millenby

enby in their 30ies; new to tumblr; ADHD; queer; demisexual; polyamorous; anarchist; white; fat; science nerd; embracing the chaos

[brainspiced]

DNI: TERFs, SWERFs, fascists, nazis, cops

[brainspiced]

Donnerstag Morgen und ich habe so viele Gedanken.

Ich beobachte mich selber, wenn ich laut reflektiere und philosophiere und denke mir, wie arrogant ich rüber kommen könnte. Was meine Fähigkeit nachzudenken, die Welt in und im mich zu analysieren und Zusammenhänge zu erkennen anbelangt, habe ich ein gesundes Selbstbewusstsein entwickelt. Ab und zu hinterfrage ich, ob ich manchmal zu überzeugt von mir und meinem Denken bin, ob es von aussen so wirkt, als ob ich mich selber als überhaben sehe. Das ist nicht wie ich mich selber erlebe, ich habe nicht das Gefühl besser zu sein als andere und ich versuche aktiv Menschen nicht als "gut" oder "schlecht"/"böse" zu kategorisieren. Auch ich bin nur ein Mensch und werde trotzdem nie vollständig davon loskommen, dass mein Gehirn alles möglichst einfach kategorisieren will. Aber ich gebe mir Mühe, ein Bewusstsein dafür zu entwickeln und meine Gedanken immer wieder auch zu hinterfragen.

Es kommt ab und zu vor, dass ich andere (meistens weisse Männer) reden höre und ich mir denke "Wow, der hält sich für unglaublich reflektiert und intelligent und seine Aussagen sind so basic". Ich schreibe diesen Menschen also zu, dass sie in unverdientem Masse von sich selber überzeugt sind. Und ich befürchte, von aussen auch so zu wirken und es nicht zu bemerken. Ich hoffe ein Unterschied zwischen mir und diesen Personen ist, dass ich offen dafür bin hinterfragt zu werden. Meine Beobachtungen ist, dass viele weisse cis Männer sich nicht gewohnt sind hinterfragt zu werden und sich auch sehr dagegen sträuben, während ich immer wieder mich darüber Sorge, dass andere ihr Hinterfragen nicht laut aussprechen, entweder um mein Ego zu schützen oder weil sie keinen Konflikt riskieren möchten. Mich graut die Vorstellung,dass ich Aussagen treffe, jemand clockt,dass ich nicht verstanden habe wovon ich spreche, aber nichts sagt. Ich hoffe, die meisten Menschen getrauen sich mich so herauszufordern, das fände ich sehr bereichernd. Vielleicht mach ich mir auch umsonst Gedanken. Vielleicht herrscht in mir ein Konflikt, weil ich als weiblich gelesene Person dieses tendenziell männlich konnotierte Verhalten erlebt habe und meine noch etwas neuere Realität selber männlich gelesen zu werden.

[viejito-at-heart]

everyone tells me that ADHD isn't an excuse for being lazy and that there are people with ADHD who have overcome their symptoms and are successful but every day I drag around an invisible dopplegänger of myself who is horrible and listless and always complains. and he is so heavy. I'm ambitious and I'm passionate but he isn't and the problem is that to get anywhere in life I have to grab him by the leg and pull him along the whole way, kicking and screaming, and sometimes it gets exhausting. sometimes he pulls me down with him. and it gets a bit difficult to explain to people why I'm lying down on the floor in pain when they can't see him.

[this-is-ableism]

I have been pushed to always be a "just do it" person by my family, I found out by myself that I have low cartilage in my knees and my body can't restore it properly. Other then my family not believing in the utter concept that something that my entire family has may be passed down to their children, they generally don't believe in disabilities unless you are bound to a wheel chair or are 70 years old with a cane. I went and bought myself a cane and I'll be honest still haven't told them about it. I tend to forget a lot that the point of having a cane is to stop pain before it starts and to aid you to be mobile. I do not use my cane much because of this even if I am in extreme pain because "it will go away as soon as I have it, so I must not need it!" (Blaming OCD for that one)

this is ableism.

[brainspiced]

Individualismus

Ich denke gerade darüber nach, wie Individualismus für viele konservative Menschen sehr wichtig ist. Häufig argumentieren Konservative auch, dass gewisse Dinge natürlich sind und moralisch wertvoll sind. Ich bin nicht der Meinung, dass natürlich mit gut gleichzusetzen ist. Vieles ist natürlich, das alleine macht für nicht etwas moralisch gut oder gar wertvoll. Ich habe bisher auch noch kein rational überzeugendes Argument für diese Gleichsetzung gesehen. Individualismus sehe ich ebenfalls nicht als eine erstrebenswerte Gesellschaftsordnung. Das kommt daher, dass ich es wichtig finde, dass es möglichst allen Menschen (und anderen Lebewesen gut geht) und Individualismus ist nicht zielbringend dafür. Es gibt viele historische Beispiele dafür, die Covid-Pandemie ist nur eines. Abgesehen davon glaube ich auch nicht, dass Menschen von Natur aus individualistisch sind. Menschen sind Herdentiere, unser Überleben hing von unserer Herdenzugehörigkeit ab. Ein Mensch alleine konnte noch nie überleben. Deshalb ist Mobbing und Ausgeschlossen werden auch so schmerzhaft, denn es ist existenziell, auch wenn es einem nicht unbedingt so erscheint. Wir alle sind auf unsere Mitmenschen angewiesen und ich finde, dass sollte auch in unserer Gesellschaftsordnung widerspiegelt werden. Nicht darin, dass wir Hierarchien schaffen, im Gegenteil. Abgesehen davon, dass ich Individualismus nicht als natürliche Haltung der Menschheit sehe, glaube auch nicht, dass es zu einem glücklichen Leben beiträgt. Alle Menschen suchen Anschluss, auch Menschen, die nicht materiell auf andere angewiesen sind. Einsame reiche, berühmte Menschen versuchen über Social Media andere zu beeindrucken und sich somit eine Gruppe zu schaffen, zu der sie dazugehören können. Darum fällt es wohl einigen von ihnen leicht, sich faschistischen Bewegungen anzuschliessen, da diese ihnen eine Gruppenzugehörigkeit bieten zu scheinen. Isolation verschlechtert die Gesundheit der Menschen, was viele während Covid-Lockdowns am eigenen Leibe erfahren haben. Ich bin nicht ganz sicher, wie ich diese Gedanken zu einem Schluss bringen soll. Ich wollte meine Inspiration nutzen, um mich wieder im schreiben zu üben. Für einen ersten Versuch reicht's bestimmt.

[hymen-restoration-project]

Why is there no Soulja Girl?

[brainspiced]

I think most people read me as male now. And I have observed that going doctors has gotten easier. They take my symptoms more seriously and I get prescribed meds and creams etc. very easily. I knew this will happen, but it's still weird to experience the difference.

Now that I'm thinking about it, I think people also are more willing to hear my critics. I used to feel like people didn't take my concerns/criticism seriously, but currently it feels different. People still mostly don't like being criticised but they are more willing to hear me. I feel like in conversation people don't talk down to me as often.

I also feel like in public I get more unfriendly looks. Not sure if that's my imagination or why it could be.

Just interesting things I'm observing

[brainspiced]

I've been spending time with my niece and nephew today and I realised I wanna be a dad. I must have been feeling this for a while but didn't realise. It hurts because I don't think it's ever going to happen for me. Not only is adoption expensive but I'm sure being neurodivergent and not being able to work a regular full time job will hinder my chances of being able to adopt a child. I'm in favor of some gatekeeping of adoption, but it still hurts to know that you might never be able to pass that gate. I'll probably never get to be a dad. I feel devasted. I was struggling to see a future for myself before this revelation and now thinking about having to life for another 40+ years... I'm not sure how to envision those years. I had to change my phone wallpaper because seeing pictures of my niece and nephew hurts too much rn. I'm just lying in bed crying, not sure what to do about this.

I realised my desire for fatherhood when I was cuddling with my partner. I told them, but they didn't say anything. I don't blame them, what are they even supposed to say? I wish they shared my pain, so we could heal from it together. But instead I feel alone and I don't know how to heal from this.

I'm thinking about staying home tomorrow, not going to the protest I was looking forward to. I'm not sure who to reach out to.

[cowboy]

Fucking hard or hardly fucking am I right brother

[brainspiced]

Starting to have facial hair and still being read as female constantly is very frustrating. There's nothing I can do, I don't have any control over how people perceive me. But my younger sister called me her bro today 🥰

[brainspiced]

Gender is weird. I've been out as a flavour of nonbinary trans for at least 4 years, but I don't feel like I have figured out my gender yet. I used to feel uncomfortable with the idea of having facial hair. Now, with my third time on T I'm looking forward to finally being able to grow a mustache. I've been on dating apps for the past few months, thinking a lot about how I want people to perceive me. And I know I wouldn't feel comfortable dating straight women, that just feels wrong. I feel uncomfortable thinking about dating gay men, but I think it has to do with dysphoria, I'm not sure if it felt wrong to do so. I dunno, it's confusing. For a few days/weeks I was wondering if I was a trans guy after all. But maybe my gender is more fluid than I've assumed so far. Excited to learn more about myself, it's an interestening journey.

[brainspiced]

My relationship to my brain

So lately I've been trying to embrace the chaotic way my brain works. I'm not that kind of person who can learn a skill by doing something for 20 min everyday. That's why I was never really able to learn an instrument because I can't get myself to practise every day. Usually what happens is that I play an instrument for 2 days all day and then I don't touch it for weeks. And that's fine! I don't have to function like that. I wanna honour my brain and stop fighting it.

[kajaono]

Canon poly relationships

Todays media gets more diverse every day but we still have a huge lack of poly relationships. So i decided to collect all the poly relationships I am aware of and that are confirmed CANON in this post. Sadly they are often limited to three people and not really diverse, mostly containing white, abled bodied, cis people.

Be aware this posts contains slight SPOILERS. I will mention if they are still together and alive. Feel free to add further confirmed poly relationships. I will update that post from time to time.

Updated: 12.08.2022

Polo/Cayetana/Valerio - ELITE

This triad first appears in season 3. Polo and Valerio are  in the show confirmed as bisexual. Polo is already shown in an another poly relationship in season 1 but it is not necessarily healthy and not 100% build on consent so I am not featuring them here. The triad below is really happy, healthy and cute. Sadly they split up by the end of season 3 and one of them dies.

Eliot/Parker/Hardison - Leverage

They are confirmed canon poly outside the show by the writer. The ending of the first arc can be easily read as a wedding vow. The woman , Parker, gets kissing scenes with both dudes. And they are all really affectionated toward eachother with a lot of hugs. There is a second arc: „Leverage Redemption“. I haven’t watched it yet, so I can not say how they treat the OT3 there but as far as I am aware they are still together, happy and alive. And Parker is confirmed to be on the spectrum.

Wolfgang/Kala/Rajan - Sense8

The show was originally planned for five seasons. If you know the poly relationship is coming you see bits of the build up throughout the first two seasons but because the show was cancelled after the second season the relationship was kinda rushed in the two hours finale. Anyway, it is still wholesome to watch. The triad contains two people of color. They are happy, alive and together.

Lito/Hernando/Dani - Sense8

Nobody knows to be honest. Lito is confirmed to be gay (so shouldn’t actually be romantically or sexual attracted to Dani), Hernando is probably bisexual. But sexuality is really fluid in this show. Anyways, they are confirmed to be a family with multiple sex scenes, kisses and dances. They are also happy, alive and together

Lantis/Hikaru/Eagle - Magic Knight Rayearth

As far as I am aware they are only confirmed and explicit canon the manga. And the manga is from the 90s so the poly relationship has some flaws but they are happy, together and alive in the end. Hikaru confesses in the manga she wants to marry both Eagle and Lantis

Miranda/Thomas/Flint - Black sails

Again a case of: nobody knows. Miranda and Thomas are married. They are having, as confirmed in the show, an open relationship. And Miranda loves Thomas. And Thomas and Flint are in love, while Flint also sleeps with Miranda. Sadly they are only in season 2. One of them dies, but the other two come back together in the end and are really happy and really in love.

Honorable mentions

Here I am mentioning shows I have not watched (yet) but that contain poly relationships in the main cast. So there can be some errors, feel free to correct me

Gossip girl - the reboot

I am really not aware how well gossip girl is writing poly relationships (no offense) but by the end of season 1 they are together and happy. If there is a season 2, Let us hope they stay together.

Professor marston and the wonder women

The movie is about the writer who invinted Wonder Woman. He was in a poly relatinship with two women back then which is also shown in the movie. One of them dies in the end (which you can not change, considering it is based on a real life person) but they are getting their happy end nevertheless.

Castlevania

Appearntly it is heavily implied that they are loving eachother, two of them are also in a relationship but it is never a 100% confirmed in the show itself. Not long ago Netflix made the tweet below so they are still kinda confirmed to be poly? I have no knowledge what the writers are saying about the topic.

Freeform - Siren

The poly relationship is already established in season 1. And everything was just fine until the writers decided to let them split up for the drama. And then the show was cancelled. So just stop after season 2. and this is what they cancelled Shadowhunters for?!

You me her

I seriously have no clue. Apparently this show has some problems when it comes to the poly relationship and it is a bumpy road but they are happy and together in the end.

Edit: I watched season 1 while I had Corona and while it is not perfect it is still really adorable. The show is REALLY straight (many straight tropes) but it works nevertheless. Also this show has one of the healthiest potray of sex I have ever seen on TV.

The Expanse

I stopped watching the Expanse after episode 1 so I can not really say anything about the poly-ship in this show, but it is definitly worth mentioning that here we have a poly ship that contains of more then three people. They are called PolyBelterFam and are all married together. If i am not wrong they are also a minor ship?

Minor Poly Ships

Newly added here - to make the post even longer - I decided to add poly ships that are formed by side characters but still there for a long period of time.

The Wheel of time

Alanna has formed a poly relationship with her two male warders. It is explicit shown that the two male warders - Maksim and Ihovn - are also in love with eachother and we see them cuddeling together before they get up with Alanna to have sex with eachother… which is not shown btw. The relationship of the three is openly discussed by the other characters. It is also mentioned that Alanna would be more then happy to greet even more people in her polycule. While we see them together on screen multiple times over the course of multiple episodes, we sadly do not have good shot or promo pic of all of them together, so I am taking the BTS pic of the actors. Remeber: They are backgrund characters. By the end of season 1 they are alive and still together.

[greenshark666]

in honour of pride month i will once again say that it is always more realistic to have a group of queer friends with the token straight then the other way around

we flock together

[geekysteven]

Transcript

1999: Hundreds of boys queuing up to go see The Matrix

2021: Hundreds of those same girls queuing up to go see The Matrix

Source