My Blog

tired physics major

[breaclerealtai]

Actually I spend hour upon hour refraining from passionately kissing my friends on the lips and I think that's quite noble

[breaclerealtai]

My rural Irish parents will be like

"breaclerealtai it doesn't make SENSE!!! You're smart, but you're doing badly in school!!! You can't get out of bed!!!! You're in a bad mood all the time!! You isolate yourself!! You're not eating right!!! You have no hobbies!!! You have no motivation!!!!"

before putting it down to a strange innate laziness because the concept of mental illness hasn't reached my hometown yet

[breaclerealtai]

Ok. I finished House's Head/Wilson's Heart last night. I have thoughts. *****S4 and slight S5 spoilers*****

Wilson's grief is so hard to watch. Amber and Wilson's last moments together broke me.

But holy shit, can we talk about the pain House is going through?

First of all, why was House alone in a bar getting plastered? Because he was already struggling that hard to deal with his Wilson Time being cut in half. Why didn't he just drink at home? Because he wanted to create a situation where his keys would be taken, and Wilson would HAVE to come and be with him, even just for the duration of a drive home. He couldn't bear to go even one more evening without him.

Aside from that, the fact that Amber and House are so similar; House was basically watching what he and Wilson's life could have looked like if he was born a woman.

( When I saw the girl looked just like me / And it broke my heart / The lengths you went to hold me / To get to have me - Should've Been Me by Mitski)

The thing is though, House didn't even hesitate to put his life and brain on the line, just so that Wilson could have a chance to be happy with his girlfriend. Not for Wilson to be with House, but for him to be happy, with or without him.

And it's not his leg we're talking about here. We've already got a glimpse of how devastating it would be for House to lose his leg. But for him to survive the procedure, and lose his BRAIN? To lose his puzzles? To lose the one thing that makes him him? That, to me, is a far bigger sacrifice than his life. House was willing to live the rest of his life confused and mentally disabled, never able to diagnose anyone again, if it meant Wilson could be happy.

On the Heaven Bus with Amber, House straight up admits that he'd rather die than have Wilson hate him. He fears losing him more than he fears death itself. He would rather die thinking Wilson loves him, than live for a second in a world where he doesn't.

Now imagine how it feels to get off the bus and head back to a place that could contain his absolute worst fear, a fear worse than death.

And it comes true.

Not only does Wilson hate House, not only does he leave him, he tells him that their friendship all along was never real. Not only does he deny the friendship that House stays alive for, he denies the friendship that House had been staying alive for all those years. In that moment, he not only denies his sacrifice, he denies the thousands and thousands of moments of vulnerability and sacrifice before that.

House stands there, silent and motionless, because he can't actually comprehend it. His mind won't let him. He doesn't get upset or angry, because it hasn't actually registered in his head. It's not true.

He sits on the floor of Wilson's empty office, he keeps going back to the last place he saw Wilson, because he can't even comprehend that he's not there anymore. For him to even accept that fact, is an unimaginable Hell.

House would have mangled his body and destroyed his soul for Wilson's happiness, and he doesn't even acknowledge it.

Amber's death is sad, but at least Wilson was there for her in death. She knew she was loved when she died. House nearly died multiple times, and instead wakes up to hatred.

I know how grief can change you, so I understand why Wilson left. House and Wilson are my favourite dynamic in the show, but a part of me wants House to just walk away too for his own sake. It hurts to see him still cling on to Wilson when he's so ungrateful.

House seems like the most arrogant and selfish person on the show, but in reality he's completely selfless.

[scintillatingshortone]

First of all, why was House alone in a bar getting plastered? Because he was already struggling that hard to deal with his Wilson Time being cut in half. Why didn't he just drink at home? Because he wanted to create a situation where his keys would be taken, and Wilson would HAVE to come and be with him, even just for the duration of a drive home. He couldn't bear to go even one more evening without him.

FUCK this never occurred to me but now that you've pointed it out it makes perfect sense??? i'll be watching that scene through this lens every time from now on

House was basically watching what he and Wilson's life could have looked like if he was born a woman.

i'm fine. i feel totally normal about this. don't look at me. i'm definitely not going to be listening to that mitski song on repeat while thinking about hilson for the rest of the day

i will admit i bristled a little at seeing wilson be called ungrateful, but you make a good point about how these two BOTH hurt each other despite house typically being seen as “the bad one” in the relationship. i love when it's acknowledged that they're both supremely fucked up people - this episode is arguably the strongest example of the fact that wilson is more selfish and house is more kind than people realize (both in universe and in fandom)

and re: house and selfishness - it's always an interesting thing to analyze because he IS incredibly selfish on a day to day basis . . . but in the most important moments we do see him become completely selfless. he's known for taking from people and being needy, but when push comes to shove, he will give everything of himself.

anyway this post devastated me. i believe there is now a house's head/wilson's heart rewatch in my near future

[breaclerealtai]

No I'm LOVING these responses. Also yeah actually you have a point, House appears far more ungrateful on the outside than Wilson. And Wilson has also made so many sacrifices for House like money, time, WIVES, etc etc ig I was just so focused on these episodes. Their relationship is SO complex like they're besties worsties soulmates enemies everything in one

[breaclerealtai]

Uhhh Fog (Again) - Live but it's drunk (again)

[breaclerealtai]

Ok. I finished House's Head/Wilson's Heart last night. I have thoughts. *****S4 and slight S5 spoilers*****

Wilson's grief is so hard to watch. Amber and Wilson's last moments together broke me.

But holy shit, can we talk about the pain House is going through?

First of all, why was House alone in a bar getting plastered? Because he was already struggling that hard to deal with his Wilson Time being cut in half. Why didn't he just drink at home? Because he wanted to create a situation where his keys would be taken, and Wilson would HAVE to come and be with him, even just for the duration of a drive home. He couldn't bear to go even one more evening without him.

Aside from that, the fact that Amber and House are so similar; House was basically watching what he and Wilson's life could have looked like if he was born a woman.

( When I saw the girl looked just like me / And it broke my heart / The lengths you went to hold me / To get to have me - Should've Been Me by Mitski)

The thing is though, House didn't even hesitate to put his life and brain on the line, just so that Wilson could have a chance to be happy with his girlfriend. Not for Wilson to be with House, but for him to be happy, with or without him.

And it's not his leg we're talking about here. We've already got a glimpse of how devastating it would be for House to lose his leg. But for him to survive the procedure, and lose his BRAIN? To lose his puzzles? To lose the one thing that makes him him? That, to me, is a far bigger sacrifice than his life. House was willing to live the rest of his life confused and mentally disabled, never able to diagnose anyone again, if it meant Wilson could be happy.

On the Heaven Bus with Amber, House straight up admits that he'd rather die than have Wilson hate him. He fears losing him more than he fears death itself. He would rather die thinking Wilson loves him, than live for a second in a world where he doesn't.

Now imagine how it feels to get off the bus and head back to a place that could contain his absolute worst fear, a fear worse than death.

And it comes true.

Not only does Wilson hate House, not only does he leave him, he tells him that their friendship all along was never real. Not only does he deny the friendship that House stays alive for, he denies the friendship that House had been staying alive for all those years. In that moment, he not only denies his sacrifice, he denies the thousands and thousands of moments of vulnerability and sacrifice before that.

House stands there, silent and motionless, because he can't actually comprehend it. His mind won't let him. He doesn't get upset or angry, because it hasn't actually registered in his head. It's not true.

He sits on the floor of Wilson's empty office, he keeps going back to the last place he saw Wilson, because he can't even comprehend that he's not there anymore. For him to even accept that fact, is an unimaginable Hell.

House would have mangled his body and destroyed his soul for Wilson's happiness, and he doesn't even acknowledge it.

Amber's death is sad, but at least Wilson was there for her in death. She knew she was loved when she died. House nearly died multiple times, and instead wakes up to hatred.

I know how grief can change you, so I understand why Wilson left. House and Wilson are my favourite dynamic in the show, but a part of me wants House to just walk away too for his own sake. It hurts to see him still cling on to Wilson when he's so ungrateful.

House seems like the most arrogant and selfish person on the show, but in reality he's completely selfless.

[breaclerealtai]

"how tf do we even get along" WE GET ALONG??? "you're the most annoying friend" WE'RE FRIENDS???!! "don't be weird at my birthday" I'M INVITED ?¿¿?

[breaclerealtai]

Ok guys so. Oh god my eyeballs are hovering. My aunt got me gin and I haven't eaten all day. We are about to lasagana.

[breaclerealtai]

Life is just about having fun. Literally just go have as much fun as you can. Buy your favourite coffee. Sleep with that cute person you love. Make jokes. Listen to your favourite songs. Jerk off. Skateboard. Do whatever you can in between the Boring parts of life because you don't have much time here. Just let it go until you clock out at death pm.

#highhowareyou #lasagna #pasta #various cheeses #cheese #blue stilton #high

[breaclerealtai]

Am I just ovulating or

[breaclerealtai]

My little house playlist :)

It's songs that remind me of house, but not stuff I think he'd listen to lmao

[breaclerealtai]

how to study without thinking no borax no glue no money no social skills no rizz no redeeming qualities beginner friendly

#I just want the dopamine hit of learning smthn new I don't want to remember it #did you guys know that eating a poppyseed bagel will make you positive for opiates for up to 60 hours

[breaclerealtai]

iced oat vanilla latte save me. iced oat vanilla latte heal me. iced oat vanilla latte let me stand in the light of your grace

[breaclerealtai]

My tummy hurts and I'm gonna explode like a supernova

[breaclerealtai]

wait these are so swaggalicious give

like the clear sole is a little odd but it's also like if a fairy lived in the maroon reeds on a riverbank

I feel like this is what they would wear if they became human

like this

#noimnothighjustautistic #cookies #sugarplum

[breaclerealtai]

moisturised in my lane except it's nyurrrrrrrrr. headache. week long headache. joyless. full of spite. distracted. impulsive purchases. can't do a backflip. stinky.

[breaclerealtai]

The physics -> mental illness pipeline is so insane why am I dissociating every 2 days

#bro #vro

[breaclerealtai]

First therapy session ever tomorrow how do I get a good grade

#imscared #doijustsitdownandlisteverythingwrongwithmeor #caniphysicallyfleethesituation #therapy