My Transition Journal

I'm Joakim, an 18-year old trans guy from Norway. Started T 04.05.16. Here I'll be sharing transition updates and thoughts.

[boy-meets-body]

(almost) 9 months on T

The fast changes are behind me now, so I don’t pay as much attention to them as I used to, which is also why I post less. But not paying attention to the details means I’ve become aware of the slower changes, like body and face shape. My body has actually changed a lot. The fat on my hips and chest is slowly disappearing, and I’ve put on some muscle. Since coming out I’ve gained 10kg, half of it after starting T, and I no longer want to shrink myself out of my own skin. I have to shave twice a week to not look like mr. fluffy. When I touch my face I can actually feel that I’m present, that I’m a physical being, that I’m not outside my body looking at it like a stranger. After 9 months I’m finally starting to settle in my body after a decade of not feeling connected.

I don’t feel like a ghost when I look in the mirror anymore.

[neissan]

Even though am pre-top surgery, and have stretch marks and scars I feel relief when look in the mirror. For the first time ever, I could photograph myself without a shirt or binder on. No matter what others might say or think, I am proud of my body and the journey it has been through. I no longer want to hide my body like it’s broken, because it’s not. It is mine and it is beautiful.

[slimy]

I think one of the reasons why a lot of trans kids dye their hair and/or get body jewelry is that it’s probably the most accessible way to modify ourselves.

maybe it helps us, in a tiny way, relieve dysphoria.

like, adding a second floor to this house may be forbidden or take five years to complete, but dammit I’m gonna paint ALL the walls, in all the colors I want, TODAY.

[lovestruck-comic]

I want to be able to enjoy my body publicly just as much as a cis person can.

[positive-lurantis]

if you identify as a boy, your body is a boy’s body, no matter what it looks like!

if you idenify as a girl, your body is a girl’s body, no matter what it looks like!

if you identify as nonbinary, your body is a nonbinary person’s body, no matter what it looks like!

there is no right or wrong body for your gender! however you identify is who you are, and the way your body looks or acts don’t change that!

[boy-meets-body]

23.12.2016 (7 ½ months on T)

Starting to realize that although my entire family is accepting of my transition, the holidays are still gonna be rough. I’m gonna have to re-learn how to handle hearing my birthname, and my identity is once again something confusing and new, and a big conversation topic.

[anniestrongart]

Give Us Roses While We’re Still Here Transgender Day of Remembrance // Nov. 20th

This is just a poster I made the other day. I love all of my trans* family, and I hope you take the day for remembrance & self care. 

[wuqs]

Just to be clear:

November 20th is Trans Day of Remembrance.

March 31st is (International) Trans Day of Visibility.

Both are very important dates.

TDoR was founded in 1998 to remember the murder of Rita Hester (and the fact that we know about her death is due to the diligent work of her community, that is, Black trans women: discussion here), and thus memorialize trans people who have fallen victim to attacks and raise awareness of continuing violence.

TDoV was founded much later, in 2009, by Rachel Crandall as a celebration of trans people, specifically citing that the sole holiday for trans people at the time was TDoR, a more somber day.

Both serve to educate and raise awareness, but come from different historical contexts.

[boy-meets-body]

3 weeks vs. 6 months on T

[boy-meets-body]

Switch to intramuscular injections

I saw an endocrinologist at the national hospital on october 19th, talked a bit, and took a blood sample, and that was it. Since I was already on T everything was pretty straightforward. A week later I got a letter saying my results were good and that I had recieved a digital prescription for Nebido (long lasting IM injection of T). I picked up the vial at a pharmacy (it was free!), set up an appointment at my doctors office and a few days later all 4ml of it got injected in my butt, 2ml on each side. I’m pretty good with needles, and the pain was almost nothing compared to the septum piercing I got the week before, so that was good. 

I can definitely see myself dealing with this for the rest of my life without too much hassle, unlike that damn sticky gel and waiting for it to dry every morning. After all, this is only gonna be every 12 weeks, since its the long lasting type. I was pretty sore in my butt for about 2 days, but nothing more than expected. Now after 4 days the pain is gone and I love every second of it so far. Just waking up in the morning and not worrying about the gel is fantastic. I’m waiting to see if I notice a difference with the injections vs. the gel, other than the obvious practical aspects, so expect an update on that later.

[boy-meets-body]

5 months on T today !

So I just realized I forgot to do my 4 month update, so these are changes that have happened in the last 2 months. First of all my voice has really dropped now, and I think because of it I pass most of the time. Hairs are coming in all over my chin and sideburns as well now, but its all blonde and quite soft still. Basically I’m just slowly becoming completely covered in hair, my thighs have caught up with my calves in hairiness, and my forearm hair is getting darker. And even without going to the gym (cause I have a fucked up rib), I can still notice that it’s a lot easier to gain muscle now, it happens almost without me doing anything. I also think I’m seeing the first signs of fat redistributions but its barely noticeable so I really can’t say, might just be muscle changes.

But I think the most important thing might be how calm I am now, like I actually notice how I can feel all my muscles being completely relaxed at random times throughout the day and I’m just so fascinated by that feeling. And for the first time I don’t have a physical lump of anxiety in my stomach at all.

I have an appointment with an endocrinologist on the 19th to see if I can switch to long lasting injections instead of gel, which I’m really hoping I can because I’m getting tired of applying the gel every day tbh.

[transbutts]

I am a person full of ideas, emotions, dreams, and compassion. My body does not define my character, just as it does not define my gender. I am a man with a mind, a mouth, and a heart. I am not just a body.

[mlmbabcock-deactivated20160817]

hey shout out to trans mlm who feel like they might not fully belong in the community because they’re trans

or non-binary mlm who feel like since they arent 100% male they dont count

you guys are just as awesome and valid as cis mlm and you will find someone who loves and excepts you i promise 

i hope you have a lovely day <3 stay strong

[mlmbabcock-deactivated20160817]

u dont have to be a trans mlm to rb this btw….. reblog to spread the love

[eddiescoffee]

FRIENDLY REMINDER:

YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU’RE TRANS IN YOUR CHILDHOOD TO BE TRANS

YOU CAN BE 5 AND REALISE IT YOU CAN BE 16 AND REALIZE IT YOU CAN BE 27 AND REALIZE IT HELL, YOU CAN BE 68 AND REALIZE IT YOU CAN BE ANY AGE AND REALIZE THAT YOU’RE TRANS

This is for the people who don’t think they’re “trans enough” just because they didn’t know they were trans as a child.

You ARE trans enough.

[p-ositive-vibez]

<3

[boy-meets-body]

3 months on T!

For the first time in my life I don’t have a shit ton of anxiety about my voice. I’m never gonna stop talking now :D Also I have exactly 1 chin hair, a barely visible babystache and a new gc2b binder. Life is good. 

[boy-meets-body]

So I tried binding with kinesiology tape and it worked pretty well for me! Unfortunately the store only had blue, but I’m gonna try to find a nude colored tape soon. It doesn’t get me as flat as my gc2b binders, and there’s no way I could pass as cis while being shirtless with this, but I still think it’s a good solution for when I’m with friends I trust. Also the tape is waterproof, so I could swim in this, and it stays on for multiple days (through showering) and is really comfy. 

(If you try this, DO NOT wrap the tape around you, The tape used here is cut into 20cm strips. DO NOT use other kinds of tape for this!)

[molding-myself-to-be-a-man]

i enjoy being fuzzy

i do not however enjoy wind hitting my leg hair and thinking bugs are on me