[buck-botheredandbewildered]

intro post :)

hi hey hello!

I'm gonna be maaaaybe yapping on here a bit beyond just posting my fics, so i figured i should do an intro post. so, ta daa! have not done one before so uhhh let's go.

TLDR: name is wy, use any pronouns. new account but not new to tumblr/fandom. early 20s. inbox open for requests or yapping, and msgs definitely open for yapping!

y'all can call me wy! what's that short for? my ao3 user, wylanvanecks. buck-botheredandbewildered is just a sideblog, so i follow and like from @buckbb-main. which i know is plain af, i made this account without the intention of really doing much. oh, and i use any pronouns!

anyways, some stuff about me! this account on here may be new, but i'm definitely not new to tumblr and fandom spaces in general. been around for about half my life now, and i'm in my early twenties. so, definitely one of those that was probably involved in fandom younger than i should've been but hey i was having a blast. it's only recently that i decided to become active in fandom spaces online again because it brought me a ton of joy in high school, and i feel like everyone needs all the joy they can get rn, me included.

obviously, current hyperfixation is 9-1-1. in an insane way, i fear this silly firefighter show occupies like 98% of my thoughts. mostly i write buddie (again, obviously) but i maaaybe have been toying with the idea of doing some x reader stuff but idk. that's intimidating for some reason.

some other fandoms that i might eventually write for include marvel, supernatural, the maze runner (been on my mind a bit lately ngl), and uhh i'll add more as they haunt my brain. trust, there's a LOT more i'm into but those are just what feel most likely to pop up eventually.

feel free to come into my inbox and request whatever, anything 9-1-1 is what's most likely to get done ngl.

and that really should be it! if anyone wants to come into my inbox or messages and chat please do!! i'm always down to make friends, especially if we can be freaks about 9-1-1 together :)

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

watching beverly hills chihuahua and why is delgado giving eddie diaz/ryan guzman

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

there won’t be a single place dark or unhappy

fandom: 9-1-1

ship: buddie (they’re the focus. background madney, henren, and bathena)

word count: roughly 9k and counting

chapters: 2 posted of 32 planned

summary: the 118 and their families go on a christmas vacation to vermont!

a/n: forgot to post this here earlier. hopefully gonna be updating every day as part of @fluff-cember 2025, so a chapter per prompt. i have it all planned out, just need to finish writing it lol. currently have the prologue and the first chapter posted! the first chapter goes with the day 1 prompt of ‘mittens’. but yeah check it out, it’s just gonna be fun and silly and fluffy :)

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

employed, but at what cost?

(no time to read and write fanfic </3)

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

say my name and everything just stops

9-1-1, pre-buddie but they want each other so bad. anyway. buck was bit and next thing he knows he's a werewolf! oops! and eddie finds him and brings him back. 4k words so i'm not copying it here lol.

written for @buddie-bingo-events underrated tags bingo, the prompt 'werewolf'

Over the past month, Buck had… changed. It was subtle. His senses were suddenly dialed to eleven—he could hear and smell much more than he should've been able to, and he could even see better at night, somehow. It hadn't all come on at once, each improved sense had just kind of crept up on him in the days and weeks following the bite. Which still looked weird. It had fully healed and became just a scar within a day and a half, but it wasn't like any of the other scars Buck carried. It looked almost silvery, and he felt like he could still pick out each individual toothmark, detailed in a way that made it look more tattoo-like than scar-like. Buck's sudden super-healing hadn't stopped with the not-dog but supposedly not-wolf bite. Every minor scrape and bruise would heal and disappear about three times faster than they used to. It was eerie, honestly. OR Buck got bit by a werewolf and turns for the first time. Eddie brings him back.

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

donuts, dogs, and couch naps

9-1-1, gen. established buddie. but like just in the background, they don't get much screentime together. eddie-centric. (i posted this on ao3 earlier but didn't have my laptop to post it here).

written for @buddie-bingo-events again, specifically the prompt 'uncle eddie' on the underrated tags bingo card

"Donuts," Jee repeated insistently, sliding off the couch. Her giraffe was clutched in one hand now. "Please." She looked up at him with those big brown eyes and that little pout that was definitely a Buckley trait. Then she went for the kill. "Pretty please, Uncle Eddie?" Fucking Buckleys. "Sure," Eddie agreed with a sigh. Buck hadn't brought a car seat for her, but luckily there was a place within walking distance. It was like a twenty minute walk, but that would probably be fine. It at least would kill a good chunk of time. Which was good, because Eddie had no clue how to entertain a toddler. "It's a bit of a walk, though. That okay?" Jee nodded eagerly, bouncing lightly on her toes. "I like walks." Eddie absently wondered if being puppy-esque was also a Buckley trait or if the toddler had just been spending too much time with her uncle Buck. OR Eddie babysits Jee on his own for the first time.

Eddie stared, frozen like movement would set her off. She could probably smell fear.

Jee-Yun stared back, head tilted slightly like something about Eddie confused her.

It had been a nice morning so far. Quiet and slow. Christopher was spending the week at a science camp he had begged to go to, and Eddie hadn't had work today. He had even slept in a little. He drank his coffee slowly as he read through some articles on his phone, and he had just started trying to figure out how he'd spend his day when Buck had walked in. Which was fine. Good, even. Spending time with his boyfriend sounded great. Then he'd noticed the three year old on Buck's hip.

Buck had set Jee on the couch as he babbled something about a leak in his loft and how he had to go handle it so could Eddie please watch his niece for a bit? Eddie, like an idiot, had nodded without thought. He was used to agreeing with Buck before he really knew what he was agreeing to, but in this situation he really wished he had taken a second to consider. Buck had beamed, kissed him and then pecked the top of Jee's head before he was off again.

It wasn't that Eddie didn't like Jee, or kids in general. She was a sweet girl, and he was alright with kids. But he didn't really have any experience with this age. He spent most of Christopher's toddler years in Afghanistan. Sure, he'd been around a few times when Buck had babysat her, but he had practically blended into the background. The little girl was obsessed with Buck, not that Eddie could blame her. It just meant that Eddie had never had to do much, since Buck was all too willing to play with her as long as she wanted him to. Eddie's role was usually just cleaning up after the two human whirlwinds.

Eddie cleared his throat, gave her a smile. "Did you eat breakfast?"

Jee-Yun shook her head, starting to kick her feet where they hung off the edge of the couch. She was holding a stuffed giraffe in her lap, something that Eddie could remember Buck picking out for her.

"What do you want?"

Her eyes lit up and Eddie knew it was the wrong question—too open-ended, probably. Giving kids too much freedom didn't always go well, did it? What did Buck usually do?

"Donuts!"

"Uh, I'm not sure if—" He couldn't remember how Maddie and Chim felt about sugar. Some parents were weird about that. Especially for breakfast. He was pretty sure they weren't, but what if he was just incredibly unobservant?

"Donuts," Jee repeated insistently, sliding off the couch. Her giraffe was clutched in one hand now. "Please." She looked up at him with those big brown eyes and that little pout that was definitely a Buckley trait. Then she went for the kill. "Pretty please, Uncle Eddie?" Fucking Buckleys.

"Sure," Eddie agreed with a sigh. Buck hadn't brought a car seat for her, but luckily there was a place within walking distance. It was like a twenty minute walk, but that would probably be fine. It at least would kill a good chunk of time. Which was good, because Eddie had no clue how to entertain a toddler. "It's a bit of a walk, though. That okay?"

Jee nodded eagerly, bouncing lightly on her toes. "I like walks." Eddie absently wondered if being puppy-esque was also a Buckley trait or if the toddler had just been spending too much time with her uncle Buck.

"You just gotta wait a few while I get ready." He was still in pajama pants, and his hair definitely needed taming. Jee heaved a dramatic sigh and leaned back against the couch, visibly impatient. "So just… stay." Eddie's tone was unsure, and the toddler looked thoroughly unamused. He glanced around the living room for potential hazards, but he was a first responder so everything felt like a potential hazard. Dios, how did Chim and Maddie survive this?

Something to keep her entertained would probably be a good idea, even if he only was gone a few minutes. He grabbed the remote and turned the TV on, navigating to kids shows on Netflix. He spotted The Magic School Bus and decided on that. That was a good call, surely. It was educational or something, wasn't it? A glance at Jee's expression showed that she looked even more disinterested in this show than she was with Eddie himself. Whatever. It was ten seconds in, she couldn't dislike it already.

"I'll be right back, just stay on the couch please?"

"Be fast?" Jee asked, her mind clearly still on the donut he'd promised her.

Eddie nodded and then headed down the hall to his room. He did in fact move quickly, terrified that the little girl would somehow get herself killed in the two-ish minutes he was gone. He changed quickly into some jeans and a t-shirt that he was pretty sure was actually Buck's, then skidded out into the hallway. In the bathroom, he made his hair a little more presentable and brushed his teeth for approximately thirty seconds before darting back to the living room.

Jee was still standing in front of the couch, leaned back against it and staring at the TV with the same unimpressed expression. Some of the tension leaked out of Eddie's shoulders at the sight. She didn't look happy, but she hadn't gotten herself hurt or destroyed anything, so it counted as a win so far. She perked up as soon as she saw him. "Donuts?"

"Yeah, now donuts," Eddie agreed. He turned the TV off and made sure he had his phone and wallet before he went over to the front door to slide some shoes on.

-

Donuts had been a bad idea.

Jee-Yun was impatient, which Eddie figured was typical of three year olds. He'd get impatient too if he was that small and had to wait on everyone else to do things for him. Especially when those people made up seemingly arbitrary 'rules' like waiting until they got home to eat their donuts. After approximately seven minutes and 43 seconds of pestering, Eddie had just given the kid her damn donut while they were walking. She'd shoved her giraffe at him for him to hold and then dug in.

By the time her donut was gone a few minutes later, her face and shirt were covered in the light pink strawberry frosting. He was certain there was more on her than had even been on the donut in the first place, even though that was obviously impossible. He started to rummage in the little paper bag for the napkins he thought he had grabbed. Then, Jee had spotted a dog in the little park they were walking by, and Eddie almost tripped over himself in his scramble to catch her. He scooped her up just in time.

"Jee, you can't just approach random dogs," he said, unable to help the little huff that escaped his lips. Jee was squirming in his arms, clearly not too interested in what he was saying.

"Don't worry, he's friendly," the dog's owner said with a smile. Jee-Yun stopped squirming and looked over her shoulder to give Eddie a look that was entirely too smug, like she had known that all along. Great. Here he was trying to teach the kid an important safety lesson, and this random woman was undermining it. "You can pet him if you like, he's great with kids."

Eddie eyed the dog—a mutt, maybe a pit bull mix?—suspiciously, but the dog was wagging his tail so hard it was moving his whole body. His graying face was doing the dog equivalent of a smile. Eddie set Jee down, watching closely as she let the dog sniff her palm and her face split into a wide grin.

"Aw, your daughter is adorable," the woman cooed. "How old is she?"

"My niece, actually," Eddie corrected with a polite smile. "She's three." He grabbed a napkin and grabbed one of Jee's hands to clean it—the dog was already licking some of the frosting off the other. Oops. At least it wasn't chocolate. Once both her hands were clean, Jee-Yun started to pet the dog's head as he sat in front of her. "Your dog is cute," he complimented a little lamely, feeling just a bit awkward. His niece was all over this woman's dog, the least he could do it make conversation.

"Thank you, his name's Thor," the woman said brightly. "I actually just adopted him a few months ago."

"I want a puppy," Jee told her before Eddie could speak. "But Mommy and Daddy said no."

"Well, a puppy is a lot of work," the woman told her. "Maybe when you're older."

Jee just shrugged, not too impressed with that answer. She pet Thor for a moment longer before pressing up on her toes to lean over and plant a kiss on the top of his head, and okay that was adorable. "Thank you lady," she said politely as she stepped back, waving a hand at the woman as she gave her a grin. The woman laughed easily and nodded.

"Any time, sweetheart. Thor loves to get loved on." She scratched behind the dog's ears as Eddie took Jee-Yun's hand again.

"Alright, let's get going," he said, smiling down at the little girl before nodding goodbye to the woman. They turned to continue on their walk, Eddie letting go of Jee's hand for a moment to grab the giraffe that he had hastily stuffed under his arm before. He took her hand again immediately after passing it to her though—he was not going to risk her running off again. Just because he could catch her didn't mean he wanted to have to.

It was only after they walked through Eddie's front door that the sugar rush seemed to hit. Eddie already knew she could be a little rambunctious sometimes, partially because she was a kid and partially because she was Chimney's kid specifically. Her energy suddenly seemed boundless, though. He still needed to clean the frosting from her face, but the second they walked in she was bounding towards the living room. Eddie figured she was just going for the TV, but instead she was looking around, going so far as to open the drawers of the end tables—which were just junk drawers he needed to clear out, full of takeout menus and pens and random batteries.

"Don't you have anything fun?" the three year old asked bluntly as she slid the drawer closed, looking up at Eddie with brows furrowed. "I wanna play!" An idea seemed to strike her then and her face lit up. She darted forward, slamming her hand into Eddie's thigh and shouting "Tag, you're it!" before taking off.

They played tag for forty-five minutes. It felt exceedingly long simply due to the repetitiveness of the game. But Jee would giggle every time she tagged him and ran away, and squeal with laughter every time she narrowly avoided being tagged. Eddie would've played for another hour if she wanted him to. Jee then suddenly wanted to play hide and seek, but Eddie vetoed that immediately. Last thing he needed was her crawling into some little corner and him not being able to find her.

"You could color," Eddie suggested, trying to get her to stop pouting at the fact that her suggested game had been denied. She did perk up a little at that, so he got some paper and some crayons that probably hadn't been used in years. He set her up at the coffee table, and grabbed the remote to put a movie on in the background. She insisted on Frozen, naturally. Eddie was sure he'd rather be shot again than watch Frozen, considering she requested it almost every time Buck babysat her. But how could he deny her?

A quarter of the way into the movie, Jee-Yun seemed to lose interest in coloring. She climbed up onto the couch next to Eddie, curling up and leaning into his side with her eyes trained on the TV. Less than ten minutes later, Eddie could hear her breathing even out, and a glance down showed she had fallen asleep. He all but melted.

When Buck finally came back, the credits were rolling and Eddie himself was starting to doze off. He heard Buck come in, but didn't open his eyes until he heard the sound of Buck snapping a picture on his phone. Eddie opened his eyes to shoot Buck a glare, but it melted away under the plain adoration in his boyfriend's eyes. "Get everything fixed?" Eddie asked in a whisper as Buck moved to join them on the couch. Eddie immediately leaned into him, relaxing against Buck's side as Buck slung his arm around his shoulders. 

"Mostly," Buck answered in a soft hum. "Have fun being Uncle Eddie?" His tone was teasing, and Eddie could hear the grin in his voice. But he was cozy and didn't feel like moving to glare at him again. "Or was she too wild for you, old man?"

Eddie rolled his eyes—he wasn't even a full year older than Buck—then just let them close as he yawned. "'Course I had fun, I spent the whole morning with my favorite Buckley." He just grinned as Buck let out an indignant huff. 

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

you can hear it in the silence

9-1-1, buddie. rated mature for implied/referenced sex. 5+1 forehead kisses. includes eddie's feelings realization and confessions. just kinda fluffy and fun.

this was written for @buddie-bingo-events for the underrated tag bingo - which i am so stoked about, the prompts are great - for the prompt 'forehead kisses'. below is a lil snippet but i'm not gonna paste the full piece here because it's quite long i fear but go check it out, i love how it came out!!

"You look nice, Dad," Chris chimed in helpfully, giving Eddie a wide grin. When he looked back to Buck, his expression turned into something that was clearly an attempt at threatening. It wasn't very successful, considering the kid was sunshine in a ten year old's body. It was a trait of his that always reminded Eddie of Buck. "Give me the remote, we're not watching Star Wars again." "You love Star Wars!" Buck argued, though he was barely hiding his own smile as he looked at Christopher. Eddie just rolled his eyes again, though he could feel an indulgent smile of his own on his face. He patted his pockets to make sure he had everything—wallet, keys, where was his phone?—as he stepped closer to the couch. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to the crown of his son's head, moving on autopilot. "Be good, I shouldn't be back too late—" He paused to press a kiss to Buck's forehead too, not even realizing what he was doing before he was continuing, "—so you'll probably still be up." It's only once he stepped back, glancing at the coffee table for his phone, that he froze as he processed his actions. A glance at Buck showed the other man was also frozen for a moment, blue eyes wide and cheeks flushing a light shade of pink. Oh. Oh. Eddie had just kissed his best friend on the forehead. They didn't do that. They practically lived in each other's pockets but they didn't do that.

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

currently a little drunk and just thinking about how much i love buddie

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

i am once again annoyed as hell at them naming the madney baby robert nash

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

guys the buddie brainrot is insane i cant watch a single romantic movie without thinking of them

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

guys i wrote the first chapter of the buddie twisters au 🤭 and have a halfway decent outline (im not a big outline person). the question is how/when i should post it on ao3

how should i post

just as i go (no set schedule)

get a few chaps done and then have a posting schedule (like probs once a week)

wait until i’m done the whole thing

Voting ended onOct 28, 2025

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

hey so i did mean for this to only be a day not a week… apparently idk how to use tumblr 💔 embarrassing or wtv

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

guys i wrote the first chapter of the buddie twisters au 🤭 and have a halfway decent outline (im not a big outline person). the question is how/when i should post it on ao3

how should i post

just as i go (no set schedule)

get a few chaps done and then have a posting schedule (like probs once a week)

wait until i’m done the whole thing

Voting ended onOct 28, 2025

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

okay so i fear me and whumptober are butting heads a little bit - i might do a few more before the month is up but i think my writing brain is over trying to stick to angst. so i am in fact currently planning out the twisters au 👀

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

easy to read

9-1-1, gen. pre-buddie but they're so obvious they make me SICK. v quick lil piece but they're cute, i quite enjoy this. just eddie patching buck up yknow. 1121 words.

written for day 12 of @ailesswhumptober, prompt of 'dislocation'

Buck stumbled to the side, not even trying to move his injured arm yet as he used his other to rip off his helmet and mask. His hair was stuck to his forehead, damp with sweat, so he was quick to push his curls back. It was hard to focus on anything other than the fact that his shoulder currently felt like molten lava, but he glanced around the scene to make sure everyone else was out okay as the building started to give up completely. They were. Evidently, he had been the last one out. "You alright, Buck?" Eddie asked, his sudden appearance at Buck's side startling him just slightly. "You got a sixth sense or something?" Buck shot back with a grin that he couldn't help. His playful tone just earned him an eye roll. OR Buck gets hurt, Eddie fixes him up.

Buck would like it known that he was not intentionally being reckless—he just missed things sometimes. Admittedly, his job was one of the few where a lack of awareness of his surroundings could literally get him killed, but he was doing his best. Besides, he had been a little distracted trying to make sure the civilian he was helping didn't fall, considering the woman could barely walk with her most likely broken ankle.

They were nearly out of the building when it happened. Some beam fell—Buck hadn't noticed in time to move out of the way, so it hit him. Hard. In the shoulder, specifically. Hot pain immediately flooded the suddenly loose joint, and Buck knew without a doubt he'd just dislocated his shoulder. But he carried on, continuing to pull the woman out with him before getting her passed off to Hen and Chimney.

Buck stumbled to the side, not even trying to move his injured arm yet as he used his other to rip off his helmet and mask. His hair was stuck to his forehead, damp with sweat, so he was quick to push his curls back. It was hard to focus on anything other than the fact that his shoulder currently felt like molten lava, but he glanced around the scene to make sure everyone else was out okay as the building started to give up completely. They were. Evidently, he had been the last one out.

"You alright, Buck?" Eddie asked, his sudden appearance at Buck's side startling him just slightly.

"You got a sixth sense or something?" Buck shot back with a grin that he couldn't help. His playful tone just earned him an eye roll.

"You're holding yourself weird and only using one hand," Eddie pointed out without missing a beat. Buck's grin turned wry as he tilted his head slightly and squinted a bit at Eddie with undeniable fondness. "Don't give me that look, you're easy to read."

"I am not," Buck denied, using one hand to start undoing his turnouts. Eddie apparently got annoyed with his slow speed, as he quickly batted his hand away and reached out to do it for him. "I'm pretty sure I dislocated my shoulder. Got clipped by a beam."

They got his turnout coat off and Buck dropped it to the ground carelessly, on top of his helmet and mask. They were to the side, tucked back beside the ambulance, so he didn't worry much about being in the way. "You're bleeding," Eddie commented as he looked at Buck's injured shoulder. "It's soaking through your shirt."

"Guess it scratched me too," Buck muttered absently as he started to undo the buttons of his uniform shirt. Except Eddie was quick to help him with that too, and Buck felt warm all over in a way that had nothing to do with emerging from a fire less than ten minutes ago. "Hard to notice the sting with how my shoulder hurts." He chose to ignore the unsteadiness to his voice, knowing Eddie would write it off as pain.

Eddie just hummed in acknowledgment, finishing with his unbuttoning and helping Buck peel off his shirt. Buck couldn't help but wince as the fabric was pulled off the gashes on his shoulder, as well as the sharp jolt of pain when his shoulder was jostled a little. It felt weirdly loose and heavy, in addition to the ache that he felt deep throughout his bone and muscles. He'd dislocated his shoulder before, but it still wasn't a feeling that he thought he'd ever get used to. Buck groaned, quiet and low in his throat, as he felt Eddie gently poking around the shoulder, trying to feel out the damage.

"I can get Hen, we'll go—"

"Can you just pop it back into place?" Buck interrupted. He knew it wasn't advisable, if it was anyone else he'd be told to go to the hospital and let it be handled by a doctor. But he just wanted it done with already, and he trusted Eddie. He was basically a paramedic, considering his army medic training. He was like seventy percent sure Eddie had done this before, anyway.

"You sure?" Eddie checked, sounding like he was doubting Buck's choice. Buck knew Eddie didn't doubt he could do it, because he could. He was just doubting if Buck really wanted him to.

Buck took a deep breath and nodded. He stepped closer to the ambulance, bracing his good arm against the side and pressing his face into the crook of his elbow. This was gonna suck. A lot. "Yeah, get it over with."

Eddie gave no warning, adjusting his hands that were warm on Buck's already heated skin. Buck could picture his blood staining those calloused fingers and why was that image so— Eddie suddenly pushed his shoulder back into place and Buck let out a yelp that was muffled by his arm. "Sorry," Eddie murmured, rubbing his thumb back and forth for a beat in a comforting motion that seemed absentminded. Buck just shook his head to dismiss the apology, though he didn't move from where his face was pressed into the crook of his elbow. The pain had dulled down, but he still ached. "I'm gonna get some stuff and patch you up."

The loss of Eddie's hands on his skin almost felt worse than the throb of his shoulder and the pain of the cuts he could notice a bit more now. But the other man was back a moment later, and Buck hissed through his teeth at the sting of alcohol wipes as Eddie cleaned the gashes that he'd somehow managed to get even through his turnouts. He didn't even get the chance to complain before Eddie spoke.

"Consider this your punishment for not paying more attention, Buckley," he said, fondness under his faux-sharp tone. "Seriously. You've been doing this for how many years and you still managed to get hit by a falling beam?"

"Shut up," Buck grumbled, even as the corners of his lips twitched up into a small grin. "I was a little busy being a hero, obviously."

"Obviously," Eddie echoed, sounding amused. "Certainly didn't have anything to do with your inability to focus on your surroundings, I'm sure."

"You're so annoying," Buck complained, but he knew Eddie could hear the smile in his voice just as much as Buck could hear the smile in his. He also knew the comment was basically an admission of defeat, because he couldn't even argue with Eddie's point. But that was fine, he didn't mind losing to Eddie. He didn't even mind the ache and sting in his shoulder, not when it meant feeling Eddie's hands on him.

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

and what would we think about a buddie twisters (2024) au

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

good and exhausted

9-1-1. gen but hints of buddie as usual. buck is struggling with bobby's death and cannot sleep or chill for a single second okay. would've loved to flesh this out more but my brain is being evil. 1293 words.

written for @ailesswhumptober day 11 prompt 'sleep deprivation'. also fills the square 'worked themselves to exhaustion' for @badthingshappenbingo.

That shut Ravi up, but Buck gave Eddie a scowl. "I am not off my game. Picking up extra shifts doesn't mean I'm not sleeping." He hadn't been sleeping, but none of them needed to know that. He just couldn't bear the nightmares. Every time he fell asleep, he was right back at that lab, watching his loved ones die. It wasn't always Bobby, sometimes it was one of the others on the 118. Sometimes it was even more irrational, with Maddie or Christopher behind that glass. It was only when he passed out from sheer exhaustion that his subconscious stopped torturing him. "I think he said that because of those bags under your eyes, Buckaroo," Hen said, tone a little more gentle than it usually would be. "You do look pretty tired." OR Buck can't sleep, despite how exhausted he is.

"You look terrible."

Buck looked up from where he had been staring blankly into his mug of coffee to meet Ravi's eyes. Ravi was staring at him with a slight frown, a hint of concern behind his teasing tone.

"Good morning to you too, Rav," Buck muttered, dropping his gaze and taking a sip of his coffee. It wasn't how he usually liked it, with enough cream and sugar to satisfy his sweet tooth and get him teased by his teammates. No, lately he'd started drinking it black. He didn't really like it, but he was drinking it for the caffeine, not the taste.

It was the start of another long day in an endless stream of long days. Every day had felt horrendously long since the lab.

Since Bobby had died.

"Have you gone home at all since our last shift?" Hen asked as she joined them in the kitchen, starting to pour her own mug of coffee.

"No, he hasn't," Eddie huffed, coming in right behind her. Buck rolled his eyes as Ravi laughed.

"You sound like a disgruntled housewife," Ravi said, making Hen laugh too.

"Ha ha," Eddie said flatly. "Keep laughing, Panikkar. It's your ass on the line if he's exhausted and off his game."

That shut Ravi up, but Buck gave Eddie a scowl. "I am not off my game. Picking up extra shifts doesn't mean I'm not sleeping."

He hadn't been sleeping, but none of them needed to know that. He just couldn't bear the nightmares. Every time he fell asleep, he was right back at that lab, watching his loved ones die. It wasn't always Bobby, sometimes it was one of the others on the 118. Sometimes it was even more irrational, with Maddie or Christopher behind that glass. It was only when he passed out from sheer exhaustion that his subconscious stopped torturing him.

"I think he said that because of those bags under your eyes, Buckaroo," Hen said, tone a little more gentle than it usually would be. "You do look pretty tired."

"I'm fine," Buck snapped, and he felt a flash of guilt at the startled look on Hen's face. He knew it wasn't fair, how irritable he was lately. It just got worse with every sleepless night or back to back shift, but he couldn't stop. Staying still wasn't an option.

He was like a shark. If he stopped moving, he'd suffocate. Well, technically only some sharks had to keep swimming to breathe, like great whites and whale sharks and—

Buck's wandering thoughts—which were always worse when he wasn't sleeping enough, since lack of sleep exacerbated the symptoms of what was definitely undiagnosed ADHD—were interrupted by the bell ringing, signaling they had a call. He downed the rest of his coffee, trying not to frown at the taste, before hurrying downstairs to gear up with the others.

-

The first half of their 24 hour shift goes by quickly, a steady stream of calls keeping them busy all day. Buck is glad for it, glad to be kept distracted and out of his head. Glad that his team is kept busy, too busy to pay close enough attention to him to see the way his own sharp edges were making him bleed.

It was late now, everyone else having retired to the bunk room to catch some sleep between calls. Buck knew better than to try and sleep yet. Despite the fact that he was going on a little over two full days without sleep, he knew he wasn't exhausted enough yet to avoid the nightmares.

He sat in the loft instead, sprawled out on one of the couches and reading an article on his phone. It wasn't one of his usual pointless research binges, where he started with a random subject and let himself go down a rabbit hole. Those were fun, he usually ended up learning about some weird animal or obscure historic event.

His current obsession was decidedly less fun. Lately, all of his sleepless nights had been spent researching different viruses. He had started with Crimean-Congo Hemorrhagic Fever, naturally.

Buck was so deeply focused on the article he was reading about Rift Valley Fever—something that hardly affected humans and was more of a livestock issue, but was interesting nonetheless—that he didn't hear the footsteps coming up the stairs or pausing and then coming towards the couch. It wasn't until a hand fell to his shoulder that he noticed Eddie's presence, almost jumping out of his skin.

"Don't sneak up on me like that," Buck huffed, one hand pressing to his chest as if to calm his now racing heart as his other hand went to pick up his phone from where it had dropped into his lap.

"Why are you up?" There was an accusatory edge to Eddie's voice that had Buck tensing immediately. If he was a little more present and rational, he'd shut this down. He didn't want to argue with Eddie, he never did.

"Could ask you the same question," Buck shot back, tone entirely too snippy. He straightened where he sat on the couch and looked at Eddie, who was frowning at him with poorly hidden irritation.

"You don't have to be a dick," Eddie muttered, apparently also trying to avoid an argument but unable to keep himself quiet. Buck's shoulders slumped slightly, because he knew he was being a dick and it wasn't fair, just like when he'd snapped at Hen earlier. "I came up for some water. Can't sleep."

"Can't sleep either," Buck mumbled, looking back down at his phone.

"You never tried," Eddie pointed out, and even in his miserable and half-dazed state of sleep deprivation, Buck could appreciate that the other man was trying to soften his tone a bit. He let out a heavy sigh, trying to tamp down the automatic flaring of his temper.

"Yeah, I uh… I know how it goes by now," Buck tried to explain, looking away as he let out a yawn.

"So you've just given up on sleeping?" Eddie asked incredulously, moving to sit beside Buck on the couch. Buck straightened up a bit so he wasn't taking up as much space.

"No, I just…" Buck sighed again, knowing what he was about to say was going to sound bad.

"Nightmares," Eddie guessed, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned into the back of the couch comfortably. "If you don't sleep, you can't have nightmares."

It was annoying, sometimes, the way Eddie just seemed to have an innate understanding of Buck's brain. "Yeah, nightmares," Buck muttered, looking down at his phone so he didn't have to meet Eddie's gaze. "They don't happen if I get myself good and exhausted."

"This isn't sustainable, Buck. Not sleeping, overworking yourself—"

"I'm fine," Buck insisted immediately, earning himself an eye roll.

"You're not," Eddie snapped quietly, clearly failing to push down his temper.

"I really don't wanna argue, Eds," Buck said quietly, too tired for his own temper to even flare again in response. Buck could see the way Eddie softened—everything from his eyes to the tension in his shoulders.

Eddie let out a soft sigh. "You need to sleep, Buck."

"I know." Buck hated how small his own voice sounded. "I just… I can't." There's something pleading to his tone, begging Eddie to understand. He does, of course. No one had ever understood Buck the way Eddie seemed to.

"What were you reading when I came up?" Eddie asked instead of pressing the issue, leaning into Buck's side to look down at his phone.

Which is how Buck ended up quietly reading Wikipedia articles out loud until Eddie slumped against his shoulder, asleep, and Buck himself followed not long after.

[buck-botheredandbewildered]

partial collapse

9-1-1, buddie. building collapse traps buck and eddie. eddie nde. buck takes care of him. medical inaccuracies (my bad but i did my best). 2356 words.

written for @ailesswhumptober day 10 prompt 'hypoxia' and @badthingshappenbingo square 'punctured lung'

"I have had worse," Eddie acknowledged. "I just…" His lips twitched in a wry grin that somehow just made Buck more nervous. "I had a dream the other night, one where I died on shift. Some people would take that as a sign." "You don't believe in signs," Buck countered, feeling like his ribs were about to crack from the sheer effort of holding in his panic. He felt claustrophobic suddenly. He needed them both out of this fucking wreckage, needed Eddie to stop talking like this. "You told me once that the universe was screaming at me." Eddie opened his eyes, tilting his head a little to look at Buck. There was something so achingly intense mixed with the pain in those brown eyes that Buck loved. OR When an apartment building partially collapses with Buck and Eddie inside, Buck has to keep his best friend alive.

"Buck, Eddie, do you copy?"

Buck groaned as he came to, his body aching and his head pounding. He didn't move for a moment, just blinking his eyes open and taking in his surroundings. There wasn't much to see, the air around him dim and dusty with debris everywhere. It took a second to remember how he had gotten here. He remembered the 118 responding to a fire in an apartment building. While they had been searching for anyone stuck inside, something had suddenly exploded and sent the building collapsing around them. He could remember a brief moment of weightlessness before it had all gone dark.

"Buck? Eddie? I need you guys to check in."

That was Bobby, voice full of worry as it came out of Buck's radio. Buck finally moved, just reaching a hand up to press the button of his radio as he cleared his throat. "I'm here, Cap," he said. He sat up, shoving some of the debris off of the lower half of his body. He was lucky not to be pinned—

Eddie. Bobby had also asked for Eddie, Eddie had been inside with Buck when the blast happened. Buck's mind, which had been foggy and slow following his bout of unconsciousness, was racing now. He scrambled to his feet, ignoring the pain in his body. None of it was bad enough to indicate anything serious, he was just banged up. He didn't really care, anyway. He needed to find Eddie.

"Buck, are you hurt?" Bobby asked. Buck was hardly paying attention, flicking on his flashlight to start searching his surroundings. His eyes swept back and forth frantically as he tried his best to maneuver through the wreckage. They seemed to have crashed down into the basement of the building. "Buck?"

Buck grabbed his radio again. "I'm fine, Cap. I'm looking for Eddie."

"Be careful you don't shift anything," is all Bobby said, knowing better than to try and keep Buck from doing everything in his power to find Eddie.

It took several minutes and very careful navigation between pockets of space scattered around the rubble before Buck found him. For a terrifying moment, Buck couldn't tell if Eddie was breathing. But then he caught the faint rise of his chest, and Buck felt like his heart started beating again.

"Eds?" Buck called, trying to shift some of the debris pinning Eddie down. It was heavy, though, and Buck didn't want to jostle Eddie too much since he didn't know the extent of his injuries. Instead, Buck knelt down beside his unconscious best friend. He pushed up the visor of Eddie's helmet and pulled off his broken oxygen mask. He tapped his face with a gloved hand to try and wake him. He wanted to avoid a sternal rub if he could, since broken ribs were fairly likely considering the way they had fallen and the way Eddie was pinned. "Eddie, c'mon, wake up for me."

Now that Buck was closer, he could tell that Eddie's breathing wasn't right. It was rapid and shallow, a bit of a wheeze to it. Eddie stirred before he could think further on that, sucking in a gasping breath and immediately grunting in pain. His eyes were hazy as they found Buck's.

"Eddie, hey," Buck said, the tightness in his chest easing a little. "What hurts?" Really, everything probably hurt right now, but Eddie would know how to prioritize.

"Chest, my—fuck, it hurts," Eddie groaned, squeezing his eyes shut for a minute. "It's—Something's wrong."

Buck swallowed thickly, ignoring the icy fear that flooded his body at the words. "What is it?"

"My chest, my lungs, I think," Eddie rasped after a moment of consideration. "I need you to check for a collapse, on the side of my chest near you."

"Got it," Buck mumbled, examining the rise and fall of Eddie's chest as he breathed. Visually, there wasn't much a difference. He put his hands to Eddie's chest, focusing on the feel of each side and realizing that he could feel a difference. To double check, he leaned down close and tapped lightly at Eddie's chest and yeah, that didn't sound right.

"Partial collapse, right?" Eddie guessed, eyes still closed. Buck glanced down to see him clenching his hand that wasn't pinned into a fist. His voice was remarkably even considering how much pain he was probably in.

"Sounds like it," Buck confirmed.

"Doesn't seem like it's too bad, but that could change," Eddie warned, and Buck tried to ignore the fear that coiled tight in his stomach at the thought.

"We need to get out of here," he muttered, grabbing his radio and holding the button down as he reported in. "I've got Eddie, but we need an exit, Cap. He's got a partial lung collapse, not to mention he's pinned by the wreckage. I don't see any bleeding, and he can move his extremities, but there could be other injuries that we aren't aware of yet."

"We're working on it, Buck. Just keep him steady, okay?"

Eddie's eyes fluttered open again to look at Buck as he sighed heavily, anxiety wreaking havoc on his stomach. If Eddie took a turn, how was Buck supposed to keep him steady? He didn't have any equipment. Buck met Eddie's gaze and knew he'd figure it out if it came down to it. He didn't have a choice. Losing Eddie wasn't an option.

"Got it, Cap."

They don't talk at first, just waiting in relative silence while Buck kept watching Eddie intently for any sign that he was taking a turn for the worse. Eddie stared blankly up at the wreckage above them, and Buck can't stop himself from asking, "Thinkin' about anything over there?"

"Not really," Eddie said, but Buck can tell it's a lie. He just hummed, soft and questioning. Eddie sighed, pain flashing across his face with the motion. "Just the usual in these situations. Chris."

Right, obviously. Buck felt a little stupid for not guessing that.

"Feeling real glad I changed my will a couple years ago," Eddie added in a murmur after a beat. Buck's chest ached at the words. They never really talked about the will, not since Eddie had informed Buck that he had changed it so Christopher would go with him if anything happened to Eddie. It was just one of those unspoken things between them, how much that meant to each of them—that Buck would fight for Chris as hard as Eddie, that Eddie would trust Buck with the one person most precious to him. They didn't talk about it, because there weren't really the right words for any of it.

Sometimes, Buck felt like most of whatever they were, whatever it was that made them BuckandEddie instead of Buck and Eddie, existed in the silence. It existed more in everything left unsaid than anything either of them have ever expressed aloud. He hated that. Not always, but sometimes. He was growing tired of the years of dancing around each other, of avoiding the feelings that just grew every day. But Eddie was straight, regardless of that weird extra layer to their friendship. They were best friends and partners, and Buck tried his best to ignore his desire for more.

"Don't talk like that," Buck scolded lightly, still watching Eddie intently for any change. "The will doesn't matter since I'm getting you out of here."

"It's always my first thought," Eddie continued, evidently ignoring Buck's words. "Not just that he'd have you, though you—" Buck watched Eddie close his eyes and swallow thickly. "You have no idea how glad I am he'd have you. But I'm also glad you'd have him."

Buck's throat felt tight. "Eddie—"

"Knowing he's at home would keep you from doing anything stupid, if I wasn't here to have your back."

"But you are here," Buck said firmly. He couldn't listen to this anymore. "You've had worse than this, Eds. You're gonna be fine, alright?"

"I have had worse," Eddie acknowledged. "I just…" His lips twitched in a wry grin that somehow just made Buck more nervous. "I had a dream the other night, one where I died on shift. Some people would take that as a sign."

"You don't believe in signs," Buck countered, feeling like his ribs were about to crack from the sheer effort of holding in his panic. He felt claustrophobic suddenly. He needed them both out of this fucking wreckage, needed Eddie to stop talking like this.

"You told me once that the universe was screaming at me." Eddie opened his eyes, tilting his head a little to look at Buck. There was something so achingly intense mixed with the pain in those brown eyes that Buck loved.

Brown eyes that suddenly went wide and panicked as Eddie's breathing changed without warning, much more labored and pained. Buck stiffened as Eddie's one free hand pressed to his chest, right over his partially collapsed lung. Eddie struggled to suck in a breath, the veins in his neck suddenly bulging. Buck scrambled for his radio.

"Guys, something's wrong," he blurted out, unable to hide his panic. "H-He—His breathing is worse, looks like maybe his pain is too."

It was Hen's voice that crackled through the radio this time. "It could've progressed from a simple pneumothorax to a tension pneumothorax," she said quickly. "You're gonna have to release the air building up in his chest."

"How do I do that?"

"You'll need a tube of some sort." Buck glanced around, panic threatening to choke him before he was able to push it away and force himself into a focused work mindset. He had to keep it together, Eddie needed him. He grabbed Eddie's broken facemask by the tube that connected it to his air supply.

"All I have is the hose from his air supply."

"That'll have to work," Hen said, her tone making it clear that it wasn't her first choice at all. Buck tried to ignore that, grabbing his knife from a pocket of his turnouts to cut a section of the hose free. Hen walked him through the process of creating the incision and feeding the tube in between two of Eddie's ribs, creating a way for the trapped air to escape and stop putting pressure on his lung.

Buck felt like he couldn't breathe until Eddie could, and he sank back to sit on his haunches when the other man settled somewhat now that he could actually inhale and exhale to some degree.

"I-I think we're good for now," Buck reported into his radio, pointedly ignoring the way his voice cracked. "Please tell me you guys are getting close."

"We're getting there as fast as we can, Buckaroo," Hen told him gently. "You're doing great."

He wanted to scream, to tell them that 'as fast as they can' wasn't good enough. But he didn't. He stayed silent, keeping his eyes trained on Eddie, who looked ten times more exhausted than before as his breathing settled—well, as much as it could settle in his current situation.

It's another several minutes before Eddie broke the silence that had fallen between them.

"I think you were right." Buck frowned slightly, tilting his head in question. Eddie smiled faintly before he continued. "The universe has been screaming at me. But not—not how you meant. And maybe it wasn't even the universe, maybe it was… Maybe it was you."

Buck's stomach lurched threateningly. "W-What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean," Eddie whispered, and Buck felt his heart drop all the way down to the Earth's core. Eddie knew. Eddie knew?! How did Eddie know?

"I'm so—"

"No," Eddie interrupted, voice firm. He swallowed thickly, his brows furrowing like he was thinking hard. "You don't have—I'm—" He shook his head, looking frustrated with the way his words were coming out a little slow and thick. "I can't think, for some reason."

Above them, the rubble shifted, and Buck instinctively shielded the exposed parts of Eddie's body—mostly just half of his chest and his head—with his own as dust rained down around them. Leaning close like that allowed Buck to notice the blue tint that Eddie's lips were starting to take on. What the hell? He could breathe now, why—

Buck shook his head and pulled off his helmet just to tug his own facemask off. He wasn't sure how much he had left in his tank, but maybe air quality was the issue? Before he could fit the mask over Eddie's face, Eddie's free hand clenched in Buck's turnouts and tugged him down into a kiss.

His mind was going haywire as he kissed Eddie back like it was second nature, the wreckage still shifting around and above them. Buck pulled back just in time for sunlight to shine down on them as a piece of the rubble was moved, exposing them to the outside world again. He could hear their team, but his wide eyes were trained on Eddie's face, on the hazy little grin there.

Chimney and Hen were suddenly there with their kit, Bobby pulling Buck back so they could get to work. Buck was still in a daze, but he managed to catch Chimney's words of, "Lips are turning blue, looking at probable hypoxia. Need to get him on oxygen, ASAP."

Bobby used his grip on Buck's shoulder to turn the younger man around to face him, though Buck was reluctant to tear his gaze from Eddie. "You okay, kid?" Bobby asked, eyes full of worry as he scanned Buck for any visible injuries.

"I'm fine," Buck insisted, mind still reeling. He felt like he was buffering, like he couldn't quite catch up with everything that had happened. "Will Eddie—"

"He'll be fine," Bobby assured, squeezing Buck's shoulder comfortingly. "Hen and Chim have him. I don't suppose I can convince you to go get looked over by some other paramedics?"

Buck shook his head immediately. "I'm staying with Eddie."

To Buck's surprise, Bobby's lips twitched up in a half-exasperated smile and he conceded without a fight. "Yeah, I figured."