blink and you'll miss it

cameron trask. palmetto state junior. #16, goalkeeper, foxes. "they want to see you do well, but never better than them. remember that."

[camtrask]

a year of playing cameron trask - listen here

good life - keiynan lonsdale // hard times - paramore // most girls - hailee steinfeld // war paint (young bombs remix) - fletcher // mood - emily vaughn // life goes on - skye daru // screaming colors - violet days // nowhere - frenship // windows in heaven - we are the in crowd // ghost - ellie drennan // take cover - all time low // human - chris loco // just like me - betty who // heart - flor

[camtrask]

leodxarte·:

Leo had never liked being on the bench, though he;s sure that doesn’t make him special. 

In high school, he hadn’t been. Even on his absolutely average high school team, he hadn’t been the star player, but he’d been reliably on the court every night. As the game against the Ravens made abundantly fucking clear, he wasn’t a fighter, wasn’t the kind of player who typically took cards, got himself thrown off the court. 

On the Ravens, he’d been looking at five years of sitting on the bench while the team staff pocketed his father’s checks, and he had thought that had seemed unbearable. But at least then he could blame his father, then, for putting him in a situation it was impossible for him to succeed in. 

Wymack had given him a chance to play, and seemingly infinite chances to play better, but he’d gone ahead and taken himself off the court with his own stupidity. And now having to show up to the gym and the court every day for practices when there’s not much he can do besides watch the team go on without him and stew in it feels like a special kind of hell, which doesn’t explain why he’s at the court again when he doesn’t have to be. Maybe it’s just masochism. 

“Nah,” he says, trying to force his tone light, though he can’t keep himself from clutching the new cast on his right hand with the left one. “You should stay. What am I gonna do?” 

Cameron’s heart sinks a little at the sight of his cast. She’s never personally had an injury like that, one that would keep her off the court for any extended amount of time, and she’s only received one red card in her entire Exy career to a bad call. She doesn’t really know how it feels to be benched for a long time, to be out of action, but she does know that she would find it absolutely awful.

The most scared Cam’s ever been on the court was the night an angry player from the opposite team rushed the goal and body slammed her into the wall. She remembers how it felt like everything was happening so fast while at the same time going incredibly slow, like she could feel every inch of her hitting the wall at individual moments. She had been lucky to not get hurt, lucky that her padding meant that the worst that happened was she felt a little stoved up.

It can be an incredibly violent sport, a risk all of them take when they step onto the court, but it doesn’t make the cast on Leo’s hand suck any less.

“How’s the pain?” She doesn’t mean to be nosy, only asking out of concern. Even if he is in some level of pain there isn’t much she could offer by way of physical comfort, or any kind of comfort for that matter. It was at first her style to attempt to make everything better for the people around her, to try and fix it all. But she’s learning to recognize that some things just suck, especially injuries.

Cameron’s original intention was to actually get some practicing done, but now that Leo’s here, she wants to switch it up a little. “I’m down to run a few more laps if you want to get some cardio in.”

[camtrask]

raph-peruggia·:

His hands still smart beneath the bandages if he moves them the wrong way, but it’s been days. Even if he’s hurt and barred from playing in the next game he’s not about to let his skills decay from disuse. Grant Rollins and Akira Sato and even Jen Brookhart and Ceralyn Ainsley had all expended their own time an energy on making him into a better player. If he can’t maintain the improvements he’s made over the past few months then it’s like he’s throwing all of their efforts away too. So he swallows a couple of ibuprofen, tugs his gloves on and heads to the court. There’s already someone there but Raph doubts he’ll have many issues with Cameron Trask. She seems to be the more peaceful of the Trask siblings and as a goalie, he can’t imagine she’ll take up that much of the space he wants to use to practice.

“I do not need you to,” he tells, dropping into a quick set of stretches. “I need to warm up and run before I start on the court anyway.” He pauses, glancing around the court. There’s no one else but them. It’s uncommon for a goalie to practice alone. There are a few ball machines in the back but they can’t mimic the unpredictability of facing off with a human opponent. If Trask planned on using one she didn’t haul it out to the court.

“Is there someone coming to toss for you?” he asks, jerking his head towards the goal. He wants to know now if he’s got to prepare to tolerate another person on the court.

Cameron catches herself wondering from time to time, though it’s rare, what exactly her teammates that she doesn’t always socialize with as much think of her. And not in the desperate need to be liked, but rather if they think her own natural attachment to them is unusual. Even those teammates that don’t seek out her company outside of the court are people that Cameron cherishes, whether or not they know it. And she understands that can be overwhelming.

So sometimes if someone decides they do want her to leave, or that they don’t want to be around her, she’s not overly offended by it. She’s pleased then, when Raph doesn’t indicate that she should clear out, in fact seeming to be perfectly fine with her presence. She’s still walking, letting herself cool down as her heart rate slows, responding to him with a smile.

Cameron’s used to unconventional practicing. A large portion of her Exy talents were formed in an alleyway, playing against her brother because there were no other options until she was old enough to join a team. She can make just about anything work if she has to, but someone else being on the court tempts her to ask if he’s willing to practice together, not that she wants to bother him. 

“Oh, no,” she says quickly, finally stopping so she can drop to the floor as well and stretch, even going so far as to crack her neck a little bit. “I didn’t want to bother anyone.” She still doesn’t, in fact, figuring he’s come here with his own goal in mind. “I usually manage alright.”

[camtrask]

location: court

open

Lately, Cameron felt like the passing of time had a firm grip on her and she couldn’t quite comprehend how quickly it felt like she was progressing through college. And what made her feel so strange about it was that despite everything she’d experienced since coming to Palmetto, such as the trial and finding and losing her first love, she still felt like the same person she’d been when she arrived. She hadn’t at first, she’d started the year feeling confident and comfortable, like her position as an Exy player was slowly being cemented, like all her efforts to make a name for herself separate from Logan hadn’t been for nothing.

Something about the loss to the Ravens though, regardless of how much time passed, left her feeling a little shaken, like they alone had the ability to completely crush her confidence that she’d worked to build. Which was silly, of course, because Cameron still felt good about her abilities as a player. But it’s one thing to lose, and another thing entirely to lose to a team that seems to get enjoyment out of not just the win, but in stomping on their opponents as well.

So she was on the court, which was the only place that made sense for her to go when she couldn’t get out of her own head. It felt a little like her freshman year up there, going over every play and wondering what she specifically did wrong, as if the loss of the team was directly her fault. It felt childish now to feel that way but as she warmed up with a few laps around the court, she couldn’t shake the feeling.

Practicing alone wasn’t incredibly ideal, but she had to get some of her energy out, unable to sit still since that particularly crushing loss. She didn’t particularly want to be joined by anyone else, either, but when she heard footsteps in addition to her own as she slowed to a walk after her laps, she turned to greet whoever it was. “Hey, sorry. I can get out of here if you need me to.”

[camtrask]

ripleyvansant‌:

LOCATION: Fox Tower DATE: October 12th  TIME: 11:02 pm CLOSED / @camtrask

          Ripley didn’t understand why some days he felt like he was on top of the world and others he felt like complete shit. The loss tonight hadn’t helped his mood. Ripley didn’t like the way the Ravens had played and the sheer brutality of the way they played. Exy was already violent in nature. It didn’t help his mood seeing his peers getting pummeled on court. Ripley wasn’t dumb enough to call anyone here at Palmetto his friend. As far as he was aware, none of them were his friends yet, they were just people he knew. Some better than others, but none of them knew him. Just what version of him he wanted them to know. That probably wasn’t helping his mood either. Nothing really helped his mood anymore, which was the problem. He didn’t know what he was doing different on the days where he felt better versus the days that he felt shitty. 

          After the game, Ripley shed the Vixen’s uniform and stowed it away in his locker. If he buried it, maybe the loss wouldn’t feel so bad about the game. Ripley wasn’t going to feel let himself feel hurt by the loss and there really was only one way to avoid that feeling. He called his moms prior to going back to the Den because he knew that they’d probably watched the game and were hoping Ripley wasn’t in a bad mood. Of course, he’d perfected lying to them about his mood way back in middle school. They had no idea how he was feeling anymore, no one did. Ripley could even argue that he didn’t know his own mood anymore. It didn’t take him long to find some party on campus. He didn’t even know what kinds of people these were. The theatre kids? The preppy kids? Who cared. Ripley didn’t recognize anyone and that’s all that really mattered. 

          It didn’t take long to get wasted at the rate he was drinking. After about and hour, he wandered away from the party, looking for nothing in particular, other than different people. Ripley found himself walking close to Fox Tower, hoping to see one of the Foxes or a Vixen to help him get back to his room. Close enough to the building, he saw a familiar figure. “Cam!” Ripley yelled, walking over to her. “Hi.” 

Normally, a shower could wash the sting of a loss away for Cameron. Especially when she felt that ache deep in her stomach that was almost more intense than the ache in her muscles. Even when she wasn’t in the game for that long, there was always a sort of tension that she had to get out of her body afterwards, win or lose, but no matter how long she stood under the hot water it felt like this one didn’t quite go away. The Ravens tended to have that effect on her. Cameron’s optimism was unwavering to a fault sometimes, but even she wasn’t immune to the pure disdain that rolled off the other team anytime they stepped onto the court against the Foxes.

When even a shower didn’t help, Cameron knew a quick walk for fries and a milkshake were in order. She was sure it wouldn’t necessarily make her feel better, but it was something that comforted her when she didn’t necessarily feel like being around people. She knew some of her teammates would turn to parties and substances to comfort them and she didn’t fault them for that, but that wasn’t the environment she wanted to be around, knowing it would only serve to make her feel worse. Half of what bothered her so much after a loss against the Ravens was the way it affected her teammates and how absolutely useless she felt in offering comfort when she was feeling just as awful. 

She wasn’t planning on stopping to socialize. Maybe if she bumped into Logan she’d share her fries with him and they’d sit and wordlessly watch a movie they both liked, but other than that, being by herself was her rare first choice. So the shout of someone calling her name, for once, wasn’t entirely welcome. And when she realized it was a clearly drunk Ripley, she really wasn’t sure how she felt about it. She was confused about everything when it came to Ripley, what he wanted from her and the choices he’d made so far in getting to know her. But still, she offered him a smile.

“Hey. Did you find a party?”

[camtrask]

caseyhxndrix·:

october 12th, after the game, outside of fox towers       ( open. )

It wasn’t even a surprise, at this point. More that they were just sort of numb to the loss. They’d managed to convince themself, in the time since the last game, that it was a fluke, that whatever magic they’d pulled out of their ass was just that, magic, and it shouldn’t be expected again, especially not here, not with certain teammates off the bench. So the fights weren’t a surprise, the red cards weren’t a surprise, and the loss wasn’t a surprise. But it still didn’t feel great. Maybe if they had been on the court at the same time as Neel, it would’ve made it worth it, would’ve made the sore body and sorer mind worth the trouble, but they didn’t even get that, and why would they?

There was that little part of their brain telling them they didn’t deserve any more than they’d gotten, anyway, given everything they’d done and said. Hell, they couldn’t even stick to their holier-than-thou assertions without fucking up, like some sort of masochism had compelled them to intervene in a fight they knew they couldn’t stop, even though they had told multiple people they were done trying to stop any of them from digging their own graves. 

And look where it all got them, stuck between just wanting to sink into the ground, and wanting to say a perverse I told you so to their optimistic self from a few weeks ago. They didn’t want to sulk, but they didn’t want to run, either, so they’d decided to just have a night, neither good, nor bad. A bag of frozen peas for their neck, a bottle of ibuprofen, and a pack of cider, then laid out in the grass barefoot, music playing from their phone, only just reacting as they heard footsteps.

“I don’t know if I got worse whiplash from that body check or the win straight to that loss.”

Cameron hadn’t felt like this after a loss in quite awhile. She’d learn to take losses in stride, because as much as she loved the Foxes, as much as they were their family, she’d quickly become much more self aware about what exactly it meant to be a Fox. They weren’t short on talent on this team, not by a long shot, but they were underdogs for a reason. Team unity wasn’t always the easiest when a large group of people with unbelievable tragedies and hardships leading them to this moment were assembled in one place. It was hard to carry burdens and victories all at once.

But there was something about the Ravens that made a loss feel like the end of the world to Cameron. She could handle a loss, she’d come that far since becoming part of the Foxes, outgrown the part of her that attempted to blame a loss entirely on herself. That, however, only came into play when it was against a team who at least, for the most part, showed good sportsmanship, who cheered when the Foxes lost simply because it meant they had won. The Ravens got pleasure out of watching the Foxes lose, like when they stepped onto the court it wasn’t to win and advance their season, but rather to make the Foxes feel as terrible as humanly possible.

And unfortunately, most of the time it worked.

Cameron hadn’t really intended to start a conversation with anyone, but when she almost tripped over a barefooted Casey, she figured she may as well. It was easier to feel better when she could focus on the fact that someone else felt bad. 

“It could be both,” she said softly, sitting down on the grass beside them. “The Ravens have that effect, I think.”

[camtrask]

cotesmeredith·:

Meredith shook out a few of the Mike & Ike’s Cam offered her, picking out the red ones to pop in her mouth first. As she crunched, she looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “That’s so sweet. Of course I would ask the one nice Fox about hiring a hitman.” She rolled her eyes. Mere didn’t really mean the comment about Foxes being nice… or maybe she did, but it wasn’t like they were a particularly un-nice group, exactly. Extensions of friendly chitchat just hadn’t been her experience of the group so far. “I should have guessed by your choice of snack that you’re of too high a calibre for that sort of knowledge.”

“It’s this asshole TA who has it out for me and any sentence longer than a line and a half. Sometimes it just seems so…” She shook her head, not sure how to articulate the thoughts swirling around her brain. It was hard to remember that the Vixens weren’t actually what she was here for, that her time in skirts and pom-poms was going to come to an end. And pretty soon, actually, in relation to the greater span of her life. Palmetto meant education, meant a future, everything she was supposed to care about… but didn’t, really. Because more often than not these days, it was school that felt unimportant, a way to pass the time until practice— until real life— started up again, and she was back on that court.

“Pointless, I guess. Squabbling over the finer points of formatting a bibliography, or whatever.” She shrugged, aware that she hardly knew this Fox, but set at ease by her overall demeanor. Cam had been the one to call her over, after all, recognize her as one of them or at least a familiar enough face to greet. “Being a Vixen is hard enough. I don’t know how you guys can focus on anything when you know you’re going to have to go out and compete, tomorrow or next week or whenever the next game is.”

Cameron raised her eyebrows, surprised that anyone would consider her to be the singular nice Fox, but also finding the compliment flattering. She thought sometimes nice wasn’t treated as a compliment but rather a word that people used when they couldn’t think of another way to describe someone, but Cameron found it flattering. She didn’t mind being considered as someone that anyone could turn to and know they’d get a friendly response. “I actually think the ratio of those of us who wouldn’t know how to hire a hitman and those of us who would favors the lack of knowledge more. At least I hope so.” Even the acknowledgement of her snack choice made her smile, already finding the conversation way more engaging than any essay she may have had to write. “Mike & Ike’s are the superior candy and it’s about time someone recognized that besides me.”

Meredith didn’t finish her thought, but Cameron got the message. While it was a pretty common assumption that she got along with everyone, even she wasn’t immune to those people that just grated on you, those people who it felt like it was impossible to see eye to eye with no matter what. And when she did finish her thought, Cameron understood even more. As important as she knew it was, school could feel so petty in the grand scheme of her life and her goals, which then of course made her feel ungrateful. “I don’t really see the point of some of the rules used in writing. Obviously there should be some sort of structure, but if your essay is good, that should count for more than whether or not a works cited page was typed correctly.”

It was nice to actually hear a Vixen acknowledge out loud that what they did was hard. It seemed like when she talked to them, they tended to talk about how Exy was so hard, downplaying what they did, as if the ridiculous things they could do weren’t also pure athleticism, if not in a different way. She had a lot of admiration for the squad. “I think about Exy pretty much all the time, which I don’t think is necessarily a good thing, but I’m fine living in denial about it. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a Vixen though. Putting in all this work without any certainty that the team you’re like, completely obligated to support, will pull out a win.”

[blondiepoison]

“I feel like we should stop calling feminists ‘feminists’ and just start calling people who aren’t feminist 'sexist’ – and then everyone else is just human.” Maisie Williams

[camtrask]

lucaservine‌:

This was a far better trade off than dealing with the aftermath of his project. Lucas didn’t even know where to start in editing his project. He would have likely spent hours sitting at his desk, crossing out and marking up his notes only to end up with no progress. It was discouraging to find out that his beloved project was turning into a looming failure. College had brought on the reality that he wasn’t making little side projects alone in his bedroom anymore. Not everyone was going to agree with him or enjoy his works. If it were simply for entertainment purposes, he wouldn’t care as much. But now the weight of a grade raised the stakes.

Sitting with Cam allowed Lucas to push away the project for now, to store it at the back of his mind and wait till the looming deadline puts the pressure on him again. “Well, I’m more than happy to come and save you from working any time! It gives me an excuse not to work on my stuff,” he chuckled softly as he leaned back on the back legs of the chair. “But I’m doing great! Happy you guys have a win under your belt and the school year has been pretty good so far. Crazy that midterms will be around the corner and soon enough winter break.”

Another thing Lucas wasn’t going to look forward to; an entire winter break all by himself. “I’m starting to get a bit stir crazy though, feel like I need to go out and do something. Even going to Columbia doesn’t really do anything for me these days. I’ve actually been looking into heading out to the Harbison State Forest and hiking some of the trails. They’re pretty great from what I’ve read and nothing too crazy.”

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone hiking. It was something his family used to do often when he was a child, when his family wasn’t a disaster and he hadn’t been in the accident. “Or even kayaking. You can do that at Sesquicentennial State Park. That’s on my bucket list to try one day.”

Cameron was endlessly inspired by the people around her, which was what had led her to this field of study in the first place. Abby had a job that was one Cameron thought she might actually be able to handle if playing Exy didn’t work out, keeping her close to the sport she loved so much. At the same time, she wasn’t entirely sure she’d be able to stay involved in the Exy world if she didn’t make it after college. She thought she was a fairly logical person, that she would trust that it was for the best if she didn’t get picked, but at the same time, the thought of being involved in Exy without actually getting to step onto a court made a nauseous feeling bubble up in her stomach.

Pushing those thoughts aside, she focused on Lucas instead. “Oh, so you’re just using me as an excuse,” she teased lightly, though she was happy to provide him an excuse to take a break. She understood how hard it could be to focus on schoolwork when for the Foxes and Vixens, school felt like more of a side effect to participating in a sport than the actual reason why any of them were here. “It feels like we’re taking a turn in the right direction this season, especially now. I can’t speak for the team, but this might be the most consistent I’ve ever played. My first year it was kind of... I don’t know. I thought about it too much. And I can’t even think about midterms. I’m pretending those don’t exist.”

The idea of getting away from campus was one she found incredibly appealing, and she wondered why she hadn’t thought of it herself. Cameron didn’t often mentally make plans to go anywhere, too used to sitting behind with Logan when people went off to do anything, like it had been growing up. Her mind tended to default to the idea that she would spend any free time she had on campus, and that was it. “Well, the outdoors are probably a little more helpful than a loud, sweaty club anyway. That sounds like an awesome idea. I grew up in a city, I didn’t experience the outdoors properly as much as I wish I had.”

Cameron thoughtfully tapped her pen against her textbook, finding a mention of a bucket list a nice insight into who Lucas was as a person. She hadn’t considered her own bucket list much, aside from one thing. “That’s such an interesting bucket list idea, wow. Mine is one thing, and that’s to go to Disney World. Yours is way better.”

[camtrask]

raleigheverhart·:

She used to spend her Friday nights at football games. When she was young, when her parents were still around, they used to sit in the stands if they were in town, watching the game but mostly there to watch her, cheering for the cheerleaders. When the Everharts had taken her in, cheerleading seemed like the one thing that she could hold onto from her old life, that could be the bridge between her old self and her new self—more like that old self than what she had become at the time. 

She’d loved football because she’d loved cheerleading. Loved the popularity that came with it. But she’d learned the game, learned the teams and the players and their stats. 

Coming to the Vixens, she hadn’t wanted to put that much effort into learning Exy. She didn’t care about it. Didn’t care about the Foxes the way she’d cared about the other teams she’d cheered for—not when the Foxes were what they were. It was only a year, her last year at Palmetto, only proving a point to those that tried to take her pom poms away, only trying to hold onto the tattered edges of her dignity to make it through the year. 

Exy hadn’t played into it at all. She didn’t want to like it. And, watching the Foxes’ first two games of the season, it had been easy not to. This was the first game where she’d felt excited, no matter how much she tried to tamp down on it. And she’s still buzzing with it. 

She remembers all the parties that had come after those Friday nights, too. The rush of victory, the thrill of being part of something, something that other people wanted to be part of, too. She hadn’t expected to feel it here. But maybe she is. “A good choice,” she says—although she’s definitely more on the hard partying side of things, it’s not like she’s going to turn down Cameron’s offer. “Don’t mind if I do. If I say that you played well now, am I just sucking up for snacks?” 

Antisocial is a word that probably nobody who’d ever met Cameron would ever use to describe her. Even when she’s not in the greatest mood, it still doesn’t change her desire to be around other people. Those she went to school with would certainly find her social behavior surprising though. While she was always friendly and talkative, she wouldn’t say she’d had friends back in those days, too scared to get too close to anyone out of fear of them discovering the state of her home life. So instead, she’d always been that girl who pretty much exclusively hung out with her brother.

Now, with that particular burden lifted, it’s easy to seek out the social contact she craves on a fairly consistent basis. Even on nights like tonight, when she thought she wanted to be alone, the moment she bumps into someone else she realizes how glad she is to have someone to chat with. Through her ability to socialize now, to reach out for the human contact she thrives on, she’s somehow lost the ability to cherish alone time as well. Which she isn’t sure is a bad thing or not.

The compliment, whether or not Raleigh means it, surprises her, though she’s sure the Vixen is referring more to the team than her as an individual. “I would share them anyway,” she says sincerely, plopping down on a cozy looking armchair in the quiet and empty lobby, setting the container down on the table in front of her. “But thank you. I can play better than that, though.” She doesn’t say anything about the team’s performance, taking responsibility for only herself, because while she’s having a great season so far, she can play better.

“So you know, I’ve never really thought about what games must be like for you guys,” Cameron says thoughtfully, taking a bite out of a mozzarella stick and waiting a moment as she chews. “I know not everyone does it just because they like Exy, but rather because they like cheer. Which is cool to me.”

[camtrask]

summermyburgh·:

Summer had never set foot in a library until he got to Palmetto. The area he was from was too poor to keep theirs open and his school wouldn’t have bothered with one even if they could afford it. Gwen used to point the old library out to him whenever they went past it, telling him about how she used to take her kids there to do their homework so she could get some of her own work done. It was still an alien place to him, he found the silence of it quite comforting at times but he could never make his brain quiet enough to settle down properly.

“If you look at it from just the right angle, it does look a bit like the Statue of Liberty,” Summer said. He stared at his textbooks and notebook blankly, resenting them for even having to exist because he’d almost completely lost hope that he’d ever get any studying finished. It was difficult for someone like Summer, who wasn’t particularly academic but deep down had the intelligence to get things done; in the long run, he was just here to play exy and his degree was an afterthought.

“I think I’m meant to be doing an English essay but I’m so disassociated from the whole thing it may as well be Spanish.” English had never been Summer’s best subject, it was the hardest one for him to raise his grades in so he could come to Palmetto; a combination of ADHD and mild dyslexia did not make it easy either. “From my experience, that’s exactly how work should be done. Just bullshit it until you meet the word count.”

Cameron grinned a little at his assessment of the stain’s shape, so desperate for a distraction she almost suggested he take her to it so she could see for herself, but that seemed like a bit much, even for her. She did tend to take a rather extreme interest in essentially anything the Foxes or Vixens said to her, but it was hard for her to recognize sometimes when it wasn’t really the time or the place. That, coupled with the fact that she was already feeling in a mental fog from her schoolwork and how absolutely impossible she was finding it, meant that she was almost feeling a little loopy.

“Sightseeing without the traveling, that’s actually a little convenient,” Cameron replied, a little listlessly by her normal standards. It was a little nice to know that she wasn’t the only one suffering though, that at least one other person was feeling the weight of schoolwork when all any of them really wanted to concern themselves with was Exy. Even her, a dutiful student, found it to be a bit mundane and like a necessary evil.

“Well, maybe it’s actually Spanish and you’re just assuming it’s English,” she mused lightly, closing her textbook with a final sort of snap, officially giving up. “What are you majoring in?” That was a topic that actually interested her, wondering what her teammates had decided to pursue in addition to their obvious dreams of an Exy career. “That’s normally not my style but I’m just having one of those days where it might have to be. I’m truly getting nowhere here.”

[camtrask]

lucaservine·:

Plan B had begun to take form. Since the disaster of his latest class presentation on his idea for end of the semester showcase, Lucas had gone back to the drawing board. Literally. His side of the door room had turned into a chaotic mess of post-it notes, papers, notebooks, colored pencils, ink pens, and notecards. He’d ignored just about everyone who bothered him and he only really forced himself away when he needed to go to the bathroom after admitting to himself he couldn’t hold it for forever. But he’d hit yet another fucking road block. One after another, Lucas hardly felt like he’d made much process despite the… well disaster of his room.

His only option was to go to the library and attempt to find something in a book. A nearly impossible task considering what books they did have on his subjects were very few and far between. He was pretty sure no one had really made a college certified book about the history of strategic roleplay video games.

With a backpack full of papers and books, Lucas had searched a large part of the library database and came up with nothing except one book that he was willing to bet only had a single paragraph of information. Regardless, he pulled it and headed off to find a space to sit down. It was in his search that he spotted Cam and Lucas jumped on the opportunity: fuck homework.

Smiling, he made his way over and pulled out the chair across from her. “Honestly, I need to get work done but I’m more into the idea of both of us distracting each other and nothing getting down.” Lucas dropped his backpack down beside the chair, paying no attention to the considerable sound it made from impacting the ground. He set the book down on the table, leaning an elbow on the surface and setting his chin in the palm of his hand as he leaned toward Cam. “Have you been working all day?”

Lucas was a more than welcome distraction, one she knew would actually talk to her, which despite her knowing that she needed to get work done, she also needed greatly. Cameron didn’t think she could look at any more diagrams about physical therapy exercises, at least not today. Her brain felt like a puddle, and as much as she desperately wanted to get everything done so that she didn’t have to worry about it anymore that week, she also just needed a breather.

While it was obvious to anyone that of course, Exy was a physically draining and demanding sport, she didn’t think as many people considered that it could be just as draining and demanding mentally as well. She had to think fast in a way that she didn’t in any other aspect of her life when she was out on the court. And with the season still not going the way she’d hoped, despite a win up on the board for them, her concentration on the sport was at an all time high. Any free mental space she had was dedicated to thoughts of how she could improve her game, what she could do better to drop the amount of points someone scored on her to a nice big zero.

Talking to Lucas though? That was something she needed. While she needed a break from her schoolwork, and while it was hard to admit it or acknowledge it, sometimes she needed a break from thinking about Exy. She had life experiences now that she hadn’t had when she first joined the Foxes, heartache and a legal battle, and those things weighed on her, and as much as she’d love to bury them and only acknowledge her sport, it wasn’t healthy to do so.

“Sounds great,” Cameron said brightly as she closed her laptop, a finality to the soft click that finally acknowledged that she truly was giving up for the day. There was always tomorrow. “I’d use the term working very, very loosely. Trying to work, sure. Actually working? Not so much. So. You’re here to save me from my lack of working. How are you? What’s new?”

[camtrask]

raleigheverhart·:

Location: Hotel Date: Friday, October 5 Time: Post-Game (open)

She’s still wearing her uniform. It’s the first time she hasn’t wanted to take it off as soon as possible after a game. 

She likes to win, she knows that. Likes to cheer for a winning team. That part isn’t surprising. What is is the way that, for the first time, she felt it: white-knuckled and on the edge of her seat, following the ball up and down the court with rapt eyes and held breath, wanting a win so much she could feel it, feel it in the extra power she put into her voice, like she’d scream herself hoarse if the Foxes would only just score. And, this time, they had, and the fight they showed on the court seemed for once admirable instead of pathetic. Finally, a win.

It might all be gone next game. Knowing the Foxes, and knowing her luck, it probably will be. And maybe then she’ll feel foolish, for feeling this way tonight, but right now she sees no reason not to let herself get caught up in it. 

They’re supposed to be on their best behavior. Under Coach Corey’s watchful eyes, who Raleigh is sure cares just as little about this win as most people probably expected Raleigh to. But she’s also sure that what Coach Corey thinks or wants really isn’t going to stop anybody. It’s not going to stop her. 

But, she realizes, she doesn’t actually know what the Foxes do after a win. “So,” she asks. “What happens now?” 

Cameron imagines the buzzing she feels all throughout her body is probably similar to the way her teammates feel when they celebrate with alcohol and pulsing music. It’s not like her first win with this team, but it feels like the best win she can remember in the three years she’s now spent as part of this team. It has nothing to do with her own performance, of course, but the days that a goal getting past her would leave her wracked with guilt were long behind her. She was buzzing instead that the point didn’t break them down, that they kept up the cohesion, and finally there was a victory under their belts, a victory that they more than deserved, in her as usual incredibly biased opinion toward her own teammates.

After the game, she’s not entirely sure what to do with herself. She thinks maybe she could go seek out Ripley, try and reignite whatever it was they’d been doing before her cautious nature took over, or if she wanted to do something genuinely stupid, go find Justin. There had never been anything like nights with Justin after wins, and there’s a part of her that thinks she wants that, wants to feel that familiarity and warmth, but it’s a bad idea and she knows it.

So as always, there’s plan B, which is food.

While she’s happy after the win, there’s still something that makes her not quite ready to socialize, so she walks a few blocks to grab some takeout to return to her room with on her own, the clear night grounding and centering her as she returns to the hotel, not sure if she wants to retreat to her own room on her own, or find a place to sit outside.

Bumping into Raleigh makes the decision for her, and the question makes a wide smile break across Cameron’s face, like it’s finally sinking in that they won, and while the rest of the season will still be an uphill battle, she’s allowed to enjoy this. “A lot of them will probably drink, if that’s your cup of tea. I’m more on the fried side of things,” she says with a grin, holding up her styrofoam container with still warm mozzarella sticks. “If you’d like some, I mean.”

[camtrask]

nguyenalanna·:

Libraries were difficult. They were too quiet overall, forcing Alanna to hone in on the smallest of sounds: each individual page turned nearby was a distraction, and the obnoxious chomp of someone chewing bubblegum too loudly at the next table was even worse. She’d already switched seats three or four times, and still accomplished little to no work. That would be fine for a rough day, except this was the status quo now—and as the semester slowly lurched forward, Alanna was abruptly realizing how far behind she was, even though it felt like the year had just begun. It crept up on her: one moment she was fine, thinking all her classes were easy, thinking it didn’t matter because she was a freshmen anyway…and then the next, it was nearly midterms season, and she was screwed. 

Truthfully, she did try to pay attention and get her work done, but it was hard—these courses were so much more involved than the ones back home, and everyone else seemed far more prepared than she was. She wasn’t used to being confused in her classes, and that only made things more upsetting, because her mom had worked so hard to ensure that Alanna would even have a shot at school, and that meant Alanna owed it to her to do well.

And yet, despite all that, Alanna was grateful for the distraction when Cameron flagged her down. She sat down across from the Fox, dropping her chin into her hand, and sighed. “I need to get work done. Like, real bad,” Alanna said, making no effort to open any of her textbooks anyway. “How do you juggle a sport and your classes? You’ve gotta be in way harder classes too.”

Cameron hadn’t actually put much thought into what it was actually like to stay on top of her classes while also putting the bulk of her time into Exy. Truthfully, it felt like things were easier now, most days. Her classes were getting increasingly more difficult as she got further into her education, but she had significantly less on her plate now. All she had to worry about was staying on her game in Exy, and getting good grades in her classes. Before coming to Palmetto, she’d had to worry about much more. Finding jobs that would hire a minor who for some reason couldn’t get a work permit filled out by their parents, or someone who would pay her in cash under the table, being out late because late night hostess shifts were easier to come by, holding up a lie with every ounce of effort she possibly could. And then there was always the stress about money, about whether or not they would make it to the next month. Without all that, school honestly felt easier than it ever had in the past.

But there was no need to dump all that on Alanna, the question more offhand than seeking out any sort of answer that was too personal. She probably didn’t even realize the question would send her spiraling down such thoughts, but it was interesting to Cameron which seemingly innocent question made her pause and reflect on the upbringing (or lack thereof) that had brought her to this point, that had caused her to make the choices that she did. 

“What are you working on? I’d love to distract myself by helping you, though I’m not sure I’d be much help,” she said brightly, eyes drifting to Alanna’s textbooks before they returned to the girl’s face. “I’m used to it.” Her tone makes the statement sound simple, and in a way, it is. “I’ve been balancing school and Exy since I was little, I don’t really know any other way to be. But don’t give me that much credit. I can’t imagine balancing the Vixens with school is any easier.”

[camtrask]

sashahartashby·:

The rock room didn’t have the same appeal now that Sasha knew that she could easily run into Sterling at any given moment, plus the thought of the sharing the same set her teeth on edge. The library was near the top of her list of worst places to study, just below her own room. There were too many people, it smelled like old books, and even with the silence rule, there was always someone tapping a pencil or snapping their gum. The rock room was closed due to maintenance, so the library was really her only choice. She could never focus in her room. 

With a dissatisfied frown permanently etched on her face, she searched for an empty table, but it seemed like ever single one was claimed by at least one student so far. She wasn’t about to share a table with some stranger, so when she spotted Cam, she immediately headed in her direction. 

Without asking for permission to sit, she dropped her purse in an empty seat and pulled out the one beside it for herself. Cam didn’t seem bothered by Sasha’s presence, and she wasn’t surprised, given how friendly the Fox was. “The first,” Sasha said flatly as she sat down with a sigh. “I don’t know how anyone gets anything done in here though. I feel like I can hear all these people thinking too hard.” 

Cameron was self aware enough to know that not every single member of the Foxes felt the same camaraderie and family bond with her that she felt toward them, and that was okay with her. She wasn’t even particularly sure about what Sasha thought about her, and that was okay with her. She never really expected anything in return from any of her teammates, not off the court at least. What was important to her was to just show her appreciation for the good things in her life, and that to her included her teammates, regardless of whether they returned the sentiment. 

She gave up completely when it seemed like Sasha was just about as motivated as she was, which was riding at a firm zero percent. Cameron hated the feeling she got when she was having a day like this, struggling to stay motivated, like she was wasting the opportunity she’d been given. Of course that wasn’t true, everyone was entitled to a bit of laziness now and then, but she didn’t feel very capable of any sort of laziness, really.

“I think I’m in one of those mindsets where I can’t get anything done anywhere,” Cameron said, a slight frustrated edge to her voice, a rare display of negative emotions from her, but necessary. She didn’t think Sasha would mind, anyway. “I always get more of a ‘we’re all suffering together’ vibe, but I also normally don’t mind getting my work done. Whatever mental roadblock I’ve hit is doing a really effective job.”

[camtrask]

cotesmeredith‌:

Meredith flips through her most recent Bio-psych essay on her way to the library, the big D+ written on the front in red ink like a spotlight shining on her from above. Rewrite for credit might as well be branded on her forehead. She had stopped caring about bad grades when life had shown her that there were, honestly, much worse things, but that was when she’d slipped by with good marks on autopilot. Science meshed with her brain in a way that she had always been thankful for, knowing how much others struggled to get the grades she got by instinct alone, but that had been before Bio-psych. And the TA from hell, she mentally added, flipping back to the comments written on the back of the page in tight, red handwriting. Brendan. What a classic TA name. It was a ridiculous grade, a harsh series of -5% marks on what could only be considered technicalities, and a real nasty comment to top it all off at the end. Sure, she’d been out of it when she wrote it, exhausted from that damn banquet clean-up job, but it was at least a B paper. Pedantic fucker.

Maybe if it hadn’t already been such a long week, she’d be able to shrug it off as just another asshole using academia as a power kick, but she’s already on her third cup of coffee just to get through the morning, and she’s fuming. The unexpected cheerfulness of Cam’s invitation feels like the perfect opportunity to… not do what she’s supposed to be doing.

“If you can promise to distract me back. I’d rather eat these rewrites than work on them.” Meredith sits down and drops her bag on the floor next to her, not even pretending that she intends to take anything out of it. She flips the paper upside down on the table and pushes it as far away as her fingers will reach. It’s not the grade that gets her as much as the injustice of the whole thing. “Cam, right? You’re a Fox. Know how to take out a hit on someone?”

Cameron had always been a little lucky that she actually found classes and school in general rather enjoyable. Even when things were so insanely busy, so full of responsibilities that no teenagers should have to worry about, no kids, really, school had been something that kept her grounded and pulled back into a reality that made sense. That was a reality where all she had to worry about was going to school, where she was just a student and an Exy player. And school provided a safe haven for her. It was somewhere she could be safe and fed and not have to worry about if the lights would flicker off in the middle of something, where she didn’t have to worry about keeping the air conditioning or heat off in order to make sure the electric bill was low. So it had always been easy to find schoolwork as more of an unfortunate side effect to that kind of feeling than an actual chore.

It wasn’t quite as easy anymore though, and Cameron was starting to recognize that she’d reached a level of privilege that she never had. She had a social media presence, there were people who knew who she was, she never had to worry about money the way she had before. And there were people still out there who were living the life she’d essentially escaped from, some of them even worse off than she’d been, and it was strange to feel that level of disconnect from that life now. She almost felt a little guilty for escaping, for having a skill that was marketable in a way that could be incredibly profitable if she played her cards right, and to also love that skill with everything in her. It was harder to focus on her homework sometimes now that she could decide to just go do something with a teammate instead of picking up an extra shift at whatever job she’d managed to get at her young age.

Meredith was a welcome distraction in more ways than one, though mainly because the type of thinking she found herself spiraling down in relation to poverty and no longer being poor could eat her alive if she let it. Cameron smiled at the joke. “Well, I have snacks if you’d rather eat something besides paper,” she offered, her usual box of Mike & Ike’s sitting in reach of her hand. “Yes, Cam. Or Cameron. Whichever you prefer. And you’re Meredith.” That usual feeling of wondering if Meredith was mocking her, if she was making a joke about the headlines that had accused her and Logan of being murderers, bubbled up hot and uncomfortably in her stomach, before she squashed it down, reminding herself the Vixen was just making a joke, and not at her expense. “I don’t, unfortunately, and I’d avoid Googling it, honestly. Who’s the target?”

[camtrask]

calebfournierx·:

As an adult, Caleb didn’t really spend enough time in libraries. What had begun for him as a safe haven in his childhood turned into genuine fondness for libraries. They were offering up free knowledge, in a safe place where the only limit was the time they closed. He used to spend hours upon hours here, the latest he could without getting in trouble. The stack of books he would curl up with was bigger than he was and he often found himself in a corner, reading book after book. And the next day, he would do it all again.

The visits became less frequent in the first foster home, and then the second, and by the third family, he stopped  showing up there all together. And then when exy had come into his life, he completely forgot about his first love and it was completely replaced by his newest. It was only recently that he rediscovered his love for them.

He had a stack of books in his arms, clutched against his chest as he walked. And then the wave caught his attention and he smiled seeing Cameron. “Hey,” he said, setting his pile of books down and and sitting across from her. “I’m not so much working as reading for fun, but don’t let me distract you.”

Cameron was always pleased when a teammate or Vixen chose to engage with her, accept her offers to be around her. She thought maybe she’d get used to it eventually. She was self aware enough to know that a good bit of the team was rather fond of her, which was nice considering she felt the same way, but it was always a special moment to her. She honestly hoped she’d never get used to the warm feeling that filled her from head to toe when someone decided to talk to her, when she felt noticed and safe and surrounded by people looking out for her wellbeing. And sure, it wasn’t that deep. All Caleb had done was accept her offer of a seat, and maybe she was strange for enjoying being around people the way she did, but that was okay with her.

“No, please distract me,” she said with a little hint of desperation in her voice, before laughing at herself. She was being dramatic, and she knew it. Cameron didn’t mind homework at all really, but the deeper they got into a season, the less her mind wanted to focus on anything but Exy. It was hard to identify the bones in the hand or discuss proper stretching techniques when all she wanted to do was watch tapes of their opponents and figure out what she could do to keep the other team from scoring.

“What are you reading?” Cameron didn’t read for enjoyment as much as she wished she did. She had books that she loved that she’d read over the years, mostly discovering them in class, but she wished that she made more of an effort to branch out. “I feel like all I’ve read lately are my textbooks. It’s starting to hurt my head.”