borrowedwitness

not for me.

[borrowedwitness]

What is this?

This blog is a place where I leave things that aren’t for me.

Academic explanations, to-do lists, life notes, tiny tutorials, half-thoughts, anything that might be of use to someone else. I struggle with executive dysfunction (+ my relationally-dependent philosophy) and this blog is a way for me to work around it.

When something appears here, it’s because I needed to leave proof that I existed for someone else, even for a moment.

If you’re reading this, then you’re the witness now. Thank you.

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21/1/26 thread.

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Oh my god seeing my vocal coach being able to easily switch to a masc voice and hearing soft/high pitched but clearly MALE voices (like Tadano from aggretsuko) gives me so much goddamn gender envy that I just wanna AAAAAAARGHHHHHGDHRGHEGRHRHH FUCK ME AND MY THROAT RAHHHHHHHHHH

p.s don’t actually choke yourselves out

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I wanted to get a short haircut and my mom (idek HOW this even makes sense) started interrogating me on whether or not it’s because of trauma (SA implied)

where the FUCK did this stereotype of trans men (and even just masculine-presenting women) apparently being molested girls come from

like bruh cant a dude just want to look like a dude bc he’s a dude

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hi tumblr, that’s me :)

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I currently sound like Cookie Monster lite.

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15/1/26 To-do list Thread

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I like the name

Lawrence.

/ˈlɒ.ɹəns/ — The Laureled One

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okay why is it

hitting me like a truck now.

I just want to feel like myself. I don’t understand why it’s getting progressively more extreme everyday so quickly.

what happened to who I am, or who I thought I was.

all I can think about is who I might never be.

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guys

DONT be like me here 💔 try not to revise a month of maths in 3 days cough cough

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stats notes before exam. 14/1/26

yeah my notes aren’t very uh, aesthetic.

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my god I need to bulk the fuck up and get fit before my plates close

why didn’t I realize sooner, I am NOT going to be a short guy for the rest of my life hell no

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I think I may be masc identifying/trans masc

I realize a lot of the fictional guys I admire, I just straight up want to be them too.

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yeah uh

I see it now. Is this why I relate to male characters more?

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Finally started voice training for masculinization purposes (although I’ve been thinking about it for years, it didn’t fully hit me until now)—

I just want to sound like Sunday from HSR, that’s my current voice goal.

[borrowedwitness]

I think I may be masc identifying/trans masc

I realize a lot of the fictional guys I admire, I just straight up want to be them too.

[borrowedwitness]

8/1/2025 To-Do List Thread