we like to dream all day

jayden shaw // 21 // male barista at tea kettle i r e m e m b e r kisses, let me see. aye, that is a kiss. a powerful thing.

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   “ oh this? this is my christmas present to myself. ” Jay snuggled the giant bear he was sitting next to. he snuggled it more tightly. “ i named him franklin. ”

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noah tuthill

     there was something about the situation that left noah feeling energized. it wasn’t that he didn’t see jay often – that wasn’t true at all – but ever since he started living with pax, it certainly seemed that way. he reckoned they needed a day like this with just the two of them, giggling in the middle of a thrift store, with no work aprons in sight. “sad we don’t know an electrician,” he mused, putting the shirt back onto the rack. “that would’ve made a killer gift, even if it wouldn’t’ve made much sense to anyone who isn’t us. i mean, maybe it’d made sense to our hypothetical electrician friend. i don’t know, i just – i need to know the story.”

     the pink object in his friend’s hands caught his eye as soon as jay wiped his eyes with it. it was bright and lacy, but there was … something? else on it. noah was curious, especially considering how jay had been holding it behind his back when he walked over here to see the electrician shirt. “what d’ya have in your hand?” noah wasn’t a particularly impatient person – not at all – but given the success of their finds today, he was itching to see what jay had found. “c’mon, show me!”

   this was honestly great and everything jay could want in an afternoon. noah and pax had been spending more time together, which jay by far wasn’t bitter about. that made him happy. but he did miss the slightly less frequent outings with the two. so this whole thrift outing was very needed. “ i mean it could still make a good gift. just imagine the look on jenna’s face if you gave her that. ” he was all for giving weird gifts if it meant a good story and a good laugh. he would even wear that shirt if he’d gotten it as a gift. “ i need to know the story though too. i wonder if we could get who donated it out of han or luke? ”

   he’d nearly forgotten about the sweater in his hand, though he could never fully forget this sight. when noah asked about it, he started to laugh all over again. slowly, because he was laughing so hard, he held it up out in front of him so noah could get the full view. “ it’s terrible! ” he burst out laughing even more. “ who sews tiny babies on a sweater? ”

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marley bonfamille

   as much as she loved the lost boys, there was always a feeling marley had in the pit of her stomach that never went away.  like she had to compete for his attention.  she knew the boys were like brothers to jay, they were his family - but she couldn’t help feel like she would never mean as much to him as they did.  of course she never wanted him to get rid of his friends, she could never do that to him.  and she knew it was possible he felt the same way about her girls.  inevitably it was one of those things that drove them apart.

   “yeah, i’ve just got one more year after this,” she responded.  “it somehow seems like ages away and way too soon at the same time.”  marley more or less knew what she wanted to do with her life.  she was studying fashion design and business in hopes of having her own company one day.  but sometimes she struggled with whether or not that would actually become a reality.  would she do it in apple peak?  was there any way to do something like that in apple peak?  she felt like she needed to be in new york or paris, but she didn’t have much desire to leave her hometown.  she loved it here.  it was where her family and friends were.  so much scared her about the future.  “thanks jay,” she said.  she smiled, it really did make her happy to talk to him again - even if it was awkward, even if it was painful.  she loved him, at one point he had been her best friend.  the only thing that hurt more than seeing him again was the thought that she never would.  

   she wasn’t sure what she wanted his answer to be.   she supposed neither answer was great because they both meant he wasn’t with her.  “oh,” was all she said in response.  she hadn’t exactly thought it through, what to say back.  “me either,” she eventually added.  she didn’t know what his reaction would be, maybe nothing.  they’d probably just move on.  but still, part of her hoped, and part of her hated herself for hoping.  

   hearing she still had one year felt slightly relieving. he knew that probably shouldn’t be so... and maybe it was a little selfish. somehow though, it gave him hope. for what? he couldn’t really say. a part of him wanted hope something could happen between them as fruitless as that would be. as a whole he just wanted to make things better. he wanted to clear up the awkward sentences. he was happy they were talking, there was a familiarity to how things were to it. he at least wanted to get to the point where they could call each other friends with a complete confidence again. because that was what he missed most of all.

   “ yeah i get that... at least from what i remember with high school. i know i’m ages from graduating from here. ” he was applying for scholarships still on the weekly. some he was just qualified for, some he fudged a little in the essay, and others he was over qualified for. he could get many for his promise in math and because of being an orphan. he’d just wished he’d tried sooner because he could almost be done with all of this too.

   he hadn’t expected a “me either.” marley was too pretty, too popular, too good for that answer. he couldn’t believe he was actually feeling sad about it as he thought more and more about the whole thing. he still loved her and missed being with her and this answer meant that there wasn’t some other person in the way, but he was still sad. if he hadn’t moved on, maybe part of him wanted her to not have to still be feeling the shit from not moving on. “ that’s... ” what was it exactly? did that suck? did it mean something good? “ i actually don’t know what that is... i mean it sucks in the same way being lonely sucks but... ”

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eggnog jolly

EGGNOG ⎯ whats something you dislike about the festive season?

“ uuuh… i don’t know. maybe the angry people that go last minute shopping. and then get more angry because of other angry people. ”

JOLLY ⎯ whats your favorite thing about Christmas?

“ oh jeez… that’s hard. probably the gift exchange with the guys. sometimes we get each other really dumb presents on purpose and it’s hilarious. ”

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noah tuthill

     noah and jay were on a mission. while both of them were frequent patrons of one man’s junk, things were different today. today, they weren’t just shopping for new threads or cool mugs, like usual. no, not at all. today, they were making a game out of it. it hadn’t started this way at all – given that the calendar was just about to transition into the holidays, they had embarked on their journey that morning simply planning to maybe do some gift shopping. however, as soon as they saw a small ceramic sculpture of a turtle riding a skateboard in the front window of the thrift shop, plans changed. they needed to see what other terribly tacky treasures they could find inside.

     so here they were now, roaming the aisles, pausing every few minutes to hoist a new find above their heads and cackle about their finds. a fit of giggles seized noah as he laid his hands on a t-shirt hanging on a rack. it was a faded white shirt ( clearly well worn ) that had the words ‘my brother is a great electrician and i couldn’t be prouder’ emblazoned across the front. it was amazing and terrible in all the best ways and noah needed jay to come see immediately. “jay,” he called over to the boy, who was standing several feet away, “you’ve gotta come look at this right now.” 

   gift shopping more often than not turned into something else if more than one of the lost boys were involved. though this time, it couldn’t be helped. there was that ridiculous sculpture only encouraged this whole thing. jay could always find something amazing at one man’s junk, but today he was falling into the cycle of finding not something amazing, but something more ridiculous than the last thing with noah. it was far more entertaining than gifts in the end. he couldn’t think of one person that could blame them, but in truth, he didn’t care. if he was going to be judged for enjoying himself, then screw them.

   he was just looking over a pink sweater with what looked like tiny baby dolls sewed onto it and lace all about the cuffs and the collar when noah called him over to look at something he found. grinning, jay pulled his find off the rack before he walked over to noah. he held the sweater behind his back, intending on showing noah as soon as he finished looking at his find. he narrowed his eyes as he started reading it out loud, “ my brother is a great electrician and... oh jeez. ” he laughed so hard that it was uncontrollable. there were a couple moments where he had to stop to breathe. “ i couldn’t be... shit.. couldn’t be prouder. pfffft. ” eventually he was able to get control of the laughs and he took the sweater he was holding to dry the tears.

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marley bonfamille

   she had spent so much time with jay and her friends.  she had really loved the lost boys and she knew how important they were to him.  of course, she felt at times they were a bit rowdy and childish ( especially pax ) but she cared for all of them.  she would be lying if she said she didn’t miss them at least a little bit.  “that’s good, i’m glad you all stayed together,” she didn’t mean it as anything, though as soon as she said it she realized how it could have been taken.  a lot of people grow apart when they graduate high school, and marley and jay had been two casualties of that fact.  but she truly was glad he still had his friends, even if he didn’t have her.  “well you’ve changed a little bit,” she said.  “you’re growing up.  got your own place, a job, you’re going to school,” she commented, bringing her warm cup back to her lips.  “it’s good though, you deserve it.”  jay was a hard worker, she knew that.  he hadn’t had the easiest time growing up, she was glad to see him happy, as much as it killed her.  

   there was another question of course, that was on her mind.  it had been itching at her insides since the moment they sat down.  she was afraid to ask it - more afraid of the answer.  it was silly, she knew that.  no matter the answer she had no reason to be upset.  jay was his own person, she had no ties to him anymore.  but still- she hadn’t managed to have a successful relationship since they broke up.  and she knew she would perhaps feel a little…jealous if he had.

   “so um…are you seeing anyone?”

   jay couldn’t imagine the lost boys ever splitting up. all the way back to the far reaches of his memory, it was always them minus the brief moment of loneliness that came with being an orphan he knew was there. but the sense of family that came from the group of them overshadowed this to the point where jay was more quick to say they were always them, not that they once had families that died or otherwise. some of them didn’t remember, jay always had claimed he remembered better than he did, but he sometimes liked to hold onto the smile of who he thought was his mother sometimes.

   but that didn’t change the fact he didn’t try to hold onto memories from when him and marley were together. he’d imagined in his head at the time that she was just another extension of his family. because if he could extend his family in any way, he always would. and maybe that was why he always thought he should have pushed himself to being ready in high school. which is why, still to this day, he smiled at the idea of the both of their lives paving themselves out. “ thank you, ” he said, responding to what she said. “ but hey, you too. you’re graduating soon, right? you can go live your life... and all that. not to sound like a brochure or whatever... i’m just happy for you too. ”

   then she asked the big question and he felt his heart pick up again. his first instinct was to lie. george glass the situation. even if that didn’t work for jan brady ( he didn’t watch the brady bunch ) or adam goldberg ( he watched the goldbergs ). but in the end he found himself, like and idiot, not lying, not making himself sound more put together, just the cold hard truth. “ no, i’m not seeing anyone... i haven’t... ” he started to tell her he hadn’t seen anyone since her, but he stopped himself. “ no i’m not seeing anyone. ”

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paxtin price

he laughs at that. it’s a wonderful sound; unrestrained and genuine. bliss. bouncing off of the brick walls of the buildings around them, giving the night some life. in that moment, he feels joy. why he finds it so funny isn’t in question. it shouldn’t matter. he’s happy where he is right now— the only thing that is of any importance. let there never be a day where he isn’t. a terrible, most horrible day that would be. the world would likely stand still.

“maybe noah left it there as a lil hint’a sorts,” he finds his own joke hilarious, but is that really anything new? he’s always found his own antics the best. “yeah, ‘m not too sure what kind’a state my place is in…” it’s known that he doesn’t pay attention to much. he only ends up shrugging it off, continuing along the road with mass amounts of energy. a short while later, they reach the apartment, paxtin stepping aside to let jay unlock the door. 

   “ i actually wouldn’t be surprised, ” he said with a laugh, ponding the possibility a little. all the lost boys and pax had keys to the apartment so it was very possible. he just wasn’t sure if noah would go that far if he was being honest. he stepped forward and unlocked his door before pushing it open and stepping inside. his hand found the switch by the door that lit up the front entryway. he kicked his shoes of, tripping over one a little, but keeping his balance. “ maybe if he says something about it though, tell him thanks? ”

   he stepped further into the apartment and flipped on the living space lights. video games and movies were in little piles on the floor and the area rug was curled up on one corner, but otherwise it looked in order. “ i’m going to change out of this. ” he motioned towards his shirt. “ d’you want to borrow something? ”

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if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?

   “ disney world. ”

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thoughts on noah and paxtin?

   “ i’m super excited of course. my best friends, together? that’s so amazing! ”

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Do you hate anyone?

   “ hate is a strong word for a person isn’t it? i mean i don’t really have cause to really hate anyone. i may hate wet socks, but not a person. ”

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paxtin price

you’ll never doubt it, right? the question has him pausing for reasons still unknown. he certainly hopes that he would never doubt it. paxtin, a doubter in his own self? seems the unlikeliest thing on earth. maybe it’s just nice to hear that someone else believes in him as much as he does, himself. you wouldn’t ever assume he’s insecure. he supposes that bit is hidden rather well. “nope!” he chirps, as though the moment had never happened.

“your place it is,” he announces, doing his very best to keep the swinging of his bag to a minimum. the last thing they need to happen is pax spilling the contents out onto the pavement. “he tries t’ convince me t’ vacuum too… i haven’t in a while,” he shrugs his shoulders. he’s bad at keeping things clean. jay’s place would be ten times better.

   jay expected the answer, but it was better hearing it than just the expectation. his self-confidence was almost contagious ( though no one could ever pull it off as well as pax ), but he noticed it only last when he was around him. maybe that was what made being in a friendship with him so infectious. he was sure there was other things involved though. like the fact pax treated his friends right. that was unfortunately rare in this world and he did it like it was nothing. “ good, ” he said, grinning.

   he honestly wouldn’t have minded it at either place, but he still smiles as they start in the direction of his apartment. “ i’m surprised i actually did it. i’m even more surprised i actually own a vacuum. i don’t remember buying it. ” and that was true. for all he knew, it could’ve just shown up in his closet one day. that may be a bit fantastical, but it still didn’t change the fact that’s what it felt like.

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christopher robinson

Christopher loved all of his friends very dearly, especially Jay and Poncho, but he was also a bit cowardly and wasn’t sure he’d be able to help Jay. He let out a small scoff that mixed with a laugh. “You say that like you’re certain I’d coming running in your direction if there was something more dangerous than a creepy Santa out there.”

   jay bit his lip a little in thought before he shrugged. “ you don’t have to come running. just remember me.” he started in the direction of the jingle bells before he paused and turned to look back at chris. “ or maybe call pax, he’ll save me. ” or honestly any of the lost boys. he was sure if santa was some kind of zombie or there was a group of vampires with jingle bells, he’d survive because they’d come to help him.

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christopher robinson

Christopher began to really feel bad. Jay was always so nice to him, and he knew he was probably just being a scrooge by not being excited for this time of year a month in advance. Plus the thought of seeing a freaky guy in a Santa costume made him shiver. “That would just be mean though because if it’s something worse than a Santa, you won’t have any help.”

   jay shrugged, not bothered by the idea of going ahead alone. he was never afraid to take the lead if pax wasn’t already doing it. and since he wasn’t here, and christopher was nervous about it being a creepy santa, jay figured he could easily take the lead. “ i’d just yell really loud and you can come running. ”

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maryanne gibbs

maybe cute wasn’t the word she should’ve used. maryanne knew only a little about jay’s main clique, but she did know that he wasn’t exaggerating in saying that they all grew up together. she’d heard little stories here and there about the band of misfit boys who all found each other and let let go. there were whispers of blood oaths and swearing in candlelight too, but that was probably just people being silly. “ grounded, yeah. that’s a good way to put it, ” she agreed with a little nod. “ it helps, now that we’re, y’know, growing up and stuff. ” the idea of growing up alone - without any friends, at least - made her sad, but she did her best not to let it show on the outside. a little laugh. “ the shaky cam stuff can get pretty bad, ” she replied. “ i tried watching the blair witch project last year and it almost made me vom. ” lots of other movies did it, but horror seemed to bank on it, and it never really helped. the mention of young frankenstien made her smile a bit, and then she grinned. “ man, i haven’t watched harry potter in… forever, actually. ” the last time she watched a harry potter movie was back when the very last one came to theaters. “ i assume the other time you do those is during christmas ? ” people, oddly, considered the movies christmas movies as well, which she never quite understood, since it had to do with magic and witches and wizards.

   the corner of his mouth pulled into a smile when she agreed with him and then added to his theory. “ yeah, especially now, ” he said, nodding. “ keeps you remembering things too. like memories. we always end up talking about things from the last time we did the same thing or other times before. ” truth be told, they’d do it anyway. the whole group of them liked talking about memories all the time. sometimes it was to boost pax’s ego, sometimes it was to laugh over something that happened a long time ago, sometimes it was only to remember.

   he laughed, nodding in understanding. “ don’t tell pax, but when we watched it, i actually did. it was horrible. i think what was more scary was the fact it was going to make me sick not the cursed forest. ” nothing in a forest could really scare him. him and the guys were meant to live in the woods. or at least that had always been their theory even aside from running away. “ really? well, we should marathon it soon. maybe a movie party out of it. ” she could invite people, he was sure the guys would come. “ we could even dress up in our robes... if you have one? ” he was really showing the extent of how deep he was into the series, but he honestly didn’t care. “ yep, christmas and halloween. ”

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marley bonfamille

  she took a seat at the small patio table before finally taking a much needed sip of her coffee.  the smell of the coffee mixed with the vanilla and she felt it warm her chest as she swallowed.  she loved coffee and missed the days she used to spend at the tea kettle doing her homework as jay worked or bringing him a treat when he had long shifts.  it had been so long since she had been back. she had always been so scared of seeing him there, or any of his friends for that matter.  the drinks from the cart on campus sufficed, but they weren’t as good.

   it was stupid, she supposed.  it had been so long there was no reason she shouldn’t be able to order a latte or cup of tea from him.  but now she was realizing why she had always avoided it.  seeing him now was no different from seeing him three years ago.  the ache she felt in her heart was still the same.

   “oh uh- they’re good,” she responded.  “the boys are busy being artists and musicians.  the house is still as loud and paint covered as ever,” she said with a small smile.  “mom and dad are good, still young and in love despite being not-so-young anymore.”  she was talking of course of her step-dad.  he wasn’t her biological father but she loved him just the same.  she had always admired his and her mother’s relationship, and that feeling stung now more than ever as she sat across from the first ( and only ) guy she had ever loved.  a guy who no longer loved her back.  “how are the boys?”

   he caught himself watching her take a sip of her coffee and looked down at the table. he couldn’t really help it, it had him thinking about the times she’d spend at the tea kettle and he’d flash her smiles between orders and cast glances at her focusing on her homework. things were so easy, so happy back then. things felt like they were aligned right. not that the end of their relationship was really all he thought about or had specifically ruined his life. he still had the lost boys, his life was going great, and he really couldn’t complain about too much.

   but that didn’t mean he didn’t think about how much better it could be if they were still together. he knew at the time, he couldn’t see them working it out, but as he’d gotten older, he knew they could’ve talked about it more. maybe she’d really expected marriage back then, maybe she hadn’t. they never really talked about it. and could he have really faulted her for thinking about the future when it was so ready to be laid out in front of her. he played a little with his cup in front of him before taking another drink.

   he smiled when she mentioned her brothers being busy artists and musicians and laughed a little when she mentioned the house being loud and paint being everywhere. it had to be a sight, but also a sight he knew. he’d been to her house many times and the two had always been passionate about their specific area of interest. “ i’m glad to hear it. they were always good together. ” honestly something to aspire to in a relationship, especially after all these years. “ they’re good. few of us still work together. we’re around each other nearly always in our free time. to be honest, no much has changed aside from looking older. ”

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paxtin price

although technically he should’ve been, he hadn’t been expecting the comment. it’d always been like that, even when they were boys. paxtin saying something about himself, jay providing the support; which meant providing him with an ego boost. if there was anyone he could count on for this type of thing, it’d easily be jay. he’d really ( likely ) be better off without them, but he quite likes to be flattered. it’s almost impossible to strike down the ego that belongs to paxtin. “uh-huh,” he agrees with a curt nod, along with a smirk. if his hands weren’t full, he’d have his arms over his chest— proudly.

“i know,” he states simply, matter-of-factly. this specific tone of voice; like he knows everything in the whole wide world, may get on people’s nerves. “aren’t i the best?” perhaps it’s time for him to simmer with the egotistical responses. once everything is put in a bag ( he made sure to get two separate ones in order keep their candy split ), he leads them back out into the night. “so— my place or yours?”

   jay knew that smirk and he knew what usually went along with it: a proud crossing of the arms across his chest. it just made jay smile, thinking about it and seeing it. he liked the reaction pax gave to his ego being stroked and it honestly really encouraged him to do it more often. just as it always had done since they were children.

   nose laughing a little, jay nodded in agreement once again. “ of course. and you’ll never doubt it, right? ” he questioned. he would be happy to remind him, but it would be a sad day on the planet earth when pax thought any less than brilliance about himself. he picked up his bag of candy and followed pax back outside. “ i’m good with either? my place is actually clean for once... noah convinced me to vacuum. ”

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marley bonfamille

   “you know, i hadn’t thought about that, but you’re probably right,” she answered when he mentioned math and physics.  he had always been better at math than her, she recalled the times they would do homework together, helping each other out with different subjects.  she smiled a little, but pushed it away.  she knew she needed to start thinking of him as an acquaintance, maybe even a friend.  but it was so hard not to think of him as the boy she had fallen in love with.  

   she felt her heart flip when he told her he was rooting for her.  she hated that, she didn’t want to allow him to make her feel that way- to remember those feelings.  she swallowed, offering the faintest smile she could.  she knew he meant nothing by it, he probably didn’t care.  he probably wasn’t even paying attention to what he was saying, maybe he was annoyed to even be here and just felt obligated to say yes when she offered.  she felt like he was dying and jayden was probably doing just fine.  “thanks, i hope so.  i’ve been working pretty hard so i’m hoping it pays off.”

   “got it, i’ll be right back,” she pulled out her wallet and walked over to the cart.  the minutes in line felt like hours.  she just wanted her heart to stop beating so quickly, to stop feeling like the sky was falling.  it was just jay.  this shouldn’t be a big deal- but it was.  he was still a big deal to her.  

   she ordered an americano and a vanilla latte for herself, excited for the warm coffee to both wake her up and warm her up in the chilly autumn air.  she made her way back to their table and set his drink down in front of him.  “one americano,” she confirmed before sitting down.

   smiling, he nodded. he wasn’t really sure what more to say on it. he wasn’t good at small talk, but before they’d been able to avoid it so well. he really couldn’t remember a time where he didn’t know how to follow up on something she said. as relaxed as he was working on getting at the moment, he found his heart clenching up a little as he was reminded once again about how different things were between them.

   he told himself he wanted them to just move on to being friends and he could do that. he could just accept moving past it all and just saying “friends?” “friends.” and being done with it there. it had been enough time for him not to really feel the hurt. he could call them friends again if she was okay with that. but he really didn’t want to settle for that. unfortunately, that wasn’t his decision and maybe it was a bit too fantastical of him.

   “ i’m sure it will, you always make it pay off for yourself, ” he added, nodding once again. if there was anyone he knew that would rule the world ( aside from pax ) it would be her on sheer will alone if she wanted to.

   he watched her walk over to the cart before he realized staring was probably not the best thing to do. so he awkwardly strummed his fingers on the table in front of him and tried to pay attention to the squirrel that was slowly creeping up an unsuspecting guy with a muffin. normally, he’d be betting with himself over the outcome, but his mind was on trying to figure out what small talk he was going to try for next. he looked up when she returned. “ thank you. ” he picked up the cup and took a drink. the espresso was nothing but hot and bitter going down, but that’s all he expected.

   “ how’s your family doing? ”