ghost

just a 21 year old washed up writer with no ambition

[bruisedkiss3s]

why do people like us think of death so much? i’m next to my boyfriend in the car, it’s late and he’s singing along to the music. but yet i keep thinking about the day i’ll lose him. what if he dies tonight? tomorrow? my whole life would turn upside down. i keep imagining laying in his bed alone, taking in his scent without his body heat. it breaks my heart. so why do i keep thinking about it?

[cursedpossums]

I HAVE A GIFT FOR YOU, I TOOK THIS PICTURE OF A BABY POSSUM IN MY BACKYARD

THIS IS MAKING ME LOSE MY FUCKING MIND

[bruisedkiss3s]

i’ve had a couple of good days but the rain clouds are coming back

[bruisedkiss3s]

failed my dmv test, feeling quite worthless that i can’t even manage to do that right :)

[bruisedkiss3s]

i’m looking at the clay pots in the corner of my vision behind my boyfriends grandfather. his best friend just lost his father, cop shootout. i’m 4 drinks in, a blunt; and it’s 12:45am. my vision is not clear but my mind stays buzzing. i’m thinking about how the new york subway made my feet tremble. i’m thinking about my mother taking drugs in front of me. i’m thinking about my time here with the love of my life. my mind is too fuzzy. maybe i should go to bed. he’s still preaching and it’s been over an hour and i’m sweating: i’m nauseous, i don’t want to think. i want to bed.

[nightbringer24]

I think that one of the reasons The Lord of the Rings still holds up, in my mind at least, is that it still used the whole “make a miniature version of the set piece” school of filming.

Like Isengard:

Minas Tirith:

Helm’s Deep:

Osgiliath:

Like… that’s shit is just cool.

[necromanticowboy]

“Miniature”

[nightbringer24]

They are technically miniatures because they aren’t the full 1:1 scale.

Although I’d be impressed if anyone could make a 1:1 scale replica of Orthanc at 500 feet high.

[angryisokay]

Practical effects add value to movies and tv shows that often goes unappreciated until years later.

[knightoflodis]

Very true. I think my roommate and I have determined that the best way to do things was to have practical effects mixed with CGI. You get it close with the practical and then finish it with CGI. Looks better than regular CGI that’s for sure.

[elljayvee]

this is one of the reasons Jurassic Park holds up, and why the un-fucked-around-with Star Wars looks better than the Special Editions. Practical effects can hold up a _long, long_ time.

[malewifenat]

What does the arab in your carrd mean? Is it like afab and amab?

.. i’m palestinian

[captainlordauditor]

same energy

[princesskuragina]

[unscharf-an-den-raendern]

[definitely-not-lordenglish]

[catradoraism]

[thousandfoottallowl]

there’s more

[snenby-with-two-daggers]

[0palite]

[hulking-godless-child-beast]

[augustdementhe]

SIGH

[i-restuff]

[sangononya-kokomeow]

here’s another one

[daeva-agas]

IT GETS WORSE WITH EVERY ADDITION

[elamikaaa]

how does this get even worse

[moontideempress]

I think about once in a while...

[chamomiletea-baggins]

We have another one...

[one-time-i-dreamt]

[bruisedkiss3s]

i just know all of these idiots are white

[bruisedkiss3s]

face it.

[bruisedkiss3s]

it’s the next morning and i still have a pit in my stomach. i can’t stop thinking about relapsing. 6 more hours of work.

[bruisedkiss3s]

i’m going to be honest, i’m not doing okay. i can’t help but feel like everyone around me is not willing to work on themselves and i am just stuck around toxic people. my aunt is someone who does not know how to control her emotions. time and time again i have witnessed her lash out at her children and she did it just now at dinner. my younger cousin is preparing for college, as one does. she also does not know how to take any situation seriously and likes to crack jokes at everything, and she did while discussing this college tour. my aunt, clearly already annoyed just absolutely brought the energy down by just saying “nevermind, i guess we won’t go” i’ve been having so much anxiety today that it just totally brought me down and i had to leave. now i think my boyfriend and i are arguing and i cannot get ahold of myself. i’m trying to write this currently and my mind keeps scattering. disassociating while songs play in my ear and the room fades to a blur. my heart won’t stop aching and everytime i pick up my phone with no new messages, i start to tear up. i want to set an example for myself and those around me of how people should be treated. and because of this people keep thinking i’m being difficult but i’m creating boundaries.

why should i wear a bra around the elderly? because it will offend them? then i shall still choose to not wear one because it is my body, and i will educate them on why i see it that way. yet i’m sitting here in tears trying to defend myself but i know he’s thinking i’m bitching, opposing his elders.

i feel helpless. those i live with are like this and now i feel as if i can’t take a trip all because i refuse to be uncomfortable around others. i feel empty for days untill so much clashes down on me mentally that i can’t even move. it’s days like this that question if anything is even worth the effort. god. 

why is it so hard to go on

[bruisedkiss3s]

most of my dreams almost have a sort of spirited away twist. living a new life in a new strange land. time and time again i find myself in some strange city with a job, with strangers in my life as if we’ve known each other for ages. they’re all in third person, watching myself life a movie. i have deep memories of wandering unfamiliar streets, stumbling in a house that is not my own, kissing a man that is not the one i love. and yet it feels so familiar.

every time i wake up from one of these dreams, i have such a sense of longing to go back. too many times have i laid in my bed, eyes shut tight hoping i can go back. i’m not sure what it is about those intricate dreams that make me yearn for them. is it the break from reality? wanting to know what happens? i can’t help but feel a sense of defeat when my eyes open. here i am again, waking up in my tedious life.

i just want life to be simple again.

[bruisedkiss3s]

my co worker taught me how to make some traditional japanese foods. her dog supported us through the journey.

[fruitsoftheape100]

will the heterosexuals receive your blessings of Fruit as well?

You Get Nothing

[thunderpibb]

happy pride month everyone

[bruisedkiss3s]

i just saw my brother for the first time since 2018. nothing happened, we just lead two very different lives. my brother came to be born when our father was 18 in 1993, and i came around in 2000. we had different mothers even though they weren’t much different in how they acted. drug addiction, undiagnosed mental illness. he left to live with his mother when i was in the second grade, and my mother left the same year. from then on we grew up apart but somehow got to experience nearly the same trauma. i’m babbling. an hour left of the car ride, talk again soon.

[bruisedkiss3s]

last day of camping. i’m so fucking ready to be in my own bed.

[bruisedkiss3s]

i had a good day. a whole day with hardly an ounce of stress or lack of motivation. i found myself smiling as i listened to music with the windows rolled down in the car, catching the sight in the side mirror. my boyfriend and i were driving his dog to a friend to watch before our camping trip tomorrow. i haven’t felt this much joy for life ever in my 21 years on this planet.

[bruisedkiss3s]

i used to own this monstrosity and i have a sudden urge to own it again. selling online for $100 and it’s quite tempting to snag.