violet. 30s. black. she/her. east coast. sonny carisi is the love of my life. nick amaro is my baby. multifandom sideblog. this blog contains adult content & themes - 18+, MDNI. Navigation 🌸 /// buy me a coffee! /// FAQ [my inbox is OPEN]
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I love how Robby says "we're a safety net, and nets have holes" but then the entire episode is a love letter to nurses and how they keep patients from falling through the cracks. Dana immediately goes and interferes to make sure that Gus is admitted to the hospital. Perlah has the most emotional response to Louie's death, and it's the nurses who are all mourning his loss together. When Roxie is struggling with her bedpan and humiliated, Princess kindly reminds her that that's what she's here for. Dana and Emma take care of Louie's body and Dana tells Emma's that it's the last thing they can do for patients. When Joy asks Robby how Kim "already knows all that" he responds that "she just does" because she's an experienced nurse who knows what she's doing. They can't get an ASL translator so Princess tries her best with her less than perfect ASL just so a patient can know they haven't forgotten her. Donnie is taking time to teach the med students how to suture because he's better at it than the guy who's been a doctor for a week. Jesse immediately goes and gets Gus a drink because he's starving and holds the drink and straw for him. Princess comforts and holds the panicked sister of a patient as she worries about "what's wrong with him". And then, at the end, Emma holds Louie's hand because there's no one else there to hold it
good smut is really a character study and that is final. i need it to be about vulnerability i need it to be about trust or lack thereof and most of all i need it to be emotional agony. thats what sex is for
Every time someone comments on my old fic, i feel like I'm an old actor getting paid residuals. Appreciate you, old-fic-commenters. Key source of emotional income, tbh.
non-writers will never understand the mental illness of writing an entire conversation in your head while doing dishes and then forgetting every word the second you open a blank doc
I've had this installment of the motorcycle club!au banging in my head along with a few (two?) other scenes for months and months now. I'm not quite ready to hang my SVU fanfiction writer hat up officially, but it is coming to a close. Which is not a bad thing! I plan to go through and organize all my writing and make it easier to find and read (as well as print a physical copy for myself) and I am a multifandom girly so I don't think I'll ever be forever gone.
okay, on to 2.4k words of feelings and sex. 18+.
You need comfort from Sonny after the recent reveal of a relative.
Masterlist | Previous two parts
The wood under your feet had gone warm as you turned and paced a few steps before swinging around to trace your steps again. You had been wearing a path across the living room floor for the better part of ten minutes. For what had to be the sixth time, you contemplated whether the robe was going to be an immediate giveaway about your restlessness as soon as Sonny got through the door. The part of you that had half forced you into the robe and then made you keep it on argued that you wanted Sonny to know how you felt as soon as he came home. You wanted him to know without saying anything. Because if you had wanted to talk about it then you would still have on sweatpants and his henley.
You didn’t want to talk.
You didn’t want to think.
Is this what Sonny felt like as the head of the motorcycle club? Taking hit after hit, heavy piece of news after the next? Feeling rocked without a chance to regain his footing before the next hit? If so, you owed him an apology for not seeing it sooner. Turns out the matriarch has a huge blind spot, too.
You winced as your teeth sank too deeply against your bottom lip.
The robe stays on.
You glanced at the couch as you passed by it again. The gun on the coffee table sat unassumingly nestled between the remote and a candle. The yellow tape marked it as the play gun. The real gun, yes, but the one that had never been loaded, never been shot, never been used for anything except play. You had always assumed Sonny hadn’t looked too hard at why he got off to gun play, but maybe you were wrong. Sure, you had been the initiator, but you also knew that Sonny adored you. Especially in the early years, he was incredibly cautious with you when it came to anything physical between you. “Early years Sonny” was not current day Sonny.
The sound of his motorcycle got louder as he drew towards the house and it drew your attention back to the room. Back to the refrigerator which was humming loudly in the kitchen. Back to the sudden dryness in your mouth. Back to where the fuck to be in the room when Sonny came through the door.
You rolled your eyes at yourself and shook yourself slightly. Sonny would see the gun on the coffee table. He would see the robe and probably, truth be told, the tension in your body, and he would get it. Before you could drift again, keys were jangling at the door a beat before it pushed open.
Your feet took you across the room and you finally got to do something with your restless energy. Sonny turned to greet you with a ghost of a smile across his face. Crinkles appeared around his warm eyes, but you didn’t miss the way his gaze snagged on your robe before coming back to your face.
“Welcome home,” you murmured before he could say anything - ask anything. Hands reached towards his vest before you closed the distance between you and used the buttery leather to pull you in to him.
“Missed you.” Murmured again, but this time against his mouth.
“What a welcome,” Sonny breathed into your mouth.
His head angled and he deepened the kiss momentarily. A hum reverberated between you as your teeth sunk into his bottom lip now. You weren’t even sure who it came from.
“Guy could get used to this.”
You huffed a laugh into his face and stepped back half a step before sinking down easily. Sonny’s boots were so dusty it was almost hard to make sense of the knotted laces. There was a strangled noise from above you as your fingers began gently untangling them.
“You don’t have to doll that, doll.” Sonny’s protest was low. You thought of the gentle peaks of meringue as tension in the room spun a little thicker.
“Wanted to give you a proper welcome home.”
Your words were spoken to his feet as you gently tugged on his calf so he would lift up. Each boot was heavy as you pulled and coaxed one after the other off of his feet. They made a small thud as the fell to the floor slightly askew. You fought the urge to straighten then just to have something to do with your hands and a reason to delay the inevitable. A big part of you didn’t want to stand back up.
Finally, you let your fingers drag against the rough denim over his shins, squeezed gently, then slide back up and caged closely against him. Sonny’s expression flickered again as you made eye contact, but you didn’t have enough time to parse his first expression. Now…now, he was looking at you like you were something very important. He was looking at you with an expression that reminded you of when you first got together. The single-minded intensity stripped you more bare than you were ready for and you allowed your gaze to dart in the direction of kitchen as the humming in the background ceased.
His hands framed your face in a warm and calloused grip. The skin against his the balls of his hand stood in stark relief to the softness of your face. It was the warmth and the grip that steadied you briefly. His shoulders hunched up to his shoulders as he hunched down to kiss again in a brief but searing kiss.
Sonny’s fingers dropped and tangled in yours as he tugged you in the direction of the living room. “Come with me, doll.”
Your heart kicked up an impressive rhythm as you trailed behind him obediently. But it wasn’t in the direction of the coffee table or couch that he led you. Instead, Sonny cut a path to the large armchair juxtaposed next to the couch. His legs spread open wide after he turned and sank into it. With a slouch, he tilted his head subtly.
“You look so nice,” he rasped with a heated gleam in his eyes.
The sweep of his eyes was followed by goosebumps and you swore you could feel where his eyes traced and where they lingered. The corners of his mouth turned up a little and he sank a little lower into the chair.
“Could I get a full three sixty?”
His tone was pleasant, but hard to parse. Was he trying to set you at ease or put you on edge? On one hand, his lack of questions set you at ease. On the other, having you stand while he gazed at you was not what you had in mind. You wanted him to touch you.
Without responding audibly you nodded and chewed the inside of your cheek as you turned around slowly. What the actual fuck was going on with you? You’d been with Sonny more times than anyone could hope to count and here you were, married, in the living room of the house you owned, feeling bashful in a robe as you turned in a circle? Wilder things had occurred in high school than what was happening right now. Knowing that didn’t cool your cheeks that felt warm with something uncomfortable and too difficult to name as you slowly came to face him again.
The skin between Sonny’s eyes tugged down and the corners of his mouth mirrored them.
“Doll?” His tone was still quiet, but he looked concerned now.
You shrugged and glanced up towards the ceiling as the discomfort grew. “Can you touch me?” you asked. “Please.” You added in a small voice.
“Oh, I’m going to touch you” Sonny reassured and the edges of his words were warm. “I’m just enjoying the view first, if that’s okay.”
Okay, so he was not trying to make you uncomfortable. He was probably trying to figure out what the fuck you wanted.
“I spent my day in a wood shop looking at a bunch of guys,” Sonny said with half a sigh. “To come home to this view? I have to savor it a little before I muss you up.”
A smile flashed across his across and the skin of your cheeks cooled and then heated again for another reason. Emboldened by his admiration, you let your fingers trail to the sash of the robe. You glanced between it and his face and this time when you sank your teeth into your bottom lip it was in tease and not anxiety.
“By all means,” Sonny said with an amused smile and dramatic roll of his wrist.
Satin slipped through your fingers as you tugged and let the loose bow come undone. The robe didn’t open much as he sash fell against your thighs, so you helped it along and let the collar drift from your shoulders to your elbows.
“Jesus Christ,” Sonny swore as he stood in one abrupt movement.
He crossed the distance between you two in two steps before he sank to his knees. Warm hands framed your hips as Sonny nosed against your abdomen. You clenched and felt your arousal slide out of you honey slow. It was too tempting to let your hands fall to the top of his head, so you didn’t fight it as you let your fingers sink into his head.
“Gotta taste you,” Sonny rasped wetly against your skin, thumbs hooking on the edges of the robe and pulling it further down.
His nose trailed a line to the top of your mound and he coaxed your legs wider apart. One of his hands drifted to rest on your belly. His thumb parted your lips and bared your clitoris to him. Without pretense or hesitation, he latched onto you. Alternating between short quick stroke strokes and long firm strokes of his tongue pulled a noise from the back of your throat. Your hands flailed out, grasping at nothing but air as you fought for stability.
Sonny used the opportunity to coax your thigh over his shoulder and he let the hand drift away from your abdomen to form a strong support at your back. Caught between the cage of his grip, his mouth, his heat and you finally felt your brain quiet. Two fingers slipped into you and you were brought back to the moment. Sonny’s glance flicked up to yours as you gasped audibly this time.
“Sonny,” you half gasped half whimpered. You didn’t even know what you were asking for, but it came out like a plea.
“Got you, doll,” Sonny promised in the same low voice. “Let yourself fall apart for me.”
His thumb circled around your clit as his fingers thrust into you and your hand flew up to grip his free shoulder in a tight grip. A hum of approval traveled up his arm and you shivered with arousal.
“There you go,” Sonny praised.
You preened under the approval and when you glanced at him again the smile ghosting around his lips told you he noticed. “Good girl,” he murmured in approval again. He picked up his pace, driving his fingers into you in an unrelenting pace as he thrummed at your clit.
“Pretty girl, come for me whenever you want.”
“Fuck,” you swore as surprise and arousal ripped through you again.
Sonny wasn’t exactly quiet in bed, but this level of attention and coaxing was going to make you combust after the day you had had. It was like he had nothing else to do and nothing else in mind. He was still fully clothed and when he pulled his fingers away to swipe at you with a leisurely lick of his tongue this time your knees buckled. He caught you easily and eased you to the ground.
“Beautiful.” His gaze lasered between your thighs as he wedged his shoulders between them.
Before you could brace yourself, his mouth was dropping to your sex again and he <devoured> you. You let sensation wash over you as you writhed in his arms, thankful not for the first time that you lived in a house. Especially when Sonny sank three fingers into you and sucked your clit at the same time. His shoulders prevented your involuntarily tensing and he only sped up his ministrations. Your eyes drifted to the gun on the table and a wisp of a thought brushed against your brain - weren’t you intending this to be the other way around? - but your orgasm lit through you before you could say or do anything more.
“Good girl,” Sonny was saying as your moans tapered off and you whimpered, writhing in his grip. “I got you, doll. Come for me.”
“Fuck - Sonny!” you moaned again and another wave ripped through you, a second orgasm pushed over the edge by his words and the steady pace of his fingers. His gaze pinned you in the moment and you held it as you coasted down.
A giggle slipped through your lips involuntarily and Sonny smiled up at you.
“There’s my girl,” he rasped and you giggled again.
He pulled himself up to drape over you. The robe was cool against your skin as he pulled up an edge to cover the bits of your torso that his arm couldn’t cover. You couldn’t stop laughing as the chemicals in your brain spiked.
“I got you, doll,” Sonny said quietly against your temple.
Your laughter twisted abruptly into a sob and Sonny’s hand came up immediately to brush the suddenly falling tears.
“I got you,” he repeated firmly.
“Sonny, Sonny.” You couldn’t form a sentence between the sensation and the tears. All you could do was say his name like a prayer.
“I know,” Sonny answered as if you had said something coherent. “I know. I’ve got you, doll. I’ve got you. It’s okay.”
You cried harder and turned into his chest. His t-shirt was soft against your face and the smell of leather, cigarettes, sweat, and Sonny’s aftershave surrounded you.
“I’ve got you,” he repeated firmly.
“This was supposed to be about you,” you managed to choke out. His hum tilted up like a question. “You were supposed to come home and I was supposed to be your gift.”
“You’re my gift every single fucking day,” Sonny said with a fierceness that startled you enough to stop your crying as abruptly as it had started.
“Every day,” he said again with the same firmness as he thumbed at the last of your tears.
“You know what I mean,” you mumbled. His skin was warm under your fingers as you gripped his forearm.
“I know what you mean,” he allowed. “But you needed something different.”
He said it like it was that simple and you realized you were right. Sonny would know.
“Thank you,” you said quietly. “For letting me handle things with Daniel at my own pace.”
“I know you can handle yourself, but you do not have to do it alone. Okay? Don’t forget that.” Sonny peered down at you and brought his hand up to brush against your forehead.
“I’m proud of you,” he said. “I’ve got you. You don’t have to do any of it alone.”
