11 Things I Learned When He Left: 1. Looking at her fucking social media made me throw up and want to die and I swear to god I’ve never felt sicker when I saw the picture of them kissing. 2. I swear to god it punched a fucking hole in my stomach every fucking time someone said his name. 3. 5 shots of vodka sort of tasted like him and the more I drank the more I felt okay and I still had him. 4. It’s so fucking hard to fix holes in your wall because you were so upset you couldn’t breathe so all you could do was hit something to make it hurt less. 5. I never knew how I could feel so alone and not at home in my own fucking bed. 6. I learned that you can want to punch him so hard that he feels the hurt and want to kiss him till you both can’t breathe at the same fucking time. 7. 8 shots in I thought he caught me and tucked me into my bed, but really it was my best friend. 8. I saw the terror in my parents eyes when they found my blades and saw I wasn’t eating anything except I really was devouring our old messages. I learned they at least cared about me. 9. I learned the pain of your heart literally breaking and cutting you open when I saw him hold and kiss her. 10. I learned there was certain songs, clothes, and place I couldn’t breathe at including my own fucking bed. 11. I learned I had to change everything because I swear to god I couldn’t breathe or stand the taste of anything.
what am I even saying? I wrote this in fucking past tense, but it’s still fucking present. (via allyyylacoste)
My. Life.



















