??????

You love long walks on the beach, think people have too many limbs, and like your meat extra cooked. Other than that, you're very human.

[lesbianalicent]

[orcarriagesthatwork]

I think about this cake every day

[tizzymcwizzy]

sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious

[microsuedemouse]

OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:

When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.

The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?

This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.

I love a botched cake.

[helenarth]

one time me and some pals spotted one of those big cookie cakes in a store. it was done up with red icing and little X's for kisses and in the middle it said

No One Like You

now, it took us a while to realise it meant "(there is) no one like you". at first, we all parsed it as a botched "no one like(s) you"

for ages after when we'd wind each other up we'd declare "NO ONE LIKE YOU ☹️👎"

[crabussy]

tumblr is so strange..... people will turn your posts into anything truly

[translatingpostsinfrench]

cratte

tumblr est si étrange...... les gens transforment tes publications en n'importe quoi vraiment

[wizardelf]

[paperandpencilsandskips]

here have this picture i made and forgot about until now

[paperandpencilsandskips]

[Id: an edited photo of Seinfeld featuring Kramer, Jerry, and George anticipating the arrival of the mesomerican god of ice frost death and justice itztlacoliuhqui]

[qqchurch]

the Ice War on Europa...

[qqchurch]

[deep-state-partisan]

[somestrangeangels]

[king-of-fuffies]

#europa ice war #fascinated by this spontaneous internet playtime event #compelling horrifying little world you've built here gang! well done!

Well, here's the thing, according to Bluesky reporting it actually emerged as part of an indie TTRPG zine:

[peashooter85]

A world map without place names except for Bhutan and Greenland, which are labeled in the wrong places.

[unclefather]

Thank you. I needed to see this today

[bigfoots-biggest-fan]

tumblr staff finding out their site has crowdsourced a viral song, only to discover it is 100% unusable in any corporate marketing scenario

[chaser]

Australian music industry: "God we wish local music was more popular"

Monkey paw: *curls*

[decimera]

For those unsure what's being referenced:

[echojulietfoxtrot]

This went down a fucking storm in a bar on Saturday btw

[bigfoots-biggest-fan]

> be tumblr

> accidentally meme your way into creating a hit song made entirely out of slurs

> song gets banned from the dance charts right as its about to chart

> every gay bar in the country immediately adds it to their playlist in protest

Sometimes using this site is like accidentally rolling your car off a cliff only for it to somehow do a flip and land directly on top of Hitler

[banjo16]

I’m straight am I allowed to listen to this?

[bigfoots-biggest-fan]

This song has gotten so big that it has even reached Tumblr's one straight user

[leaveamessageafterthescream]

Cromartie High School

[inganikki]

First tweet: “I saw a piece of fabric? on the floor of my room so I went to pick it up but it was actually the moonlight that entered through the window lmao”

Quote RT: “1000 years ago this would have been a poem, not a tweet”

[philosophy-whore]

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

[escuerzoresucitado]

[sternfleck]

A cosmic tribute to my current favourite comment in YouTube history

[sephiramy]

me messaging a casual acquaintance: hello, how are you?

me messaging a best friend w/zero lead-in:

[beebfreeb]

Please keep work place safety in mind at all times

[beebfreeb]

Did I mess up somehow

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

actually there were 0 time travellers on the Titanic, because the time cops have an entire outpost to safeguard that one particular point in history. every rookie spends a least a month on Titanic duty and they all complain bitterly about it since it is, essentially, the time travel equivalent of being the guard who has to stop tourists from licking the Liberty Bell.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

listen. LISTEN. there's going to be somebody, maybe several somebodies, at the travel hub who's dressed nice and knows all the right words and swears back and forth that they can sell you the credentials that will get you into the Titanic's timespace. they'll sell you IDs that pass you and your friends off as 23rd century history students or, worse, some 24th century brats who will go crying to their corporate sponsors if you ruin their paid vacation.

the IDs will look very impressive. they will not come cheap. they will not help you.

there's no checkpoint to bluff your way through and nobody who wants to hear you try. if you try to time travel anywhere near the Titanic, whether you try to board with all the other passengers or appear on the boat in the middle of the voyage, you will get slammed directly into a whitespace dragnet - a time bubble, in layman's terms.

and you will be surrounded by at least a dozen time cops, all of whom are bored and cranky and very eager to flex their newfound authority, which means they will absolutely detain you for as long as possible and insist on giving you a lecture when a slap on the wrist would do. if you talk back they might double your fine or even suspend your chronal permissions for up to a year.

and then they'll send you back to the hub in your period piece clothing that will suddenly look very stupid, and the guys who sold you the ideas will have fucked off to 1998 by then and you won't have a chance in hell of getting your money back, and what I'm saying is that it's not worth it, dude. it's just not worth it.

[winterknightdragon]

This is too specific to not be from experience

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

what are you, a time cop?

[new-acc-is-lake-creature2-deact]

sorry I'm still stuck on the liberty bell

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

as if those poor guards didn't already have enough to deal with, now they have to unstick you from the dingdang bell 🤦

[memewhore]

[obeetlebeetle]

#undergraduate essays. 2 me. (@hypokeimena)