Carkeek Cliffs

[carkeekcliffs]

Another freewrite

I’m kind of up there and to the left Except is that me? I’m not sure Not even sure about it being to the left Not that I’ll let on From where you’re sitting Can you tell that I’ve vacated the premises? I’ve left the autopilot on, so most people couldn’t They usually haven’t Even I don’t really notice anymore

[carkeekcliffs]

blackberry stained fingers brushing wind residue from her hair feeling phantom tingles trying to remember someone else’s hands

[carkeekcliffs]

Line Drawn

Black blood on a blank page Imagines the hues of a Blood red sunrise Through the prisms of his tears Slices the bars holding The sun inside his head Lifts it through The acid sharp hole Haloed in black lines Burning through Til sharp fumes slice The cage open and it comes spilling out Black blood Illuminated by the sunrise

[carkeekcliffs]

I dream in blanks and forgotten prayers, living as much as I can in a world my flesh does not breathe. I’ve layered it all with gauze so I can pretend that when I resurface, the wound of my world will be healed.

[carkeekcliffs]

A freewrite

The silence is pain seen through empty eyes Filtered through a starving mind, counting the fuel Reached the limit and now it’s drained And the pain is the norm and the pain is the same Dull like the colors that coat the walls Folded like cracks that bruise fingers in halls The blood just appears a surprise when you see It didn’t even hurt, why did I bleed? No little warning light dinged on No gauge said that my time was gone.

[carkeekcliffs]

Untitled

One glimmer reveals, beneath the ghostly shade of massive sequoia,

the gossamer of a broken spiderweb on childhood’s swing-set.

Needles that spiked ‘neath swing jumping, web breaking feet, coat the dirt, untouched.

[carkeekcliffs]

20/20 Remnant

I provoked myopia to survive my youth. For years, without choice, I abstained from children’s circular harmonies, filled it all with opaque static, the unheard notes accumulating

into a hard brown line etched into my stomach lining. The line soon hardened into the heavy weight of scar tissue, the foundation for a steadily growing wall of thorns I unconsciously grew.

And when I opened my eyes  just enough to see the wall,   I started to believe that maybe, no light

could cause its dissolution, and no matter how much I breathe warmth and lovely noise into  the space that’s me, I cannot reach past it.

We say rage burns, or bubbles, but what about when it turns to fuzz? To static? How do I excavate it when it was undone and buried by a child who couldn’t understand, who lost sight to survive.

Maybe, if I stare into the blindingly blurred outlines of boundaries all unmade, I will peek into the darkness that etched the line and planted my wall’s seeds.

Maybe, if I embrace the darkness tightly enough, swaddle it in blankets scented like days of fear, when I smiled just out of tune, I can uncover the line. And maybe, after I have tripped enough times because what is flat appears round and I can’t quite tell where the ground begins or ends, the wall will have shrivelled, its seeds nurtured into dormancy.

[carkeekcliffs]

Contact

Your weight enters mine, shoots down to the floor;

We merge and diverge and gravity 

Steadily absorbs our constant falling.

I trust my bones to cradle yours.

The lower edge of my scapula yearns

For your vertebrae, my tailbone calls 

Your pelvis, zooms in, tethers you to me.

[carkeekcliffs]

Blood Rush: One poem three ways

Version 3 (cinquains + refrains): 

A window lit on a winter’s night Eyes glazed over like ice on panes Glowing in television light Frozen in flickering flight Foreign fingers, distant toes, no stranger to the pain

Screen could crack You won’t react

Close the lid, turn off the light Night is right: you’re done, you’re done Gasp in life’s burning light Pins and needles sizzle on ice ‘Til feeling can overcome

Flood you til you want to run Run and run and never be done

Breathe out mist upon the night You’re alive, you’re alive Open your eyes with a fight See the lights You survived, you survived

One more night in cold alone One more fight to call your life your own

A window lit on a winter’s night Winter calls: don’t run, don’t run Into the trap of television light Rely on your burning might Squeeze your eyes and count to ten

Again, again, Again, again

A window lit on a winter’s night You’re done, don’t run You survived, you survived

[carkeekcliffs]

Blood Rush: One poem three ways

Version 2 (sestina):

A window lit on a winter’s night Television light Winter calls: you’re numb, you’re numb Foreign fingers, stranger toes Eyes glazed over like ice on panes, screen could crack You don’t react, frozen in flickering flight

Close the lid, pause the flight “You’re done, you’re done,” screams the night It knows you fear to reveal a crack Peak under the door, touch the light Scald your fingers, steam your toes Burning out the numb

Pins and needles sizzle on ice, worse than the numb It’s too late, you’ve lost the will to fight You’re stuck here with these fingers, with these toes Under the watch of night You gasp in life’s burning light Waiting for your screen to crack

Breathe out mist through the door jamb’s crack Feel the rush: you’re not numb, you hurt, you’re not numb See the lights You survived, you survived with your heart in flight One more frozen empty night One more fight to own these fingers and toes

Feel the swelling of blood in your toes Your skin won’t crack Won’t release shocking blood onto a winter’s night Feeling pleads: “don’t numb, don’t numb” You’re done with your fearful flight Into the frozen blue light

You survived, you survived until morning’s light Embrace your fingers, hug your toes Cancel your plans for flight Squeeze your eyes and count to ten, reality won’t crack Again, again, you’re done with numb Open your eyes to a window lit with winter’s light

Don’t flee from the light, open the window just a crack Flood your toes with sunlight, burning through the last of the numb From a winter’s night

[carkeekcliffs]

Blood Rush: One poem three ways

Version 1 (free verse):

A window lit on a winter’s night Television light Winter calls: “you’re numb, you’re numb”

Foreign fingers, stranger toes Eyes glazed over like ice on panes Screen could crack You don’t react Frozen in flickering flight

Close the lid, turn off the light Night is right: “you’re done, you’re done” Scald your fingers, steam your toes ‘Til feeling can overcome Pins and needles Sizzle on ice You gasp in life’s burning light

Breathe out mist You’re alive, you’re alive See the lights You survived, you survived One more night in cold alone One more fight to call your life your own

A window lit on a winter’s night Television light Winter calls: “don’t run, don’t run” Tapping fingers, curling toes Squeeze your eyes and count to ten Again, again, Again, again A window lit on a winter’s night You’re done, don’t run You survived, you survived

[carkeekcliffs]

20/20 Remnant (Draft)

At eight years old, I looked through corrective lenses to see the hard edges of leaves for the first time. The world had boundaries. And I provoked myopia to survive my youth. For years, without choice, I abstained from children’s circular harmonies, filled it all with opaque static, the unheard notes accumulating

into a hard brown line etched into my stomach lining. The line soon hardened into the heavy weight of scar tissue, the foundation for a steadily growing wall of thorns I unconsciously grew.

Even when I ran to a place where winter made leaves disappear into the grey-brown of concrete coated in dirty snow, I still carried that weight.

I started to believe that maybe, no light could cause its dissolution, and no matter how much I breathe warmth and lovely noise into  the space that’s me, I cannot reach past it.

We say rage burns, or bubbles, but what about when it turns to fuzz? To static? How do I excavate it when it was buried by a child who couldn’t understand, who obscured its boundaries until they couldn’t be seen at all?

Maybe, if I remove my contact lenses, and maybe, if I stare into the blurred outlines of boundaries all unmade,  I will get a peek into the darkness that etched the line and planted my wall’s seeds.

Maybe, if I embrace the darkness tightly enough, if I swaddle it in blankets scented like days of fear, when I smiled just out of tune, I can uncover the line. And maybe, if I put on a new pair of glasses, frames the color of spring leaves, and maybe, after I have tripped enough times because what is flat appears round and I can’t quite tell where the ground begins or ends, when I put back in my artificially clear eyes, the wall will have shrivelled, its seeds nurtured into dormancy

[carkeekcliffs]

blackberry stained fingers brushing wind residue from her hair feeling phantom tingles trying to remember someone else’s hands

[carkeekcliffs]

Pain(t)

Pain splattered on stained skin. Peel it off. Emerge, like the pink flesh after a blister, before the callous forms. Layer on bandages, become untouchable, let friction grow the callous thicker, til the nerve endings are obscured.

[carkeekcliffs]

Thrill Ride

Scream so loud my throat bursts holes inside

Bloody strings cut the jagged edges of my holes wider Paper snowflake organs

fold me up in plain white triangles See the scissors gaping from cracked earth

snapping jaws I dangle arms and legs and head to ground suspended I don’t scream

Snap out of it Snap into it fit in, get out, give up, fall down Who told me this would be fun?

something to keep me whole inside to keep me from falling out of me swallowed into the deep

pit of stakes never been higher

[carkeekcliffs]

Line Drawn

Black blood on a blank page Imagines the hues of a Blood red sunrise Through the prisms of his tears Slices the bars holding The sun inside his head Lifts it through The acid sharp hole Haloed in black lines Burning through Til sharp fumes slice The cage open and it comes spilling out Black blood Illuminated by the sunrise