’d supported you. Grounded you. Helped you. Now, it felt like it was your turn.
You hadn’t held on to him for a few sessions now, but you reach out and grab his arm. Easy enough to pass off as nothing. Rafe doesn’t acknowledge it, but he does still for a second. Takes a shaky breath.
“You know what pisses me off about it?” He starts pacing again, and you follow. “I don’t know if he’s wrong. Like, I know I’m slipping a bit. He didn’t have to point that shit out again. But he said he knew I wouldn’t last. And maybe I won’t.” That’s all it takes for you to understand his anger, and you feel it rising in you, too. One mistake and the person Rafe wanted support from the most is already casting him out.
“You will.” You tell him, tightening your grip on his arm. “I think you will.”
“Thanks,” He scoffs, staring down at the pool now. “But you don’t know me. Don't know all the shit I did.”
“I know enough,” You insist, hoping he’d look at you to see how serious you were. “You’re so much stronger of a person than I thought you were. And you’re helping-” Water sloshes up your chin. Into your mouth, tasting like chlorine. Only then do you realize your feet are barely touching the ground. You were so busy following Rafe around, trying to comfort him, that you didn’t even notice how far into the pool you’d gone. And instead of panic, you feel excitement as you drop your hand from Rafe.
“I’m in the deep-end!” You exclaim, attempting to tread water. Rafe comes to the same realization and his blue eyes widen.
“Hell yeah, you are.” He grins. You notice he’s nice enough to extend an arm behind you, ready to grab you at any second if needed. But you’re so happy. So proud of yourself. You swim back to where you can touch the bottom, not wanting to push it.
“I did it!” You squeal, bouncing on your feet. And Rafe laughs. His smile is beautiful, you realize. In the golden light of sunset. You feel like you want to make him smile all the time. “Thank you, thank you!” You throw your arms around him without thinking, pressing your lips to his. It felt so easy, so natural, something you didn’t even think about…until you feel him tense beneath you. You pull away, startled at yourself. “I’m sorry, I-”
“Thought you made it clear we should never kiss again.” Rafe jokes, wrapping his arms around your waist.
“Changed my mind.” You admit, feeling heat rush to your cheeks.
“Well, thank fuck.” He mutters, eagerly kissing you again. It’s soft, gentle, and warm at first. Your mind slowly goes quiet, filling with the sound of the ocean waves. All the heavy memories and anxiety seem to float away.
Rafe’s hands move down, gripping your ass in a way that makes heat flood to your core. He groans softly, lowering his hands down to your thighs before lifting you up with ease. You gasp, and he uses that as an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. He explores hungrily, like he’s making up for all the months since you last kissed over spring break.
“Ew, Rafe! Gross!” Wheezie shouts, and both of you pull away to see her grab her drying swimsuit off the pool fence. She glares at him, cheeks red. “Do you have to hook up with every single girl in the family pool? Creep.” She hisses before going back inside.
You can’t help but giggle at that. But Rafe is having none of it, using one hand to turn your chin back toward him.
“She’ll get over it.” He rasps, kissing you again. You gently push him away. As amazing as it felt, you weren’t quite ready to go further. And you’d heard enough about Rafe to know that he didn’t really take things as slow as you did.
“I really should go.” You say sheepishly, setting your feet back down on the pool floor and untangling yourself from him.
“Ugh, fine,” He relents dramatically. “So, can I make out with you next pool session, then?”
“Maybe.” You smile slyly, grabbing your towel. Quickly making your way to the small bathroom on the first floor, you rinse off the chlorine in the shower and try to calm your racing heart. You just made out with Rafe Cameron. And you liked it and wanted to do it again.
Comment if you want to be in the taglist, and let me know what you think!
The most important thing you can do in this life is write hyper-specific fanfiction for you and six other people. Don’t believe anything else you read.
for my anon(s?) asking the next chapter of drowning in him is like 75% written but I need to go to bed lol really hoping I get a chance to finish it and edit it tomorrow!
Do you know when you’ll post the next chapter also when they’ll get together need them together
Hey thanks for the ask!! I try to post every 3-4 days if I can. I thought about doing a weekly schedule but I get too excited once I'm done editing lol. And it'll def happen but to me Rafe is a very emotionally guarded person so he would be hesitant at least relationship wise. But it won't be a long series so hopefully it won't feel like it takes too long!
Everything you write is amazing!!! I just started to read your stuff and omggggg I am addicted to your stories! Making my Rafe Cameron obsession go crazy! Like the hockey!rafe omg love it and I can’t wait for more of drowning in him like girl!
Omg thank you so much, this is the sweetest message ever I'm blushing!! Thank you for reading and I'm so glad you are liking everything, that means a lot and I appreciate you!!!
summary: after falling off a boat during a storm, you'd given up adventuring with the pogues. and dating all together. but the nightmares and panic attacks stayed with you all these years. you bared it alone, until an unlikely kook keeps showing up when you need help.
wc: 2.4k
warnings: 18+ due to later explicit chapters and heavy subject matter. this part has protective Rafe and is mostly his POV but he still doesn't know what he's doin' yet, go easy on him lol
a/n: I am so thankful that you all are reading and liking this series, it's become really special to me! feedback always appreciated, ily
banner: @/rumbleonthemill
table of contents: PART 1, PART 2, PART 3, PART 4, PART 5
Summer couldn’t come quick enough for you. You couldn’t wait to have all your Pogues back on the Outer Banks. Everything had been going so well. You’d aced your first year of classes. Still had your job at the Wreck and were now making extra money at High Tide Tavern, the same dive bar your aunt would bartend at. Your aunt had even gifted you her old Chevy pickup, rewarding you for your good grades while she upgraded to a used F150.
And you hadn’t had a panic attack in weeks. The last time it happened, it was in the middle of the night. You’d been dreaming about falling off the boat, you think, because you woke up heart racing. But your runs had been going well, and you were running on the beach now.
Sarah was coming into the Banks this morning. The rest of the Pogues would follow in a few days, based on their final exam schedules. And even though she would want to spend a lot of time with John B, you’d planned a girls’ day for your day off.
A girls’ day for you two consisted of lounging by the pool with margs, gossiping about college boys and parties. Of course, Sarah had some amazing party stories. You couldn’t really compare, only really drinking with JJ and John B every once in a while. And you unfortunately hadn’t been talking to a lot of guys either. Community college had a wide variety of people, and not everyone was even close to your age.
“Well,” Sarah sips her marg thoughtfully. “At least it’s tourist season again. Boneyard parties will have plenty of cute boys.”
“Hope so.” You smile at her. Your eyes end up staring at the pool, thinking about your panic. And how over it you felt. And if you’d ever be better. “Hey, I have something random to ask.”
“Shoot.” Sarah leans back as if to brace herself.
“So, you have a pool,” You nod, and Sarah giggles.
“Very observant of you.” She quips, scrunching her nose. You laugh back, appreciating how she was always able to make you relax a little.
“My therapist keeps recommending exposure. Like a pool. You know, for my panic attacks and stuff.” You admit, and Sarah’s warm brown eyes sober instantly as she nods. “I’d been avoiding it. I didn’t think I could handle it, or whatever. But I want to try a little. Sit on the steps of the pool with me?”
“Oh my God, of course!” Sarah sets her drink down and takes your hand immediately. She lets you lead the way and set the pace. You try to ignore your hammering heart and the way your legs feel numb and not attached to your body. You want to do this. You want to improve.
Ignoring every part of your brain screaming at you to stop, you dip your toes in the pool and take your first step in. The water is icy cold. Logically, it feels nice on a hot afternoon. But your mind takes you back to the boat immediately. The cold ocean water. And also how it felt when you were in Topper’s pool. Like you couldn’t breathe. But you can, you remind yourself. You put your other foot in the pool, gripping Sarah’s hand like it was all you had.
“Can you talk to me about more parties?” You ask her, voice shaking.
“Absolutely.” She murmurs, and launches into a story about a sorority party she went to. You try to focus on her words, nothing else. Feeling your body start to adjust, at least to the feeling of the pool, you slowly sit on the edge. Sarah follows, still talking like everything’s normal. She’s good at that.
The sound of the pool gate slamming closed startles you out of Sarah’s story. Your head whips around, your mind frazzled as you lock eyes with none other than Rafe Cameron. He’s shirtless, dressed in dark red swim trunks and holding a beer. Slipping on some sunglasses, he nods at you both in greeting before taking a seat on one of the lounge chairs.
“Thought this went without saying, but girls’ day is for girls.” Sarah shoots him a glare.
“Didn’t realize the pool was off limits.” Rafe scoffs, but he doesn’t move. “I live here too, you know.”
“Ugh,” Sarah groans, giving you an apologetic pout. “Sorry about him.”
“It’s okay,” You assure her, an awkward laugh slipping out. “I think that’s enough for me for today.” You have no idea if Rafe heard any of that, if he understood what you were trying to do. But you tried not to feel too embarrassed. He’d already seen you at your worst more than once.
“You did amazing,” Sarah drags the last word for emphasis. “I love you.” As you step out of the pool and finally let go of her hand, she wraps you in a warm, safe hug.
The second Rafe saw you in the pool, he knew he needed to be out there. Just to keep tabs. Make sure everything went okay. And he’d be there if something happened again. Did he really think you’d drown in shallow water? No. But nobody’d been helpful before, and he was learning how to help you. He was learning the signs.
Even when you got out of the pool, he stayed there, scrolling his phone while listening. He knew he should leave you alone. Let it go. But he didn’t trust anyone other than himself to make sure you were okay. He pulled up Instragram, needing a new distraction. A new girl.
It was still a few days out from Top’s first party of the summer. He wasn’t back from Duke yet. But there’d probably be some new tourist girls on the beach if he went for a walk. Nobody in his DMs was appealing enough.
The second you went inside with Sarah he headed to the beach. Tourist girls were never scared of him. All they saw was a guy who was tall enough and buff enough for the night. With nice rings and designer sunglasses. That was usually enough. They always wanted a vacation fling, and he was happy to give them that.
Rafe spots a redhead in a black one-piece suit staring. She’s giggling with her friends. That’s all he needs. Rolling his shoulders back, he gives her a nod and heads over. This would be easy enough. If he would stop thinking about you.
Your next shift at High Tide ran long. Your aunt was on her yearly girl’s trip to Florida and the bar seemed extra busy tonight. By the time you helped wipe everything down and closed up, your truck was the last in the lot. 3 AM in the Cut was always a little unnerving at that hour, especially alone.
The second you start your truck, the engine sputters and fades. You turn the ignition again, hoping for a different result, but the truck still won’t start. Cursing, you hit the steering wheel in frustration. Just your luck. All alone and your aunt’s old reliable dies.
Pulling out your phone, you call JJ. He’s the one who knows the most about cars. He could tell you what was up, maybe fix it, or at least take you home on his bike. But the call immediately goes to voicemail. His phone’s dead. Again.
That asshole never had it charged. Especially now that Kiara was a few hours away. He spent all his battery and limited data plan talking to her. Most of the time, it was fine. But when one of you needed him, it really sucked.
You call John B. He wasn’t as knowledgeable about cars, but he could give you a jump, and a ride if needed. The phone rings. And rings. And rings. He doesn’t pick up. Of course. The second Sarah’s back in town, he’s in his own little world. Phone probably not even in the same room they fell asleep in. Sarah would likely be just as unavailable.
Scrolling through your contacts, your fingers hover over Rafe’s name. He’d mentioned working on cars with his teacher. And he was home from college, unlike Pope, Kie, and Cleo. You hesitate, but end up pressing the call button.
“Yeah?” Rafe answers on the first ring, and you can’t even tell if you woke him up or if he was already awake.
“Hey, I’m at work. My truck won’t start.” You explain, trying to keep your voice steady.
“At the Wreck?” He asks, and you can hear shuffling on the other end of the line.
“No, I’m at High Tide.”
“Be there in 15.” He ends the call.
Rafe had only been to High Tide twice. To meet with Barry. That wasn’t a place anyone would want to be stranded. And if you were calling him of all people, you were probably alone. He sped the whole drive, hoping Shoupe wasn’t out patrolling.
When he pulls into the lot, he’s braced like he expects some fucker to be harassing you. But his headlights flash on your truck, hood popped, with you inside. Safe. He breathes out sharply, taking the spot in front of you and putting the Camaro in park.
He opens his own hood, grabbing his jumper cables without a greeting. He gets to work. The quicker he can do this, the quicker you’re home and he’s off the Cut. Hooking them up swiftly, he orders you to start your car. The engine sputters to life and stays on. He can hear you laugh softly, relieved.
“Is the check engine light still on?” He asks, coming to your side of the truck.
“Yes.” You answer, your smile falling. “Is that bad?”
“Might not be. Could just be it needs a minute. You can drive home. I’ll follow you in case it dies again.” He assures, packing up and closing the hoods. Coming back to your side of the truck, he meets your eyes again. “If your power steering goes out, pull over, okay?”
“My steering?” Your brows raise in confusion.
“Your wheel. If the power steering goes out, it’ll feel really fuckin’ heavy when you try to turn it.” Rafe explains.
“Oh. Damn, okay.” You sigh, buckling your seatbelt.
“I’ll be right behind you.” He reminds you, patting your shoulder before he gets into his car.
Rafe tries to give you enough space while driving so that you don’t feel so nervous. But still keeps the Camaro close enough that he can pull over the second you do. He watches your truck closely. To see if you start to drift. Or if you turn on your emergency flashers.
The ride to your trailer isn’t long, but it feels like it is. Every muscle in his body feels tense, knuckles white on the wheel, up until you put the truck in park. He follows suit, getting out of his Camaro to check on your truck again.
“The light didn’t come back on.” You tell him, your face much more relaxed.
“Good. If it does, call me.” Rafe notices the trailer, no lights on. He knows you grew up here. But now, the thought of you in the Cut alone all night made him uneasy. It made him wonder if you had a gun like he did. If you knew how to protect yourself.
“Is it the battery, maybe?” You question, glancing back at your truck.
“Maybe. Could be the alternator.” He thinks it over, trying to remember all those conversations with Mr. Brennan a few years ago. Mr. Brennan would know immediately. He wasn’t the kind of Kook always getting his car serviced at luxury dealerships or trading in for the newest model. He maintained what he had on his own. But he could also afford to do that. Your truck was ancient. Probably maintained the best your aunt could, but not properly enough.
“Fuck. Might not be able to afford that one.” You mutter quietly. Before he can think of a reply, your eyes drift to him and you change the subject. “Rafe, can I ask you another random favor?”
“Maybe.” He playfully rolled his eyes, pretending to be annoyed. But he didn’t think he could pull off being nonchalant after speeding to you at 3 in the morning the second you called.
“I’ve been trying to do some exposure therapy. For my anxiety and panic attacks.” You take a deep breath, bracing yourself. Makes sense, explains why you’d actually gotten in the pool with Sarah. “I was wondering if you’d help me with that. In your pool.”
“Me?” Rafe feels his smirk fade. Whatever that involved, he was probably shit at it. And he didn’t want to scare you further. Disappoint you like he did everyone else. “You sure you don’t want my sister to keep helping you?”
“It’s not that she wasn’t helpful,” You assure, looking away and hugging yourself like you were freezing all of a sudden. “I just…I was thinking about it a lot. I know it doesn’t make a lot of sense, but anxiety’s never logical. Sarah and my friends knew me before I got like this. I feel this sort of pressure to seem fine, get better faster. To be the person they remember. It makes me more nervous. And I also think my brain feels safer about it when you’re there. You’ve already pulled me out once. So, I know you’d be able to again…if something happened.”
“Okay.” Rafe drawls, still unconvinced. It’s not that he didn’t want to help you. He had a hard time believing he’d be what you needed. That somehow, he’d be more helpful than Sarah. Nobody every picked him over Sarah. Ever.
“You can say no.” You shrug, trying to seem unbothered. But he can see your lip trembling. Hear your voice shake. “I just think it would help me. Having you there.”
“I’ll do it. Sure, yeah. Whatever.” Rafe nods, trying to assure himself. You smile, thanking him, shoulders relaxing. Both of you fall silent, and he readies himself to say goodbye. But you surprise him, stepping forward and wrapping your arms around him. He freezes, body tensing, brain taking a minute to register.
Rafe had spent so much of his life touch starved. No one would think that, living on Figure Eight with an almost picture-perfect family. But a lot of the past few years were so lonely. Empty. The first hug he got from Sarah in a decade felt like a miracle. Made him want to stay clean.
A hug from you was surprising. Scary. Like you were willing to put aside your fears and start to trust him the tiniest bit. Something he didn’t feel he deserved yet. Maybe he could earn it. It felt nicer than he wanted to admit. And even though it’s not instant, he does hug you back. And both of you hold each other for longer than expected before saying goodbye.
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