neal and his father hurt me so bad i can't stand it. the james arc is literally the most painful part of the entire show because neal has so much hope! like he's so cautious and scared but! he's hopeful! before he knows he's his father, the hope is that this man will lead him to the answers he's been looking for: what kind of a man was his father? was he a killer or was he framed? was he a good man or is neal genetically fated to be a criminal? and once he finds out about his identity, the hope is that his father is telling the truth, and that this evidence box will prove it, and that for the first time in his life he'll have a father.
for the first eighteen years of his life he thought his dad was dead and that he'd died a hero, and it was a lie but it comforted and inspired him. a hero. that's what he wanted to be. he was already living a lie and he was neglected to the point of needing to commit crimes just to get by at age nine but his father was a hero and that meant he could be one day, too.
and then he turned eighteen and was told the truth (or a version of the truth): that his father was alive, and that he was a dirty cop, and that he was a killer. and neal was literally so devastated and confused by this that he dropped out of school, ran away from the only family he had and changed his name.
so here he is face to face with his father after all this time and hoping so much — for any positive outcome at all, really. and james lets him down in every possible way.
and as with every tragedy in his life, he's granted no opportunity to grieve or process that at all. he just has to pull himself together immediately because there are people counting on him (peter, who needs to be cleared) (peter, who condemns him anyway).
i imagine some day post-canon all his many traumas and griefs will catch up to him at once...
