come on up to the house

ben - he/him - 26 - about header by jerry lofaro

[fairycosmos]

advice for people that are actually doomed for real

[3000s]

ocd will have me thinking i cant text "here now if you wanna head over" because i sound like blowjob mario with a walkie talkie

[3000s]

nobody thinks this way, you are a broken person

[dogpuppy]

[polkadotmotmot]

Grace Huang - Haha, 2021

[draconym]

The eye doctor is the most fun doctor you can go to. They never steal your blood. They never make you get naked and put on a paper dress. They're just like, "Can you see these letters? It's fine if you can't, we can fix that." And they don't even spell anything.

[draconym]

[orcboxer]

Every time I go they put me in a chair and they say look into this machine there's a hot air balloon or a farmhouse in there and I do and I'm like you're right I see it and they're like yeah keep admiring that hot air balloon or farmhouse and I do and I'm like this shit's quaint as fuck and then do you know what happens next they attack me they jumpscare me with air directly into my eyeballs and i fall out the chair and they say sorryyyy but they're NOT they wanted this to happen they KNEW about the jumpscare well now I'm wise to it now I know better when I go in and they say look at this bodacious hot air balloon I'm like NO WAY DUDE that balloon wishes me harm have at thee and I attack them and push them on the ground and spit on them

[kittenhop]

[dinraal-remade-deactivated20221]

*sees a landmine* eh what the heck *steps on it and explodes*

[catasters]

[bromothymolblue]

[ca314159bara]

if you're having trouble sleeping the best you can do is put a bright object close to your face and look at it for at least 30 minutes. if that doesn't work you can close your eyes but make sure to think really hard about a bunch of bullshit

[brucespringsteencomments]

[a-book-of-creatures]

Heartbreaking: you want to reblog a post but the op used an expression or turn of phrase that you find obnoxiously irritating for no real reason

[papayajuan2019]

one day, i hope to be moved from your downloads folder into somewhere more deliberate

[iamhavingsomuchfun]

[pocket-deer-belly]

i feel like being turned on by your own body is so agonizingly normal it's so fucked that that one guy made it a whole diagnosis specifically for trans women. and he's not even dead yet

[precision-instrument]

[segamascott]