The revelations of a Brunette

Thoughts. Comedy. Wine, and more.

[brunette96]

Cheers for unforgettable Friday, with no memories, right?

[brunette96]

Goodbye to the good girl.

More often than not, I feel ashamed from my past. I like to bury some memories in the back of my mind, and even pretend they never happened.

I believe this is because of two things. First one being that I am a woman and where I grew up, women were expected to act in a certain way, according to social norms. Second and equally worse, I am a people pleaser. I want to make everyone happy and for them to like me (I know, judge me), or I wouldn't feel good about myself.

Because of the reasons mentioned above, I always tried to assume the role of this "perfect" little girl, that follows all the social norms and does not disagree with anyone. But as every good girl will tell you, taking the right decisions for everyone, except yourself, can bring you to insanity. What is more, you get lost in all the versions of "yourself" that other people want you to be, and you lose sigh of who you really are. You personality is buried somewhere in the back of your mind, with all the "bad" memories you don't want to think of.

The worst part of not knowing who you are... actually I said that wrong... the worst part of constantly changing your personality for others was the lack of confidence in yourself and all the decisions you take.

BUT.. as my mother loves to say "Every bad thing happens for a reason." I guess my reason was self re-discovery.

In the recent months I've become more self-aware and vocal of my opinions. I feel like I am moving towards the right direction, and if I have to be completely honest, I am not even sure how/when that change started.

All I know is that recently I've started to follow the journalist Dolly Alderton and I read her autobiography - Everything I know About Love and somehow this gave me a sense of belonging. It gave me the courage to be myself and not to feel ashamed of my past, what I used to do and who I used to be.

If you ever read this book, or you just felt in a similar way, I would love to chat with you. DM me and I will make sure to get back to you.

Thanks for reading my truth.

[brunette96]

Why do we - humans, always use the most unhealthy coping mechanisms, when it comes to getting over something/someone?

Is the desire for self destruction coming from feeling unworthy, or we are all just dump.

(It’s a rhetorical questions)

[brunette96]

Is it me, or you guys also feel that being in a long term relationship is a lot like being in a cult.

There I am, speaking with a friend the other day, and half way through the conversation I realise that I actually don’t have an opinion about the topic we are discussing. I was basically repeating what my husband told me about it a couple of weeks ago.

Don’t feel that bad though… told him what happened and turns out he is doing the same.

[thoughtkick]

“I am a different person to different people. Annoying to one. Talented to another. Quiet to a few. Unknown to a lot. But who am I, to me?”

— Unknown

[brunette96]

Love it.

[brunette96]

Have you ever been in a relationship where you tell your partner about an amazing thing you found like a really good movie, but they be like “Yeah hon that sounds good, will check it” and they never do.

And then, in 3 months their friend tells them about the same movie and they are like “OMG we need to watch this now”.

No Raymond, you need to watch yourself, cuz I’m gonna leave your ass you ungrateful f*ck.

[brunette96]

Independent women, who can take care of everything themselves are often labeled as “being like a guy”, “too strong”, or something in these lines.

Is it just me who had that experience of what?

[brunette96]

The price of having something good in your life is the small imperfections it comes with.

It’s also what makes it so special. ❤️

[brunette96]

It's the egoist in me, that wants to be set free.

*You get it?*

[brunette96]

From Prague.

The day goes by as my thoughts slip away The only thing I can control is what I say It becomes harder and harder "to be" when you feel you are worlds away but I keep on trying because I want HIM to stay.