Caleb, The Lord of The Lettuce

IF SHE BREATHES, SHE'S A THO- he/him pretty please! I'm a random fic writer, I enjoy writing for Sanders Sides but I love most fandoms!!

[calethelettuce]

I have a headcanon that Logan shoots the other sides with nerf darts if they’re being stupid (Remus gave him a nerf gun for his “birthday”)

IMAGINE IT:

Roman and Virgil are arguing? Both of them get bonked in the head with nerf darts to get them to stop it

Patton tries to take another stray cat on the street? Bonked with a nerf dart.

Remus is plotting murder again? NERF DART

Janus is trying to drink a little too much? NERF DART

He’s the mom, idc

[calethelettuce]

SaSi Intruality Week 6/7: Chaos Cookies - The Electric Boogaloo x2

Prompt: Baking

Tags: @intrualityweek

Synopsis: Patton and Remus are back in the kitchen! The follow up to Day 1's oneshot. Remus finally gets permission to make "cookies". Patton's there to support him and make sure the house doesn't burn down. We've got a shorter one today, my motivation isn't being very nice to me :(

Characters: Patton, Remus, Virgil

Relationships: Romantic Intruality, Implied Prinxiety

TW: Swearing, PATTON SAYS A BAD WORD????!!!?? Glass shards, inedible food items being ingested, eating glass, talk of cremation/burning bodies, sex jokes/implications (don't be surprised), minor description of burnt skin/Remus is being dumb, I MEAN IT GUYS

~

"Remus, buddy, can we keep the glass shards in the bowl, please?"

Remus only continued to mix the dough at a quick pace, snickering to himself as the pieces of once-shiny glass scraped against the sides of the bowl. "You said I have full control today!" he proclaimed, adding the slightest pinch of poison ivy to the concoction, "Therefore, no thanks!"

Patton sighed, shaking his head slightly. "You do you, then, Morningstar."

Patton observed the state of the inedible batter from behind Remus, peering over his shoulder.

It was lumpy, the sharp blade-like edges of the glass sticking out at odd angles. The leaves of poison ivy the green-sashed side threw in stuck out like a sore thumb against the pale colored dough.

"Isn't it great, Patty?" Remus asked proudly, admiring his handiwork with a grin, "I've never made something so delicious before!"

Patton gave him the biggest smile he could muster. "Well..! It's certainly not my taste, but uh, I can definitely see the appeal."

Even Remus could tell he was lying.

Although, instead of getting upset as most would, his smile only grew bigger. "Exactly!" he chirped, grabbing a ball of dough with his bare hands, "Time to throw these fuckers in the the torture chamber!"

Patton handed him a cookie sheet. "Put them on this one please," he practically begged, "I really don't want to clean the oven again."

Remus rolled his eyes but complied. He smashed the ball onto the sheet. "There."

"Good job, bud!"

"Thanks!"

Remus continued to slap the remaining dough balls onto the surface, with Patton holding the sheet out gingerly and carefully as to not get poison ivy from the leaves.

"Remus, does poison ivy still work the same here as it does in the real world?" he asked, nearly avoiding an accidental attack from a loose leaf, "Because if it does, maybe I shouldn't-"

"You'll be fine! I made these, but they only affect me! I made sure of it. It's just these ones that do that, though. If you find any in a forest, then that'll give you the greatest rash this world has ever seen."

Patton shivered at the thought of that. Remus took the pan from him carelessly, pressing a kiss to the shorter side's forehead. "Did we already set the oven to 600?"

"..600?"

"600!" Remus opened the oven door, quickly shoving the pan in before shutting it again. "Wouldn't want us to get cremated!"

"It's not hot enough for the human body to burn, you know." Patton supplied, washing his hands with extra soap, "It's got to be at least 1400 fahrenheit."

Remus stared at him in shock, mouth hung agape. "Holy shit, this is why I love you."

Patton laughed. "Well, even dads can have a dark sense of humor!"

"You're even hotter when you make dark jokes." Remus winked at him, leaning on the counter. "Except you're always hot. You're a certified DILF."

Patton felt his cheeks go red. "I-"

"Shhhh," Remus strode over, putting a finger to Patton's lips. "You're gonna make me horny."

"Stop being gay!" They heard Virgil shout from the living room, "It's too late for your shit, Remus!"

Patton felt his face grow darker. "Virgil, I thought you'd be upstairs by now!"

"Too early. Besides, it's not like I go home, since my house is covered in glitter because of somebody- also known as Remus. It's only 10."

Remus snickered. "I regret nothing, bitch."

Patton kept an eye on the oven to make sure nothing was on fire. He took the messy, empty bowl from the counter, handing it to Remus. "Have a gift for your junkyard! I don't think it's safe for me to use the bowl anymore."

"Awh, thanks Pattycake!" Remus took the bowl gratefully, evaporating it away to his junkpile by the playground outside. "I love that you're thinking about me!"

Patton smiled up at him, hopping onto the tips of his toes to press a kiss to Remus' nose. "Always am!" he chirped, ruffling the taller side's hair.

He heard Virgil groan from his spot on the couch.

"You're just mad you're lonely!" Remus gave the purple-clad side the middle finger. "Cause Princey doesn't want to suck your DI-"

"Remus!"

"My bad, Pat." The timer dinged to signal the cookies were finished. "OH! They're done!"

Well, Patton knew his house was going to smell like burnt cookies for the rest of the week.

Remus took the pan out of the oven with his bare hands, laughing as the sizzling smell of burnt flesh filled the room.

“Holy shit, Remus! Put the pan down!” Patton was little too tempted the smack the pan out of his hands. “You’re gonna burn your hands off!”

Remus plopped the pan down onto the counter. “That was fun!” He declared, “I don’t have fingerprints or palm skin anymore!”

Patton heard Virgil mutter a quiet “oh fuck no-“ before the anxious side ran up the steps to the guest room.

He turned back to Remus. “Come on, honey, I thought we agreed this one was going to be injury free!” He said sadly.

Remus pouted. “But that was fun!” He insisted.

Patton let out a huff. “I know, I know, but you have to keep your promises!”

“…fine.” Remus magicked away his hand burns with a frown, wiggling his fingers for reference. “There.”

Patton gave him a soft smile. “Thank you. I didn’t mean to make you upset, dear.”

“You didn’t.”

Patton gave the taller side a quick hug, resting his head on Remus’ shoulder. “Next time, we can have another baking day where I’ll let you do whatever you want, okay?”

Remus brightened just a bit at that. “Really!?”

“Of course!”

Remus hummed in appreciation, hugging Patton back. “Okay.”

“Now, how about we wait for these cookies to cool?”

“Oh, who needs that!?”

The sudden release of pressure and the sound of crunching glass signaled that Remus was already chomping down on a glass cookie.

Patton knew he was gonna have his work cut out for him this week.

[calethelettuce]

SaSi Intruality Week 5/7: Christmas in October?

Prompt: Gifts

Tags: @intrualityweek

Synopsis: Remus gets bored. Why not switch around holidays on everyone? Sounds like the perfect prank! ..He also just wants an excuse to give Patton things for no good reason. And Patton? Oh, he’s thrilled to finally see snow! The others are going to burn Remus at the stake for this one.

Characters: Patton, Remus, Logan, Virgil, Roman, Janus

Relationships: Romantic Intruality, Platonic Loxiety

TW: Swearing, dirty humor, sexual innuendos, mentions of screwing parents (but specifically dads), mentions of murder, oh also there’s a knife

~

“Why the fuck is there a Christmas tree in the common room?!”

“Virgil, what on Earth are you screaming about-“ Logan shut his book with a quick snap, looking up for the first time in hours. He stared at the Christmas tree sitting in the middle of the room, his stoic expression not changing at all. “Oh. I see.”

Virgil let out an annoyed groan. “There’s no way you’ve been sitting there this whole time and didn’t notice this!” He gestured to the array of Christmas decorations strung along shelves and light fixtures. “We’re erasing my favorite holiday, here!”

Logan shrugged, straightening his glasses frames. “Ask Remus. He’s probably behind this.” He supplied, putting his book down, “I’ll come with you if you want.”

Virgil crossed his arms with an annoyed frown. “I’m going to kill him.”

~

Patton managed to roll out of bed by 9 AM. His house felt awfully cold for October.. He rubbed his eyes, putting on his glasses while staring through the window.

Why did everything seem so… white? Patton moved back the curtains and nearly choked when he realized there was snow outside.

“In October!?” He checked the date: October 26. Good, he wasn’t going crazy. “It’s not even Halloween!” He mused, shutting the curtains and rushing down the steps with his phone in hand. The device was buzzing like mad, sending a tingle through his arm. He checked his notifications, chuckling at the exchange happening and the intense flurry of notifications.

The Sides!

Roman-ce Expert: what the heck is going on outside-

Down Low-gan: I'm unsure myself, actually.

My Dark, Strange Son: IM GOING TO KILL THAT MOTHERFUCKER

Bananaconda: shut up i'm trying to sleep

My Dark, Strange Son: SHUT THE UP BITCH

Bananaconda: this is literally why nobody likes you

Down Low-gan: Stop fighting. Janus, just turn off your notifications like I do.

Bananaconda: whatever

Remus <3: Cock and ball torture

My Dark, Strange Son: REMUS I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS WHERE ARE YOU

Remus <3: I'm hangin with your mom right now :P

Bananaconda: get fucked virgil

Pattoncake: i think it's cool! :3 snow is cool! srry for late reply just woke up

Roman-ce Expert: If it wasn't OCTOBER and not EVEN PAST Halloween I would agree

Remus <3: Patty!!

Pattoncake: Hi :D

Down Low-gan: Good morning, Patton, apologies for the spam from these imbeciles.

Roman-ce Expert: EXCUSE ME?????????? (ㆆ_ㆆ)

Bananaconda: shut up, i'm going back to bed

Pattoncake: Have a good nap Janny! ᕙ(^▿^-ᕙ)

My Dark, Strange Son: i hope you die in your sleep

Pattoncake: VIRGIL- (≖_≖ )

My Dark, Strange Son: i only speak the truth dad

My Dark, Strange Son: Pat*

Pattoncake: :O

Pattoncake: DID YOU JUST CALL ME DAD

Roman-ce Expert: bro just got called out

Remus <3: Patty open the door :)

Remus <3: BABY LET ME IN

My Dark, Strange Son: go be sentimental somewhere else trash bitch

Remus <3: This is why I'm fucking your dad PATTON OPEN UP

Patton put his phone in his pocket, noticing the intense knocking on his front door. He pulled it open, smiling brightly. "Hiya, Remus!" he chirped. "Come on in!"

Remus grinned back, holding up a surprisingly neatly packaged bag. The tissue paper inside was a pretty blue and was very glittery. "I got this for you!" he declared, walking in and handing the moderately large bag to Patton, "Merry Christmas!"

Patton gave him a confused and concerned look, taking the bag gingerly from him. "Thanks! But.. you realize it's October, right?"

“Sure do!”

He raised an eyebrow. “Then why-“

“Don’t question it too much, Patty!” Remus simply gestured to the bag. “Open it!”

Patton thought about it for a moment. “Is this a trick?”

Remus looked awfully offended for someone who played pranks often. “Not this time!”

Patton nodded slowly, before stepping back and gesturing inside. “Well, come in first! It must be cold out there!” He was definitely cold himself, just by standing at the door with it open. “I can make your favorite hot cocoa, with the spices you like.”

Remus’ face brightened up at that. “Sweet!” He wandered inside, plopping down on one of the stools near the island counter. “Then you’ll open your gift?” He asked hopefully.

Patton gave him a small smile as he put the gift on the coffee table in the living room. “Sure, Morningstar.”

Remus hummed to himself, though it was more like a strange cackle or laugh than anything.

Patton got to work on the two cups of cocoa. He mentally went over the differences in the ways that every side preferred their cocoa, just to test his memory.

He knew that Logan liked his with milk and a tinge of peppermint (which was certainly interesting to him).

Roman preferred to make his with cocoa bombs, of which normally added tons of sugar from the extra chocolate.

Virgil rarely ever drank cocoa, but when he did? He preferred it cold. Patton still hadn’t figured that one out yet.

Janus took theirs as standard as you could get, but they rarely ever drank the stuff and preferred to drink other things.. like wine.

Now, Remus? It could change every day. Normally, he preferred his made with the water scalding hot. He preferred it so hot, in fact, that if anyone other than him tried to drink it they’d burn their hands on the mug. He loved spices, no matter if it was salt or pepper or anything else that comes to mind. His cocoa choices were never boring, Patton could confirm that.

He poured the still boiling water into a mug, careful not to spill any on himself or the counter. He held both the kettle and the cup with heat resistant gloves. “Remus, what spices are we thinking today, bud?” He called.

“Oooh! Let me think…” Remus began listing off random spices that came to mind.

Patton picked out three of the spices listed, putting a bit of each into the water and he added the cocoa powder to the mug. After being mixed, he slid the mug over to Remus. “There you go, hon!” He said cheerfully, beginning to work on his own.

Patton liked his plain and simple: just warm milk and the cocoa powder. Something simple to dip cookies in! It only took a quick five minutes for him to be sitting beside Remus as they both sipped their respective drinks.

Remus was the first one done. He plopped his mug down onto the counter, the hand painted black and green exterior shining under the glowing gaze of the lights overhead. “That was fucking delicious!”

Patton nibbled on a cookie, dipping it into his cocoa every so often. “I’m glad you liked it!” He said fondly.

Remus spun around on the stool as he waited for Patton to finish.

“Are you done yet?”

“Not yet, bud.”

Silence.

“How about now?”

“Still no, honeybee.”

“……are you done yet?”

Patton sighed, giving Remus a knowing look. “If I open the gift now, will you let me finish my hot chocolate?”

Remus pondered that for a moment. “..DEAL!” He hopped up, running over to the living room and sitting down. “Get to it, Pattyboy!”

“Okay, okay! Hold on!” Patton followed him at a much slower pace, putting his mug down on a glittery, star shaped coaster as he sat next to his boyfriend.

Remus giggled to himself as he handed the gift to Patton. “Here you go, Frog Daddy!”

Patton put the bag in his lap, looking it over. “It’s pretty heavy..” he couldn’t help but feel slightly concerned. What could be in here?

“C’mon, just open it!” Remus nearly begged him, “The suspense is killin’ me, man!”

Patton pulled out the tissue paper, watching as it floated carelessly in the air before settling on the carpet. Inside, to his surprise, were three individually wrapped boxes. They were wrapped in shiny silver paper, with little baby blue bows decorating the tops.

“I hated wrapping it all neat,” Remus added, “but I figured you’d like it.”

Patton took out one of the smallest boxes first, which was rather hefty for its size. He unwrapped it carefully, confused as to what could be inside. He gasped.

Inside sat two crystal statues; one of a cat and one of a frog. “Oh, Remus! These are amazing!” He gushed.

Remus beamed. “Good! They’re Blue Calcite, they apparently help balance emotions. So, y’know, I thought it fit you.” He shrugged. “I got Logan to tell me that. I know absolutely nothing else.”

Patton pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I think they’re lovely either way.”

“Yuuck, positivity! Just keep going!”

The next thing Patton pulled out happened to be a knife. The blade was embellished with various gems and crystals in both green and blue, and Patton nearly dropping it out shock once he realized what it was.

“It’s not real! It’s a fake one I made! Not sharp at all!” Remus took it and tried to stab something, to no avail. “See? Totally safe!”

Patton breathed out a sigh of relief. “You almost just gave me a heart attack, mister!”

“Sorry not sorry! Open the last one, that’s my favorite!”

“I don’t know whether to be excited or terrified.”

Patton ripped open the box, pausing with an awestruck expression on his face.

A beautiful array of necklaces, friendship bracelets and rings sat inside.

“I made us matching ones!” Remus supplied, holding up his own emerald set, “Yours are diamond!”

Patton tried on the ring, realizing it fit perfect on his ring finger. He gave Remus the biggest smile the side had ever seen, before nearly tackling him in a hug. “I LOVE IT!” he squealed, “Thank you thank you thank you!!!”

Remus scoffed, ignoring how red his face was. “It was nothing, Pattycake!”

And then Patton kissed him.

Right on the lips.

And internally?

Remus flipped the fuck out. In a good way!

They sat there for a moment or two, just enjoying each other’s company, Patton’s hot cocoa long forgotten.

“I think Virgil’s going to kick my ass.” Remus muttered randomly. “I totally erased his favorite holiday.” He smirked to himself. “Oh well. Let’s go play in the snow!”

Patton laughed and smiled up at him. “Okay! Let’s go!”

Truth be told, Virgil had decided to let Remus live a little longer.

..only for Patton’s sake.

[calethelettuce]

SaSi Intruality Week 4/7: The Heartbreak Helper

Prompt: Scars

Tags: @intrualityweek

Synopsis: Patton tells Remus a story after he asks about a certain scar. Remus is more understanding than Patton would have ever thought. Wait, is this considered hurt/comfort? Sorry not sorry.

Characters: Patton, Remus

Relationships: Romantic Intruality

TW: Talk of scars and injury, swearing, sad boi hours and talk of self deprication, intrusive thoughts

~

The clock struck midnight as Patton sat idly in bed, staring at the wall.

Remus was beside him, laying flat on his back. The day had been tiring and rough for the both of them.

"Hey Pat?" Remus asked quietly, his groggy and tired voice filling the otherwise quiet room, "Can I ask you a question?"

Patton continued to stare at the wall as he fidgeted with his hands. "Mhm."

Remus sat up just a little, propping himself up on his elbows. "Where did you get that scar on your chest from? The one over your heart?"

Patton had never heard Remus use such a soft, curious voice before. He shifted positions to face the green-clad side with a small, invisible smile. "You want to hear the story, then?" he spoke gently, with a nostalgic yet pained look in his eye.

Remus stared up at him expectantly. "I really do want to hear it! Did you fight off a hoarde of zombies?!"

Patton laughed. "No, no, it's nothing like that."

Remus scooted closer, resting his head on Patton's lap. His legs dangled off the edge of the bed as he kept his questions rolling. "But then what happened? Did the stand mixer explode on you?"

Patton carded a hand through Remus' hair as he replied. "It's not really as cool as that." he paused, taking a breath. "Do you remember Thomas' ex-boyfriend? The one he met before Nico?"

Remus frowned. "Sure do. He was a dick."

Patton let out a breathy laugh. "Well, I wouldn't say that. I'm sure you've heard of heartbreak?"

His frown turned into a look of pure hurt. "Awh, Patty, no.."

Patton smiled wryly. "I got a little sick after that." he took the strap of his tanktop off his shoulder, moving it down low. Right where Patton's heart would be, a scar sat, the once broken skin healed over with occasional bumps and crevices. "It turned into some kind of rash. Which turned into a wound." he avoided Remus' concerned gaze. "I couldn't help but-" he swallowed the lump in his throat, holding back a small sob. "I couldn't help but pick at it and it got worse-"

Remus sat up. "Oh.. I had no idea." He pressed himself against Patton's side, placing an arm protectively around his shoulders. "I think it's a lovely scar. Roman taught me, when we were younger, that scars are just the tale of how you've grown up and changed." his tone was hushed and caring as he sat and let Patton cry for a moment. “Seriously, hon. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

Patton rested his head on Remus’ shoulder as tears fell, the droplets soaking into his shirt. “It’s all my fault, Remus,” he mumbled, “We wouldn’t all be in such a terrible state if I had listened to the others the first time.”

Remus only nestled in more, wrapping his other arm around Patton in a hug from the side. “Oh come now,” he whispered, “we all agreed it wasn’t your fault.”

“But-!”

Remus put a finger to Patton’s lips, offering him a smile. “We can all be screwed up together, okay? Nobody hates you for what happened. Like I said, scars just show how much we’ve grown.” He hesitated before continuing. “Thomas is okay now. He has Nico, yeah?”

Patton nodded, grabbing Remus’ hand. “I guess you’re right.” He wiped the lenses of his glasses and his eyes, letting out a pained laugh. “Sometimes I get these… funny thoughts. I’m afraid that makes Thomas a bad person.”

Remus bit his lip. “I know a lot about funny thoughts, Patton. Sometimes, it’s easier to say them out loud. So you know they’re not real.”

“Even if they’re about stabbing things?”

Remus pressed a kiss to Patton’s forehead.“Even if they’re about stabbing things.”

He sat and listened as Patton quietly talked about his thoughts, offering reassurance and guidance as the clock kept ticking on through the night hours.

By the time Patton had calmed down, an hour had passed. “It’s later than I thought,” he said, “maybe we should go to bed now.”

“We should!” Remus agreed, letting out a yawn, “Otherwise Janny might kill us both!”

Patton laughed, pulling a blanket over himself. “Well, that was a silly little endeavor.”

Remus laid down next to him, snuggling underneath the fuzzy blanket. “Sure was!” He wiggled closer, putting a gentle hand over Patton’s heart. “And I don’t love you any less now that I know.”

“Really?” Patton smiled in the dark, letting out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding in.

“Really, Pattycake.”

The two fell asleep within minutes, nestled comfortably in each other’s arms.

And if Patton ever needed a place to let out his thoughts and “icky” feelings, his Heartbreak Helper was there for him.

[calethelettuce]

SaSi Intruality Week 3/7: Be Gay, And Maybe NOT Do Crime??

Prompt: Crime

Tags: @intrualityweek

Synopsis: Remus commits arson. Patton is in dad mode and is panicking. Oh and Janus is here- Fluffy fluff. You're welcome.

Characters: Remus, Janus (They use They/Them in this one), Patton

Relationships: Platonic Intruality, Besties Moceit, Platonic Dukeceit

TW: Arson, description of blood/burns, swearing, sexual innuendos

~

Remus nearly busted through Patton's front door, shouting, "Patton! I made an oopsie! AGAIN!!" He paused for a moment, before adding, "The groceries are still intact though!"

And by intact, he meant the burnt, nearly melted plastic bags he held in his left hand.

Patton poked his head into the room from the kitchen. The look of pure shock and horror on his face was the greatest thing Remus had seen since last time.

"Remus!" Patton cried, rushing over to him, "What happened this time?! Are you hurt badly?" he gently put a hand under Remus' chin, turning his head side to side as he looked for external damage. "Are you okay?"

Remus cackled. "Nah, I'm okay!"

Patton sighed in relief at that, putting a hand on the side's shoulder, taking the grocery bags from him. "Go sit on the couch, mister," he ordered, pointing in the direction of the living room, "I'm going to make sure there's no stab wounds or something like that on you!"

Remus rolled his eyes, but did as he was told. He wandered into the living room, stifling a yawn. He was certainly bored, that was for sure.

He found Janus curled up at the arm of the couch, a blanket covering them as they read a ridiculously long book. Remus brightened up at the snake-like side's presence.

"Janny!" he cheered, plopping down next to them, "I miss you!"

Janus blinked in surprise. "Oh, hello Remus." they said smoothly. "I certainly did expect to see you here."

"Surprise!" Remus leaned into their side, looking up at them with a dopey grin. "Whatcha doing here?"

"Patton invited me over to have a discussion on a few things, which the details are definitely your business."

Remus rolled his eyes. "Boring! Wanna know what I did today?"

"...no."

"I set a tower on fire!" He cackled, waving his arms around as he spoke, "It was so fucking cool! A dragon tried to fight me, Jan Jan!"

Janus nodded slowly, only half listening as Remus went on about his day. They placed a bookmark into their book, placing it onto the side table. "That's terrible, Remus. I'm glad you had a decent day."

Patton returned moments later, carrying a first aid kit. "I'm back!" he called, setting the case of supplies on the coffee table, "Hopefully you two didn't do anything too mischievous while I was gone."

"I was tempted to bite them," Remus said, pointing to Janus (who was absolutely thrilled at the implications), "But I didn't!"

Patton shot Janus a confused look, but turned back to Remus with a smile. "Well, good on you for some self control, bud!" He opened up the case, grabbing a bottle of medical alcohol and a cotton pad. "Now, how about let's look at any injuries you might have, okay?"

Remus pouted, but obliged. He sat as still as he could and let Patton examine him as he checked for cuts or anything of the sort. He knew there was a good burn on his right shoulder, but he would let Patton find it himself. What's the fun of it if someone's doing the work for you?

It took the father figure figment a minute or two to find it, but when he did, his gasp was so loud that Logan could probably hear it from his house next door.

"Remus, why didn't you say something about it?! This is bad!"

Remus hadn't even taken off his top, but the fabric was so mangled and torn above the burn area that he hadn't even needed to for Patton to be able to see it. He liked the pain, so he didn't mind much. The huge patch of burnt skin stretched along his entire shoulder blade, skin peeling off in horrendously big chunks as dried blood went with it. It was red, angry, and would probably be fun to deal with until it healed.

"Didn't think too much about it until now, Frog Daddy!" he poked the oozing wound for reference, hissing in delight at the sharp and painful tingles sent through his body. "I'm okay!"

"Oh dear..." Patton sighed quietly to himself, unscrewing the lid of the alcohol. "I'm gonna hate asking this, but can you please take your shirt partially off so your shoulder is exposed?"

Remus perked up. "Oooooo? Getting frisky like the Victorians, eh? Fine, I'll give you some shoulder action!" Remus unbuttoned his top, exposing his charred shoulder. "You like what you see?"

Janus rolled their eyes from their spot on the couch, stifling a smile as they went back to reading with a glass of water to go along.

"Yes, Remus, very nice." Patton smiled at him and his antics. "Now hold still and try not to scream, okay? I have to get all the dried gunk off of it." He dipped the pad into the alcohol, making sure to let all of the excess drip back into the bottle.

"I'll try, but I might not be able to contain myself! Pain turns me on!"

And then Janus spit out the sip of water they were currently trying to drink. "Please never say that again. Seriously, I'm telling the truth. I'd like to keep this water in my body, please and thank you."

Remus cackled. "Sorry Janny! But not really. I'm not sorry at all!" he turned back to Patton, who was waiting patiently with his alcohol soaked cotton pad. "Okay, hit me with it, Pattycake! I expect pain! The best kind!"

Patton nodded, and got to work cleaning up the burn. "Now, can you tell me what happened?" he asked.

"Heheh, that tickles- Oh yeah! I fought a dragon!" Remus boasted, "I got bored coming back from getting groceries, so I went to the Imagination and started burning shit down! Villages, grass, people.. And then I fought a dragon! But Roman made me fix all the destruction. I wouldn't let him heal me!" he frowned at the thought of his twin.

"Why's that, dear?" Patton finished dabbing up the excess blood and brought out multiple kinds of bandages and ointments.

"I like when you do it, Pat! It's more fun!"

Patton chuckled, wrapping up the burn nice and neat. "I can't say it's my favorite thing to do, but if I can do it for you then I'll do my best!" he said fondly, "You're all done, Remus. Don't go and wreak anymore havoc for right now, okay? You don't want Roman to get imaginary cops involved."

"I'll fight off the imaginary cops!" Remus concluded, hopping to his feet. "I'm gonna go summon cops right now to go fight! Bye Patton!!" He called running out the door, "I won't get hurt this time!"

And the front door slammed shut.

Patton hadn't even been able to process what Remus had said until the side was already out the door and yelling goodbye. He let out a breathy huff with a small smile, cleaning up the trash from the miniature nurse's office he had set up in his living room. "How have you dealt with him for so many years, Jan?" he asked. "He's a lot sometimes."

Janus shrugged. "Truthfully? I've got no clue." They finished the chapter of their book, putting it down once again and standing up. "Best to go after him, just in case. I'll be back in a few minutes, Patton. Check on your groceries, yes?"

"I forgot! See you in a while!"

Patton stood, heading to the kitchen counter to the bags which had nearly melted to the counter by now. He unpacked the items as he said,

"Oh, Remus, what on earth are we going to do with you?"

~

Remus is a very chaotic boi

[calethelettuce]

SaSi Intruality Week 2/7: Stop and Smell the Roses

Prompt: Flowers (Switched out with OG prompt, Fusion; doing that one at a later day-)

Tags: @intrualityweek

Synopsis: Thanks to Remus and Roman, the Mind Palace has a lovely forest full of wonderful (and scary-) things! Patton is very excited about it. Patton learns that certain flowers are edible... and they find a snake friend! Also the title is a lie, there are no roses in the story. Get fooled :)

Characters: Patton, Remus, Roman

Relationships: Romantic Intruality, Brotherly Creativity Twins (No RemRom. Get out.)

TW: Remus being Remus, swearing, body horror/Remus snaps his neck but he fixes it, oh also he found a snek

~

The day is warm. The sun is shining high in the sky, its rays hitting the dewy leaves and patches of grass in an array of pretty colors. Patton and Roman made their way down the winding forest paths. Patton held a small, empty wicker basket with a red-plaid cloth lining the bottom.

"Padre, I have to wonder; What do you see in my brother?" Roman shielded his eyes from the sun, looking up at the high treetops beginning to turn red and yellow. "No offense intended, of course, but I am awfully curious to know."

"Well," said Patton, "I believe that there's good in everyone! That includes Remus!"

"Hm." Roman nodded in agreement as he spoke. "I personally dislike him, but you do you I guess."

Patton shifted the wicker basket tucked under his arm a little. "Everyone is different in their own ways."

"But you're suddenly okay with the dirty jokes and all of that?"

The blue-clad side kicked a pebble as he walked by it. "I learned a lot about myself, kiddo. Sometimes people do things that aren't necessarily their fault. Like how Remus doesn't have a filter. That's just what came with his role for Thomas."

"I never thought about it that way.." Roman parted a bush and held it back as Patton walked through. "After you!" he proclaimed smoothly, bowing just a little.

"Thanks!"

Roman smiled at him. "Of course! I believe we're almost to our destination!"

Patton added an extra pep to his step, the anticipation nearly making him squeal out of pure excitement. It seemed like Roman could tell just by looking at his face.

"Calm down, Popstar!" he teased, "Careful you don't explode!"

"But wouldn't that be fun?" Another voice chimed in. "Especially if it's extra bloody!"

Roman shrieked, instinctively pulling out his sword. "Stop popping up out of nowhere, you fiend!" he shouted to the top of one particular tree, "You're going to kill me one day!"

Remus cackled. He sat- no, dangled by his legs from a tree branch, his morningstar in one hand and some kind of bottle in the other. He waved at Patton, who waved back. "It would be funny to see you die!" he screamed back, hopping down from his perch. He landed straight on his neck with a thud and a snap. The bottle hit the floor, the shattered glass scattering around as the liquid inside spilled out.

Remus didn't react much. He continued laughing as he realigned his spine and neck with a pop.

Roman nearly gagged. "Ew. Can you do that somewhere else, please?" With a wave of his hand, he magicked away the broken bottle and glass.

“Awh, is Princey afraid of a little body horror~?” Remus mocked, cracking his knuckles and hopping to his feet, “That’s cute!”

Roman scoffed, sheathing his katana. “Just go do your weird stuff. If you need me, don’t.” He pulled out his magic mirror, tapping a button as he disappeared. “Have fun, Padre!” He called.

Patton stared blankly at the spot Roman once stood. “He has a magic mirror?” He questioned.

Remus nodded curtly. “Yeah, he’s got some weirdly fancy shit.” He paused. “Hey, wanna find out what flowers are edible?”

Patton turned to face him, an interested look in his eyes. “Boy, do I!?” He took the sashed side’s hand in his own, pulling him forward. “Roman said to go this way!” He explained quickly, leading Remus farther down the path.

Remus grinned. “Okay, Daddy!”

They continue down the dirt path. Patton was moving along fairly quick, tugging Remus along with him. Remus couldn't say that he wasn't enjoying the physical contact.. And so, he nearly cried when Patton let go of his hand to move a branch out of the way (Why Patton needed both hands was beyond him, but it didn't really matter that much.).

"So, Pattycake, what's our plan for the day?" Remus asked, "Are we gonna set something on fire? Maybe play with a bomb?"

Patton laughed. "No, silly! We're picking flowers!" he winked. "And eating them too.. but only the edible ones!"

Remus had completely forgotten he had mentioned that earlier. He gave Patton a goofy smile as they kept walking. "Sounds great! The eating the flowers part, I mean. Duh!"

"Well, we can't do that if we aren't there yet! Come on, slowpoke!"

~

Patton wound the stems of the flowers together. A bouquet of carnations, marigolds and sunflowers sat in his basket. He made sure to pick one of every color there was. He hummed a tune as he watched Remus roll down a hill, the side laughing maniacally.

Patton smiled to himself, adjusting his position on the grassy surface. He picked a perfect spot, right under the shade of a cherry blossom tree. He couldn't help but wonder how exactly the flowers and buds of the tree were still that rosey pink despite it being fall. The two sides were in The Imagination, after all, so he didn't think much more about it.

He continued threading the stems together, slowly making a messy yet colorful flower crown. He was proud of himself either way, and he admired it while Remus came running over.

"Patton! Patton!" He yelled, "I found a snake!!"

Patton blinked owlishly at him. "Did you now?" he said fondly, "I sure hope you didn't disturb it too much."

"Nah, this is one of Roman's creatures! The bites don't hurt at all!" Remus looked a bit disappointed at that, but held out his small, slithery friend for Patton to see. "I named it Dee! She's just a baby, I think!"

Their new friend was barely small enough to fit entirely in Remus' palm. The end of its tail was curled around his wrist, the orange and black striped pattern catching Patton's eye.

"Oh! Is our friend a milk snake?"

Remus looked at him with a look of surprise. "You know your snake breeds, dontcha Patty?"

"Mhm! Logan and Janus taught me some things a while ago, I was interested in snake anatomy." Patton shrugged. "Nature is cool!"

"Did you know that snakes eat frogs?!" Remus gave Dee a gentle stroke of her scales, grinning at Patton, "Careful, she might eat you!"

"That would be awful! I'd let the cutie, to be honest." Patton stood up, coming over to look at the small snake.

Dee didn't react much at all, but instead continued to explore Remus' arm.

"I think she likes me!!" Remus whispered, holding out his other hand to let her slither over, "This is fucking awesome!"

Patton laughed, going back over to his shady spot and picking up the flower crown he had made. He placed it on Remus' head with a smile.

"OOH! Are these the edible ones?!"

"They sure are! I found them just for you!"

Remus looked at him fondly- well, as fondly as the side could look at someone. "Are you okay with me destroying your masterpiece?"

Patton hadn't really thought that far. "Oh! Uh..." he let his eyes wander to his basket with extra flowers in it. "Here, eat these ones!" The cardigan wearing side handed Remus a bouquet of smaller flowers. "They're carnations!"

Remus' grin grew wider. "My favorite!" he went to take the bouquet, but remembered Dee slithering around along his arms. He paused for a moment, surveying the situation. "Do you want to hold Dee-Dee for a bit?" he asked, carefully and gently offering his snake friend to Patton. "She doesn't bite!"

Patton thought for a moment, before extending his arm out as he let Remus place the calm serpent into his palm, while Patton handed Remus the bouquet.

"Good trade!" Remus bit the entire top of a flower off, chewing it up and swallowing. "Mmm, the allergies are about to hit so well!"

Patton laughed at him, handling Dee with both arms now. The curious snake slithered farther up his arms. It sent shivers down his spine. His friend was cold! "Is this how Janus feels?" he questioned, gently stroking Dee's scales. "The poor little gal is freezing!"

Remus bit off more petals as he nodded. "Yep! Jan-Jan is always cold, that's why is house is always so warm! Not that he ever lets anyone in, anyway."

At this point, Dee was almost on Patton's shoulder as she investigated the hood of his cardigan- well, is it really a cardigan if it has a hood?

"They're also attracted to warm spaces!" Remus supplied, motioning to the snake, "So don't be surprised if she ends up in your hood!"

Patton let out a little gasp. "That's so cute!" he looked over at Remus with a pleading look. "Can we keep her?! Pleeease?"

Remus shrugged. "Why the hell not?"

"WOO!"

"Don't make Janny jealous, though. The Bananaconda might feel threatened." Remus snickered at that notion.

"Janus doesn't have to worry! Dee is a small snake, Jan is still the original snake boi!" Patton sat down next to the cherry blossom tree again, petting Dee with his free hand. Remus sat down next to him, pressing into his side.

"Whatever you say, Pat." he said, "But first, why don't we give Roman a heart attack before we show Janny our new friend?"

"What? No!!"

"Boo..."

~

This took me ages what the heck

[calethelettuce]

SaSi Intruality Week 1/7: Chaos Cookies

Prompt: Chaos

Tags: @intrualityweek

Synopsis: Patton tries to bake something with Remus. Remus is busy trying to find shards of glass to put into the batter. As the title suggests, shit gets chaotic. You’re welcome.

Characters: Remus, Patton

Relationships: Romantic Intruality

TW: Blood/cuts (inflicted by glass shards by accident), Remus being Remus, swearing

~

Remus smashed his hands down onto the bottles, watching the shards of glass go flying all over the counter. They hit the surface with a small skitter and spread out with a clink. He laughed, a shrill, manic one that could probably give someone a migraine.

Patton came into the room, carrying numerous sheet pans of different shapes and sizes! “Remus, I got the pans!” He chirped, blissfully unaware of the messy counter and the little glass shards on the floor, “We can-“ he paused, staring at the floor. His gaze trailed up to the counter, with Remus staring at him with a wide gaze and a sheepish smile. His hands were red and bloodied, little shards sticking into his palms.

“Hiya, Daddy!” Remus waved, the crimson liquid trailing down his arm. “How’s it going?”

Patton gaped at him, nearly slamming the pans down onto the stovetop and rushing over. “What happened!? How badly are you hurt?!” He took Remus’ hands in his own, inspecting the wounds.

Remus shrugged, feeling himself shiver at the sudden touch. “I was preparing for the cookies!” He proclaimed proudly, wiggling his glass covered fingers, “Did I do good, Pattycake?”

Patton’s expression softened. “Oh, dear, we don’t need glass shards for these cookies!” He explained, “But we can make a separate batch just for you with them another day, okay?”

Remus looked sad for a moment, but perked up at the thought of another day to bake. “Okay!”

Patton gave him his signature smile. “Awesome! Let’s get you all cleaned up, okay?”

The cardigan-wearing side led Remus to the upstairs bathroom of the house, sitting him down on the toilet seat. “You wait right there, okay?”

Remus nodded eagerly. Enjoying the pain of getting shards out of his hands was always better when he had Patton there.. even though it was always enjoyable for him. It was boring to just magic away the wounds, so he allowed Patton to carefully take out each shard with tweezers.

There was a short moment of calming silence between the two.

“So!”

“Hm?” Patton dabbed at the remaining blood left on Remus’ scarred and calloused palms. “What’s up, honey?”

“What’s your favorite kind of bottle?” He asked brightly, “I like the glass ones because they’re crunchy!”

Patton laughed a little, adding antiseptic to the cuts. “I like reusable ones,” he answered, “They’re useful because they don’t harm the environment!”

“Boo, that’s boring…” As Remus spoke, the green-sashed side attempted to lick the antiseptic right off of the wounds, which earned an alarmed cry from Patton.

“You can’t eat that! It’s for your hands!” The father figure figment nearly shouted at him from panic.

Remus groaned, leaning back. “I don’t know what to do! I’m bored!” He complained.

“Just let me finish, and then we’ll go make cookies okay?”

“Okay! Can we still add glass to them?”

Patton let out a small, affectionate huff. “Sorry, bud, not today. Another day, remember?

Remus hopped up as Patton taped the last bandage. “Then let’s go, Frog Daddy!” He shouted, running over to Patton and picking him up bridal style. “Shit is about to go down!”

Patton squeaked at the sudden movements, before starting to panic again. “Remus, your hands! Put me down! They’re not even healed in the slightest!”

Remus cackled, descending down the stairs with the other still in his arms. “Extra pain, extra fun!”

“No!”

“Yes!”

Once the two got to the living room, Patton nearly jumped out of Remus’ arms, giving the moustached side a signature Dad Glare (TM). “Don’t jeopardize your health like that!” He scolded lightly.

Remus shrugged. “There’s no rhyme or reason to what I do! I just do!”

“That’s not always good for you, honeybun.” Patton placed himself back in Remus’ arms, hugging the slightly taller side gently. He placed his head on his shoulder. “I know you like that stuff, but you worry me sometimes.” He whispered.

“Awh, sorry Pattycake.” Remus ruffled the blue-clad side’s hair. “I’ll be better… maybe.” He added with a toothy grin.

“You promise?”

“Promises? Yuuck.” Remus paused, mulling over his options. “Eh. Okay. Just for today.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Patton’s head. “Only for you. Roman is still getting his ass kicked at Mario Kart later.”

Patton giggled at his antics, letting go and walking to the kitchen. “Are we thinking chocolate chip, or peanut butter!”

“Ha, you said nut.”

“That I did, dear. Come and help me with the batter, yeah?”

Remus grinned. “Only if I get to eat the raw eggs!”

“Remus, no!”

He ignored that last remark, waltzing to the fridge, opening it up and cracking an egg over his head. Remus watched the contents spill out onto his hair and into his eyes. He laughed maniacally. “That chicken fetus had no chance!”

He paused when he saw the sad look Patton was giving him. His smile faded a little as he magicked the mess away. “Whoops.” Was all he said. He handed Patton the brand new, non-broken egg. “Here you go.”

“Thank you, Re.”

Patton mixed the batter, with Remus peering over his shoulder the entire time. Remus found his hands resting gently on Patton’s hips as the other folded the ingredients together.

“Hey Pat?”

“Hm?”

“Guess what?”

“Yes?”

“Fuck.”

“Language!”

~

I’m gonna continue this one with the Baking prompt when that one and it’s day comes around!

[warcats-cat]

Friends. Fellows. Countryfolk. Can we

Please

Go back to tagging for unsympathetic sides? Or even just side negativity? Please?

I'm so tired of going into a tag for a comfort character and seeing a bunch of negativity; and I don't mean like call-out posts. If your fic has unsympathetic sides PLEASE tag it!!!! There are people trying to filter that out because they don't want to see it, like any other squick or trigger!!!

Thank you 💜

[miss-doodle-jester]

“My name is Baroness Von Bon Bon and today is your luck day!”

Since I have been away for a while. I thought, why not share what I have been working on.

I finished my Baroness von Bon Bon cosplay. I am so proud of it. Did a contest with her already and had so much fun.

If you want to see more of my cosplay adventures. Follow my instagram: @redmoontiger

[calethelettuce]

Not my normal posts, but I think that today you guys deserve my SaSi cosplays for the 7th anniversary, which was an entire day ago- I did a before and after thing with the duplicate characters 😃 I don’t cosplay Virgil, so I don’t have any pics of him yet (he’s in progress)! If you want more cosplay stuff then I have an instagram! it’s calethelettuce.cos (Not sponsored I swear)

Enjoy my silly little cosplays :)

Seriously though, this series means a whole lot to me. @thatsthat24 , thanks for making a great series!!

[calethelettuce]

I made a Kinnie Bingo for Logan. You’re welcome. I’m working on other ones too :0

[edupunkn00b]

Where the Air is Sweet, Chapter 10

Photo by Rachel Martin via Unsplash

Prev - Ch. 10 - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

Logan has news!

WC: 742 - Rated: G - CW: fluff. Oh and I found some more fluff :D -

Logan smiled when the front door opened to the warm aroma of vanilla, nutmeg, and peanut butter. “Pat?” he called, toeing off his shoes and arranging them in the shoe rack. Patton’s left shoe sat next to the rack, the other behind the door, and he scooped them up and placed them alongside his own with a little chuckle.

“Pat? I’m home~”

His voice cut off in another laugh when Patton stepped out from the hall and wrapped both arms around him. “You are home!” he cheered, then tugged Logan toward the kitchen. “And just in time… I’ve been making sweets for my Sweet.” With a wink, Patton tapped Logan’s lips with a still-warm peanut butter oatmeal cookie and he took a bite.

“Hmm, these are quite good,” he hummed, taking another bite when prompted. While he chewed, Patton finished the cookie with a grin. “Shall we make a proper dinner, as well?” he asked, glancing around the kitchen for evidence of actual food.

“Already done!” Patton opened the refrigerator and pulled out a caprese salad and cold roast salmon. “There’s bread, too, but the cookies overpower the yeasty yumminess.” Hands full with the feast he’d prepared, he smiled at Logan. “Set the table for us?” he murmured. “Then you can tell me your news.”

“You remembered.” Logan looked over his shoulder, half-way to the cabinet. “I barely mentioned it this morning…”

“Oh, Lo,” Patton set down the food and cradled Logan’s face between his hands. “Of course I remembered. Now, let’s get everything on the table because I want to hear everything!”

Patton bumped against his hip, gently almost a brush, really, as he hurried off to gather drinks. He flashed another grin at Logan once he’d arranged the plates and utensils. “Nicely done, Lo,” he nodded and Logan’s cheeks warmed. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome, Pat,” he looked at the floor, happy bubbles bursting in his chest. “This is the least I can do after you’ve prepared dinner for us.”

“I had a half day,” he shrugged, fingers dancing over Logan’s shoulder as he slid past and sat down. Patton inclined his head toward Logan’s chair and he quickly sat, as well. “So, Lo, tell me everything!”

“Well, Mr. Wolf called me into his office and…” He smoothed down his tie and sweater vest, an unpleasant twinge in his stomach at the memory of his nervousness. “He wasn’t smiling. He told me he’d hired Gordon for the head librarian role and I feared…” Logan looked up when Patton reached across the little table and took his hand. Bright blue eyes stared back at him, stared right past his nervousness as though they could see right to his core. He smiled. “I feared the worst, that he’d not only decided I wasn’t good enough for the role but had…”

Patton’s eyebrows raised at ‘good enough’ and he visibly held back a reminder of what he thought about that. Logan squeezed his hand back and continued. “But instead… he offered me the Assistant Directorship.”

“Lo!” Patton cried, jumping out of his seat and pulling him along. He wrapped Logan in a bear hug. “Lo, you did it! I’m so proud of you!!”

Cheeks aflame, Logan buried his face in the crook of Patton’s neck and hugged back. “W-why, thank you, Pat,” he mumbled.

He squeezed Logan a little tighter, large, warm hands rubbing over his shoulders and his back. “Nothing to thank, Lo! You earned this! You more than earned this! You deserve to finally get some credit for the amazing work you do!”

Bathed in the warmth of Patton’s praise, Logan melted in his embrace. His lips curled into a dopey smile, grateful he hid his face against Patton’s shoulder. “You deserve more than a little credit yourself, Pat. I couldn’t’ve done this without you.”

Patton pulled back, still smiling, but eyes stern. “Yes, you could. And you would have. Your hard work is yours, Lo, and the library is lucky to have you and so is Mr. Wolf.” His fingers drummed against Logan’s shoulders, hands firm but gentle. “I’m proud of you and I hope you can find a bit of space inside your overthinking mind to be proud, too.”

He drew him close again and Logan sank into his arms. “You’re incredible, Lo,” he murmured, holding him tight enough Logan felt their hearts syncopating. “And I’ll tell you that everyday ‘til it seeps in.”

“Thanks, Pat,” Logan whispered. “I…”

“Hmm,” Patton hummed. “Me too, Lo.”

[quackkaz]

even more sanders sides memes since seeing that my insta mutual liked my memes without knowing it was me made me very happy :3

(mutual in question : @calethewriter <3 /p)

going insane over the tss plushies btw THEY ARE SO CUUTEEEE I NEED AT LEAST ONEEEEE

if you use them, feel free to credit me, but won’t force you to :3

more here

[edupunkn00b]

Where the Air is Sweet, Chapter 8

Photo by Rachel Martin on Unsplash

Prev - Ch. 8 - Next - Masterpost - [ AO3 ]

WC: 538 - Rated: G - CW: fluff, fluff, fluff, fluffy fluff fluff

The next morning, Logan woke before his alarm, diffuse sunlight spilling past the curtains warming his hand where it poke out from underneath the covers. Bernice cooed outside the window, her quiet trilling greeting the sun. His eyes snapped open when another, squeakier sound reached his ears. It sounded like—

Throwing off the blankets, Logan rushed to the window and peeled back a corner of the curtains. Bernice had built her nest under the shelter of a thick inkberry bush just within sight of their bedroom window. He spotted movement in her nest and he stared. After a moment, he was rewarded with a tiny glimpse of a nearly translucent beige baby beak.

“Congratulations, Mom,” he murmured, then hurried off to Patton’s side. “Pat?” he whispered, torn between not wanting to disturb his sleep and not wanting his best friend to miss a moment of the tiny baby pigeons. “Pat, are you awake?” Kneeling next to the bed, he stroked Patton’s arm through the blanket.

Patton smiled in his sleep, or perhaps in a dream, the morning sun bringing him cheer. He made a fuzzy sound, something between a hum and a sigh and, for a moment, Logan forgot why he’d gone to wake him. Another of Bernice’s babies’ squeaking chirps pulled his attention from the soft, sleepy glow on Patton’s cheeks and he tried again.

“Pat, you’re not going to want to miss this,” he whispered.

“Hmm…” Patton’s smile grew and his hand wiggled out from under the covers and gripped his. “Got you,” he mumbled. “Not missing anything.”

Logan chuckled and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “Pat, if you wake up, you can see Bernice’s babies.” Patton shifted in the bed, eyes cracked open just enough for Logan to catch a glint of soft blue. “They hatched in the night.”

“The babies?” Eyes now wide open, Patton took Logan’s hand and wormed his way out of the bed. “Show me!”

By the time they reached the window, Bernice had returned to her nest with a morsel of something for her babies. “Ohhhh! Look at their little beaks!” Patton cooed this time, Logan’s knuckles clutched to his mouth to hush his excitement.

“I know!” Logan nodded, the buzz of Patton’s lips against his hand sending a little shiver up his arm. Patton narrowed his eyes at him, then wrapped both arms around him, pulling him close.

“It’s gotten chilly, hasn’t it?”

Logan merely nodded again, quite certain he hadn’t shivered from a chill, equally certain he didn’t want Patton to let go. He covered Patton’s arms with his own and together they watched Bernice scuttle off and return two more times with food for her babies.

Once they were fed, the mother pigeon pecked over the bare ground under the inkberry bush. The area had been freshly raked clean of all the dead leaves and detritus that had collected over the past few weeks and she found little to line her nest. “Pat?”

 Patton hummed in response, tilting his head with both eyebrows raised.

“Do you still have those scraps from the old crayon wrappers? Shredded, they might make a nice padding for the nest.”

Letting slip a tiny giggle, Patton nodded. “I’ll go get them!”

[acingthistest]

Rise Through the Night

Prompt 3: Arcade

tags: @prinxietyweek

Basic Summary: Roman and Virgil go to the arcade. That’s it.

TW: none (Again, tell me if I'd need to add anything)

Characters: Virgil, Roman, Patton, and Logan

Platonic or Romantic Prinxiety and implied "romantic" Logicality

“To the arcade!”

“There’s an arcade?” That was one of the first questions asked. Turns out, Roman had an arcade in the Imagination.  Didn’t really fit the theme of his brand. But who was to judge? They were bored and needed new something to do.

They ended up taking Logan and Patton with them as well. They were greeted by plenty of the loud noises inhabiting the place. That being either the games or the screams of others. Good thing Virgil already had his headphones on. They went up to the prize counter to see if there was anything worth aiming towards. A certain plush caught Roman’s eye. A large Totoro plush was up on the top shelf, costing 4k tickets. Now he could’ve just summoned one or asked one of the employees if he could just take it. He did technically own the area. But where’s the fun in that. Roman thought if he could win it with his own skills, Virgil would be so impressed.

Choosing to split off in pairs, Patton went with Virgil, and Roman went off with Logan. Immediately Roman rushed off to find a game, with Logan closely trailing behind.

“I can’t believe I was dragged here by you three.” Logan complained.

“If I asked you by myself you would’ve said no. You came because Patton wanted you to come, don’t blame me.” Roman retorted.

“Perfect.” Roman uttered walking up to the game of his choice.

 Multiple rounds and possibly a couple of tantrums later, Roman had only collected about 300 tickets.

-

“Come on Roman, we need to go.” Said Logan, who had been watching Roman for the past hour.

“Logan please! I swear I can get this.”

“Even if you do manage to win this jackpot, I doubt it’ll be enough for the prize your aiming for.”

“And how do you know that it isn’t, I never even told you the prize?” He asked.

“Knowing you, it’s something extra, meaning extra tickets which is why you’ve been so desperate for the past hour. You realized you weren’t going to get everything, yet it didn’t stop you.”

Logan was right, except maybe about the part of him being desperate. Though Roman wanted to keep going, it was getting late and they needed to meet back up with the other two back at the entrance.

“Fine, let’s go meet up with Virgil and Patton.”

The two of them made their way to the entrance. There stood Patton, patiently waiting. Although, Virgil was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh there you two are!” Patton shouted as soon as he caught sight of them.

“Hey Patton! Uh, where’s Virgil?” Roman asked him, worried that they may have lost him in the crowd.

“He’s just over by the counter getting something.” Patton replied. Oh, good for Virgil. Roman wondered what he had won, though he didn’t have to for long as he heard a voice from behind him.

“I’m back and I got it!” Virgil called as he ran up to the group. He seemed to be holding something behind his back.

“What’d you win for yourself Happily Never After?” Roman asked.

“Well actually Theatre Nerd, it’s for you.” Virgil replied.

“First of all, I am not a ‘Theatre Nerd’, but really? What is it?”

Virgil slowly revealed to Roman what was behind his back. Roman’s eyes widen. It was the Totoro plush.

“I saw you eyeing it when we came in, so I thought I’d get it for you.” Virgil admitted sheepishly.

“I- I can’t, possibly accept this.” Roman couldn’t believe that Virgil won him the plush that he wanted to win him.

“I insist you have it.” Virgil told him and placed it in Roman’s hands. Roman hugged it tightly, it was soft.

“It’s perfect, thank you.”

[lily-janus]

Heroes Keep Trying

Summary: Virgil does a favor for Roman... and maybe tries to work up the courage to confess his feelings.

Pairing: pre romantic prinxiety

Warnings: anxiety and self deprication

Word count: 1,462

I really like how this turned out! Hope you all will like it! For @prinxietyweek day 2 feathered wings

Virgil walked hesitantly, occasionally stopping and considering turning back and pretend he forgot about the whole thing.

Why did he ever agree to this? He hates being on stage… let alone acting… and wearing a stupid costume.

Just the mere thought makes him sweat!

But, well…

"I know it's not your thing but… it would really mean a lot if you came."

Virgil cursed, why did Roman have to say that? And add his stupid puppy eyes afterwards too? So unfair.

He kept on walking but stopped short when he reached the door of the stadium.

Just turn back and pretend you forgot… turn back and-

Roman saw him standing outside through the big, glass window next to the door.

Virgil froze as they locked eyes, Roman grinned and went to open the door for him.

"You're here!" He said excitedly, grabbing his arm and pulling him inside before he had time to walk away or even say one word. "Great! Now it's perfect!"

Virgil blushed slightly, "I donno… you know I'm not good with crowds…" he mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

Roman's smile softened, "I know, as I explained, this is just a practice run for a play I wrote, no one but the actors and the crew are here."

Virgil sighed, looking at the hustle behind the stage, then at the stage itself, standing tall over the sits and huge. "I still don't think it's a good idea…"

"Vee." Roman said in a way that compelled Virgil to look at him, "I know you have stage fright but I also know you're a great actor, whenever we rehearse at my house I see your talent clearly. You can do this. No one will be watching you from there, this is a pressure free practice." He handed him the script.

The script that… Roman himself wrote… what if he'll mess it up? Roman worked so hard on it…

"You won't mess anything up!" Roman said, as if reading Virgil's mind, "you got this."

Virgil was ready to push the script back to Roman's hands and run away from there but… Roman looked at him with excitement and hope and… Virgil couldn't let him down like that.

He took a deep breath, which did little to ease his nerves, and nodded, "I'll try…"

Roman grinned, giving him a friendly pat on the back, "that's the spirit! Patton's in charge of costumes, he'll give you yours so you can go change, good luck!" He pointed at a guy wearing a light blue shirt and pushed him gently in his direction.

And then he was off, leaving Virgil alone in all the mess of people walking around and shouting to each other. He took another deep breath and walked towards the Patton guy Roman mentioned.

"Hmm, I think the pants could be shorter here…" Patton was tapping a pen on his chin, holding a notepad as he looked over one of the actors wearing their costume.

Virgil hesitated before lighly tapping on his shoulder to get his attention. "Um.. hi? I'm Virgil uh… here for-"

"Ah! The star of the show!" Patton lit up, "Roman's been bragging about you for days, nice to meet ya." He offered his hand for Virgil to shake and he did, blushing again.

"Well ah… You know Roman, always exaggerating… I'm nothing special…" Virgil mumbled awkwardly.

Patton smiled softly, "I find that hard to believe, Virgil." He then looked down at his notepad, "alright, you'll wear the costume of the knight, the main character of the story. It's right over there," he pointed at a rack of costumes near them, "go change and then show me so I'll see if it needs any adjustments." He smiled at Virgil then walked away to attend to other business.

For the second time in a span of a few minutes, Virgil was left alone. Tucking his hands into the pocket of his oversized hoodie, he walked to where Patton pointed and quickly found his fake armored knight costume.

He found Patton after he was done changing, let him examin him and adjust the costume accordingly before smiling proudly, "there, now you're all set, my liege." He giggled at his own joke.

Virgil rolled his eyes, "very funny, can we just get this over with? I feel more awkward than usual in this… which is saying something."

"Aw c'mon! Don't tell me you don't find any of this fun!" Patton smiled.

Virgil grimaced, "not really."

Patton shrugged, "if you say so, up to the stage you go!"

…

"I'll do it…" Virgil tried to sound confident and demanding like the scene required but it came defeated and resigned, "I shall slay this beast…" he swallowed, trying hard not to look at the empty seats bellow, "or die trying." The villagers around him cheered before retreating to the back stage for the next scene.

The play went on, Virgil staying tense and hesitant no matter how hard he tried to relax. He felt like a complete fool, standing around in a stupid costume and stammering lines.

Then came the final scene.

Virgil lowered himself to the ground, tired and defeated.

"It's over… I failed… I wasn't-" he trailed off, "I wasn't strong enough…" he kept his eyes on the floor, letting his fake sword slip from his hand.

Then, there was a warm hand placed on his shoulder and he looked up. His eyes met a pair of familiar green ones.

Roman was smiling at him, cheap, feathered wings strapped to his shoulder blades and his clothes a pale white.

"You haven't failed yet, you can still save them." Roman said softly.

In that moment, everything around Virgil disappeared but Roman, and it was like they were back at his house, Virgil helping Roman rehearse his lines. No costumes, no other actors. Just the two of them.

"I can't.. I tried and failed… I can't do it…" Virgil insisted.

"Yes, you can, you're the only one that can. Heroes are not people who succeed at everything in the first try. The mark of a hero is to fail again and again, yet never give up as long as they're still breathing." Roman offered his hand to him to help him stand back up. But he hesitated.

"I'm no hero…" he huffed. "You'd know that if you knew me."

Roman smiled at that, "oh, but I do know you, I've been watching over you your whole life. You always put others before yourself. The whole reason you volunteered to slay this evil is to save your village. You are a hero, you just need to see it."

Taking a deep breath, Virgil took Roman's hand and stood up, "I don't see it… not yet anyway… but my home is in danger, I won't go out without a fight." He picked up his fake sword and looked at Roman, "won't you join me?"

There were suddenly cheers all around him and Roman hugged him, "Virge, that was amazing! You were awesome! Thank you so much!" He squeezed him tightly as the rest of the crew circled around them and shouted their praise at them.

Virgil was stunned by all the attention and Roman noticed, pulling him away from everyone until he found a quiet spot for them to talk.

"I know I wasn't great… you don't have to lie to make me feel better.." Virgil said quietly, "I'm sorry… I really tried but-"

"Stop, you were incredible. And no, I'm not just saying that, I mean it. You're really talented, Virge." He smiled at him, "you just have to see it."

That same line again.

Virgil looked down at the copy of Roman's play he was still holding, then back up at Roman, realization daunting on him and making him blush.

"I wrote it about you." Roman confirmed, "you inspire me, Virgil, you always have. It kills me sometimes that you don't see just how amazing you are."

Virgil had to look down at his feet, Roman's gaze feeling too intense for him to hold it. "I… I'm not-" he stammered, "you're the one that…" he trailed off, "I'm just… me. But you always make me feel like I can be more, I-" he cut himself off, unable to say it.

Roman just smiled at him, by now used to his shyness. "C'mom, let's go grab lunch together, we earned it today." He grabbed him by the elbow and gently tugged at it until he was following.

Watching Roman's back as they walked, Virgil let out a sigh. Maybe one day he'll be able to express what he felt for the longest time now about his best friend, but for now, he's fine with things staying the way that they are.

Heroes keep trying.

[calethelettuce]

SaSi Prinxiety Week 3/7: Console Conundrums

Prompt: Arcade

Tags: @prinxietyweek

Synopsis: Roman and Virgil head to the newly built arcade in The Imagination on a date. Unbeknownst to them, Remus paid the area a little visit. The two set off to clean up (but not really) Forbidden Creativity's mess (and maybe see if they can play a game of Pacman together after).

Characters: Remus, Roman, Virgil

Relationships: Romantic Prinxiety

TW: Swearing, Remus existing

~

Virgil’s usual routine of sleeping until 3PM was interrupted by an awfully obnoxious knock at his door. He ignored it the first time, burrowing farther into his blanket fortress. As the annoying noise continued, this time faster and much louder, he heard someone call to him from outside.

“Virgil! My dark and stormy knight, it’s time to wake up!”

Virgil groaned. It was only 11! Far too early. “Screw off, Princey! Come back in four hours!”

“No sir! You, my lovely emo, have been requested!”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Whoever it is can wait!”

He heard footsteps while he and Roman stood there, yelling at each other through the door. He heard Roman mutter an apology to someone, before he continued, saying, “As your boyfriend, I am requesting access by knocking, however asserting my authority by coming in anyway!”

Virgil put a pillow over his head and screamed into a second one as Roman pulled open the door.

“Go away already!”

Roman sat down at the foot of Virgil’s bed, crossing his legs. “Too much extra work.”

“What the hell do you want, Princey?” Virgil eventually picked up his head, putting the pillow back into his spot as he partially sat up, hair even messier than normal. “You’re kinda interrupting me.”

Roman beamed at him, cupping the purple-clad side’s cheek with a hand. “You’re adorable when you’re mad at me.” He teased, winking, “But I’m here to invite you to something!”

Virgil gave him the most annoyed expression he could muster at the time. “Gee, wonderful. I’ll do it later.” He flopped back down, throwing a blanket over his head.

Roman laughed at the action, moving closer. “Come on, Virge, please?”

Virgil kicked him in the side.

“Ow! What the heck?!”

Virgil stifled a giggle. “Deserved.”

“Yes, but OW!”

~

Virgil was not happy to be awake. Roman led him down the sidewalk of their neighborhood in The Imagination, the prince talking excitedly about a new project he had just finished.

“I think you’ll like it! It has that one game where you have to cross the street!”

Virgil gave him a look. “It’s literally called Crossy Road, genius. Even Logan, who probably has never even touched a mobile game, knows that.”

“Whatever, it’s still there!”

“Yeah, but do you have DDR?”

“Of course I do! Patton and Janus requested it!”

“Project Diva?”

Roman paused. “Is that the Miku game?”

“No shit.”

“Uh…” he paused, snapping his fingers. A small spark emitted from his fingers. “Yes! It is most definitely there!”

"I'm gonna pretend like I didn't just watch you summon it." Virgil shoved his hands in his pockets, walking next to Roman. "I'm gonna kick your ass at Pacman though."

"I didn't take you for a gaming type," Roman mentioned, placing an arm around Virgil's shoulders, "I thought you were more of a .. well-"

"Someone who doesn't do much?" Virgil finished his sentence for him. "Yeah, I know. I like horror games the most."

"It matches your dark and dreary soul!"

As the sides talked, they neared the small, retro-style building. A large, neon sign out front read "Pixel Palace". Virgil wasn't surprised at the name.

"Something doesn't look right." Roman jogged over to the door, inspecting it. "Somebody was here."

Virgil peered in through the windows and curtains, squinting and trying to see as best he could. He certainly could sense something in there, but what? "Didn't you have the doors locked?" he questioned, tapping at the glass, "Who could have gotten in?"

"...well-"

Virgil turned to face the Prince. "So you're telling me that you didn't lock the doors?"

"It's an arcade! I shouldn't need to lock the doors! The only person I wouldn't trust is-" Roman stopped, thinking. "Remus."

Virgil raised his eyebrows. "Let's go in and get that idiot out of here then."

Roman pulled open the door, shouting, "I swear to god, Remus, if you're in here without permission I'm gonna fight you and win!"

A loud, annoying cackle came from the corner near a large claw machine.

Shattered glass and broken wires littered the entrance. The shards crunched under their shoes as they entered.

“I’m gonna kill him- REMUS!”

Virgil pulled his hood up, splitting up from Roman as he walked the opposite way. He wandered through the rows of broken arcade cabinets, noticing only one machine still working: The Project Diva Future Tone machine. He silently celebrated, opting to sit by it and watch the loading screen. He got bored within a few seconds and headed to the back wall to view the claw machines.

Most of them looked intact enough to use, he decided.

There were only a couple of them, most filled with random plushies, though one caught his eye. It was full of plushies of the sides themselves, even including Janus and Remus. He raised an eyebrow, heading toward it. This one was left untouched, the glass shiny a fingerprint-less.

“Weird.” He summoned a quarter, slotting it into the machine. The timer lit up, signaling the start. He played that machine for a while, trying to grab the biggest plushie (which happened to be a Roman plushie, though that didn’t surprise him much). He could hear the twins bickering behind him, but he kept feeding quarters into the machine as he kept going.

$6.25 later, he managed to get a good grab with the claw, picking up plushie Roman by the torso. The claw dropped the plush into the receiver tunnel. Virgil reached down as pulled the plushie up, admiring the seam work and the little details on the outfit. He hugged it to his chest, turned around, and went to find Roman.

By the sound of the shouting match and the evil cackling from Remus, he assumed they were by the prize counter.

“I banned you last week, you trashy fiend!”

“I do what I want to, Pissy!” Remus tossed his morningstar into the air. It got stuck in the ceiling, sending debris into the atmosphere.

Roman held back an annoyed scream. “Please just leave. Virgil and I-“

“Virgey’s here too?!” Remus’ smiled widened. “Oh this gonna be so much more fun!”

Oh shit. Virgil hopped up onto the top of a machine, deciding to stay up there for a while. He observed the twins quietly from his perch, sitting cross-legged on the metal platform. He cradled the plush in his arms.

“You go near him and I’ll kick your butt.”

Remus faked a hurt look. “Do you promise?”

“Shut up, you clown!”

“Awh, thanks!” Remus checked his watch, and by watch that meant the badly outlined sharpie watch he had drawn on himself out of pure boredom earlier. “Mm, actually I have to go and bother Jan-Jan!” He dropped a bomb into the middle of the floor, sinking out. “BYEEEEE!”

And The Duke was gone, the only evidence he was there being the unarmed bomb and the wreckage of the arcade.

Roman groaned, pulling the morningstar out of the ceiling. “Virgil, dear, you can come out now!” He wiped the debris out of his eyes as he made the weapon disappear.

Virgil stayed put up on his arcade pedestal, playing on his phone. It had just so happened that he was texting Patton at the time.

Popstar

V: I'm bored

Popstar: hi bored, I'm dad! 😃

V: nice

Popstar: I thought you and Roman were doing something?

V: busy yelling at Remus

Popstar: I told those two to stop fighting :(

Popstar: Oh! Before I forget, I wanted to try out this brownie recipe later!

V: ill help later ig if roman ever decides to let me go back to my house

V: oh shit gtg see ya later

"Are you okay up there?" Roman peered up at him from the floor. "How did you even get that high?"

"Fight or flight reflexes." Virgil shrugged, petting the top of his plushie's head.

Roman noticed the plush, and his face turned a bright red. "Say, where did you get that, Scaramore?"

"Claw machine in the corner." The emo gestured to the corner, where the large metal box stood. "It was the biggest one in there. Spent a fuckton of money on it."

"Oh! I can help with that!" Roman summoned a 10 dollar bill. "Here!"

Virgil leaned down to grab it from him, not realizing how close he really was to the edge of his little platform. "oH SHI-"

And he fell right off the console.

He shrieked as he toppled towards the ground. Luckily for him (and his bones), Roman was standing right under him and caught him almost right away. The prince side stumbled back a little at the sudden weight change, carrying the purple-clad side bridal style.

"Woah there, Hot Topic! You almost just took a tumble!"

Virgil let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. "I'm clumsy as fuck, dude."

"Oh, that's okay!" Roman kissed Virgil on the forehead and handed him the money the emo nearly died to get. "I love you anyway."

"I uh... Appreciate the catch. Thanks I guess." Virgil's eyeshadow turned a deep purple. He noticed his plushie was missing. "Hey, where'd your plushie doppelganger go?"

Roman looked around, noticing the plushie by his feet. "Oh! Your plush companion is down here!"

"Oh, cool. Can you put me down?"

"No."

Virgil glared up at him. "Really? Are you, the mighty prince Roman, getting jealous over a plushie?"

"No!" The prince avoided Virgil's gaze.

"Liar." He smirked up at Roman. "You just want my attention, don't you?"

Roman scoffed. "Not true!" he paused for a moment. "..okay maybe."

"You're such a suck up, Princey." Virgil kissed him on the cheek.

"I know that!"

"Stop lying to yourself, you're going to summon Janus on accident. " Virgil watched as Roman faked a look of betrayal. "Actually though can you put me down-"

"Oh! Yes, I can." Roman gently set Virgil down onto his feet. "There you go, Gerard Gay."

"Awesome." Virgil picked up his plush, gesturing for the real Roman to follow him. "Here, let's go back to that claw machine. If you're gonna get that jealous over a plushie, I'll just go win you one."

Roman followed behind him. "I'm going to win this plushie all by myself!" he decided, putting his hands on his hips.

"You do you, hon." Virgil slotted the bill into the machine, the play token amount on the little LED screen lighting up. "I want to see if I can get another plushie, actually. Specifically Janus' because I want to dropkick it down a flight of stairs."

Roman held back a snicker at that statement. "I'll go after you, then."

It only took two turns this time for Virgil to be able to grab a small Janus plushie. He took it out of the prize receiver, holding it by the end of the cape. "It's cuter than our Janus."

Roman fully laughed at that one. "Don't let him hear you say that!"

"Or else what? He's gonna self care me to death?" Virgil rolled his eyes playfully and set Plush Janus next to Plush Roman. "Your turn, Princey."

Roman rolled up his sleeves, striding over to the claw machine. "Watch me do this in one go!" he boasted proudly, readying the console.

Quick note here, it did not take him one try.

A few minutes (and an extra 10 bucks) later, Roman held up his prize in triumph. "I did it!"

Virgil smiled at him as he looked up from his phone. "Good for you."

Roman held up Plushie Virgil next to him. "Look, now there's two emos!"

Virgil rolled his eyes. "You're hilarious."

"I've been taking lessons from Patton!"

The princely side walked over to another machine: a broken Pacman machine. With a wave of his hand, the console renewed itself and was playable. He turned back to Virgil with a smirk. "Who's going first?"

Virgil smirked back and cracked his knuckles. "Oh honey, you're going down."

~

What the heck this took me freaking ages-