❛❛jerry says that anytime i think i have a ( g o o d idea ), that i should do the opposite of whatever it is i feel.❞ ❛❛and that’s because i have a ( b a d mind ), and i have gold in my veins.❞ ❛❛but he says I got the purest heart that he’s ever seen.❞
me: hey did you kno-
friend:*very hostile tone* what
me: aright nevermind then fuck you bitch i was trying to share my knowledge now you’ll never know whatever man i don’t even wanna be friends anymore
“I went to a preppy private school in Manhattan; all the jocky assholes loved us when we sold to them, and then trashed us to their brainless friends. I swear everyone in this world is a fucking hypocrite.”
“That’s so sad, I went a prep school too but everyone was always high and no one cared about. You poor soul, at least you’re in college now though! Except the whole hypocrites thing, I know that won’t ever change.”
you did all for yas so you're gonna do all for me too idc
Send “✆” for a MORNING text.
{ 7:35am } : good morning!! are you still alive??!!! { 7:35am } : is today the day that i will finally be happy??!!!
Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT.
{ 6:32pm } : i’m sorry i brought up your mom that one time, i know that’s a sensitive topic
Send “☎” for a RUSHED text.
{ 2:34pm } : DON’T START LA USURPADORA WITHOUT MEEE I’M COMING
Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.
{ 3:56am } : how maad woyld u be i f i texted u the lyrics to a MILEEY sssong????
Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text.
{ 12:34am } : like, hypothetically speaking, i would fuck you tho.{ 12:35am }: if it were a life or death situation{ 12:36am } : or if i was really, really, really drunk { 12:36am } : or like really fucking bored
Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.
{ 4:53am } : if you think about it, you could be like, the dickhead version of batman???
Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.
{ 6:14pm } : sometimes i wish you were the mushroom man instead :)
Send “#” for a RANDOM text.
{ 5:22pm } : my mom just asked me about you and if you asked about her { 5:22pm } : g2g i’m deleting this is the end of our friendship
Send “@” for a SCARED text.
{ 10:52pm } : not trying to be dramatic, but i got lost and i need you to pick me up{ 10:53pm } : IT’S DARK AND IT’S LATE TONY I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND COME HELP ME
Send “&” for a LOVING text.
{ 3:06pm } : i don’t mean it when i say you’re the worst person in my life{ 3:11pm } : okay it’s been five minutes, you can delete that text now
Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.
{ 12:37pm } : did you really fuck kate tho??? asking for science??
Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.
{ 4:21pm } : TONY TONY ONY ONTOYN ONY MY GRANDPA GAVE ME THIS VINTAGE VODKA OR SOMETHING AND LET’S GO DRINK IT I’M CRYING I’M SO EHAPPY GOD BLESS THE RUSSIANS
Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.
{ 10:42am } : i had a dream that my kids looked like tony but i was married to someone else, like the type of shit that happens in mexican soap operas. i’m so confused i can’t??{ 10:43am } : tony and i would have ugly kids tho :/ { 10:43am } : LMAO G2G BY
Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text.
{ 4:15pm } : my dog just died and i know this is stupid, but will you come with me to get another one?
{ 3:37pm } : i said breakfast, not fucking dinner - where the hell are you? it’s almost 4pm???
Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT.
{ 7:25pm } : remember when u cried in prague? { 7:27pm } : ur such an ugly crier
Send “☎” for a RUSHED text.
{ 1:25am } : can’t talk, about to blow this kid who has a lambo
Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.
{ 3:12am } : this biTCH ASSS BAETENDER WON’T SERVE ME { 3:13am } : COME OVER ND FIHT HIM I’M TOO SHRT
Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text.
{ 9:06pm }: i’m bored. pool orgy 2.0?
Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.
{ 2:56am } : i’m still mad about the dead babies thing{ 2:56am } : you ever hear about the russian sleep experiment??
Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.
{ 5:24pm } : ok but i’m just glad kate left you :){ 6:12pm } : lmao i was kidding don’t hate me { 6:13pm} : i wouldn’t say shit like that if you weren’t so fucking rude
Send “#” for a RANDOM text.
{ 3:43pm }: did u know that pineapple makes ur cum taste good, but i think that’s only if you aren’t a salty bitch :/
Send “@” for a SCARED text.
{ 1:54am } : my grandma said that she hasn’t seen a closer group of friends than us{ 1:55am } : what if we all get tired of each other? what then?
Send “&” for a LOVING text.
{ 8:45am } : okay but being real, i’m glad you’re my friend { 8:45am } : just don’t tell anyone that i told you that, it’s embarrassing
Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.
{ 4:21am } : is he gay if i fucked him with dildo?? and he liked it??
Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.
{ 6:55pm } : DISNEY WORLD!!!! YOU’RE DRESSING AS FUCKING SULLY THE BIG BLUE MONSTER AND I DON’T CARE BC YOU PROMISED IN PRAGUE!!{ 6:56pm }: YOU’RE GOING TO BE MY DISNEY BITCH
interning for congressional reps is so fun bc you get yelled at for their decisions and u still have to sit there like :) yes, ma’am i understand :) will you still vote for them? :) but on the inside ur already like
Send “✆” for a MORNING text.
Send “✉” for a text that WASN’T SENT.
Send “☎” for a RUSHED text.
Send “⁇” for a DRUNK text.
Send “✿” for a SUGGESTIVE text.
Send “ø” for a LATE NIGHT text.
Send “✘” for a HATEFUL text.
Send “#” for a RANDOM text.
Send “@” for a SCARED text.
Send “&” for a LOVING text.
Send “%” for a CURIOUS text.
Send “ツ” for an EXCITED text.
Send “$” for an ACCIDENTAL text.
Send “♀” for a HEARTBREAKING text.
I agree with all of this. Though I think it’s nice that old, disabled men can get prostitutes if they can’t really get sex otherwise. They shouldn’t be robbed of sex just because they’re in a nursery home and older than dirt. But for people our age, I don’t get it.
Not going to lie, it’s still pretty fucking creepy for old men. If you’re eighty years old, why would you want to fuck a twenty-something year old? It’d be like fucking your granddaughter or something. I don’t get it either, it’s just sad and depressing to think about.
I know we did but I just can’t help pointing out that people can’t be fucked for free. Like, how said is that? You should start them a sex charity like - “In a rut? We can get you fucked.”
“It’s about the prostitutes opening their legs for everyone who has some money to spare or some shit like that, I don’t know. But really, why does anyone care how you get the money anyway?”
“I don’t know, that’s why I’m asking you. I don’t even know how my parents make money, they could be into blood diamonds for all I know. As long as my bills are paid and I can shop, I think everyone should be fine.”
pixelskylines
amandla
