Welcome to I have BPD and my exes made it worse

Isn't this disorder fun❤️

[bpdshitvent]

Welp I officially got diagnosed with BPD even though I been knew since 19

Excessively studying trauma behavioral health really played in my favor Ig (especially now I’m in college for it)

Good news in I’m currently in remission!! I still have a lot of anger and grudges towards family and 2 of my exes and an ex friend but episodes aren’t so long winded, they’re now recognizable and I no longer have sui/sh urges

Plus mood stabilizer an added bonus!!

We getting there lads

Tired of being with people that also have BPD but blame me for when I exhibit symptoms out of my control when I’ve given them nothing but patience

Tired of being blamed for shit I didn’t do (going as far as SA despite having 0 sexual attraction towards people) but life’s getting better!!

[bpdshitvent]

I hate you I hate you I hate you, you taunt me you make genuine loving relationships even platonically hard to believe in because you decided I was a predator all because I told you to stop publicly devaluing me I hate you I hate you I hate you

[bpdshitvent]

Twist what happened all you want, I know who I am and what I did and you do too

You still seem to believe the narrative you were fed

I was honest about my mistakes

[bpdshitvent]

I have yet another crush and oog for once, I want things to go right with this I deserve to be loved for real and not treated like i’m a shitty person and that i should “do better” despite my best efforts. I’m trying so fucking hard to not give in to these thoughts of “cut her off, it’ll end the same” or “why would she want you?” but that’s the way shit goes ig. BPD and abandonment trauma just sucks I feel like I cannot win no matter what I do :/

[bpdshitvent]

I can’t believe it happened again

I fucking got abandoned again I knew it I so fucking knew it why am i so fucking disposable

[bpdshitvent]

Ayyo

Sometimes I see my old BPD vents getting likes and I just think that’s somewhat neat Ig? Anyways I’m in a better place and while BPD still gets under my skin from time to time it’s nothing to what it was last year I actually have a support system who doesn’t treat me like I’m trash simply for displaying symptoms ™ (Shout out to my QPP if you follow this blog, Idr if you do or not)

[bpdshitvent]

Sometimes I miss what we had with every ounce of me, then I remember it's not worth it I have people who reassure me when BPD tells me it'll happen again

[bpdshitvent]

"You have to live with the shitty thing you did for the rest of your life. You have to know that it's never, ever going to be okay!"

[bpdshitvent]

Once again life is calm again life is good again I'm happy again, but because I suffer from BPD that got worse due to my ex who I trusted more than anything backstabbing me I still struggle with the thought of "what if I'm getting too trusting with my partner? will he do the same thing?" it sucks I hate it so much but I also have a complete coin flip and worry "What if I become like my ex? What if one day I split in front of my partner?" (my ex also had untreated BPD but i wanna make something clear I dont blame BPD for how he treated me ESPECIALLY when I too have BPD) It just becomes hard to maintain even with the right progress

[bpdshitvent]

Because of you I can't even trust my own partner that he won't abandon me the same way you did. Everyday I just expect that I will be tossed aside all over again and I constantly question if I should end it before he does

[bpdshitvent]

Seeing your place still haunts my memories

[bpdshitvent]

It feels like im drowning again nothing ever feels right

[bpdshitvent]

Mental stability is no more only PTSD induced dissociation and depression

[bpdshitvent]

I was well on my way on recovery

now my depressive episodes are back new PTSD triggers

you ruined me damn you

you ruined me,,,

i was nothing to you,,,

[jackwynandmoved-deactivated2017]

people who type lol when theyre mad are the people you have to watch out for theyll fucking stab you in the back in a dark alley and steal your wallet whispering “lol” all passive aggressively into your ear. same goes for “lmao”. Watch the fuck out

[bpdshitvent]

don’t EVER say Lol like that to me 7 years later and it still feels like a fresh wound i can handle others saying it as a go to for haha funnies but i cant even type it like that in the post anymore because of the flashbacks it gives me

[bpdshitvent]

Last week I was emotionally and mentally abused by my mom, but I stayed strong

Last week I contemplated suicide, but I stayed strong

Last week I contemplated self harm, but I stayed strong

Last week I had trauma nightmares and trauma flashbacks, but I stayed strong

I will admit it took a lot to stay strong and push myself but the people who love me that i love back kept me strong I’m broken but I’m trying

[bpdshitvent]

I’m staying strong despite the fact that every day this week I’ve had a trauma nightmare