IT'S A FOCUS

𝖎 𝖈𝖆𝖓 𝖕𝖗𝖊𝖙𝖊𝖓𝖉 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖎 𝖉𝖔𝖓𝖙' 𝖜𝖆𝖓𝖙 𝖎𝖙 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖎'𝖒 𝖆𝖋𝖗𝖆𝖎𝖉

[bottlebymybed]

#BOTTLEBYMYBED  ⸻   a private, single muse blog. loved by atlas.

DRINK WHAT I WANT, BE WHAT I WANT, SAY WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY, LIKE I CAN PRETEND THAT I DON'T WANT IT AND I'M AFRAID. WEAVE A STORY SO I DON'T HAVE TO TALK, NO. IT'S NOT A PROBLEM IF I NEVER GET CAUGHT!!

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[likecavities]

charles's laughter is mirrored in her own behavior. noah has been one of the closest people in her life since his rookie season, so of course she's a little protective. but charles is kind despite himself, well meaning even when he pretends not to be. "oh god," she laughs, "he's a mess." they're right, of course. those two are clearly not great at subtlety lately. "yeah, they're clearly terrible at it." a beat, "i think noah feels bad about it – the whole closet thing." a shake of her head, "won't ask or commit because he's like – so deep in that fuckin' closet. which IS UNFAIR, but he doesn't listen to me either !!"

[bottlebymybed]

and at that, charles' grin faltered. because he got it. he knew what it was like to bury fear so deep inside yourself that it became part of you. he knew what it was like to look at the world and wonder if being honest was worth whatever came next. the difference was that charles had figured out early on that pretending was never going to work. they had spent years fighting to be understood, fighting to explain that they weren't a boy, they weren't a girl, they were just fucking charles. but that didn't mean everyone wanted that fight. and, honestly, sports didn't exactly seem welcoming. “you think that bugs peter?” the question was genuine now, all traces of teasing gone. gossip mode: off.

[bottlebymybed]

niko said: " you're planning to leave, aren't you? i can tell. " (@skippingframes) !!

charles stiffened the SECOND the words left niko's mouth. for a moment, they just stared at their hands, then they turned around slowly, hurt written all over their face before they could stop it. “i –” shit. their arms folded tightly across their chest, fingers digging into their sleeves like they could physically keep all of the emotion from spilling out. god. they hated this. hated how easy it was for niko to get past all the bullshit and straight to the parts of them they spent years trying to keep hidden. the truth was, charles didn't WANT to be like this. they didn't want to panic every time somebody mattered. didn't want every difficult conversation to feel like standing at the edge of a cliff. there were a thousand reasons they were bad at commitment. a thousand reasons they kept people at arm's length. they liked being liked. they liked being wanted. they liked having one foot out the door in case everything fell apart. but more than anything? they were terrified of being left BEHIND. william had taken enough of their heart that charles swore nobody else would ever get the chance again. they'd spent years carefully cultivating a life where nobody could hurt them like that again – then niko showed up. and somehow, despite every defense charles had built, he'd gotten in anyway. slowly. patiently. planting roots in places charles had been absolutely convinced were dead. their heart hammered painfully against their ribs. what did he do? what did he do wrong? why was niko saying that? the thought hit so hard it made them feel sick. charles swallowed hard, eyes already stinging. jesus christ. get it together. “why...” his voice cracked immediately. humiliating. “why are you saying that?” their shoulders slumped. all the fight went out of him at once. “what did i do wrong?”

[mythshire]

°☠*:·゚  𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐄𝐍𝐃 ··· a collection of survival instinct, found family, moral compromise & last days of humanity roleplay sentence starters. genre: apocalyptic, angst, hurt and comfort, life or death.

• How long has it been since you've seen another person? • You need to eat. I don't care if you're not hungry. • That's the last of the clean water. We have maybe three days. • Don't go out there. Not after dark. • I heard gunshots about two miles west. We need to move. • You're burning through supplies like we have somewhere to restock. • I can't remember what coffee tastes like anymore. • Show me your arm. • The radio's been silent for six days now. • I found a Polaroid in that house. Look—people used to smile like this. • We're not taking them with us. We barely have enough for ourselves. • You've been coughing for three days. Don't lie to me. • I think I saw smoke on the horizon. Could be a settlement. Could be a trap. • This is the fourth body we've found this week. • You want to talk about what happened back there? Or are we just going to pretend? • I'm not leaving you behind. I don't care what you say. • The fence has a breach. Something got through last night. • When was the last time you slept? And I mean actually slept. • You're rationing your own food to feed me, aren't you? • I can still hear the sirens sometimes. Even though they stopped months ago. • We can't stay here. This place is compromised. • I found batteries. Three AAs and a nine-volt. • You never told me what you did before all this. • That's a gunshot wound. Who shot you? • I haven't seen the sun in four days. This ash won't clear. • We're down to eleven bullets. Make them count. • I know what day it is. It's your birthday. • The last time I trusted someone, they stole half our supplies and disappeared. • You're running a fever. Sit down before you collapse. • I can't do this anymore. I can't keep watching people die. • We have to go back. I left something—someone—behind. • You've been talking in your sleep. About before. • I found a working generator. We could have power for a week, maybe two. • You're the only person left who knows my real name. • That smell means the bodies are close. Cover your mouth. • I'm not asking you to forgive me. I'm asking you to survive. • The coordinates led us here. There's nothing. It was all a lie. • How many people have you killed since this started? Don't lie. • We used to have rules. Remember that? • You took the last dose of antibiotics. That was for the kid. • I saw your hand shake when you raised that gun. You're not okay. • This is it. This is all that's left of the world. • I can't remember their face anymore. Isn't that terrible? • You're planning to leave, aren't you? I can tell. • We found a car with half a tank. That's a goddamn miracle. • You didn't have to kill them. They would have left. • I'm trying to remember what music sounded like. • This is the third night you've taken watch. You're going to get us killed. • The map stops here. Everything past this point is unmapped territory.

[motivationdiabolic]

[skippingframes]

niko’s grin tipped sharper, pleased that charles still had enough breath to shoot off barbs. geek, twitter... sure, he’d take the hit; it sounded almost affectionate dripping from that wrecked voice. he watched the heat crawl up charles’s throat with smug satisfaction, then let his gaze wander the same lazy path charles traced across his chest. “faking?” he drawled, thumb circling slow over the knuckles still laced with his. “no, sweetheart, never been an issue. i’m THOROUGH.” a beat of silence while he enjoyed the way charles’s pulse fluttered against his thigh. “besides, i’d notice.” the implication hung heavy: he’d studied every twitch, every ragged sound, and stored them away like trophies. charles’s fingers drifted across the ink on his torso, making a pulse of unexpected warmth bloom under each touch. niko wasn’t used to post-hookup tenderness (because he didn’t do hookups) but the way those fingertips traced lines he’d drawn into his own skin felt weirdly intimate, almost grounding. he let it happen, well, more than that, he RELISHED it. “whole neighborhood, huh?” he echoed, cocking an eyebrow. “good. saves me time introducing myself.” smug satisfaction rolled off him; if half the block knew his name, that suited the ego just fine. but beneath the swagger he felt something quieter, steadier: the rightness of charles still beneath his palm, still letting their fingers intertwine instead of scrambling to the edge of the mattress. he dipped his head, mouth brushing the corner of charles’s grin. “but you didn’t answer the question, hampton.” a soft bite, just enough to feel teeth. “head clear? heart still ticking?” the words came out lighter now, teasing instead of clinical; he was still checking in, but wrapped in banter so the honesty wouldn’t sting. and there it was again, that unfamiliar tug of wanting the answer, not for closure but because it mattered if charles was okay. niko’s usual exit strategy felt MILES away; instead he found himself shifting closer, leg still hooked over charles’s thigh, content to linger in the heat they’d made. maybe tomorrow he’d overthink what it meant to care this much after one night and why charles had slipped past his guard when no one else managed, but right now he could ride the smug glow of hearing his name echo through thin apartment walls and savor the novelty of wanting to stay. “tell you what,” he added, voice low, playful, “status-update me again in five minutes. if you’re still conscious, i’ll go grab us that water.” the smirk widened, challenging and warm all at once. “deal?”

[bottlebymybed]

“tch.” charles looked away, letting his free hand fall back against his stomach. “you know your fuckin' ego's gonna block out the sun one day, right?” the complaint lost most of its bite the second niko pressed a kiss against the corner of his mouth. charles hated that. hated how easily it worked. one second he was gearing up for another sarcastic comment, and the next all the sharp edges had been sanded down before he could stop it. their eyes flicked back to niko's and, for a moment, they forgot to be difficult. forgot to be funny – forgot to hide. the smile that appeared was small and genuine, the kind that didn't come wrapped in a joke or a challenge. it made something in his chest flutter uncomfortably. shit. his fingers tightened around niko's hand. he narrowed his eyes immediately, like that somehow fixed the problem. “yeah, okay.” the words came out quieter than he intended. he was absolutely going to panic about this tomorrow. probably overanalyze every second of it. but tomorrow wasn't here yet, and for once, he didn't feel like running from something good just because it scared him. so they pushed themself up onto one arm and kissed them again. something brief and soft, more honest than they'd ever admit out loud. when he settled back against the mattress, he shook his head. “if i fall asleep and you leave, i'm kicking your fuckin' ass when i see you again.” it came out with the usual attitude, but there was something vulnerable tucked underneath it. a quiet request disguised as a threat. charles looked at him for another second before sighing. “but, yeah.” their thumb brushed across niko's hand. “okay. five minutes.”

[skippingframes]

athena looked down at their hand for a second before glancing back up at them, already half-smiling despite herself. “you say that like you’re not ACTIVELY leading me into a bad decision,” she muttered, though her fingers still slipped against theirs anyway. the bell over the shop door was gonna be BRUTAL at eight in the morning, and she already knew she’d regret this when she was half-asleep counting change behind the register. “i can’t stay out too late, though. i have to open the store tomorrow, and unlike you, SOME of us contribute to society.”

[bottlebymybed]

“a bad decision? baby.” he threw his hands up, looking genuinely offended. “how do you know it's a bad decision?” one eyebrow rose. “what if i was trying to be romantic, huh?” they laughed, shaking their head. “when we get where we're going, you're gonna regret saying that.” the threat was completely toothless, carried by the grin threatening to split their face in two. when she laced her fingers through theirs, their expression softened immediately. “i contribute a lot to society, actually,” they said, giving her hand a squeeze. “i'm making you smile, ain't i?” still grinning, he tugged her along toward the car. “it'll be, like, a ten-minute drive. don't worry. i'm not a total fuckin' menace.”

[redemptioninterlude]

that's the problem with being the ROCK STAR GIRLFRIEND, both literally and figuratively. someone who's jealousy was a consuming, hounding, ugly thing. it made her feel partially insane, like now when confronting them over something that maybe would be innocuous for most, but... consider it her pride that was burned in this, as must as it moved to uplift his own, knowing and recognizing in him how much of this was simply tied to a need for acknowledgement, approval. she's not stupid. they need that shit like fuel, the same way she craved acknowledgement for her own hard work. she just wished... that the trophies of it all didn't have to feel so fucking personally disrespectful to her.

charles, oh charles, he fumbles with his words before he's trying to pull it together. saying he'll delete it, he's sorry, the look on his face so textbook. maybe that's the part that hurts the most, that he doesn't really think about her in the whole decision making process when he's in the grips of attention pinned onto them. that that feeling, that high, would be something he'd instinctively REACH FOR.

"if i say it's fine, you'll just do it again at the next stop. and then we talk about it, maybe it stops for a little while, but we always come back to this." maybe she was the stupid one, trying to fight what seemed an INEVITABLE THING. the invisible enemy being how little they thought of themselves when the lights dimmed and everybody went home. it's like he only came alive when on stage, and sometimes, in her arms. blair hated how sad he looked now, a wounded puppy, waiting for her approval before he'd go off wagging his tail again. "don't make me feel that i'm the one being unfair, here..." gaze, leveling on her grasped palms. "like i'm the villain for wanting this to feel like i'm being counted in your decision making process here."

★— ATTN: @bottlebymybed

[bottlebymybed]

they knew they could apologize until they were blue in the face, but what was the point if the words never carried any weight? that was the problem. they knew it was the problem. and maybe it felt worse this time because something about the way she spoke felt final. there was an edge to it that made anxiety curl beneath his ribs, something sharp and terrible that he couldn't quite name. “baby,” he said again, quieter this time. “i – i'm sorry. i'm not trying to make you feel like a villain.” his gaze dropped to the floor, unable to hold hers. “i'm really not.” god. maybe he really should go to therapy. they held their hands out, reaching for hers. “blair... you mean every fuckin' thing to me. and i hate that i keep hurting you.” their voice caught slightly, frustration directed entirely at themself. “i'm not being nice to you. i'm not. and every time i tell myself i'm gonna do better, i end up standing here apologizing again.” they shook their head. “i'm sorry.” a beat. "i don't know how to fix what's wrong with me."

[skippingframes]

“c’mon, baby, don’t sound so DESPERATE.” chase grinned anyway, all cocky and smug as he leaned back against the barstool. “y’know how many guys on this team would've folded under that pressure? game on the line, everybody losin’ their minds, coach yellin’ himself into cardiac arrest…” he tapped his chest once with a laugh. “but me? BUILT different.” honestly, he mostly just liked the way charles was lookin’ at him. that was probably HALF the reason he kept talking.

[bottlebymybed]

“desperate?” he laughed, leaning closer and closing the space between them again. “baby, you wish i was desperate.” the grin tugging at his mouth was all confidence. “but keep talking. i like fulfilling fantasies.” a beat passed as his gaze lingered, unhurried and entirely too amused. “n' i can be whoever you want me to be.” their grin widened slightly, and one eyebrow arched. “yeah? built different?” he laughed softly. “i can fuckin' SEE that.”

[skippingframes]

heat rushed up athena’s neck the second his fingers caught beneath her jaw, INSTINCT making her want to laugh it off or duck away again, but she didn’t. she just looked back at them; green eyes a little too HONEST against pale skin already giving her away. there was still the faint ghost of a wedding ring tan line against her hand if somebody looked hard enough, evidence of years spent trying to force herself into the kind of life everybody back home expected from her. “y’know, you make that sound REAL simple,” she murmured, mouth twitching at one corner. “people back home treat divorce like you died wrong.” his teasing earned a quieter laugh after that, and she nudged his shin beneath the table. “and i’ll have you know i am VERY intimidating, actually.” but the softness in their voice caught her off guard a little. her gaze dropped to her drink for a second before lifting back to theirs. “long enough,” she admitted. “think i got so used to somebody TOLERATING me that i forgot what it felt like to have somebody actually enjoy me.”

[bottlebymybed]

charles' expression softened immediately. “athena.” they shook their head, thumb brushing lightly against her jaw before finally pulling their hand away. “baby, that's, like, the saddest thing you've said to me all night.” the joke was gentle, but there was something genuinely pained in the way they looked at her. “and for the record? that's not how anybody should feel in a relationship.” he leaned back slightly in his chair, brows pinching together. “you shouldn't have to earn being enjoyed. that's the bare minimum. if somebody chooses to spend their life with you, they should actually fuckin’ like spending time with you.” a beat. “crazy concept, i know.” their nose wrinkled before they pointed at her with the hand still wrapped around their drink. “also, i need you to know that tolerating you sounds impossible. you're too chatty. too funny. too easy to bully.” another beat. “affectionately.” charles smiled, smaller this time. “seriously, athena. i know i'm gorgeous and wise and all-knowing, but i promise i'm not seeing you ‘cause it’s charity.” they nudged her shin back beneath the table. “i like you. people like you. you're easy to like. and you’re hot.” his gaze dropped briefly toward her hand before lifting back to her face. “and your hometown can get over it. if getting divorced means you get a shot at being happy instead of spending the next forty years miserable, then i think that's a pretty fuckin’ good trade.”

[iwtvsource]

[bottlebymybed]

@skippingframes ✦ niko.

[stayingstills]

i could never be mad at you.

all of his anxiety seemed to melt away with those seven words, easing the nerves that had taken over when the question was asked. had he been working on it? well...not exactly, but some things couldn't change overnight, and this was one of them. while chase was so positive about everyone else, he still struggled to return the favor to himself.

it's almost like it's instinct, leaning into charles' touch. his eyes close for a moment as he lets out a sigh. "not much, if m'being honest." and he hadn't been, other than stressing out about tate and his relationship with his mother. the joys of offseason. "just remembering what life is like without hockey for a little, i guess."

[bottlebymybed]

he grinned like the cat that caught the canary when chase leaned into the touch. charles would never admit it – not out loud, and DEFINITELY not to himself – but he genuinely liked him. on some level, they… knew it. charles had never given a single fuck about hockey before chase. now they found themselves watching games, learning players, and taking every opportunity they could to stare at him without being too obvious about it.  and, fuck, chase made it difficult. he was sweet. charming. playful in a way that somehow slipped right past charles's defenses. it pissed him off that his heart still did a stupid little flip every time those ridiculous emojis popped up on his screen. they were awful. he loved them. “not much?” they repeated, immediately pouting. “well, we gotta fix that.” their thumb brushed lightly against him before they tilted their head. “you wanna go on a trip with me?” a beat. “i'll pay for it.”

[reformedpeasant]

we could flirt a little as friends

[skippingframes]

[skippingframes]

niko caught the nod, a barely-there tilt of damp lashes and a subtle squeeze of their laced fingers, and felt a spark of SATISFACTION settle low in his gut. he’d just watched the great charles hampton, the undefeated champion of hit-it-and-boot-it, admit without words that they wanted something more than a sprint to the front door. smug? absolutely. he’d EARNED it.

still propped on an elbow, he let his mouth curl into that half-smirk the internet loved to hate. “eyes on me, sweetheart,” he murmured, thumb sweeping lazily across the smear of blood on charles’ lip. “you look like i just scrambled your operating system.” a soft laugh followed, rough around the edges but UNDENIABLY pleased with himself. “need a status update before i declare mission accomplished.”

truth was, niko never bothered with check-ins after casual fucks, because, well, he didn’t HAVE casual fucks. but charles wasn’t just another notch; he was the exception sauntering around with bravado, somehow beneath him now with lashes wet and walls in ruins. it made niko’s pulse kick, half-protective and half-proud.

he shifted just enough to keep his thigh draped over charles’, a territorial weight he didn’t bother hiding, and tapped their joined hands against the mattress. “talk to me,” he drawled lightly, teasing and STILL smug, but definitely listening. “head spinning? heart still beating? or did i break your brain completely?”

a beat, then the smirk widened. “and before you fake another orgasm just to shut me up... remember, i already proved i can tell when you’re BLUFFING.” a quick nip at charles’ shoulder punctuated the jab, more playful than gentle.

his gaze held steady, daring charles to meet it and speak. yeah, he’d stay — he’d even fetch water in a minute — but first he wanted the pleasure of hearing charles admit, in that wrecked voice, EXACTLY how he felt. crumbs of vulnerability tasted sweeter when they came with a side of bragging rights.

[bottlebymybed]

they blinked up at him, eyes narrowing for half a second before that familiar grin slid right back into place, crooked and obnoxious. “god, you know when you talk, you sound like a fuckin’ geek, right?” charles muttered. “status update? what are you, fuckin’ twitter?” there wasn’t any real bite to it. not anymore. niko shifted beside him, fingers tapping lightly against the back of charles’s hand, and heat immediately crawled up his neck all over again. embarrassing. worse because niko kept checking on him like it was natural, like charles was something worth being asked about. it was easier to keep grinning than unpack how much he liked that. easier than thinking about the weight of niko’s leg hooked over his. then niko leaned down and nipped at his shoulder. charles huffed out a laugh through his nose. “i don’t FAKE orgasms. that happen often with you?” cocky words – safer that way!! not that they looked particularly convincing sprawled half-melted into the mattress, hair sticking damply to their forehead while their pulse still hammered hard enough to feel in their throat. his gaze drifted again, slow and lingering over niko’s chest like he couldn’t help himself. like he was trying to memorize every line of him while pretending he wasn't. “so,” he mumbled after a second, his free hand brushing absentmindedly against the ink spread across niko’s skin. “pretty sure the whole fuckin’ neighborhood knows your name now.”

[bottlebymybed]

for chase (@stayingstills) !!

"hi, baby," they grinned, peering down at chase from the rooftop. "i'm back in town, you miss me? sure missed you."

[civilbedrest]

hey do you wanna come over and make out and like maybe we could put a movie on then after i can fall asleep in your arms? haha it’s ok if not