The Budget Confidence Boost

Cheap tips and tricks for an instant confidence boost. It'll be like wearing a good 3 piece suit, but for a fraction of the cost.

[budgetconfidence]

A Childhood Memory

Sometimes life can get difficult. Really throw you a curve-ball. When this happens your best bet is to avoid dealing with anything in the present and instead retreat to a happier time within your own mind. Bonus points if it’s someone else’s ‘happier time’!

First and foremost you’ll need access to one such memory. Now, many of you can’t read minds, and this shouldn’t be a source of shame for you! Despite what TV may have told you, psychic powers are actually much less common than you’d think, and it only takes a bit of creativity to work around that. In this case, simply find an unattended diary and flip that book open!

As you intrude upon someone else’s innermost secrets and experiences it’s important to be non-judgmental. Unless they’re really weird of course, as I’ve said countless times that comparing yourself to others is a great way to improve your own self worth. It’s also highly necessary to try and let go of your sense of self, you really need to get into someone else’s head-space to properly internalize their experiences. Side note, if they’re present you might find it helps to press your head against theirs, with a bit of speed, as it will help shift your perspective to theirs and give you some extra reading time. In any case, once that’s done it’s time to relax and let your mind fade into the memory.

You’ll find yourself feeling immediately uplifted with childlike glee as the echoes of senses from someone else’s life flood your memory. Remember that time you read about someone else going to the park with their parents? Or how about their dog Fido, short for conFIDence, playing fetch? As these past experiences wash over your present self you should start to feel the troubles of the present fading away while your spirit soars. Right around this time you should probably start thinking about flying as well. The chance that the owner of the diary returns home, or wakes up from your headbutt, increase with every passing second and it’s important to flee with as much confidence as possible!

As you abscond out the window I hope you remember to stay confident readers, until next time!

[budgetconfidence]

Surviving The Hunt

There's something to be said about overcoming adversity. It brings with it a sense of such solid Confidence and Self Assurance that you're left feeling invincible. Doubly, nay Triply so when that adversity is the deadliest predator in the animal kingdom.

I started this week off like any other, going for a morning stroll, when I suddenly felt eyes upon my back. Pivoting around I saw no sign of anything or anyone, but the feeling wouldn’t subside and I quickly knew what was happening. The vicious Otter is quite common around these parts you see, one of the last great Man-Eaters of Canada and one of the few predators to use tools in their hunts. Once they discovered metallurgy things got really dicey. All of this is common knowledge of course, taught as early as kindergarten, so I instinctively picked up my pace.

Typically if you can make it out of their territory you’re in the clear, as they don’t enjoy the feeling of pavement of their soft, horrifically clawed paws. As my pace quickened I started hearing a rustling in the trees above me, followed by a splash in the creek to my right, and then I heard it squeak and my blood went cold as I took off in a full sprint. As adorable as this probably sounds to somebody from outside of central Canada, here it means it’s caught your scent and is out for blood. However I noticed something almost immediately, the Thrill of running for my life was really great!

Feeling my heart pounding in my chest and my lungs gasping for breath as I ran as fast as I could, I was really starting to feel invigorated. However I did make one mistake. Risking a glance I saw it, sliding along the mud behind me, a blur of sleek fur and a glinting combat knife in it’s jaws, I made eye contact for but a second and felt any Boldness I had drain out. Otters are undisputed masters of the Staring Game, and they’d have to be as a full third of their diet comes from Confidence stolen from their victims. Catching myself before the worst could happen, I focused on my own heart beat and ran even harder.

I felt rather than heard movement directly behind my ankle and leapt forward into a roll just in time to avoid a vicious knife slash to my ankle. As I rolled to my feet my confidence redoubled from my deft movements! It helped that this time I remembered not to make eye-contact, looking at the Great Beast’s nose instead. It squeaked at me in rage, charging faster but so fueled was I by my own defiance and terror that I easily stayed just out of reach. I even began to laugh. Only began to though, if that sound had actually left my lips I’d surely be dead right now.

We carried on like this for just a few more minutes as Otters, as dangerous as they are, are very much a sprint-style predator. They just aren’t built for endurance hunts so if you can survive the initial strike, you can often get away with your life and your confidence safe and sound. Just as I was running out of breath I saw the street up ahead and leapt boldly into traffic, deftly avoiding vehicles like a skilled frog. Once across the street I turned around to see the beast glaring at me angrily for a few moments before sliding back into the shadows.

Now at this point I was starting to catch my breath, and definitely feeling pretty damn good about life, so if you’re an adrenaline junky or an adventure seeker I would definitely give this a shot. However as someone that normally prefers calm, I will likely not try this again myself, I’d much rather enjoy a peaceful walk, perhaps elsewhere going forward. Now I think I’ll go grab a coffee to steady my nerves.

As always, stay Confident readers!

[budgetconfidence]

Strengthening Your Grip On Reality

As you know, all things are cyclical, and every now and again you succeed so amazingly at cultivating Confidence that your success loops around and begins to have negative consequences. Things can start to unravel and the only thing you can do is Hold On and Enjoy the Ride.

This is easier said than done of course, for when life comes apart at the seams, it really comes apart. But with a steely will and an iron grip you can grab those fraying ends and force everything to hold together. It can take some doing, but if you pull it off not only will your previous Confidence stores be undiminished, they'll be practically overflowing after besting reality so handedly!

Step one is to make sure you're ready. Similar to how lions hit the treadmill three times a week so they can run down moose, you'll need to prepare yourself for when things inevitably come undone. Everyone knows that specific, isolation training is the best way to go, so you're going to need to forgo every other aspect of your health for this. Not that that'll be an issue of course.

I recommend starting with simple exercises, like a grip trainer, or hanging holds, or taking things from people and refusing to let go! This last one is not only the most fun but also the most practical as it is the most similar thing you can do to trying to hold your life together while maintaining safety. So go out, go to malls, coffee shops, markets, go out and grab objects.

You can attempt to do this stealthily but you'll make substantially more gains in the struggle of somebody trying to take their stuff back. And, similar to the Staring Contest talked about last week, you'll find your Confidence Levels soaring with every person bested. It's long been known that once the human body is topped up with Confidence it starts storing the excess amounts in nearby objects, it's why people are so attached to their stuff, and in taking those objects from others you take their Confidence for yourself.

This is a double bladed axe of course, as it means the inevitable unraveling of reality may happen that much faster, however it will also mean you're in a much better a position to deal with it! Eventually you'll be able to grab the tapestry of life directly and wear it like a garment! By that point your Confidence will be unparalleled, however it's a lifetime pursuit to attain that strong of a Grip on Reality, something very few have attained. I myself am nowhere near that level of Confident mastery but maybe, if I can keep hold of as many physical objects as possible, I'll someday come close..

I hope this advice helps you readers, it may seem a little esoteric and spiritual but it's completely practical, scientifically grounded, advice for those struggling with the difficulties of modern living. To sum up, it's all about Keeping Hold of as many material possessions as possible. Stay confident readers, and stay strong!

[budgetconfidence]

Winning A Staring Contest

Good afternoon Budgeteers and Confidants. I think it's time we sat down and really saw Eye to Eye.

It's really quite simple, you just find someone, sit or stand in front of them, and stare directly, and as unblinkingly as possible, directly into their soul. The Soul of course, being where the human body stores the bulk of its Confidence. Now, here's where it can get difficult. Due to how Prolonged the Eye Contact needs to be, there's every chance your opponent, and make no mistake this is a duel, may very well get up to leave.

The other day it occurred to me I've never gone over the single most basic, and easy to use way of boosting your Confidence! That being, maintaining an uncomfortable amount of eye contact to steal the Confidence from those around you!

Should this happen your options were once limited to restraints, or grappling, to buy enough time to properly Defenestrate yourself through the Windows to their Soul. But now, now you'll have a weapon to entice them. The simple trick you see, is to Line your Eyes with something so Striking yet Subtle that they are left Mesmerized.

More like Mesmer-Eye-zed, am I right Readers? Of course I am. Since wearing the secret weapon, I’ve been winning the Eye Contact Game all over the city, stocking up my own confidence stores to a level I didn’t think was even conceivable naturally! Definitely worth trying out in your own ventures, the only way this could go south is if somebody had some sort of defense mechanism, like tinted glasses or somesuch. Not like anything of that description exists of course so you’ll all be fine.

Stay confident Confidants!

[budgetconfidence]

Seething With Quiet Resentment

Good day Budgeteers. Today something incredibly terrible happened. Today I was mildly inconvenienced and by god did it ever Ruffle my Feathers. But, ever dutiful, I ventured to do something about it. So I Buried my Anger deep within my soul, and I Seethed.

Even when I'm angry beyond words, I'm a professional first and foremost, so I started documenting my situation immediately. I also started imagining Unholy Vengeance upon my aggressors, and that had me feeling pretty great immediately. More than immediately, I was feeling Confident just by being so Annoyed! Rarely does a Confidence Booster require so little input.

I tried carrying on in a few different ways, seeing what worked best. I found that Quietly Seething had very similar Confidence enhancing properties whether I was sitting or standing. Pacing seemed to create even further Gains, the extra blood flow allowing the Confidence in my Boiling Blood to circulate faster throughout my body.

Next I tried vocalization. However I quickly learned I had to be subtle about it. At the very thought of shouting at my foe, who had the audacity to tell me they were out of coffee, I felt the Confidence almost instantly drain from my body and I had to quickly stamp down on the urge to act on my anger in any way else I risk losing the entire mindset. So affected I proceeded to pace for a few minutes to build my reserves back up which, thankfully, worked.

Once I was close to where I'd been moments earlier, I tried another form of Acting through Inaction, by quietly muttering under my breath. So low was my voice, my assailant had no idea! To my dismay I found this didn't have much more of a boost than pacing. However through some additional trial and error I found that Muttering Under My Breath was interchangeable with Pacing. Quite convenient as my legs had gotten tired after those two long minutes I waited for the new coffee pot to finish.

With a vengeful “Thanks” I took my brew and Confidently strode away from there, never to return until I find myself back in the area. I definitely recommend trying this one if you happen to find yourself in a similar situation. Just remember that under no circumstances should you actually do anything with your Rage.

Keep that in mind, and stay Confident readers!

[budgetconfidence]

Walkin' The Rails

Sometimes the call of adventure reaches out and grabs you by the ear. It beckons you to leave all the comforts behind and accept a life of wandering. Of adventure. And sometimes, sometimes you just feel like Walkin' the Rails.

The first thing to do is find some Rails to Walk. Whether you find them on foot or by vehicle is incidental, the Rails themselves are your destination and as everybody knows it's the destination that matters most, journey be damned. Once you get started you’ll find this particular journey to be incredibly straightforward in a winding sort of way. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, forever.

There’s a certain kind of Confidence in doing something simple and repetitive, even more so if done with a confident swagger, as I do. I even switched it up from time to time, alternating between walking on either rail, sometimes hopping back and forth when I felt adventurous, or walking on and then between the sleepers. This alternation helped not only mix up the routine, but also filled me with a sense of Stoic Security that things would be alright. I might not know where I was headed at that point in time, but I knew I’d know it when I got there.

A strong sense of Satisfaction overcame me growing with every step, as if the simple act of moving forward was emotionally sustaining, Bolstering even. So reinforced was I, that even as my legs grew tired I did not slow, but continued on. I’ve got to say, it was a fantastic experience. So much so that I didn’t hear the train coming! But fear not Budgeteers, for I am fine. Using my expert tumbling skills I dove out of the way with the majestic grace of a pigeon. As I stood up and dusted myself off, my Confidence levels hadn’t dropped in the slightest, there was truly no downside to this experience in the slightest. Not at the time or since.

I swore to myself right then and there that I’d keep Walkin’ those Rails until my day was done. Which was only another twenty minutes or so. I made my way home and cooked dinner. It was also good. Until next time Confidants, stay Confident!

[budgetconfidence]

Internal Conflict

Good day Budgeteers! Today I am a man of two minds. A very confident man of two minds. Practically two confident men in fact. I just wish they could get along…

I started my day as any other, but for the life of me, I couldn’t decide on which Axe to carry… I have several to choose from now, the Original of course, but also a more Battle themed one. I’ve even picked up a little baby axe in recent days. (That will be a future article!) However try as I might, I just could not settle on a choice. This has come up before of course, but on such occasions I was able to do the sensible thing and simply bring all of them.

Today though, today I felt I Needed to choose one or the other, but my very brain seemed at odds with itself. And each part, I realized, was positively Brimming with Confidence! With that realization, all parts of my mind agreed on at least one thing. This state of Selves must be documented and reviewed!

I went to sit down and contemplate my conundrum, but as I descended onto my couch I was struck with a second thought. Why not the chair? I froze there, hovering for but a second before shifting my weight to move to the chair, when suddenly… Why not stand? Why not kneel?? Why not lie down of the floor?!

Each potential idea more Confident, more Self-Assured, more Fearless than the last! So I stood in a partial, indecisive crouch, held aloft by nothing more than the Pure Unbridled Confident Potential in my multitude of options. I stayed in that state, simply existing, for what felt like hours, becoming one with the Confidence of each choice, before I collapsed under the weight of it all, and not simply because my legs got tired.

I’ve got to say it was an interesting experience, worth trying at least once! However there is a downside to this, so paralyzed was I by choice that I’ve still yet to leave my humble abode. I’m starting to fear it may be some time before I am able to collect myself enough to begin again with a single focus. Attempt with that in mind is all I ask, or at least wait for a weekend when you have nothing to do!

Go with Confidence, and make some Choices!

[budgetconfidence]

Lucid Dreaming

Gather around friends and colleagues, Budgeteers and Confidants. Gather around the fireplace, set your heads down and let yourself drift off to the lands of Dreams.

Drift off and Conquer.

For far too long have our dreams been the ones leading us places. Sometimes happy, often terrible, but they were always in control. Well no longer! No, now is the time you grab your Dreams by the ear and direct them. And let me tell you, spoiler warning, it’s astounding.

Well except for when it’s not.

But that’s just a friendly heads up for now, more on that later. Step one is to get in touch with your Dreams. Get to know them. Remember them. Blah blah blah that takes way too long. No the thing to do is wait until you’re in a Dream. Wait until the Dream thinks it’s in control. And them BAM, right in the head.

As figuratively literally, as possible. Figurally. No wait, literatively. As literatively as possible. Find the representative of your dream, it's physical form, and clock that sucker in the jaw. Ideally with a clock. You've really got to lean into the absurdity of this stuff for maximum results.

You'll find this to be challenging, as your dream won't go down without a fight. But that just makes the Confidence gained all the more potent. Conjure up some weapons, a full arsenal, ideally with a mech suit included!

Let me tell you, there's few things on par with the confidence boost that comes from a good suit. And a good Mech Suit is the next step up. If only they existed at an acceptable price point in real life. But alas, they do not, and this is of course a Budget blog.

Now, there is a chance that things will take a turn. That your subconscious strikes back. And let me warn you now, that sucker holds a Grudge. Mine most recently waited until I started to wake up before springing it’s trap. For even though I thought I’d returned to baseline reality, I was in fact still dreaming. I went about my entire morning routine before noticing anything was out of place. No it wasn’t that the walls started bleeding, or that the spirits of the uncountable and uncounted damned began howling for my soul. No, it was the fact that none of my normal ghost busting techniques worked. And. They. Always. Work.

When I realized what was going on, I called the foul solipsidion out and retook control. Forcing myself to wake up for real this time.

Up until my dreams conspired with treachery, I found the entire thing rather uplifting. Confidence building even. And completely free. The bit at the end where my dreams fought back was a little disheartening I'll admit, definitely a set back.

Still, in my humble opinion, worth trying at least once! Until next time budgeteers, stay Confident, and keep Drea- oh damnit the walls are bleeding again...

[budgetconfidence]

A Staring Contest

Good day Budgeters and Confidants! Long time no See but I’m back with another tale to tell and wisdom to dispense. You’re gonna love this one, it’s a real Eye Opener.

A little while back, as I prepared myself for the day, steeled myself for the trials I was sure to battle, I caught the Eye of one mean S.O.B. in the mirror. It was me obviously, my abode is impossible to break into, even with a ladder or similar contraption. Nevertheless I Stared, unblinking, into my own soul. I wasn’t about to lose something as simple as a staring contest to anybody, not even myself.

After several agonizing minutes of this I used my trump card. I leaned in a whispered, “I know everything…”, you,know, for the shock effect. And it worked dear readers, my reflection Blinked. And I felt pretty good! Conquering yourself is just a small victory after all, but still a boost is a boost. With that I headed into the unknown to Stare down whatever crossed my path.

I felt another person wouldn’t be much more different than myself, no I needed something else. Something I could truly test my mettle with on. I ventured out in search of such a challenge. I warmed up a bit on small creatures. Spying birds, squirrels, and raccoons and the like, I charged headlong towards them, Eyes Wide and Unblinking. They were hardly a challenge due to their inherent skittish nature, but it certainly helped maintain my Confidence Levels on route. Unfortunately my truest challenge eluded me, nothing but clear skies around and not a storm in Sight. Storms have truly the most devastating of Eyes you understand.

However while walking the streets I came across absolutely no hapless victi-I mean Bold challengers. Eventually I gave up and laid down to rest on the sidewalk. It was while lying there, looking up at the sky, that I saw a target I could redeem myself with. For I saw the very reason there were no storms in View, a being whose Gaze could destroy entire worlds.

With a resolve I didn’t know I had, I began to Stare. Down. The Sun.

It was an incredible thing to take in readers. Or so I assume. In very short order I actually had trouble Seeing, such is the force on the Sun’s dreaded Glare. But I dug deep! I kept at it! I climbed that mountain my Confidants, and I triumphed! A little too much though I’m afraid. I’ve been seeing nothing but blackness for a few days now, I’m worried I might have shut the Sun off with the force of my own humble Stare. And since that’s clearly the only possibility, I’m uh.. Sorry for possibly causing the apocalypse. But it was worth it for how great I feel right now.

Stay Confident Readers!

[budgetconfidence]

A Confident Handshake

Sometimes Readers, sometimes you've just got to put things in their place. Exercise a show of force, of dominance! Sometimes you've got to grab life by the Hand, and by god, Shake it.

Now, since every Handshake is effectively a battle for the life of one's Confidence, I figured I'd best get a Handle on the technique in a safe setting first. Using a stand-in I started practicing the basics. The Bone-Crusher, the Finger Vice, and the old fashion Politician.

And it was great, I was unstoppable. I singleHandedly crushed my practice device like it was an empty glove. And I already felt the faint tingle of a potential confidence boost creeping up from the depths on my soul.

With that initial step mastered, I ventured out into the world in search of people to challenge. I postulated that the spiritually uplifting aspects of the Handshake would best present themselves through contests with others, rather than with oneself.

As soon as I saw my first challenger, I charged at them, shouting a bold "Hello, great to meet you!!". Before they could properly react and defend themselves I made my play, grabbing their outstretched Quivering Palm in a classic Politician. There was a sense of awe in their eyes Readers, as they marveled at the flawless technique. They bowed their head, disengaged, and walked away with their loss. (pro tip to winning the handshake, wait till they let go first, count to 2, and then after one final "shake" let go as well)

I spent a few hours in constant, backbreaking competition with as many people as I could find. I won some, I lost some, my confidence levels remained fairly neutral. Don't get me wrong, the wins came with an absolutely incredible elation! But the losses wiped all that away. It's almost as if the winners of these bouts take the confidence directly from the loser's very being! If true that makes the Confident Handshake a risky proposition indeed. Try at your own risk Readers! This may be best attempted once you already have a confident foundation already set in place, but I leave that up to your discretion.

Until next time, Stay Confident!

[budgetconfidence]

Not Feeling Lonely

Good day my Budgeters! Has this week got you down for... some reason or another? I really can't imagine why, but I hear Loneliness is at a national high this time of year. Well in the interest of helping everyone out, I come to you this week, with a Character Building Exercise.

Now, step one to Not Feeling Lonely is to imagine a world where someone can just "Build Character". If that were true nobody would need externalized, Axe based confidence of course. But this in and of itself should help you make progress, after all you're basically Creating an entire world in your mind!

Step two is to isolate your Solitude itself. Not the cause though, that's a fools game. No you need to isolate the Rogue Emotion! It can be difficult, as different emotions tend to sit in different places on different people. We're all Unique Snowflakes after all, despite what "doctors" would tell you. This is as simple as waiting until the next time you Feel and then document what is coming from where. Loneliness for me for example, resides in the liver!

This is actually quite ideal, as the easiest way to deal with the more Melancholy States is to drown them out. They simply don't do well in maritime habitats and copious amounts of Booze is typically the way to go. Now with that out of the way you should immediately be feeling a warm confidence flowing throughout your body. If you don't, simply apply more alcohol!

The benefits at this point are quite self explanatory. With No Loneliness Weighing You Down you're free to soar through the sky on uplifting updrafts of confidence. Both literally and metaphorically. Nothing can possibly bring you down, not even the literal act of being alone! You have taken the first step towards becoming Emotionally Invulnerable.

As for the other types of Emotional Evacuation, here's a quick reference list!

The Melancholies: as explained above, liquids, preferably alcoholic, are your best bet. These emotions tend to rest in your liver and kidneys, and anywhere else that Toxins are dealt with.

The Elations: As they say you must fight fire with fire, and immolation is the surest way to take care of your Burning Passions. The Elations tend to reside, not in the heart, but the stomach and intestines. Where their unquenchable appetites feel most at home. Simply ingest enough fire to counter them!

The Void: These emotions are best described as an Eldritch Emptiness composed of nothing. What most people think of as "boredom" is actually a small scale example! It resides in the lungs as is best dealt with using soil and flower seeds. Growing life counters the lifeless void after all so best get inhaling!

And lastly, the Instinct: These emotions have the most control over your very existence. They reside primarily in the shadowy crevasses of the brain and try to dictate all of your actions. Ever had your sense of self preservation stop you from being confident? Then you've experienced the Instinct Problem. Counter this by consciously endangering your life as often as possible, and overloading it.

And that's about that Readers. I hope this has been an informative tutorial for your "lonely" days, and until next time, stay Confident!

[budgetconfidence]

Walking Around Outside With Alcohol

This past weekend I rebelled against the system Readers. Fed up with society’s rules, I turned to Grandpa’s Cough Medicine to ease the emotional aches. However, since the confidence boosting...

Today getting you down? Well fear not, there's a fantastic review coming this Friday, but in the meantime drown your sorrows with this handy article from the distant past!

[budgetconfidence]

Running From Your Problems

Something absolutely terrible has happened Readers! I write this now while On The Lam, as things have gone a little sideways. It turns out you can only Ignore Your Problems for so long?!

They all seemed to find out where I live, and came hunting for me in the night! Drunk bar-goers and Neighbours teaming up with copious amounts of Fire, who could have possibly seen that coming? I absconded as soon as they tripped my numerous alarms, and vanished into the shadows. But I thought to myself, I might as well make the most of the situation!

As I Sprinted from cover to cover, I took stock of myself. I wasn't particularly winded, but my pulse was pounding and I realized how invigorated I felt! Almost as if there were a... mental benefit in physically pushing yourself? I know it sounds like the ravings of a madman but I tell you now that's what was going through my mind at the time.

Eventually I started to run out of hiding places, so I Took Off for the high ground. I heard them behind me Readers, and they did not sound happy (I'm still puzzled by how that could be, as I literally did nothing to them.) With nothing left for it I Ran as fast as I could up the hill, zig-zagging back down and up again with reckless abandon and I lost half of my pursuers doing that alone! It was like they didn't have the stamina, fortitude, or resolve to keep up with this kind of confident exertion. I on the other hand, was positively exhilarated!

The remaining pursuers were evidently a cut above the rest.  Seeing through my Up-and-Down Antics, they continued straight through, conserving their energy. But as I’m sure you no doubt guessed, I duped them as well Confidants. I slowed my pace down, letting them get within arm's reach and slowing down themselves, before taking off again at my Greatest Pace. I continued these Evasive Intervals for what felt like entire minutes before I realized I had completely lost my Problems once and for all.

I'm not going to lie Readers, as dangerous as it sounds I have no choice but to recklessly recommend this course of action. Physically hitting the streets and Fleeing from all of my Concerns has given me a confidence boost the likes of which I have never experienced. It's like some sort of... Runner's High. All I can say is go out and try it yourself. Bring an Axe if you like!

Until next time Readers, stay confident!

[budgetconfidence]

A Pack of Matches

So my Inner Calm lasted just long enough to turn into an Inner Fire before I started to notice it waning. I did the only thing I could think of and ventured to externalize it. However, as I'm sure you all know, I've covered simple Arson before. This time it would have to be something else. Something limited. Something challenging. Something that could fit in my wallet.

Step one was of course procuring a quote unquote "Book". This proved a deceptively challenging, yet rewarding, step. I must admit my Spirits sagged a little as I realized I had to walk all the way to the gas station but I steeled myself. I knew great things were in store should I accomplish this great deed.

I'll skip over the details, get down to brass tacks, and give you the long story short. First I put on my shoes, then a jacket. Then exited my abode, but not without locking the door. That done, I made my way down the street, crossed that street, then crossed it again to get to the gas station. At which point I walked in and bought the Matches.

Yes you read that right Budgetters and Confidants. I paid for the opportunity to make small amounts of Fire. What a novel concept. Now I know this all seems tedious, but you know what they say, you've got to enjoy the process. It's about the journey and not the destination and all that. Matches in hand I commenced my testing process.

I made my way to a nearby park, collected as much fuel as was possible, drew the first Stick, and lit it ablaze! And it went out... almost immediately. This was going to be a bit of a challenge.

Undaunted by this setback, I resolved to beat nature if it was the last thing I did! I started collecting nearby supplies with which to make the largest Blaze ever! After a few hours of this, standing in front of a confidently large pile of burnables, I Lit Another Match! And it went out before doing anything again. Well that's not completely true. It burnt my finger a little bit...

I tried in vain from then on, each new Match going out for a variety of reasons. The wind was too strong, the strike was too great, a single raindrop landed with frightening aim, a small squirrel made off with fire like a furry Prometheus, it just went on. And yet I remained stoic in the face of failure. I trusted that eventually all would work out. And it did! After a fashion.

One Match, the very last one. The final page in that Fiery Book. It weathered the storm, and as I lay it down, it caught. Just for a moment mind you, before the winter storm put it out. But I realized something. I still felt fantastic! Perhaps, sometimes simply trusting the process is all it takes to enjoy something...

Anyways I'll leave that up to you to explore Budgetters. And until next time, stay Confident!

[budgetconfidence]

The Battle Axe

Readers. Readers! You'll never guess the incredible discovery I've just made. Did you know... that there are multiple... Kinds... Of Axes?!

There I was just perusing the local supermarket when I saw this Double Edged Beauty. And I knew instantly that I needed to have it in my life. I didn't even need to pay, though I obviously tried. When I brought it up to the cashier I excitedly raised it over my head and swung it around. I must've already been bursting with confidence as they shrunk back behind the til and told me I could have whatever I wanted!

This twist of fate needed to be tested immediately. With Battle Axe in hand I left the grocery store and made way for the nearby fort. The Upper one specifically. When testing a conquerors weapon it is best to actually Conquer something. With great spirit I charged as soon as the front wall was in sight, but they must've known I was coming, and of my many great deeds, for they had already absconded. Everything but the kitchen sink was gone, including the sink. And the kitchen. They feared my Battle Axe Charisma so much that they took everything but the front wall!

No doubt it was a vain attempt to trick me into thinking they had a mighty force, but with my Axe I cut through that clever deception. As their cowardice donned on me I felt my confidence slice through the very heavens themselves.

Next I went to city hall, to try this Axe on that horrible, confidence destroying door. Well Readers, I can confidently say the Battle Axe truly is mightier than the Sword. It cleaved through that door like Hubert chews through a bag of chips. (Quite easily for those that don't get the references). I brazenly walked into the throne room, brandished my Axe at the mayor and.... and I realized I felt so great I didn't need to take anything from him.

I know I know, it sounds like a snake oil sales pitch but it seems like the process of overcoming a past failure has produced in me a type of inner calm. As of writing this it's still there, I'm sure it's temporary at best but it is interesting nonetheless. 

Anyways, there I was with the mayor and his retainers all looking at me, obviously intimidated by my newfound internal AND external confidence, and I knew I couldn't leave them hanging. So I simply said "I hope you've all learned your lesson, don't make me come back here again..." And I made my way into the outdoors. 

So here I am, once again completely endorsing carrying around an Axe of one sort or another throughout your day. As if there was ever any doubt! I also now wholeheartedly recommend going out and finding other types of Axes to try. Why, according to my preliminary searches there are practically dozens of types to try! I'll make an effort to collect more in my travels, but for now -

Stay Confident Readers!

[budgetconfidence]

Ignoring Your Problems

I've learned a lot from the last few reviews. The path to feeling better about oneself is to not worry about it. So obviously the path to true confidence is not to worry about anything. Which led to a problem of sorts. After all, how can you Not Worry about anything if you don't have anything to worry about? My first order of business would be to collect enough problems that I could actually put Ignorance through its paces.

The best and most obvious place to start, as usual, was with fire! I burnt everything. Matches, incense, toast, furniture, my neighbour's home. It was glorious. And then I just... ignored it! "What fire?" I asked the firefighters that showed up. "What house?" I said to my oddly angry neighbour. It was like these Problems Didn't Even Exist! It worked so well I actually had to remind myself I was working, and not just having a Perfectly Ordinary Day.

Next up I thought I'd try Ignoring a much more Active Problem. So I made my way to a local watering hole and started some... aggravations. Spilling drinks, toppling chairs, questioning confidence, you know, the usual. I noticed right away these sorts of Problems were Substantially more difficult to Ignore. Despite me not giving them any notice, and just enjoying my beverage in peace, these Issues were yelling at me, and even pushing me around! The audacity was so much, I wanted to bury my head in a box. Luckily there was one nearby! Once I had donned my Ignorance Enhancing Headwear nothing could get through.

Why I couldn't even hear the Inconveniences' harsh words anymore. There was practically nothing to Ignore. Once I'd made this revelation the need for a review basically halted and I simply spent the day basking in my Lack of Worries. Nothing could put a dent in my Corrugated Confidence.

The rest of my day was a blur I can barely remember, aside from how absolutely fantastic I felt! Alas I can only rate this as an average confidence booster. The effects only lasted until I removed the box and focused on something, at which point elation turned to delation. During my experiments today somebody burned and vandalized my home! What kind of a monster would do that?! I'm sure Hubert is ok at least, House Hippos are known to be very resilient, but in the meantime I'm going back into my Box.

Stay confident readers!

[budgetconfidence]

A House Hippo

So the other day I was thinking, what I needed was a pet. Something that would love me unconditionally and boost my self-esteem through the clouds. So I went with the most obvious choice, the one closest at hand. The one living in my very Home. 

Capturing a House Hippo isn't actually terribly difficult, despite their naturally sneaky nature. Once you know what to look for they are notoriously predictable. Step one is setting out potato chips throughout the house and figuring out where yours like to spend their time. With that handled it's a simple matter of tracking their tiny little footprints back to whichever closet they've made their home. This whole process was incredibly uplifting, by the time I'd located the Hippo I felt better than I had before I'd located that dreadful Sword. I found that adorable little thing comfortably sleeping in its nest within a few hours. It was so comfortable looking I couldn't bear to wake it. So I did the only obvious thing I could, I camped out just outside the door until evening! You can't risk it sneaking off and resettling elsewhere in the night, you understand. I made sure to scatter a few chips around the nest, leading out into the room for when it woke up. Those first few moments when it followed the chip-trail out were magic, pure elation. It entered the room proper, let loose a tiny little Hippo-Yawn, and trotted forward. This Mighty Mammal was bursting with confidence, it didn't even flinch as it approached me, a creature several times its size! Surely this creature would be able to teach me a thing or two about confidence, perhaps even on a primal level.

I knew the second he looked me in the eye and hopped into my hand, his name was Hubert. And Hubert would be my rock. He confidently endeared himself to with another Tiny-Mighty-Hippo-Yawn.

Since he was obviously now comfortable with my presence, I began following him around my - sorry, our home. Emulating his Noble Lifestyle as we went. We started off in the kitchen, gorging on potato chips until our bellies, and our spirits, were full. Next, we made for the back yard. Hubert leading the way without a care in the world, his Hippo-Legs trotting along like nobody's business. He then made a beeline straight for the bird bath. I wasn't sure how he was going to get up there but it turns out House Hippos, if not the regular variety, are expert climbers! I didn't need to follow Hubert up, but I felt my confidence soar as he made his ascent. Next we played fetch! He'd throw a little acorn or pebble and I'd return it to him, it was confidently adorable. This was basically our entire night and it was so uplifting, I can't even remotely do it justice. Following that Hippo around rejuvenated my confidence to heights I've never experienced before. I would easily give this option a full 5-suit rating. Go now readers, start tracking down your own small mammals to follow around. You won't regret it! Stay confident readers.