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Not today Justin
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@call-it-an-asylum
im sorry but ‘youre not your diagnosis’ is another form of toxic positivity. obv i get the sentiment, but my diagnosis effects my entire life. i may not ‘be’ my mental illness, but my mental illness is a part of me. lets not invalidate the suffering were unable to simply dismiss
sometimes they don’t love you, they love how you love them. read that again.
it scares me that you never know what someone is thinking or feeling towards you and everything that they say could be one massive lie
Guillotine, Eduardo C. Corral
I'll push them away. I'll isolate.
Because the very worst part of you is me.
I wish giving up didn't feel so good. I wish trying wasn't so exhausting. I wish motivation didn't require so much strength. I wish I had the strength. I wish I didn't feel so much relief when I give up.
i need a someone to actually fall in love with me, it seriously can’t be that hard,, it’s all i want at this point
how is it that even when i find the perfect person, finally start to feel happy and welcome somewhere and with someone, i still manage to find ways to fuck something up.
The Disordered Personality of a Borderline
You cut me off from the people I love
With no care or reason, I feel like a mug
You let them believe that I don’t care as I stay stiff in bedÂ
Unable to move from the lashing you fed.Â
In the same pyjamas I had on last week
And unbrushed hair that’s thinning as we speak
Avoiding opportunities because ‘its okay youre just not ready’
Doing nothing but overeating contributing to the ever growing size of my belly
Sometimes I see the glimmer of hope right before me
then you close the doors then pretend to console me
It’s a cruel thing you know, to let someone see
See right in front of them what they could be
If it wasn’t for you, standing in my wayÂ
then maybe I’d feel joy for more than just one day
I know this sh*t sounds like a toxic boyfriendÂ
but really I’m conferring with what will soon be my end
Emotional instability you fucking evil thing
I no longer know where you end and I begin
I've always felt that Goodbyes were a little harder for me than they are for everyone else. I've always felt missing people come more immediately to me and stays a little longer than I would like it to. I've always carried memories like luggage that feels a little too heavy. I love hard and I don't forget easily. I build memorials in my heart for people who haven't thought about me in months and I've spent years of my life begging my mind to let me loosen my grip on this suitcase full of love letters from People who didn't mean to write forever after the words I love you. I'm learning to accept that people who carry suitcases full of grief also carry incredible capacities for love. People who are bad at Goodbyes know how to value every Hello. Missing people is a symptom of caring and remembering just means that it mattered and I think at the end of the day it's okay that you're stuck in my mind. What is it all really worth is it's not Hard to say goodbye?
I can’t remember a time when I could actually recognise myself in the mirror.
Ever since I was a kid when I’ve seen my reflection it has felt like looking at a stranger.
I’ve genuinely never been able to identify with myself.
BPD is watching yourself burn your own life to the ground over and over again
I've been bottling up feelings and ignoring them. And I am exhausted and I just collapse at night and cry. I really don't know how you quiet borderlines do it every day. Me getting better at internalizing everything and acting strong as I can be is probably going to kill me. But I just want to not burden other people and not look like an attention seeker. I want them to think I'm not dying even though I feel like I am. Really I just want to quietly crawl away somewhere and die.
I think I have a boyfriend now. We’ve been on several dates and call every day. I’m still not sure he actually likes me though.
I’m worried because I can feel myself getting more and more attached to him and I don’t want to scare him off or make him get tired of me.
