My (non inclusive) Top Moments In Early American History
- George Washington naming his dogs shit like Sweet Lips
- Aaron Burr lighting himself on fire while trying to light a candle with a gun
- America ever winning in the revolution because we were a fucking mess
- Alexander Hamilton hiding behind Henry Knox at Yorktown when a shell burst near the tent
- Congress not finding John Adams a home in New York, forcing him to live with John Jay for like two months
- Lafayette not noticing he got shot in the leg
- John Adams taking the job of presiding over the senate seriously
- Abigail Motherfucking Adams
- Thomas Jefferson breaking his wrist trying to impress a girl
- The Hamilton family basically having three names that they rotated between kids
- Jefferson inviting Madison to come live with him at Monticello and Madison responding by basically saying he needed a year to think about it and never broaching the subject again
- Literally nobody knowing shit about Monroe
- Hamilton making a bet that he would buy dinner for a dozen delegates at the Constitutional Convention if Gouverneur Morris went up and clapped Washington on the back, which he did, and was subsequently given a glare that made him want to sink into the floor
- Washington actually cutting down two cherry trees
- Admiral de Grasse calling Washington “mon cher petit général”
- Aaron Burr trying to annex Texas and being tried for treason
- Thomas Jefferson procrastinating in calling in Virginia militia, which forced him to flee Richmond when Benedict Arnold swept the capital
- “One hundred and eighty miles in three days and a half. It does admirable credit to the activity of a man at his time of life.” - Alexander Hamilton talking about Horatio Gates abandoning his army at Camden
- Baron Von Stueben showing up at Valley Forge with an Italian greyhound and his gaggle of little French boyfriends
- Baron Von Stueben cussing out the soldiers in French, leaving Hamilton and Laurens to translate
- Jefferson being given a 1000 pound wheel of cheese, which no “federalist cows” were allowed to contribute to
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