[stacyyclausen]

Belmont Cameli for THE LATERALS

[my-2nd-account]

One night after a tough game, JJ convinces Shane to go to a bar with the rest of the team. He tried to turn him down bc he's beat and just wants to go to his hotel room and get some sleep before an early flight tomorrow, but JJ had already anticipated this and got Hayden in on it so he wouldn't let Shane into the room. They end up going to the nearest bar they find "Come on Cap just an hour or two and we'll let you go it's right around the corner" and said bar happens to have a mechanical pull riding machine (no clue where these exist in Canada just dw bout it). Shane's competitive ass sees everyone there including his teammates fail miserably, so he decides to give it a shot to show them how it's done. Everyone is like haha until my boy is up there and lo and behold Captain Hollander is... really fucking good at bull riding? They all know Shane never half asses anything in his life but where the fuck did he learn to ride like this!? And Shane deadpans "It's about balance and relaxing your hips to move in rhythm with the movement instead of fighting it" and everyone's like ok sure??? Anyways, someone in the bar is a hockey fan and recognizes Shane and takes a video of him bull riding. In less than 15 minutes the clip is blasted all over social media and everyone is collectively losing their shit over Hollander wearing a backwards cap moving his hips in a way no human should be allowed to and riding like his life depends on it under dim sexy red lighting.

Cut to Ilya Rozanov hundreds of miles away up at 3 in the morning almost breaking his phone screen from how hard he's gripping it after replaying the 7 second clip for the 200th time and he's never been more hard in his life.

And he's the only one who knows where Shane Hollander learned to ride.

#not his first rodeo

[hyphenemdash]

ilya rozanov counts shane hollander’s freckles because he is obsessed with them

shane hollander counts ilya rozanov’s moles because he’s deeply anxious about skin cancer

[penandinkprincess]

okay but with how much of ilya's personality is getting satisfaction about taking care of his loved ones and how much he loves taking care of shane in particular, i'm CACKLING about shane nearly killing him the first time he tries out praise on him in bed

*shane* loves being praised and told how good he is, so he decides to flip it around and try it on ilya because that always goes so well with stuff like techniques in bed

but ilya gets hit with "fuck, you're so good to me" and 0.0 and before he can even START to recover from that, shane (who is still in the zone, eyes closed, just fully Lost In It) doubles back with a "god, you take such good care of me"

and ilya fully almost blacks out

shane startles back to reality to ilya pulling away and having to sit on the edge of the bed and put his head between his knees and shane is just *tentative pat pat* what...just happened????

[pyotrkochetkov]

corporate america will destroy your spirit and permanently elevate your cortisol levels

[thisfeebleheart]

too much too good because it was the Shane Hollander that got on his knees for him

[badhbhblood]

"jk rowling invited Jeffrey Epstein to dinner in 2018, which was 10 years after his first conviction for pedophilia" sounds like something a hater would make up on Twitter but it's real. and it just dropped in the latest files release. wild

[fuckrozanov]

i’m really overwhelmed thinking about hudson saying “he’s never had a sexual experience (before ilya) where he wanted to be there or had even a flint of desire.” and shane feeling the lust and the shame and the carnal desire and the rejection towards ilya all at once. sitting on that locker room bench after giving ilya his room number and trying to swallow everything down. not just feeling the feelings but not being able to name the feelings either. not knowing where to put them. what to do with his hands. he’s so good at everything including pushing it all down. he’s not good at this and his body won’t let him push it down. never feeling a flint of desire to the flames of it swallowing him whole. if it’s bad and it’s wrong then why does ilya pushing him against that wall and kissing him for the first time feel like absolution. shane has never absolved himself of anything. what is he supposed to do with that.

[shaneposting]

also the retroactive grief that comes with realising that every sexual encounter he's ever had - which he thought was fine at the time but is now seeing completely differently after having just had his mind blown by this guy he's not supposed to want at all - has been bad actually. the realisation that he didn't actually want that. that he thought he wanted it at the time but only bc he didn't know what wanting it actually felt like and now he has to process the fact that this whole 'maybe this is just how everybody feels about sex' idea he's convinced himself of is completely and utterly false. and he can't un-know that. but god damn he's gonna try.

[fuckrozanov]

now why would you say that.

[enigmaticvariation]

someone should make a social network (2010) style biopic movie about the rise and fall of panic! at the disco because it's literally the same story. young awkward nerdy guys in the early 2000s make something cool and then have the worst friendship breakup of all time that's reminiscent of a divorce and now decades later the thing they made is lame as fuck. one guy became evil after they split up and the other guy disappeared off of the face of the earth. every man involved was so misogynistic that the story has undertones of a doomed gay relationship (a comically large hook drags me off stage and I am shot like a lame horse)

[sheisraging]

nbd i'm fine

[ilyasmole]

shane hollander + clarifying questions

[sheisraging]

yes good.

[barbie-verse]

heated rivalry twitter (6/?) svetlana's tired of ilya's shit

[barbie-verse]

heated rivalry twitter (7/?) ft married hollanov in celebration of the book 3 announcement

[kolaicendionysos]

9 january 2026 - life really imitating art.

[typiing-deactivated20240430]

“yeah no” is my favorite combo

[justbackgroundnoise]

and in canadian english, 'yeah no' means no but 'no yeah' means yes and 'no yeah no' means no but 'yeah no yeah' means yes.

[scramratz]

Remember "Reduce, Reuse, Recycle" ? I feel like there's been a distancing from the "reduce" and "reuse" part and a favoritism towards "recycle" by corporate American.

Capitalism can still thrive with recycling in the mix. You buy Plastic Thing 1, throw it away after one use, and they take that and recycle it into Plastic Thing 2 and sell it back to you. All while continuing to harm the environment.

Reusing puts a damper on things. They can't sell you Plastic Thing 2 when you're still using Plastic Thing 1. Plastic forks, for example- there is literally no reason why you can't reuse plastic forks more than once (aside from maybe microplastics, but it's too late for that)

Reducing is the one everyone wants to ignore. Just don't buy Plastic Thing 1. You don't need Plastic Thing 1. Pick up a set of metal forks and use those for years. Convenience is killing the planet

[ladytabletop]

the slogan is in that order for a reason! It is listed in order of effectiveness and impact; if you can't reduce, reuse. If you can't reuse, recycle.

[cwicseolfor]

Refuse what you don’t need

Reduce what you can

Reuse everything still in working order

Recirculate what you don’t need by sharing or selling onward

Refurbish what’s fallen out of good condition so it lasts longer

Repair what’s broken altogether

Repurpose what can’t serve its original function

Recycle what is unsuitable for repurposing

What goes unsaid here is why they’re all “re-“ prefixed: it’s about circularity. Keeping the resources in use means that we don’t have to keep incurring the environmental costs of production over and over on infinite one-way trips of new stuff starting in the earth, through human society, and right back into the earth in landfill.