Fun Mom @cantreachthatshelf - Tumblr Blog

robloxgf-deactivated20190515

this is it… the worst text a guy has ever sent me in my entire 2 decades of life…. I surpassed the 5 stages of grief when I read it and astral projected straight to hell

iu

instagram mua: shows a perfectly normal makeup tool

me: bitch dont do it

instagram mua: frowns, waves finger and throws it away

me:

latinkilledtheromans

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store?

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

221cbakerstreet

It came all the way from Italy and this is how you welcome it

etherealpoison

When your fave character dies and you refuse to accept it

mexicanheaux

Cookie died and coconut head fucking murdered him

lagonegirl

You should share this for people in DC and close to you!!

Black Community we have to be careful. Protect our Girls! Spread this!

fomysquad

IMPORTANT!!!!

Signal Boost!

cartnsncreal

Reblog to save life

terriblepersona

This kind of stuff is so common in Mexico, in the best case is just a pyramid scam but thanks to this post I know they may be sex trafficking

blairwitchh

goals: getting as fucked up as christine is in this video

nova-cayne

Oh. My god

mercedesbenzodiazepine

My lg chocolate

misshepard

all these eurovision contestants who have their face plastered everywhere as the stage graphics:

pocketrunner

The National Weather Service issues a blizzard warning today…

brainstatic

Dear Diary,

I started going on tumblr again after several days with little activity. There is a frog on a unicycle now. He is not the smiling frog or the frog sipping tea. He is a new frog. Every day is a new gift.

thespoonmissioner

arielsfunblr

Parks and Rec got Men’s Rights Activists exactly right and it was perfect.

newyorkcitybrunette

I love this

broad-city

ascendingmoon-deactivated201706

Water signs: I just feel like….I don’t know… you know? like… idk…just…you know?

Every other sign: what

Water signs: how are you not understanding me I’m literally explaining it the best way that I can

astro-que

other water sign: i know 😌

rabbitgoblin

I know a guy who ended up becoming a professional chef because of the tim burton charlie and the chocolate factory movie and i guarantee none of you will be able to guess how

rabbitgoblin

ok so this movie came out like, 2005ish? And this kid was in his early teens, so 12-14 years old i guess. And he’s watching this movie and there’s the scene where the chewing gum kid, Violet something, is chewing the gum that tastes like a three course meal and the first two tastes are tomato soup and roast beef and that’s all well and good but then it gets to blueberry pie and OOP she’s all swollen up like a ten-foot tall human blueberry. And this kid, being the age he was, had just kinda started puberty and might’ve had a little crush on Violet to start with, so all the feelings and hormones got a lil mixed up while watching that scene and he ended up with a great big inflation kink. So this is a thing for a few more years, he’s cranking his hog to deviantart pictures of big ol balloon ladies and the kink develops (as they sometimes do) into one where he gets off from watching those videos where people eat a ton of food. But then from there he starts to become interested, not in the person eating the food, but the food itself. Pretty soon he’s watching cooking video tutorials and attempting to cook for his family and within a couple years he’s got good. Real good. So good, in fact, that he publishes a modest cookbook at age 17 and makes enough money off selling it to buy himself a car. By the time he’s graduated highschool he’s had scholarships and apprenticeship offers from no less that 5 separate cooking schools, three of which were international. He told me all this inbetween throwing up in a bathtub at a party we were both at. I hadn’t actually met him beforehand but id seen him around school a few times (he was a couple years older than me). Last I heard of him, he’s working as the head chef in some big boy restaurant back in my city and has at least one award for something. And that’s how some guy became a professional chef thanks to tim burtons charlie and the chocolate factory movie