Buckley's Sims

Colleen, 31, USA. I love sims and stories.

[buckleysims]

My amazing grandmother died this past Thursday. She meant more to me than anyone else in the world, aside from my mom and sister. She was truly the woman I aspire to become. She'd been sick for a while now, so her passing was not wholly unexpected, but it feels like my north star just burnt out. I've spent my entire life trying to make her proud, and I feel lost, completely lost, knowing she's gone.

(Side note: I'm posting this here because I don't have any other social media accounts, and I feel this overwhelming need to scream into the void about what an incredible person she was. And also because I can't stop crying today, and I thought it might help. This community has always been kind to me, and I could use a bit of that right now.)

My uncle wrote the following passage about her. It's a bit long, but it touches on a few of the reasons why I loved and admired her so very much. (For example, I never knew until reading this that she was the first woman commissioned in the Indiana Air National Guard as a nurse lieutenant, nor did I realize that she worked with polio patients and provided early healthcare during the AIDS epidemic. Even after her death, she's still finding ways to inspire me.)

Carolyn finally let go at the age of 94. Her work here is done. Preceded in death by her husband Lynn, she is survived by her four children, seven grandchildren and three great grandchildren.

Carolyn lived a long, interesting and purposeful life. She received her BS in Nursing from Indiana University in 1953 and went on to work in both community and hospital settings early in her career. Carolyn would describe her early years as a registered nurse before there was a vaccine for diseases like polio, when she would care for polio patients in iron lungs and explain to families that their new bathtub wasn’t for coal storage. Born and raised in Indianapolis, Carolyn was a big fan of the Indianapolis 500 race and often worked the first aid station on race day. She was the first woman commissioned in the Indiana Air National Guard as a nurse lieutenant. She was always up for a new adventure as long as it involved service to others or learning something new.

After marrying Lynn in 1958, his career took the family to St. Louis in the early 1960s. In 1966, Carolyn accepted a new position as the Health Services Director for St. Louis Community College where she worked for over 30 years. Even before the campus was built, Carolyn was setting the standard for what college health services would look like for years to come. She created an office that did more than take care of sick or injured students and faculty. Under her guidance, the college health service offices at STLCC reached out into the North St Louis County community to hold events like vaccine clinics and programs educating the community on disease and prevention. In the early 1970s, Carolyn saw a need a need for health care access that didn’t require having a regular doctor. She came up with the idea of opening her offices in the evening for Planned Parenthood to provide people with care. She was in the first wave of health care providers to offer AIDS testing, counseling and prevention information. Her door was always open to anyone needing help. For much of her career with STLCC, Carolyn was active in the American College Health Care Association serving in many capacities including President. She’d laugh saying she did all this while raising a husband and four kids.

Carolyn truly loved her family and devoted herself to making sure they each had what they needed to succeed. She also loved spending time on the family’s old houseboat along the Mississippi river. When her children got older, Carolyn enjoyed traveling the world. She learned to ski in Austria, she spent some happy summers working an archeological dig in Syria, she studied in Russia and traveled extensively, often with groups from the St. Louis Archeology Association (AIA). She toured Egypt, Tunisia, Morocco, Turkey, parts of Europe and Central America. Carolyn was always about adventure, making new friends and learning. In her later years she spent more time traveling within the United States and keeping an eye on her adult children who weren’t always up at 5 a.m. raring to go like she was.

Her wit, her energy, her spirit and service to others will be missed. Over the course of her life, Carolyn helped so many people, that it wasn’t uncommon to walk into a store, a restaurant, museum or the occasional bar and hear someone shout “Hi Carolyn!”.

As a final act of service, Carolyn made the decision years ago to skip the funeral and donate her body to Washington University School of Medicine.

[buckleysims]

Not wanting to pry but also wanting to make sure you’re okay…you went quiet. Hope nothing bad happened at work and that you’re doing okay!

Hey, anon. I apologize for the lack of posts lately, but thank you very much for your concern. It means a lot to me. ♥

I'm assuming you want to know what happened to my office fling? If not, the TL;DR reply is that I'm working through some personal frustrations right now, but overall I'm fine.

The long version: Back in March, I told "Joe" that I didn't want a relationship with him, and he acquiesced. Joe ended up getting back together with his ex-girlfriend, who is now his fiancée, a decision which I wholeheartedly supported at the time. Nevertheless, over the past two months he and I have become close friends. We talk pretty much every day, and I see him regularly at work during lunch breaks and whenever one of us pops down the hall to say hi or whatever. I also started dating around a bit, and he's been super supportive, giving me advice and encouragement and a friendly ear to commiserate with. It is really nice.

Except... I've caught feelings for him. And I think he may have too.

To give you all some background, his fiancée is a nightmare. A serial cheater, manipulative, emotionally stunted, controlling, jealous, etc. She treats him terribly. Not that Joe is perfect by any stretch of the imagination, and I've told him to do better on numerous occasions. However, his issues pale in comparison to the shit that she puts him through every damn week. But he loves her. He clearly, desperately loves her, and in spite of my feelings for him I would never do anything to jeopardize their relationship. I walk a fine line trying to support him without enabling her, but I do my best to be a friend to him and not take sides or get too involved in their drama.

But then last Friday he kissed me.

I was standing by the door to his office getting ready to leave when I mentioned that I had a date later that night with this one guy I've been seeing who can't kiss. Our nickname for him is "Frog Boy", just to give you all some idea. Joe got irritated and started lecturing me about how I am leading this man on since I don't want a long-term relationship with him and that he is going to get attached if I'm not careful and yada yada yada. To ease the tension, I made some stupid remark like I needed to learn how NOT to kiss and that it's a skill best gained from experience. Joe leaned in and whispered that I should learn from experience, the right experience, and then he backed me up against the door and kissed me ragged.

We haven't talked since.

[buckleysims]

Here are the facts: We can all sit and turn this coin for the next few weeks and try to analyze it, but fact is, we have gone by what little info Colleen chose to share with us, which is obviously her own interpretation, and add to that, none of us are professionals. Colleen has even said herself that she has next to no experience, and this is all she got from this man, which I really can't disregard, since she wasn't harmed. Kissing a frog can still be a good kiss, specially if you gain positive life experience. And you did, Colleen! Might not have landed you Prince charming THIS time, but you learned to step out of your comfort zone, dared to walk an unexplored path, stood up for yourself, took a chance and dared to stand by your no. This is huge! This is positive! This is progress! And barking profanity, using the word narcissist and saying stuff like you were 'shaking your head and wanting to scream run', is not only counterproductive, but also overshadows all the positive that DID actually come out of this experience! By doing so, you might even stifle Colleens progress and her hope/courage to try again in the future. So how about we pack all the judgment away, and instead, once more, give Colleen a hand for how absolute BOSS she tackled the situation, cause it was truly brave, strong and admirable 💚

Hello, anon. :) I apologize for the delayed reply, but I needed some time to think about your message before responding.

First and most importantly, I want to thank you from the bottom of my shriveled, cynical heart for your encouragement and support. I dearly appreciate it, and I can't even begin to tell you how honored and touched I am to have received such a kind note. The fact that anyone even bothers to read about my ridiculous, insignificant little problems amazes me, but the fact that I have supporters out there who care enough to reach out and offer advice? It is an act of friendship and compassion that I will never forget.

But back to the matter at hand. You are correct in all your facts, and your conclusion was incredibly heartening to read. It's true that I was not physically harmed by this man, and his attention has helped me come out of my shell and gain some life experience. I enjoyed myself (especially the kissing, lol), and most significantly I realized that my inevitable and eternal spinsterhood does not necessarily have to be inevitable or eternal after all. I tend to be a glass-half-empty sort of person, and you've given me a much needed dose of optimism.

However, I cannot fault anyone for their judgement of me or their characterization of the situation that I got myself into. I was a fool to like this guy, and I should have seen who he was from the start. I have always been a bit naïve, a bit gullible, a bit ditzy, a bit too trusting, and I need blunt language and straight talk to prevent me from making the worst mistakes. See "Personal Post Ahead" for a prime example of what happens otherwise. I understand and appreciate your concerns, truly I do, and I feel like you've made some excellent points here. It's just that, honestly, I probably need to judged. Heck, I probably deserve a lot more of it than I have received so far.

Anyway, thank you again for your ask, and I hope you don't misunderstand what I'm trying to say or how I'm trying to say it. Have a nice week, nonny, and happy simming!

[buckleysims]

[buckleysims]

[buckleysims]

[buckleysims]

Scalp Hair Makeup

I made too many, and now I can’t decide which of these to finish and upload. I need help. (In more ways than one. XD)

Anyway, question for those of you who are interested in this project. Do you have a problem with these being exclusively in the blush category? Each picture represents two separate makeups (as unfortunately the textures cannot be applied to both the face and the scalp at the same time since these parts are mapped individually). So for each one, there’s a scalp blush and a matching face blush, which means that to use both together you will need NRaas’s MasterController or a mod with similar functionality in order to allow multiple makeups per category. Does that work for you guys? To be honest, I am reluctant to put these into other categories because I think that it could get confusing trying to match them up, but also because it sounds like a lot of work and I am feeling lazy. :P But I can definitely do multiple versions if that’s what y’all want. Just let me know!

[buckleysims]

first of all you have the nicest looking sims ive seen. the sims 3 is so ugly. Since I've gotten back into playing, I have been looking for everything I can ( all over the internet) to make it NOT ugly and your sims are the closest I have seen to the aesthetic I want. Beautiful work :))

Please have all the puppies because this is the sweetest message and you deserve them. ;-;

P.S. If you need help finding anything, please feel free to ask me. I am embarrassingly bad about answering my messages, but I am trying to be more responsive and I never, ever mind receiving WCIFs.

[buckleysims]

Love your life, you just dodged a major bullet! Ppl telling you to go for it from the start, and I was reading your updates and wanting to scream at you”run Colleen, run”. This guy is a major arsehole and a Narcissist. What nice guy gropes you minutes after meeting you, puts the hard word on you and tries to emotionally manipulate you like that, all in the space of DAYS?! Someone who is going to hurt you, emotionally and maybe physically. He picked you for an easy target to f@#$&k around with while his girlfriend (and I believe not an ex) was away. You go girl, run away and don’t even give him another glance, live your best life and make sure you always look hot at work 😄❤️

I know you're right about him, kind anon, but the way he looks at me and touches me, holds me, kisses me... I just lose myself. I suppose I will simply have to avoid him from now on as I (obviously) cannot be trusted to respect myself when he's nearby.

Regardless, thank you so, so much for your encouragement and support. I realize that you're probably sitting there shaking your head at me right now and telling yourself that it's hopeless and I'm a lost cause, but I promise you that's not the case. I will get him out of my head. I must get him out of my head. I plan to keep your ask and look at it every time I begin to doubt my decision to stop seeing him or question my worth or worry about the impossibly slim chances of finding somebody else. Your message is a much needed reminder that I deserve better, and I wholeheartedly appreciate the fact that you cared enough to send it to me.

P.S. I laughed so hard at your remark about making sure to always look hot at work. I will certainly do my best! XD But anyway, I hope you have a great weekend, and thank you again.

[buckleysims]

...Aaaand there goes my self respect.

I made out with him. It was the sexiest, most out of character thing I have ever done in my entire life. He lifted me onto the desk in his office and kissed me the way every woman deserves to be kissed. And I’m ashamed to admit that we probably would have done much, much more if I wasn’t such a coward.

But let me start over. I need to clarify a couple of things before I tell you guys about what a fucking disaster I am.

On Wednesday, he and I were scrolling through his phone looking at pictures of his dogs when a very beautiful, very naked woman appeared on the screen. He laughed and told me that she was just some model he likes. It didn’t bother me; I believed him, and we ended up having a really nice time together.

Later that afternoon, however, I let it get into my head. So I texted him to ask about her. Again he reassured me that he’d never met the woman, and he teased me for being intimidated by a porn star. But really, who wouldn’t be? I tried to brush off my embarrassment by saying something along the lines of, “Well, I never outright asked you if you're single, so I just wanted to be sure.”

He paused.

Then he admitted that he’d started talking to his ex again and they’re going out for lunch on Friday. He also insisted that he was going to tell me about it before anything more happened between the two of us.

I replied that I thought he should get back together with her. “There’s obviously some real history there, and you and I just met. I don’t want to get in the way.” He proceeded to make a joke about threesomes and how much this other woman would “like” me, and at that point I kind of lost my temper. I told him in no uncertain terms that he should definitely reconcile with his (ex) girlfriend as she is obviously a much more generous and giving person than I am because I would never consider sharing my boyfriend with another woman like that.

Later that night, he announced that we couldn’t talk/text anymore starting the day that his (ex) girlfriend gets back to town. I was confused and hurt and probably a bit defensive, and he reacted by boasting that he’d taken my advice and it was thanks to my encouragement that the two of them might still have a chance.

I should note, to his credit, that by this point on Wednesday he’d already offered to take me out to dinner three times, and I’d refused them all. (On Saturday, I was too nervous about us being caught by my boss (which is a whole other story). On Tuesday, he had prior obligations until late in the evening, and I couldn’t wait that long. On Wednesday, I was too upset to go out with him.) So yeah, he was more than a little frustrated with me.

Anyway, that brings me up to Thursday.

When we made out. And more.

I know it was wrong. Believe me, I do. But here’s what happened. He greeted me in the lobby that morning, and I snapped at him. I said something about how I was hoping I wouldn’t be forced to see his face today. (It was an awful thing to say. I know, I know. As irritated as I was, he was trying to be sweet by waiting to walk me to my office.) He chuckled and said something about how much he likes feisty girls early in the morning. I don’t remember his exact remark now, but that’s close enough.

Moving on. I felt guilty that I’d been so rude to him. The night before, he’d told me that we could still be acquaintance-y friends, and I’d agreed that we should try. My jab was anything but friendly.

So I went to his office late that afternoon to apologize. He was leaving for the gym and wearing one of those loose sleeveless shirts that showed off his muscular arms and sexy tattoos. I should have taken one look at him and walked the other way. But I didn’t, and one thing led to another. And within minutes I found myself sprawled beneath him on his desk with my legs wrapped around his waist.

Of course, me being me, I panicked when he tried to take it a step further. I shoved him off of me, jumped down from the table, fled out the door and ran straight back to my office. A short while later he texted me and asked me to come over to his place for dinner. (He also told me that I could pack a bag and stay the night if I wanted to. I think he was kidding, but still. *eye roll*) Once again, I refused.

I didn’t see him at all today. I spent the entire morning and most of the afternoon attempting to convince myself that I was fine with how things ended and happy that I didn’t have to interact with him anymore now that his (ex) girlfriend is back in town. I tried everything I could to stop thinking about him, and by four o’clock this afternoon my mind was finally, for the most part, elsewhere.

But then...

He came to my office. I know it was him because we were joking around earlier this week, and he created a special tapping “code” that he claimed he was going to use when he walked by my door and wanted to say hi without my boss knowing about it.

Tap. Tap. Slide. Slide. Tap.

He did it twice, a couple of minutes apart. I pretended not to hear, and by the time I left this afternoon he was already gone.

I’m a mess. :(

[buckleysims]

I hate my life.

But at least I don’t hate myself. It was going really well with the hot guy in my building until today. He told me that his ex girlfriend is coming back to town this weekend, and I encouraged him to get back together with her. I figured they have a history, and he and I just met. I can’t compete with that. I guess that was the wrong reaction, though, because now he’s saying that we can’t talk at all starting Friday (the day she returns). Also, he asked me twice to spend the night with him before/while this happened, and I turned him down both times. Gently, or so I thought, but regardless he’s decided that my refusal to sleep with him coupled with the fact that I don’t want to fight (a losing battle) for him means I don’t care and we can’t be even friends anymore. :(

I’m disappointed, but at least I didn’t let him pressure me into sex. That’s something, I suppose.

[buckleysims]

Personal Post Ahead

I have been in this community since 2013, and in that time I’ve shared a lot of private stuff with you guys. My parent’s separation and divorce, my sister’s neglect of our mother and the divide it caused between the two of us, our subsequent reconciliation and the renewal of our friendship, the sudden death of my best (dog) friend, my father’s marriage to a woman who hates me, my struggle to deal with the birth of their daughter, etc. But I’ve never talked to anyone about this, and I need some advice.

Please do not read below if you are triggered by the discussion of sexual assault. It’s not graphic or explicit or anything like that, but I would hate to upset someone. Also, I kindly request that if you want to reply please avoid guilting, shaming, or lecturing me. I do enough of that all by myself. Thank you.

Keep reading

[buckleysims]

@simnights @getboolpropped @diplacesims @aisquaredchoco @gruesim @pitheinfinite @notjustabooksims @sim4areason @muses-circle @moonlite1990 @gifappels-stuff @mysimsloveaffair @batsheba @celtysims @owly-sims​

I apologize for not replying to each of you individually like you deserve, but it’s just making me too emotional. However, I have read your comments over and over again, and I promise you that I cherish each and every one of them. I initially tagged this post as one to delete, but I will never. Sharing this story after hiding it from the world for so long was hard as hell, but now that I’ve done it I feel better. Lighter and more solid, if that makes sense. Less broken. Thank you guys for giving me a safe place to unload. I will forever appreciate your support.

What amazes me most is that y’all knew exactly what I was worrying about despite me not asking about it outright. But anyway, I am so relieved that you don’t think I owe him (or anybody) an explanation, at least not yet. Perhaps someday, if I ever find a serious partner, I will reconsider, but I was afraid that I was being deceptive or even dishonest by not telling him about my past. I’m glad that you guys don’t see it that way.

Also, in regards to your suggestions about going slow... I desperately needed to hear that. Not that I was planning on jumping into bed with him tomorrow (obviously, lol), but I think that’s really sage advice, to take my time, and from here on out I fully intend to move at my own pace and no faster. As y’all said, if he’s worth it, he will be patient. *fingers crossed*

P.S. Shutting up about this now. Again, my apologies for all the personal spam this week.

[buckleysims]

Personal Post Ahead

I have been in this community since 2013, and in that time I’ve shared a lot of private stuff with you guys. My parent’s separation and divorce, my sister’s neglect of our mother and the divide it caused between the two of us, our subsequent reconciliation and the renewal of our friendship, the sudden death of my best (dog) friend, my father’s marriage to a woman who hates me, my struggle to deal with the birth of their daughter, etc. But I’ve never talked to anyone about this, and I need some advice.

Please do not read below if you are triggered by the discussion of sexual assault. It’s not graphic or explicit or anything like that, but I would hate to upset someone. Also, I kindly request that if you want to reply please avoid guilting, shaming, or lecturing me. I do enough of that all by myself. Thank you.

This is really difficult for me to write, so I’m just going to jump straight into it.

When I was younger, I put myself in a situation that I shouldn’t have, and someone I trusted took advantage of me. I don’t want to go into details, but I was a teenager and he was north of fifty. The words no and stop were used, unsuccessfully, multiple times, and a casual, if flirty, acquaintanceship/friendship turned into one of the worst experiences of my life.

That was over a decade ago, and I have not really dated anyone since then. I was too ashamed of myself. I spent years believing that it was my fault. He told me that I’d “seduced” him. He was married, and I should have known better. I'd been reckless and naïve, and I had only myself to blame for what happened.

Time and distance have provided clarity and healing, but I’m still incredibly uneasy in certain situations. (My amazing doctor, who I’ve been with since I was fourteen, is the only one who knows anything about this. I went to her for a pregnancy test afterward, and she suspected that something was wrong when I started crying during the gynecological exam. Those exams still make me miserable tbh.) Anyway, I’m ready to move beyond it now and maybe consider being intimate again, but...

Do y’all think that I should mention it to the man in my building who kissed me? And if so, at what point in a relationship is it appropriate to bring up something like this? I feel like it’s obviously too soon now and I probably shouldn’t even be worrying about it yet, but I’m beginning to wonder if he deserves to know just why I’m so timid. That said, I really hate to burden him with it. My mistakes are not his problem, and I don’t want him to get the wrong idea about my intentions. Any advice you guys can offer would be very much appreciated.

And as always, thank you all for your patience with me. I know this has nothing to do with sims, but I don’t know who else to ask. Nevertheless, I promise that I will get back to posting pixels soon. <3

[buckleysims]

Please be safe. Your love interest sounds straight out of a romance novel (intense and not fond of boundaries).

I'm afraid to ask this, but which romance novel? :P

But for real, thank you so much for your concern, nonny. I will try. <3 In his defense, however, I think he realized that I need someone who will push my boundaries? And that's why he kissed me in spite of my hesitation? But then again maybe I should be more careful. I've never felt unsafe around this man, but I'm not very experienced in the dating department either. I don't know that I'd recognize the warning signs. I will definitely give it some thought. Thank you again for your kind message!

[buckleysims]

For anyone who wants an update on the train wreck known as my life, see below.

Keep reading

[buckleysims]

Replies under the cut.

@sweetpyxels Good men ARE hard to find. That’s so true. I am still not convinced that he’s a good person, but then again I barely know him. I guess that’s what dating is all about. Well, that, and it’s also sorta fun? :D

@drawing-way-outside-the-lines That’s a great idea about bringing him lunch! Heaven knows he’s brought me food often enough this past week, lol. Definitely going to try that. Thank you so much for the suggestion. ♥ Also, do you think he was fishing? I never considered that before... Hm, now that you mention it, I think he must have been. Oh god, I am terrible at the whole flirting thing, haha.

@gruesim *tackle hugs* I wish I was more like you! <3 I am a basket case of emotions, and all too often I let my heart control my decisions without letting my brain weigh in first. I did attempt to tell him that I liked him, but he didn’t seem to believe me. He seemed to think that I was just being nice.

@hunterthewriterworld You have no idea how much I appreciate you saying that you don’t mind my updates! Sharing with you guys has been such a huge comfort to me. Y’all make me feel like less of a fool, and your advice has truly been a godsend. <3

@owly-sims Owly! Thank you so much for your encouragement! I can’t even begin to tell you how wonderful it is to have the support of my friends. *hugs*

@simnights ROFL! “...until the wedding.” Oh god, no. No, no, no. As I’ve said from the beginning, this man is out of my league. I am enjoying the flirting and kissing, but for all I know he has five kids, an evil ex-wife, and girlfriends in five other states. :P But for real, thank you for your support. I appreciate it so much.

@ktarsims True words of wisdom. <3 But yeah, I am trying very, very hard to have no expectations, and I think (so far) I am succeeding. The chemistry that we have together is fun, but as for a relationship that can wait. Also, thank you for the reminder about not letting him pressure me. I am going to do my best to take thing slow, and I hope he will respect that.

@iamg-knee :D LOL, thank you! I feel a tad guilty posting about a real life person like this, but not guilty enough to stop. XD So glad you don’t mind all the non sims content! ♥

@technicallyswagpizza OMG, that is an awesome Valentine’s card! What a way to start a relationship, I love it! <3 I didn’t think this guy had even really seen/noticed me until he gave me that note on Valentine’s Day, and even then I thought maybe he was just being nice. I never liked the holiday much before, but is it too cheesy to admit that I sorta love it now? :D

@lilidebergerac I seriously hadn’t even considered that he was fishing with his comment about never having been rejected for a kiss before, but once y’all said that it was like a lightbulb moment. I am soooo not suited for this flirting thing. XD In regards to telling him how good he smells, I felt like such a fool, but considering the events that have unfolded since it does seem like he took it okay. *blush*

@martinessimblr I don’t like having the power, rofl! But thank you again for being so supportive and giving me such excellent advice. <3 I’d be so totally lost without you guys, sad as that sounds. (I haven’t told any of my IRL friends about this, as it could get back to my family and/or my boss. Neither of whom would approve.)

 @simsaralove Thank you! I feel guilty about sharing so much non sims stuff on here, but it’s been incredibly therapeutic, if that makes sense. I don’t feel so confused and alone after talking to you guys about this stuff. <3

@amuhav A romcom, haha! But I hope you’re right that he is a genuine guy. It’s just... I’m still not sure what he sees in me. I’ve spent so much of my life being ignored by (and ignoring) the opposite sex. His attention is just so foreign to me!

@batsheba My life has been devoid of (real life) romance for the past ten years, which is part of the reason why I’m so nervous around him. I don’t know how to act, or what to say, or anything. I’m absolutely terrified of embarrassing myself. But I’ll try to keep y’all updated, for sure. You guys are a blessing, and I can’t tell you enough how much I appreciate your support in particular. Just, thank you. ♥

@asimplekindoflifestyle Y’all are going to make me cry! ;-; That’s so sweet of you! Thank you for caring. It honestly means the world to me. <3

@remysims Remy! *hugs* It’s so good to see you here! I can’t stop laughing at “the male species likes hearing how good they smell.” LMAO, you called that one, bahaha. I thought I’d fucked it up, but considering what happened Friday (he kissed me again *blush*) he must have taken it the right way. :D

@mysimsloveaffair I’m so glad that you don’t mind these posts! Truly. It’s awesome to have someplace to share my experiences, but what’s even more amazing is having friends who are willing to not only put up with it but support and encourage me. Just... thank you so, so much. *hugs*

@muses-circle Scary seems like an understatement, but you’re right. I can’t allow my fears to rule my life, and even though I’m terrified of getting hurt I'll regret it if I don’t try. As usual, you have the best advice. Thank you. ♥♥♥

[buckleysims]

For those who want details... (Otherwise known as kissing and telling. I have no shame.)

I went to his office again. It sits just down the hall from the building’s mailroom, so I had a good excuse to drop by. I knocked. He answered. It was late on Friday afternoon, and I found him alone. I entered into his company’s reception area, and he closed the door behind me. It was dark, with just the light from his office at the back illuminating the room.

I don’t remember what we discussed. He was standing so close to me, and with every exchange he seemed to draw nearer. Despite the shadowy lighting, I could clearly make out the intensity in his vivid blue eyes. (Have I mentioned before how much I like this man’s eyes?)

It was time to leave. I’d already stayed too long, and I needed to get back to my desk. I think he asked me for another goodbye hug. Or maybe he didn’t ask. It’s a bit fuzzy. Either way, I found myself wrapped in his arms with his lips centimeters from mine. He leaned in, and...

I backed away. Again.

He got upset. He told me that I confuse him. I replied that I like him, but he makes me nervous. I could tell that it was the wrong thing to say because he lurched backwards and declared that I was free to leave at any point. Something about how he’s never prevented me from having an escape. I guess he mistook “nervous” as “threatened”.

I walked up to him and put my hand on his arm. “I like you. I really, really like you. But I’m scared.”

He didn’t seem at all convinced, but just as I was turning to go he grabbed my face and without any hesitation he kissed me.

Just like that. And once his lips were on mine, I didn’t feel scared anymore.

But then he pulled away. He told me that I was shaking. I didn’t realize it in the heat of the moment, but I do shake sometimes when I get emotional. He looked equal parts angry, dejected, and annoyed, and I knew that there was nothing I could say to change his mind this time. He was done.

So I took a deep breath, and I reached up and... I kissed him.

And guys, it was amazing.

[buckleysims]

He kissed me… (Part 1)

On my forehead. I have never been more confused! I arrived late to work, and he was standing in the lobby talking to one of my managers (not the Big Boss, but the woman who works directly under the Big Boss). He smiled and waved and was about to say something, but when I saw who he was with I panicked and fled. A bit later, he showed up at my office with some excuse about how he just wanted to check on me and make sure that everything was okay. We chatted for a minute, and then he disappeared down the hall to speak with the Big Boss and the accounting lady. (More about him and the accounting lady later.) When he returned, I was sitting at my desk going through a bunch of files, and he came up behind me and sorta began tracing his fingers down my back. Then I turned towards him, and he leaned over me like he wanted to try and kiss me again. His eyes dropped to my lips and his hands reached for my face, and then… he gave me this goofy sort of grin, playfully ruffled my hair, kissed my forehead, and took off without another word.

I must be the world’s worst hypocrite, but the disappointment stung so bad. Why oh why didn’t I let him kiss me before! I’ve officially been friend zoned. :(

[buckleysims]

He kissed me… (Part 2)

Okay, no. He didn’t even get close to kissing me this time, but later today he came back to my office. Apparently the accounting lady gave him one of her homemade banana pudding brownies this morning (I have no idea what they are… I refused to try one because they looked disgusting), and he returned for seconds. I thought it may have been an excuse to come and see me again, because he also brought me lunch. (Since I arrived at work so late today, I was stripped of my lunch break “privileges”.)

Anyway, I was in the back room fiddling with the copier when he showed up. We were laughing and talking and standing a bit too close together when… I accidentally groped him. He thought it was hilarious (he called me “frisky”), but guys. I was beyond mortified. He came up behind me to whisper something in my ear, and I didn’t know he was there and my hand somehow ended up in exactly the wrong spot.

RIP to my last shred of dignity.

ALSO… The accounting lady (divorced mother of three, grandmother to three) told me that she “really likes” this guy now. And she thinks that he’s into her too because he ate so many of her brownies today. O.O To be fair, she’s a very attractive older woman who dresses better (and sexier) than me, and she’s always been very flirty with all the men that come into our office. But dear lord, I didn’t realize she was going to be my competition. What the ever loving hell have I gotten myself into.

[buckleysims]

He kissed me... (Part 3)

...And then I kissed him back. *blush*