What Does Kaz Brekker do when you cry?
If it’s because you’re injured:
Kaz struggles to comfort because he doesn’t know what it’s like to feel comforted and therefore is terribly inexperienced at giving it.
Especially when you are in pain. What is he to do? What is he to say?
Well, he knows when you get mad about things you either like to brood by yourself or you come sit in his office and rant. Why is it that you come to his office?
Is it because everyone else is somehow busier than he is and can’t be bothered to listen to you? That idea upsets him because he knows his crows and he know they’d never do that to you and live to see another day.
Could it possibly be the proximity to him? Does his presence help you sort things out?
That sounds good. So he pulls up a chair and sits at your bedside if only to be near you. This seems to work a little.
As Nina works on cleaning a cut, you’re struggling to bite back whimpers and groans. He can clearly read the pain in your eyes and the set of your jaw.
Later, when it’s just you and him, he reads quietly as you nap. He’s slouched in the chair, one hand prodding his temple. Then you stir.
You seem to gasp a bit, and then you’re crying. Why are you crying? You clutch at your side where the wound is. And then it clicks. You need some pain medication.
Kaz administers it himself, making sure to give you the proper dosage. He can’t really touch you, but you may feel the drag of the leather tips of his gloves along your cheek as he ticks away strands of hair.
Injuries are difficult because he cannot remove the pain with just his words. It isn’t something you can talk through but rather something a hug and a kiss might help which he can’t give you.
If it’s because he’s upset you:
Apologies are rough for this man. I picture two instances: when he finds you crying, and when you cry in front of him.
Say you have an argument and Kaz says some very unkind things in the Dirtyhands fashion.
If you simply exit his office and leave him to consider his outburst, Kaz feels himself wither. He knows you are now very mad. He’s experienced with people being angry with him, they usually want to kill him and maybe you do which poses many problems for him. But he doesn’t know how to quell anger.
So he sits and schemes for an excruciatingly long time. Too long.
Because when he finally figures something out and leaves his office to attend to you, you’re crying. And he has to redo all his plans.
When you turn to him with watery eyes he just can’t—WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO!?!!!
It’s awkward because the two of you just stand there looking at each other.
Kaz tries to speak. He really does. But he’s no good at this. So he comes to another set of decisions. Pull himself together enough to give physical comfort or suck up his pride and apologize.
He musters up some courage and peace of mind, and steps closer. His gloved hands cup your cheeks and he thumbs away a few tears. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs, “Didn’t mean to make you so upset.”
Now if you start crying in his office, Kaz just wants to bury himself six feet under. Talk about instant regret. He goes pale as an icicle and starts to sweat.
He slaps himself internally and finds his way out of his desk chair and in front of you. His hands are on your shoulders and he’s budding you look at him. This actually goes a little better than the other instance because he has to work on the fly and doesn’t have time to over complicate things.
He just wants you to stop crying because he hates the idea that he’s made you upset enough to cry.
When he finally chokes out an apology it sounds half-assed but I’m actuality it’s the best he can do because he’s panicking and doesn’t know what to do about anything.
Regardless of the reason that you’re crying, the outcome is the same. You’re met with an awkward and unsure Kaz Brekker.
In his heart he knows that he’s not doing this right and that he’s not comforting you how he should be. But there’s the small matter of his touching issue and his inexperience.
Kaz has never been face to face with difficulties regarding his weakness as often as he has been with you. He wants to do the things that normal people do but alas, he’s not normal.
So while you’re upset, know that he really does care and that he’s trying his best. Kaz would do anything for you within the proper time frame. He will find a way to make things better for you regardless of the situation.
I imagine that Kaz has made himself cry because he made you cry. He just feels so terribly awful about the whole experience and worries that he hasn’t helped.
He’s so overcome that when he catches a moment by himself, he might shed a few tears out of fear and shame.
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