I'M CHANGING MY HANDLE and here's why
I wanna be straightforward here cause tumblr feels like a much safer space to talk about it. I've been avoiding to talk about it cause I don't like drama, but I feel it should be okay to speak on it now specially to explain why I'm changing my handle and also because I need to let it out. THIS IS NOT A CALLOUT POST OR ANYTHING OF THE LIKES, it's just vent and explanation so no names will be spread. So, to the point, I am changing my handle because I feel unconfortable with my own identity. I've been suffering with severe anxiety and self hatred after something that started around november 2025. Basically, I was harassed for roughly 3 months by a bigger artist on the other platform that was my friend for roughly 6 months before that. We had an altercation, we both made little mistakes, but they decided to escalate things by accusing me of anonymously harassing them without any solid proof and spreading lies about me. They took advantage of my panic and paranoia, used my own social insecurities against me (perhaps not intentionally, but still), their friends would get involved sending me bad messages to which I have proof of and threats of calling me out. They constantly distorted my words to make it seem like everytime I tried to explain what happened between us I was attacking them when I was never hostile. I gotta say I am autistic and they know it and I struggle to communicate and tend to bottle up a lot. I was really sad for losing people that I liked involved in this situation, I was panicky and yes I pushed too far trying to communicate with them to defend myself and seek solid explanations cause I was being accused of things without even knowing fully what they were. I was constantly told I was playing dumb or playing a victim and that put a lot of stress in me while I was also dealing with real life problems and the whole ordeal left me really insecure. I literally started taking anxiety medication because of this situation because it was triggering me too much. With all that said, I couldn't stand being myself as I felt horrid for being painted as a villain for how I reacted under severe stress PLUS dealing with them full on lying I did things I did not. I recognize I should just have ignored it instead of trying to "fix things" and I'm not excusing myself cause I understand now that I broke boundaries and I feel bad for that. But they act like saints while they're definitely not since they lowkey started it by accusing me out of nowhere then getting mad when I reacted. They would also get mad over me using my own platforms to vent about the situation, saying I was 'vagueposting' but got even more pissed when I mentioned their names. I just didn't know what to do anymore and was panicking over and over which made things worse. So.. I hate myself and I'm severely haunted. I just wish people would be more kind, understanding and give us neurodivergent people more benefit of the doubt specially since I was never aggressive. AND I DID RESPECT THEIR SPACE BEFORE THEY CAME BACK TO ACCUSE ME so painting me as someone who constantly disrespects boundaries out of evil intent is vile. But they refuse to remember every time I did things right and rather focus on the mistakes I did while, AGAIN, under severe stress BECAUSE OF THEm. So that's why I'm changing my handle, lowkey I'm trying to hide away from my harasser and find comfort in being myself without the stains of what happened.
