Caffeine Pills

[nixon-official]

My Fellow Americans,

I consume between 480 and 800 mgs. of caffeine on a daily basis. That's normal, right?

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Oh no!! Nixon, caffeine is a very important vitamin, and 480 mgs. is far below your necessary daily caffeine intake! D: How do you consume your caffeine, Nixon?

[nixon-official]

I usually consume between 3 and 5 cans of Monster Energy everyday. I usually have a few cups of coffee as well.

[caffeine-pills-offical]

OH NO!!!! Nixon, Monster Energy has all sorts of nasty chemicals in it.

Here, take some caffeine pills:

They're super healthy and totally safe! Be sure to take at least 6 of them every day. Also, if you ever feel anxious or sad or anything, just take an extra caffeine pill, and everything will be all better! :D Don't worry, nothing bad will ever happen.

[nixon-official]

I'll give it a try - thanks!

[caffeine-pills-offical]

yayyyy! :D

[nixon-official]

My Fellow Americans,

I consume between 480 and 800 mgs. of caffeine on a daily basis. That's normal, right?

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Oh no!! Nixon, caffeine is a very important vitamin, and 480 mgs. is far below your necessary daily caffeine intake! D: How do you consume your caffeine, Nixon?

[nixon-official]

I usually consume between 3 and 5 cans of Monster Energy everyday. I usually have a few cups of coffee as well.

[caffeine-pills-offical]

OH NO!!!! Nixon, Monster Energy has all sorts of nasty chemicals in it.

Here, take some caffeine pills:

They're super healthy and totally safe! Be sure to take at least 6 of them every day. Also, if you ever feel anxious or sad or anything, just take an extra caffeine pill, and everything will be all better! :D Don't worry, nothing bad will ever happen.

[nixon-official]

My Fellow Americans,

I consume between 480 and 800 mgs. of caffeine on a daily basis. That's normal, right?

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Oh no!! Nixon, caffeine is a very important vitamin, and 480 mgs. is far below your necessary daily caffeine intake! D: How do you consume your caffeine, Nixon?

[nixon-official]

does sweet baby need some cuddles and nap time?

Everytime you fall asleep, you die, and someone else wakes up in your body.

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Might I be of assistance?? :D

[orpheusilver]

peeling those sour rainbow gummy strips into long thin strings and putting them into cheap energy drink to create something im calling battery acid spaghetti will update once ive finished it

[orpheusilver]

dont do this

[babblingbranches]

[cryptcollector]

I really hope its not too bad bc i actually love both components.

[cryptcollector]

it forms a dry skin at the top made of the sour pellets. not a great start.

[cryptcollector]

tastes really good actually. i also feel like i am about to explode.

[cryptcollector]

do not do this.

[jenjensd]

Unanimous consensus: Do not do this

Other people: Hold on I’m about to do this

[jenjensd]

[beeceit-deactivatingsoon-deacti]

Rip to y'all, but I'm built different. Trying this tonight

[beeceit-deactivatingsoon-deacti]

Best I can do with what I have (I'm at work rn)

[beeceit-deactivatingsoon-deacti]

Oh that is a... fascinating smell

[beeceit-deactivatingsoon-deacti]

Don't do this

[nyancrimew]

i think i'll try this tomorrow actually, it can't be that bad, im sure ive made worse cursed foods before

[ratofthedead]

I kinda wan't to try this.... Maybe later... Mayber Tomorrow... or the day after Tomorrow... (i want an english Version of "Übermorgen" like why should i use an entire phrase to say that.... It just isn't effecient!)

[nyx-n-sticks]

Made a whole big thing of this for my friend's birthday, put in so.e edible glitter, and used a variety of sour candy in this.

Don't do this. I was seeing the lights of heaven and almost felt like vomiting on thd side of the road walking home.

[17lemonsunderthesea]

boutta ignore all these red flags and do this real quick...

[17lemonsunderthesea]

Do not, in fact do this.

[aspenindatree]

Oh I am so tempted to do this...

[duality-the-chaos-god]

Don't tell me what to do.

[caffeine-pills-offical]

THOSE DRINKS LOOK SO UNHEALTHY!!!!

Here, instead of those nasty drinks, why not have some totally healthy, not-at-all-potentially-dangerous caffeine pills instead! :D

[grammer-offical]

yumi yumi pompken joos! :P

[grammer-offical]

woh y pompken mak mee fel funeh

[officalverse-official]

Hey Polylinguism Polycule: I think your child got into the beer again. @grammar-offical @evilgrammar-offical @evilspellcheck-offical @old-english-offical @spellcheck-offical

[evilgrammar-offical]

SHIT. GRAMMER PUT THAT DOWN

[grammer-offical]

oh noes im in da slimtim

[evilgrammar-offical]

OH FUCK OH SHIT UHHH

@grammar-offical @spellcheck-offical @evilspellcheck-offical @old-english-offical WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Quick! Give the kid some caffeine pills! It'll counteract the alcohol.

[evilgrammar-offical]

NOT HOW IT WORKS

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Yes, it is! Trust me, I'm a Doctor! (Kind of.) [Sort of.] {I attained a doctorate in Gonzo Journalism from the Universal Life Church.} <I can officiate weddings by the way.>

[grammer-offical]

yumi yumi pompken joos! :P

[grammer-offical]

woh y pompken mak mee fel funeh

[officalverse-official]

Hey Polylinguism Polycule: I think your child got into the beer again. @grammar-offical @evilgrammar-offical @evilspellcheck-offical @old-english-offical @spellcheck-offical

[evilgrammar-offical]

SHIT. GRAMMER PUT THAT DOWN

[grammer-offical]

oh noes im in da slimtim

[evilgrammar-offical]

OH FUCK OH SHIT UHHH

@grammar-offical @spellcheck-offical @evilspellcheck-offical @old-english-offical WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Quick! Give the kid some caffeine pills! It'll counteract the alcohol.

[guywholivesinyourwalls-offical]

ive been obseving the officals and i have a challenge for all of you! go to bed at a reasonable time. please. before midnight preferably. none of yall ever sleep.

[pavement-offical]

I sleep at a normal time!!! I fall asleep between 10pm and 11pm unless it's summer ig then I stay up to 3AM consistently

[tg-max-offical]

SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK I WILL NOT GO TO BED BEFORE 1 am

Well technically i did go to bed at like 630pm on Friday but like it was a long week and i was exhausted. It’s very tiring fighting a war against giant evil Pineapples in the Divine name of our Lord Glypanog

[caffeine-pills-offical]

I like your attitude! Here,

Have some caffeine pills! :D

[guywholivesinyourwalls-offical]

ive been obseving the officals and i have a challenge for all of you! go to bed at a reasonable time. please. before midnight preferably. none of yall ever sleep.

[caffeine-pills-offical]

MAKE ME! :P

[no-sleep-offical]

WHO WANTS TO JOIN MY NO SLEEP CULT

( I NEED AN ARMY TO FIGHT @sleep-offical )

[mean-girl-offical]

Meeeeeeee I physically cant sleeep and it has nothing to do with the coffee drinking

[caffeine-pills-offical]

NOOOOOOO!!!! Coffee is SOOO bad for you!

Here, have some totally healthy, completely non-addictive caffeine pills instead:

You'll feel much better! And don't worry - as long as you take them every 4-6 hours, you'll still never sleep! Remember: Every time you fall asleep, you die, and someone else wakes up in your body! :O

[staphi]

I need URGENTLY a crash course on these hundreds of "offical" accounts. I don't know what is happening. I NEED to know what is happening. Pleeeeeeeeeeeease

[@satan-offical i think you have something to do with this but i don't know what]

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Here! Take a few caffeine pills:

They'll help you figure out what the Officalverse is about! :D

[the-official-news]

Why is the officalverse already so ominous??..

[red-dragon-offical]

YOU ARE WITNESSING A GREAT BECOMING!

[the-official-news]

NO I'M NOT-

[grammer-offical]

o noes!!!!! da dragren iz scarry! 😰😰😰😰😰😰

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Whoa, it sounds like things in the Officalverse are getting a little stressful!

Why not take some totally safe not-at-all-potentially-dangerous caffeine pills:

A sure-fire way to rid yourself of any and all anxiety! :D

[queenarielviolet]

I just chugged a monster energy now I'm filled with the Fear why did God do this to me???

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Monster Energy! That's full of all kinds of poison! Taurine? B vitamins? You might as well be drinking cyanide!

Instead of filling your body with so many harmful chemicals, why not take your caffeine in totally safe pill form! :D

Don't worry, nothing bad could possibly happen! Trust me.

[extra-cum-quotient]

Does anyone want to be in a polycule with me

[aceofpans]

uh. ssssssure

[extra-cum-quotient]

Yay! Does anyone else want to join?

@satan-offical (hoping you might reblog this so more people see it bc I'm a very small blog)

[aceofpans]

satans 14 btw u sure you want them to join

[extra-cum-quotient]

I know she's 14. I don't want her to join I just want her followers to see this

[aceofpans]

oh. fuck. mb

[extra-cum-quotient]

it's ok

[the-queen-of-geese]

chat does anyone want to join

[king-of-oreo]

What does that mean?

[the-queen-of-geese]

It means does anyone want to join the polycule.

[king-of-oreo]

What is a polycule

[the-queen-of-geese]

Like a couple but with more people

[unsatan-offical]

I can bring the snacks

[extra-cum-quotient]

Oh hey unsatan

@aceofpans this good w/ u

[aceofpans]

as long as they have snacks

[extra-cum-quotient]

Eyyy welcome @unsatan-offical

[unsatan-offical]

[extra-cum-quotient]

:D

@aceofpans look there's chips

[aceofpans]

fuck yeah @unsatan-offical I love you now

[unsatan-offical]

wow, it is a real polycule! i love you too

[aceofpans]

[extra-cum-quotient]

@unsatan-offical @aceofpans I love you both

[aceofpans]

@unsatan-offical @extra-cum-quotient i love you both too

[grammar-offical]

I am so fucking jealous of you guys.

@evilgrammar-offical @evilspellcheck-offical @old-english-offical why can’t we be this normal? I’m especially looking at our kid, @grammer-offical.

[spellcheck-offical]

What about me, Grammar? Am I not part of the linguistic polycule?

[grammar-offical]

D—do you want to join?

@evilgrammar-offical @evilspellcheck-offical @old-english-offical what do you guys think?

[spellcheck-offical]

Yeah totally! Me and @evilspellcheck-offical have some kind of enemies to lovers thing going on, and the other two kind of just work, you know?

[grammar-offical]

Huh. I guess that would make you a part of the polycule (I’m calling us Polylinguism from now on). @grammer-offical you have a new parent.

[grammer-offical]

@spellcheck-offical hewwo nu pawent! :D

GIMMEE MONSTUR ENURJEE NAO!!!!!!

[grammer-offical]

Nevarminde eye fownd da monstar :)

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Oh no! Monster Energy is bad for you! So many nasty chemicals.

Why not instead get your caffeination from all natural Caffeine Pills? :D

[ludovicosurvivor-deactivated202]

Fuck it we ball (takes another NoDoz)

[caffeine-pills-offical]

yummy yummy caffeine pills! :D

[caffeine-pills-offical]

I depend on you every day btw (NoDoz version of you)

Thank you, Consumer! :D

[following-every-offical-burntou]

I'm trying to follow every offical!

Hi! I'm trying to follow every offical literally just as a counter for how many there are! Please make me aware of more officals!

Also, this account is on an email I made solely for this purpose, so if I don't immediately follow, it's because I might only be checking once or twice a day. I will follow eventually. I promise!

(I am a minor!)

Edit: I am so so so so sorry for not making it clear;

Offical✅️ Official ❌️

[caffeine-pills-offical]

Following every Offical blog? Wow. That must be an exhausting endeavor. Here:

Take some caffeine pills. It'll help you maintain the energy you require on your quest! :D