Hi! I'm a lesbian and my christian mother keeps telling me I am going to hell, prayed for "god" to take "my confusion" away and says I am ungrateful for telling her I'm gay (being honest). I don't know what to do the atmosphere has become tense. When I started getting into Buddhism 3 years ago and I told her she put her hands on me and prayed so that "the demon of wrong doctrines" went away and I stopped. However, I believe following Buddha's teachings is the way I should live. (1/2)
āI just started getting back into Buddhism in secret. What can I do about this situation? How can I make peace with my mother's views? A particular mantra or sutra that can help me? It really hurts me that she feels this way about me. Please any answers and advice are deeply appreciated. (2/2)ā
Firstly, Iām so sorry things with your mother are so tense and probably just weird. I remember when I first told my mother she told me that I should go back to my true religion, even though she herself didnāt even practice *eye roll*. Luckily, she was really one of the only ones that gave any sort of pushback when they found out I was studying/practicing Buddhism.
As far as your situation, itās honestly nearly impossible to makeĀ someone understand us or believe us when their own opinion or theirĀ āown truthā is contradictory. I mean, look at the U.S. As horrendous of a president we have, his followers are still ignorant to all of it. They refuse to see any data, proof, etc. that tell them that their president is anything but perfect. Thereās no changing their mind.
The only way someone will change their mind is if they come to the realization all on their own. Otherwise, itās a lost cause. There is a famous story of Maudgalyayanaās mother. She was a horrible person. Always slandering the Buddha and his monks, feeding them dog meat when they would go on alms, and killing a lot of animals. Because of all this negative karmic actions, she was reborn as a hungry ghost in hell. WhenĀ Maudgalyayana realized enlightenment, he used his enlightenedĀ āpowersā to see where his mother was. When he saw that she was in hell, he was deeply saddened and decided to goĀ āseeā her. When he found her, he offered her a bowl of rice. But because she was so selfish and greedy, she would cover the bowl and her mouth with one hand and ate with the other. Since she was a hungry ghost, every time she would try to swallow, the rice would turn into flames and she would have to spit it out.
Maudgalyayana begged his mother to repent her misdoing and sins, but she refused and stood by what she did. Disturbed by this,Ā Maudgalyayana returned to the Buddha and asked for his help on what to do. The Buddha advised to gather 99 monks plus him and chant for 100 days. Chanting for his motherās sake and merit, she heard the prayers and realized that her son loved her so much and so much wanted her release and for her to be at peace.
After 100 days,Ā Maudgalyayana returned to hell to see if his mother was still there. When he couldnāt find her, he asked a Hell God where she was and he said thank to his and the other monkās prayers and transferring their merit, the mother all the other beings with her were able to escape hell and be reborn into a heavenly realm.Ā
Moral of the story, even thoughĀ Maudgalyayana tried his best to make his mother see her faults and misdoings, it did not change her. Only when she realized her own faults and misdoings, and heard her son and the other monks chant for her, was she able to escape.
So the best thing you can do for your mother and anyone else really, is to just showĀ them your practice. I donāt mean show them books, statues, or rituals - but your own compassionate and generous Buddha Nature. When they see you are happy, peaceful, compassionate, loving, and generous, it might make them see theĀ āgoodā side of Buddhism, instead of a wrong or heretical doctrine or religion. This of course will take time, so donāt rush it or shove it in her face. No need to bring it up or go out of your way to try and make a point. Just live your life normally and compassionately and sooner or later she will come around and accept it. We never want to be always arguing, avoiding, or uneasy with anyone, especially our parents. Continue to study and practice on your own in secretĀ for now. Eventually she will have to accept and realize itās notĀ ājust a phase.ā
