Sam & Dean, leadership, control, obedience, and choice
Spinning this off into a new post because this got so long – I love this topic, so I have many Thoughts! (Most of this is focused on the psychological side of it as explored through fictional tropes – the mythological side of their chosen roles is also fascinating and deserving of its own post!)
I really do feel quite strongly about this, which makes those metas where people insist on calling Dean ‘controlling’ actually a bit infuriating to read. Sam makes decisions; Dean follows. It’s not that way 100% of the time, but it is true way more often than the reverse. It’s part of the deepest core of their natures–which is explained by the archangels they were meant for. Dean is loyal, and Sam rebels.
I watched ‘The Vessel’ a few nights ago and was struck so hard by how Dean announces that he shall be the one who goes back to the past. He will be the one who puts himself in danger, because he’s expendable. He states it as a fact, almost bullish… and then still waits for Sam’s permission before he and ‘Castiel’ actually go. It’s just such a fascinating dynamic, made more so by the change-up of roles.
Again yes to all of this. Dean as “controlling” I take as a misinterpretation (–alternative interpretation, though this is a case that I feel strongly enough about the characterizations that I struggle to see the alternatives) of their communication styles – and Dean’s style in particular is molded, not just by John’s militaristic upbringing, but by his relationship with Sam.
Dean can be controlling – especially with innocents in supernatural-emergency situations, it’s vital to give orders forcefully enough that you can expect them to be followed. But with Sam, that’s rarely what it’s about. Dean gives statements of intent to Sam knowing they’re not going to be blindly followed – since he was a little kid, Sam hasn’t obeyed him without question. Moreover, Sam has always known that Dean won’t actually act without his say-so. (e.g. “After School Special”, in which at 14 Sam is fully capable of letting Dean know what he wants – Dean is raging “I’ll rip his lungs out” about the bully, but he doesn’t actually do anything, lets Sam handle it on his own. And it’s not played as a “big brother finally lets his little brother out on his own” moment – Sam is talking to Dean with confidence that he can handle it himself and that Dean won’t intervene. He knows Dean has his back if needed, but he doesn’t expect Dean to do anything without his agreement.)
Some of the reason this can be misinterpreted is because of their differences in communication and thinking styles. Sam is the kind of person who likes to go into a discussion or argument informed, fully armed – he doesn’t like to talk about anything until he’s had time to think it out, to come to a conclusion and come up with counter-arguments, etc. While as Dean is less of a thinker, more of a doer; he wants to talk about what he’s thinking/feeling because verbalizing it out loud is how he understands it himself. (Or by acting it, hence him being way more prone to expressing himself through physical violence than Sam.)
The reason this works is because they both understand this about each other.
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