Breanna means Strength

[infinitely-gentle]

[breannameansstrength]

Almost Over

This journey is consenting changing. I've picked up two a day workouts, because I wanted to be apart of my team. I sacrifice relaxing time and peace to work hard for what I want to be, where I want to be. Yes I am tired, yes I feel pain, no I am not a robot. I dream to have this journey be over, but I've come to realize I'll be stretching my hamstrings and pro hanging for the rest of my life. 

   Six months is coming around the corner and I'm hoping this is the final count down. Although my PT doesn't think so, I try to believe so. I now not to get my hopes up, but i secretly hope to prove people wrong. 

[breannameansstrength]

She's an inspiration

Its almost the end of four months now. My scar is fading, people are forgetting and routines are starting to become back to old times. Throughout my journey I've gained a friend at rehab, unfortunately. I'm saying unfortunately because you never want to hear someone say "I've torn my ACL". I cringe and flash back to that day. But now we've become friends, pushing each other to our best each day. I'm very thankful for having her there with me. Someone I can talk to when no one else is there to understand. We've come the point of laughing at inside ACL Club jokes. She's making my process a little better.

She tore her's her last game of soccer season, playing goalie. She also tore menicus and ACL. I didn't really no much about her, nor her family. But as times grew I got to learn a little more day by day. Sadly, last week she found out early in the morning that her dad had passed away from cancer. I saw her late the night before, she was happy and laughing as usual. I woke up the next day, found out the news at breakfast, and almost broke down for her. I couldn't even imagine myself in her shoes. To have two things you love taken away from you in a blink of an eye is crazy. ACL journey is something that is long, but eventually you make a comeback; losing a loved one is different. I attended the wake and got to meet her family, and said my blessing to her father. I was glad I got to meet her family, and mention to them how much their daughter has inspired me.

I couldn't imagine losing someone and still having the power and strength to come back to school a couple of days later. Back to therapy, back to classes and back to her normal life. I'm not sure if I'm overly dramatic about this whole journey of mine, or if everyone just leaves it in the inside. I can say it a million times over and over again. Tearing an ACL sucks big time. The pain and mental game is on another level. Having someone taking the path next to me on my journey is something that I couldn't be anymore thankful for. She will forever remain my friend and an inspiration to keep going!

[breannameansstrength]

4 months down

4 months down, but the feeling still feels as if it was yesterday i tore it. the pain to bend it, and the fact the doctor today told me I lost 5 degrees. This whole thing is getting old. This pain and being miserable is annoying. I get questioned everyday why I have a limp. I start to question myself, will I forever have a limp?

   I can't even hold a normal conversation, without saying this has changed my life.... for the good. I used to be so happy and fun. Now I feel as if I'm the complete opposite. Walking around is a hassle. I hate to be always down, but I'm getting sick of trying to act like nothing is wrong. The anger grows inside of me each moment someone tells me why everything happens for a reason. I used to believe, not now I don't get why. 

The strength to not give up is incredible. You have a fan crowd cheering for you, you know you can't let them down. You hide the emotions in your room till you late in your bed at night and can't sleep. The tears roll down your cheeks; emotions you hide from everyone. Because you're suppose to seem like this is a piece of cake. Just another step in the road, but really it's as if I jumped off a cliff and I'm trying not to drown. 

  These four months have been fast, but for someone still to ask "are you cleared yet? " doesn't help. For someone, especially your parent, telling you to work harder after you tell them your doctors appt went well just the doctor said I lost 5 degrees, is rude. Its not like I didn't practice this. Its not a mile test run, its my muscles and my legs working together. But for some reason being back at this shit hole place made my knee feel even worse. I've been trying, but pain of torture is something I can't pretend doesn't work. It fucking kills. I just can't wait to be back, but without people's smart comments. 

[gymaaholic]

[breannameansstrength]

One of those nights

It has now just passed four months since I tore my ACL, in another week it'll be four weeks since surgery. 

   Why am i always pissed off? Wanna know why... Because I can't casually do what I love everyday, like everyone else. I can't relieve my pain or anger anymore like I used to. So Sorry, but I take it out on people now instead. Talk about me, call me a bitch, but I'm sorry I don't give a fuck. 

   I can't participate when friends or family ask to do something. "wanna go ice skating? Wanna go for a run? Come skiing! Com' on it'll be fun." Sorry I just can't. Thanks though. You can read over and over again quotes and twitter accounts to try to help not being lonely and have people there for you, but realistically no. I read some thing about this process and the people menioned how lonely you feel. THere's no one there that understands, thats willing to only do what you do- maybe thats why PT is my favorite part of the day. 

 Someone's there knowing the pain, but pushing me forward not saying "oh sorry that must stink". This fucking injury of course the only bone I break has to be the extreme. I can deal with the pain, but the mental pain is something that can drive a person crazy. The relief when this is all over will be great. But then think about it... this will never be over. Metal will always be in my knees, pain and swelling, stiffness and aching is always there with me. All of that, that no one can see but a scar with a tale. Almost seems like a nightmare that cries a kid to sleep each night. A fucking nightmare that I hope no one else has to experience.

   As time ticks down I try keeping my head up. But the big question pops, thoughts of PTs and docs freight me "oh. Did you work on it over break?" Oh no sorry doc I just sat here..... of course I fucking tried working on it. I really hope after this ends the anger will go away. The joy of saying i'm cleared will take over. The power of freedom. Achievement and accomplish. With a Super FU to ACL tears. 

[vinstage]

[completelybooked]

Things My ACL Surgery Has Taught Me:

1. Patience is a virtue.

2. You are stronger than you think you are.

3. Big victories are won with small battles.

4. Shit happens.

5. Recovery is a crooked path, but it’s worth it.

6. Pain meds are da bomb.

[aclsupport]

#3

[miriamswartz]

Yoga poses for the winter solstice!

Today is winter solstice which marks the longest night and the shortest day of the year in the northern hemisphere. As the days get shorter we welcome the darkness and honor this time by turning inward, taking personal inventory, acknowledging all aspects of ourselves (the light and the dark) letting go of the things that no longer serve us and planting seeds of intention!

Slow things down today! Dig deeper into hip and shoulder openers allowing small twists an forward folds to unravel during your practice! Follow your breath inward and let the external world fall away!

Namaste!

yogamimi

[girlsmotivation]

[yoursoulismadeofstars]

unter We Heart It.

[gracemadestudio]

[dozy-v]

This just hit me.

[lostsoul347]

[fuckyeah--fitlesbian]

[breannameansstrength]

[breannameansstrength]