p a r a n o i d

Shan. Mental illness/vent blog. BPD, CPTSD, AuDHD, autoimmune & chronic pain/fatigue. They/Them. Ok to rb unless otherwise stated. Main Blog: @toou —————— i’m experiencing poverty and my physical condition is degenerative (i’m under specialist investigation) Donation links for food and living essentials are pinned below. Thank you SO much to those who have helped out 🖤)

[bpdshan]

is there a way to send you some money?

hi!! i can receive money here:

p*ypal: @ xiania

c*shapp: £xiiian (US and UK only)

buymeacoffee link

[bpdshan]

it’s my birthday. i felt a new wrinkle form as it hit midnight

[andreweatspussy111]

at the end of the day you’re all alone in your room with no one thinking of you while you rot with those thoughts that you could never fully shake off coursing thru your veins

[bpdshan]

spent my whole childhood wishing my parents would get divorced but i think they gave up on choosing happiness when they had me

[mentallystrawberry]

why am i so insignificant in the lives of those who are yet so significant to mine

[bpdshan]

ugh i didn’t get the full scan like i wanted but the lump’s been done. now i waaaiiit

[bpdshan]

yuh

[bpdshan]

as if i’m greeted by a big glowing billboard about cancer as i’m leaving to go to my scans for cancer

[traaumaa]

[bpdshan]

i want to watch house md soooo bad but i can’t until ive had all my procedures bcus i don’t wanna see all the things that are going to be done to me, before i have them done. i had to stop watching when the conditions & treatments started to get too relatable

[bpdshan]

i’ve had enough character development!! could life chill out a little !!!!

[bpdshan]

one doctor speaking to other doctor: “oh, i forgot to say, shan is the non binary, you know, uh, the pronouns” *continues to use she/her for the rest of the appointment*

she tried!

[bpdshan]

due to postpartum depression, my mother could not bond with me and i never developed the concept of a mother’s role.

i mean like, my cognitive development was impacted and i have no sense of a maternal figure. it’s sort of hard to explain in words.

i don’t really hear about this, i feel so alone sometimes

[bpdshan]

womanhood :(

[bpdshan]

i feel sick to my core, i got followed on my way home from my appointment

[bpdshan]

2 appointments tomorrow then hospital 2 days later for soft tissue scans, ahhhhhhh

[bpdshan]

like they’re genuinely EVIL. fuck energy companies