Final revision, finally got it up due to post block
  She woke up startled, her heart was racing furiously.The girl got her bearings, and realized this was just going to be one of those nights. It was either sleep through the night and battle a world filled with night terrors, or lay awake restless trapped within her own mind, thinking and thinking until she canât take it any moreâŚOption 2 it is,
She pulled her lethargic body out of the sleeping bag, Â made sure not to slip on her skateboard and grabbed her iPod and threw on a Halsey song called New Americana. She walked over to her backpack, stumbling as she went, and rummaged around for a while. Her fingers met that familiar feel of a round plastic tube. She grabbed it, felt for the lighter, and did a wobbly waltz across the living room and out the front door. There were no streetlights in this part of Glendale so she felt around until she found the edge of the porch and slumped down. She fumbled with her favourite nirvana lighter and lit up a brand new cone while she leaned back and waited for the weed to work its magic. As she was getting lit, the song âIn the Air Tonightâ by Genesis came on. After listening for a second she slipped into what one could call a conscious coma, haunted by the words of the song, and the words of people who once gave her hope.
âWhat the hell do you think youâre doing?â was all that Shanti heard before she was yanked to her feet by her auntâs death grip, a routine that was pretty normal for the quiet neighborhood. âDid you have another seizure, or did you just fall asleep out here again? Itâs practically noon.â
Shanti looked around, still slightly dazed, and blinked her eyes in the warm Arizona sun. Â
âHello! Earth to Shanti, Iâm expecting an answer here!â Shanti looked over at aunt Donna blankly and let a half assed answer fall out of her mouth before she headed for the front door. Aunt Donna blocked the disheveled Shanti from entering the house.
âShanti, tell me why you keep pulling this shit! Youâre not staying another night in this house unless we talk.â Shanti tried to shove past but Donna stopped her once again.
âI donât wanna talk about it Aunt Donna, not gonna make any fuckin difference to talk or not to talk about it.â Her aunt moved aside, and Shanti walked in, making a beeline for the tv remote. She sat down in front of the entertainment center and just waited for the conversation to come.
âOkay soâŚspill. what is it that has been bothering you these past few months.â Shanti glanced over  at her aunt who was sitting silent, hands clasped on her lap waiting patiently for her niece to begin.
âItâs kind of a long storyâŚdonât you have work or something?â Her voice trailed off because she knew trying to get out of the conversation wasnât going to work. Donna waved her hand through the air and set it on her nieces knee.
âJust start hun, we have all the time in the world here, itâs a saturday.â Shanti hesitated for a moment and then began.
âI stepped out of a cold dark movie houseâŚâ Shanti looked over at her auntâs face who was less than amused and decided to begin again.
     (Friday July 25th, 2014)
 âHey Shanti, were going to be late.â Mariana yelled as she walked towards the house with a bounce in her step.â
   âOkay, gimme a minute I have to ring up my friend and let her know when iâm going to be at Bart so she can pick me up.â
   âOkay, just hurry you have the wax pen that everyone wants to try.â
The girls headed to the house and knocked on the door.
âWhoâs thereâ came from behind the door and Shanti spoke up.
   âJeanine, open up its Shanti and Mariana.â Just then the door flew open and Shanti was greeted with a bear hug from Jeanine who hadnât seen them in forever.
   âShantiâŚVijay got out of jail last night. I told him you ainât around..â
âWhateverâ Shanti said with a yawn, âIâll take out the trash if it comes in.â They ventured into the back room, it reeked of pot smoke already. âWhat did i get myself into?â Shanti thought as she sat down on the floor. Pretty soon everyone was in great spirits with blunts and Shantiâs new wax pen that was being passed around, everyone was just having a good time.
  Shanti realised she had an hour to get to the bus and started packing up her stuff, grabbed her skateboard and within 10 minutes She and Mariana were over at the bus stop in front of the Raleyâs waiting for the bus. A few boys walked up and approached them, Before the girls could leave Vijay walked up.
 âWhere do you think youâre going bitch?â Shanti spat at Vijay, and he pushed Shanti to the ground. He sat on top of her, knees digging into her arms and brought his face close to herâs. He put one hand over Shantiâs  mouth, trying to rip her shirt with the other. In his mind, Vijay owned ShantiâŚit didnât matter if they were together or not. They were at one point, and this was enough for him to justify this. Shanti was used to this, he tried this so many times before. She raised her knee up and slammed it as hard as she could into his crotch. He fell back swearing at Shanti that she would pay for that.          The girls ran to a nearby park, hiding from Shantiâs ex just in case he followed. Shanti got out her phone and rang up her friend that she was supposed to stay with that night.
  âHey, Angelica, like I missed my bus, so like I wonât be able to come this weekend, Sorry.â
âDo you need my mum to come pick you up?â
âNo, dude you guys are 45 minutes out, and thatâs a lot of gas itâs fineâ
  âMy mum said itâs no problem, and besides where would you stay out there, you donât have a house there anymoreâ Shanti thought about this for awhile and responded.
  âNah man itâs cool, iâll sleep at the high school like I used to.â
  âWhat the fuck no! my mum is coming to come pick you up now!â Shanti gave her friend the address and the hung up. Mariana was able to wait with her for awhile but eventually had to go home to her mum and left Shanti out in the dark.
   Shantiâs phone started ringing, it was Elenor.
  âWhere are you, we pulled up to the luckyâs shopping center and you arenât hereâ
  âShit, thatâs the wrong one, there are two grocery stores on main, wait there Iâll come to youâ
Shanti hung up the phone and skated off into the night to go meet Angelica and her mum. When she made it to the car she looked a mess, Shanti was tired and worn out and was hoping she didnât smell like pot. She got in the car, said her thank youâs and proceeded to melt into the back seat. Elenor kept asking questions and Shanti responded best she could, hiding what happened that night from Elenor.
The car ride was a blur, when they pulled up in her friendâs driveway, Shanti made her way up the 3 front steps to the front door and heard the demon dog yapping inside. No matter how much Princess barked at Shanti she still loved her to pieces.
  Shanti walked around the cozy living room and headed for the couch against the window and curled up. She felt her body slowly slip off into a new sort of state, one she had never felt before but she didnât fight it, she let warm honey grip of the wax she ate take over. She laid there until Angelicaâs dad came home and woke her up.
âWhat are you doing here Shanti?â Dean asked her with a bit of confusion to his voice. She tried to make some sort of coherent sentence to give to Dean so he would walk away. Â âIm Listening to Pink Floyd.â was the only answer she could manage to give. she got up, gave Dean a hug and wandered to the back room. There were two beds, Shanti chose the queen sized one of course and knocked out for the night.
  Shanti stopped talking and fiddled with a poker chip.
âShanti, keep goingâŚyouâre making good progress! the therapist said talking is good for you.â She could see her aunt tensing up.
âCan I just stop, and like leaveâŚthe therapist said it would be good if I talked face to face to Elenor!â Shanti turned away from Donna.
 âNo, youâre going to tell me what happened, besides you already told me half.â
 âFine.â She barked back at her aunt. â I slept through saturday there!â She looked at her aunt again, Her auntâs face told her to keep talking. Shanti wanted to stop, she didnât want her aunt to know how depressed she was. She just wanted everybody to leave her the hell alone. Shanti got up off of the couch and paced around their coffee table. Shanti decided to keep talking.
  After sleeping saturday away Shanti padded out of the room and realised it was Sunday, She went into the kitchen and was met by Elenor eating at the table. She slid a small cup of Italian espresso to Shanti and they both drank in silence for a minute, the doorbell interrupted the peace. Elenor came back in with two adults who reminded shanti of the goth kids from her old school, they had two or three little kids with them.
    âOhhh, Shanti, I forgot to tell you that our family from Missouri is staying for a weekâ Elenor introduced Shanti to her family. Shanti decided to leave when Elenorâs family began whispering things about Shanti
 One week went by and Elenorâs family left finally. and Shanti headed over a day after, climbed the stairs to Angelicaâs house and gave the doorbell a ring. Elenor answered the door and wouldnât open it more than 2 inches.
  âOhâŚShantiâŚI canât have you come in if Dean isnât here, youâll have to come back another day, Iâm sorryâ Shanti was taken aback, she had no clue what was going on. Three or Four days later some kid at her previous school sent her a screenshot of a text going around between a few of the studentâs, that Shanti was on meth. She called up Angelica who answered FINALLY!.
  âHey Shanti! whatâs up, Im on twitter, canât talk long.â Shanti asked her friend about the meth thing, Angelica told Shanti that her cousin had said something about Shanti being on meth and being a prostitute because she was skinny. When they were done talking Shanti texted Dean to see if he knew anything. Dean replied telling shanti to ignore his wife, and added that Elenor has just been weird lately. Shanti set her cell phone down, curled up into a ball and cried.
  She laid there for what felt like days until her cousin Eileen came into her room and dropped a letter onto Shanti.
   âItâs from Aunt Donna, she must really want you to move in with herâŚâ Shanti threw the letter down and waited for Eileen to leave, before she pulled herself from bed and walked into the kitchen for some food. After Shanti ate she tried to call Angelica again, she never answered.Shanti decided to take some jack shots.
  For the next two months shanti didnât leave the house she pondered what provoked Elenor to make her turn so quickly. Her friend Anthony rang her out of the blue. He wanted to know if she wanted to meet at her old highschool so they could hang out,she was surprised, nobodyâs talked to her since the meth rumour. When shanti go to the school Anthony was already there, They started walking down the street when Anthony pointed to a car pulling up at the curb in front of them, he started jumping around, it took Shanti a moment to realise that Elenor was in the car. They walked over to Elenor and Shanti felt like her legs were filling with lead. she was about to confront the woman that took away her friends, the woman that acted like a five year old playing the silent game for two months.
  âHello, ShantiâŚI just want you to know that I donât hate you, who told you that?â Shanti bit her tongue and cast her eyes down, Elenor asked again and Shanti didnât want to answer the angry old chipmunk!
  âIâm not going to tell you, I know youâre your just going to go bring it up to the person, You always do that.â She saw Elenor flinch, but other than that her plastic demeanor hasnât changed.
  âI can keep a secret, Shanti you know me.â Elenor looked up at Shanti with a sweet face that made Shantiâs skin crawl, She just wanted to run and hide at this point. Elenor asked again and this time Shanti gave her the name. Â
   âThank you, Iâll have a chat with them tomorrow.â She said and smiled at Shanti, Shanti shifted her weight from foot to foot, she wanted to get out of there. Shanti signaled to Anthony to go but Elenor stopped them once again. âAlso,I just wanted to let you know that I donât want you around my daughter, youâre a nice person but I donât think she needs a type like you around.â Shanti shot back at Elenor with attitude.
âOhâŚI see now, so Elenor your telling me I canât be friends with my best friend anymore because Iâm not the same religion as you and because iâm not republican?â    She turned back towards Anthony who just stood there looking confused as hell and started to leave, Elenor inched the car up a few feet and caught up to them. âI just donât want her getting any ideasâŚyou know because youâre depressed, I donât want her seeing that ungodly life and following in itâs path. As a parent iâm her gatekeeper, and Angelica needs to stay in my gate.â After that Elenor sped off and left Shanti and Anthony standing on the side of the street in silence.
     âAfter all that shit happened, I told Anthony I didnât want to hang out anymore, he understood. I got home and grabbed your letter, and packed my stuff. I had no place in that townâ Shanti shuffled over and turned on the television set, She figured the dull murmur in the background might make this conversation go faster.
 âSo youâre telling me that your burnt because you lost a friend? People come and go, lifes like a giant rubikâs cube, always changing  until your life is complete at the end.â Donna turned of the tv, and she shifted her attention back to her niece.
 âYou just donât understand.â Came roaring out of Shanti as she sat there breathing heavily. âYou must have never had someone say that they will always be there for you.â Shanti huffed her breath and rolled over continuing to rant. âA friend of ourâs, is a friend for lifeâŚat least thatâs what the hypocrite told me one day when I was going to permanently erase myself from this world. Have you ever had your best friendâs not talk to you for two months while you think, that heyâŚmaybe something really fucked up happened and your friend got hurt and thatâs why no one is answering! I thought that she was sick, I was scared shitless Aunt Donna!â
 Tears began to stream down Shantiâs face. Donna moved in and wrapped her arms around her niece, realising that Shanti was more depressed than she let on to be. Donna began stroking Shantiâs hair trying to comfort her and calm her down. Shanti pushed trying to get out of the Aunt Donna deathgrip. âThats the last time I ever make a friend!â  âDonna.â Shanti said with a cold piercing tone, âlet me go.â
âShanti, iâm not letting you do anything until you calm down.â Shanti paused and put her best fake face on.
âI just want to go see a movie and calm myself down, Iâll go to AMC westgate.â Shanti knew in her heart that she wanted to do much more than that, but settled for a movie instead. Donna looked Shanti over and gave her the ok. Shanti went to her room and grabbed her backpack, she opened her macbook pulled up a document, checked it and left the room. As she was walking out the door, her Aunt Donna ran up to her and kissed Shanti on the head. Shanti was caught off guard and when she turned around, her aunt trapped her in a tight squeezy hug.
 âHey, I know you didnât want to talk but I think it really helped you!â Aunt Donna let go of her niece, and Shanti hugged her aunt back and began jogging down W. Camelback road. She lived pretty close to the AMC, but instead of making a right down N. 91st, she kept running straight. Shanti slowed to a nice easy walk and noticed how eerie camelback ranch looked at night, everything seemed to come alive at night. She kept walking until she came to the agua fria river, it separated glendale from the next town. If Shanti kept walking down Camelback, the next cross street was N. El Mirage, she didnât need to go that far. She climbed up onto the barrier wall looking down into the dark moving abyss. Shanti laughed a bit uneasily and closed her eyes, a tear rolled down when she thought of Aunt Donna at home, thinking she fixed Shantiâs problems.
 âFuck!â She said as she stepped back down from the ledge for a moment, Shanti couldnât remember if she left her laptop open onto the note. She figured it didnât matter and got back up on the edge, she was prepared for this. She took 10 vicodin, Shanti was numb, numb on the outside and numb on the inside. She felt a soothing warmth coming from inside of her body. She paused again as another tear rolled down her cheek, she got her insulin from her backpack and over injected. She looked around for a few more minutes for anything, any movement, or person, a car maybe? anything that she could take as a sign to stop, there was nothing. Shanti started to feel her heartbeat quicken, she began to feel dizzy and confused and at the last moment she began to panic. She felt the rush of cold air all around her.Shanti felt the water engulf her, she was scared now. She felt tingly and cold as the edges of her vision began getting darker and darker like an old tv, She was calm now and the last thought running through her brains as she sank down was a song, âperfect dayâ by Lou Reed.
(this last part here was said that it needed to be changed due to the change in perspective, currently i like i how it is and choose to leave it :) :) Â )
  Aunt  Donna woke up early, got breakfast made and couldnât find Shanti anywhere, a little lump began forming in her throat as she searched outside for her niece. She was nowhere to be found. When she made it to the backroom, Donna noticed that the laptop was open and looked over the screen. It didnât take long before realisation hit her, Donna dropped her coffee mug. Donna just sat down on the floor among the coffee and broken glass and stared back at the cold white screen that had the offending words on them. âIâm so sorry Aunt Donna, I canât live in a world that Iâm not even worth an answer from peopleâŚâ Donna heard the newscaster from the other room announce that around one AM to three AM last night, there had been a jumper in the agua fria river but they had no positive ID yet. Donna still couldnât believe what she was hearing, she felt sick and broke into large sobs that shuddered her whole body.
   One thing is for sure, That quiet Glendale street would never see itâs neighbor asleep on the front porch of her home again.
       suicide shatters.