And, for the five hundredth year running, 'smithereens' is in the top ten things to smash into. Followed, of course, by your mom

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And, for the five hundredth year running, 'smithereens' is in the top ten things to smash into. Followed, of course, by your mom
I trust your knowledge evil wizard
have you even tried becoming the favored and cosseted concubine of a powerful warrior woman
I'm fuckin trying dude gimme a break
I have three monitors on my desk. The left one shows the order book. The middle one shows Truth Social. The right one shows the investigation queue.
On April 21st, the left screen moved first.
I am a Senior Surveillance Analyst at a commodities exchange. I have held this position for nineteen years. My job is to monitor trading activity for suspicious patterns and generate compliance reports. I am employee of the quarter. I have a mug.
At 19:54 GMT on April 21st, someone placed 4,260 sell orders on Brent crude futures. They did this during post-settlement. The window after the market closes when daily volume is typically in the dozens. Sometimes single digits. Sometimes I watch the screen and nothing happens for forty minutes and I think about whether my daughter is happy.
On April 21st, someone placed $430 million in directional bets in 120 seconds during that window. One hundred and twenty seconds. I timed it on my watch because the system clock rounds to the nearest minute and I have found, in nineteen years, that precision matters to no one but me.
At 20:10 GMT, the President posted on Truth Social that he was extending the Iran ceasefire.
Brent dropped from $100.91 to $96.83.
I flagged the trade. I flag a lot of trades. I want to tell you what happens to my flags.
My flags go into a system called TRACE. Trade Review and Compliance Evaluation. I did not name it. The system generates a report. The report goes to a committee. The committee has a name I am not allowed to share but I can tell you it meets quarterly and the conference room has a credenza with bottled water that is sparkling because someone once put still water in the room and a managing director sent an email about it that was longer than most of my surveillance reports.
The committee reviews my flags. The committee has reviewed all of my flags. Here is the complete record of actions taken on my flags in 2026:
Reviewed.
That's it. "Reviewed" is a status. In compliance, a status is the absence of an action that has been given a name so it looks like one.
Let me show you my flags.
March 9th. Someone bet millions on oil falling at 18:29 GMT. Forty-seven minutes later, a CBS reporter posted that the President said the Iran war was "very complete, pretty much." Oil dropped 25%. Forty-seven minutes. I flagged it.
March 23rd. Someone sold 5,100 lots of Brent and WTI crude futures between 10:49 and 10:50 GMT. Fourteen minutes later, the President posted on Truth Social about a "COMPLETE AND TOTAL RESOLUTION" to hostilities. Oil dropped 11%. Over 13,000 contracts traded in sixty seconds after the post. Fourteen minutes. I flagged it.
April 7th. Someone established a $950 million short position in oil futures at 19:45 GMT. Three hours later, the President declared a two-week ceasefire. Nine hundred and fifty million dollars. I flagged it.
April 17th. Someone placed $760 million in bearish bets twenty minutes before Iran's foreign minister confirmed the Strait of Hormuz would reopen. Seven hundred and sixty million. I flagged it.
April 21st. The $430 million. Fifteen minutes. I flagged it.
That is $2.1 billion in directional oil bets in April alone. Every one of them landed on the correct side of a presidential announcement. Every one of them was placed in a window so narrow you could measure it in bathroom breaks. I flagged every single one.
The CFTC chair told a Congressional committee that his organization has "zero tolerance" for fraud and insider trading. I wrote that quote on a Post-it note and stuck it to my right monitor. The one that shows the investigation queue. The investigation queue has not moved since March.
Zero tolerance. Zero staff. Zero budget. Zero prosecutions under the STOCK Act since it was signed in 2012.
Fourteen years. The law has existed for fourteen years and has been enforced zero times. In compliance, we call that a compliance rate of one hundred percent. No cases filed means no cases lost. You cannot fail an audit you never conduct. We call that excellence.
Last month the White House sent an internal email to staff. I was not on the distribution list but I have read reporting on it and I need you to sit with what I am about to say. The email instructed White House staff not to use insider information to place bets on prediction markets.
The White House had to send a memo telling its own employees not to insider-trade.
I want you to read that sentence again. Not because the instruction was unclear. Because the instruction was necessary. Because someone in the building looked at the same pattern I have been flagging for months on my three monitors and decided the appropriate response was an email.
The President's son sits on the advisory board of Kalshi. He is an investor in Polymarket. Both are prediction markets. Both saw accounts created days before U.S. military action.
One account. I cannot stop thinking about this account. It was called "Burdensome-Mix." It was created in December. On January 2nd, it placed $32,500 on Venezuela's president being removed from power. On January 3rd, Maduro was seized by U.S. special forces. Burdensome-Mix collected $436,000. Then it changed its username. Then it disappeared.
One account is a coincidence. But there were six.
Six accounts were created on Polymarket in February. All bet on U.S. strikes on Iran by the 28th. When the President confirmed the strikes, the six accounts collected $1.2 million between them. Five of the six never placed another bet. The sixth went on to correctly predict the ceasefire date and made another $163,000.
My surveillance system logged all of this. My system logs everything. My system does not have opinions and neither do I. I generate reports. The reports go to committees. The committees meet quarterly. Between meetings, the windows get shorter and the bets get larger.
March 9th: 47 minutes. March 23rd: 14 minutes. April 17th: 20 minutes. April 21st: 15 minutes.
The window is compressing. In March, you had time to make coffee between the trade and the announcement. By April, you had time to send a text. By summer, at this rate, the trade and the announcement will be the same event.
The spokesman said any implication that administration officials are engaged in insider trading is "baseless and irresponsible reporting."
Then the White House sent the email again.
I have been in compliance for nineteen years. I have seen insider trading run out of strip mall offices by men who could not spell "derivative." I have seen pump-and-dump schemes coordinated over WhatsApp by people who used their real names. I have seen a man try to manipulate soybean futures from a Panera Bread.
I have never seen $2.1 billion in perfectly timed trades across five presidential announcements in a single month go uninvestigated.
But I have also never seen a compliance system work this beautifully. Every trade flagged. Every report filed. Every committee briefed. Every quarterly meeting attended. Bottled water: sparkling. Minutes: distributed.
Zero prosecutions.
As long as the flags go up and the cases don't, my performance review says I am meeting expectations.
I am meeting expectations. The system is meeting expectations. The $2.1 billion is meeting expectations. The fourteen-year-old law with zero prosecutions is meeting expectations.
The left screen moves. The middle screen moves. The right screen stays perfectly, immaculately still.
In my field, we call this price discovery.
Walter wide was many things but it is extremely funny how he neglected his own flesh and blood teenage son in order to be an even worse father to a wholly different guy
salad is mostly items
only mostly?
sometimes it's Sauce
these belong on the post imo
(Guy who's about to invent the car alarm): it should scream
(Engineer): w-What?
(Guy who's about to invent the car alarm): when you hit it. It should scream
good news! you're an animorph! bad news! you didn't know about the two-hour limit and got stuck in your first morph, which is whatever this wheel lands on
how do you feel about it
GREAT THIS IS ALL I EVER WANTED
i'm into it
i can make this work
eh, no strong feelings
not great, but i'll live
oh, this is bad
GET ME OUT GET ME OUT GET ME OUT
Oh so THATS how it happened
Rpg idea: a bards-only spell called Incite Riot. You cast it in a group of people, and they have to save against the righteous power of rock or be forced to riotous against a cause of the caster's choosing.
Early on during the back half of the final episode of EXU Divergence I sent a message to @wardensantoineandevka about how D&D encourages a specific kind of improvised dramatic irony (one in which the players are also the audience) because in most cases everyone is at the table even when they're not in the scene. Because of the (correct if complicated) attitude towards metagaming, there are excellent opportunities for a performer to have their character act in a way that goes against what other characters in another scene are doing because the PC doesn't know what the performer does.
At the time I was referring to the scene where Erro is telling Nia he promised he'd help Garen get back to Gwessar, which occurs right after the scene where Garen finds a caravan of dwarves headed to Uthtor, ie, he doesn't need it. It's a nice scene, and a small one, and not a terribly important one but it brought the idea of dramatic irony to mind. Anyway perhaps there will be a day when I talk about this general concept, because it is worth discussing! But right now I think it's more important to consider that the entire mini-campaign was played by Liam as he had access to information that both Erro and Matt didn't know, so in that scene alone regarding available information:
Erro (unaware Garen has another way) has promised Garen (aware he has another way) that he will help him get back to Uthtor, but also
The Platinum Dragon (unaware he is the Platinum Dragon) has promised The All-Hammer (unaware he is The All-Hammer) that he will help him get back home, but also
Liam-as-The Platinum Dragon (aware Erro is the Platinum Dragon and presumably that protecting the All-Hammer is why he is here) has promised Matt-as-The All-Hammer (unaware he is the All-Hammer) that he will help him get back home, but also
Me (audience member) (aware Garen has another way)(suspects Garen might be the All-Hammer; does not suspect anything about Erro at the time of this scene) sees Erro (unaware Garen has another way) mentioning his promise to Garen (aware he has another way), thinks "wow, this is a case of improvised dramatic irony."
and also, of course, no one is aware at the time that Erro will not be there to bring Garen back home; and Liam is aware that Bahamut will be there to bring Moradin back home.
Bells hells:
The only dnd group that would agree with "breaking down the systems of power" and then reinvent the divine right of kings
Former living weapon absolutely dominating at laser tag
hot take: c3 should have been primarily set in issylra instead of marquet
the fact that marquet was flavorful set dressing that the cast really didn’t engage with nonwithstanding
issylra has the benefit of a couple of things that would have enhanced the plot of c3 as i see it:
vasselheim, the dawn cradle, the city of gods. a big city with lots of connections, the grim verity wanted info there, it would be interesting to juxtapose largely godless people against a city of gods
hishari. more deep engagement with ashton’s backstory and potentially communing with the earth titan earlier rather than shardgate and the retracing of mistakes
the nature worship that pervades. an example of something that would survive the gods after they left, if they were to leave. the tension between them and the worshippers of the deities of exandria would have illustrated some more of the complexity of faith on exandria
ria’doin. i think it would have been more interesting if they were able to place it while coming back from ruidus.
ivaadel; ludinus’ hometown. a look even further back that might have made his info dumped backstory more interesting.
pyrah; both for the ashari connection and for the fact that since it’s connected to the fire plane where they still could have met planerider ryn
lots of untreaded ground but also a lot of beloved npcs. there are ways to work in connections to vox machina in particular while still having lots of ground to cover.
it’s the origin of many of the flying cities from the age of arcanum; these could have been explored and contrasted with avalir during exu calamity
i would have preferred to see an exploration of marquet during the party split, with one half going to uthodurn and the other maybe going to the hellcatch & bassuras.
full disclaimer: i’m not white. and i do like the parts of marquet that i’ve seen.
i’m not intending to speak for feelings the cast may have had, but i noticed a hesitancy to engage with the setting of marquet in the way that they engaged with more traditionally european-fantasy settings (tal’dorei & wildemount). and when they were on issylra during c3, they engaged more with the setting than they did in marquet.
i can appreciate the attempt, but i would rather have seen engagement with the setting as an aspect of the story, instead of lovingly rendered set dressing. some may say it’s an ambitious choice to step out of your comfort zone with regard to the worldbuilding; that choice falls flat if the worldbuilding is projections on the wall and the story goes in circles on the table.