The World According to Carloman

The World According to Carloman -- Your daily dose of bestiary science, obscure medieval history, outdated musical instruments and more...

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Top 10 Medieval Butt-Licking Cats

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The nastiest habit of medieval cats seen via illuminated manuscripts.

10. Regular licking

Thomas of Cantimpré, Liber de natura rerum, France ca. 1290 (Valenciennes, Bibliothèque municipale, ms. 320, fol. 72r)

9. Licking and mouse-hunting

Ashmole Bestiary, England 13th century (Bodleian Library, MS. Ashmole 1511, fol. 35v)

8. Licking, mouse-hunting and bird-stealing

Bestiary, England 13th century (Bodleian Library, MS. Bodl. 764, fol. 51r)

7. Hey cat! Stop licking your butt on the Book of Maccabees or you’ll get an arrow!

below the cat: 1Maccabees 16:18-20. Bible, France 13th century (Bibliothèque cantonale et universitaire de Lausanne, U 964, fol. 376r)

6. Otter-like cat

Bestiary, England 15th century (København, Kongelige Bibliotek, GkS 1633 4º, fol. 28v)

5. Devil and the cat worshippers licking the cat’s butt

Jean Tinctor, Traittié du crisme de vauderie (Sermo contra sectam vaudensium), Bruges ca. 1470-1480 (Paris, BnF, Français 961, fol. 1r)

4. Prayerbook cats

Hours of Charlotte of Savoy, Paris ca. 1420-1425 (NY, Morgan Library & Museum, MS M.1004, fol. 125r, 172r)

3. Weirdly long tongue

Book of Hours, Lyon, ca. 1505-1510 (Lyon, BM, Ms 6881, fol. 30r)

2. Villard’s cat

Sketchbook of Villard de Honnecourt, France ca. 1230 (BnF, Français 19093, fol. 7v)

1. Licking Cat of Apocalypse

Christ on Majesty flanked by two angels blowing trumpets of the Last Judgement and a little grey guy licking its butt. Missal, Bavaria ca. 1440-1460 (New York Public Library, MA 112, fol. 7r)

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[carloman-blog]

Good tidings to all! In the noble tradition of those other three kings, this king is thrilled to bring you a special gift on camel back this season, and it's arguably better than Myrrh: a new Carloman Christmas song! La Marche Des Rois is an old Provencale song for the Epiphany, which saw previous incarnations as "Marche du Regiment de Turenne" by Lully and "L'Arlesienne" by Bizet. Today, it joins "Entre le Boeuf et L'Ane Gris" and "Corpus Christi Carol" in A Carloman Christmas-- download the whole album on Bandcamp! As always, this download is name-your-price. If you enjoy it, however, please pass it along! Share the post, email it to your friends and family, spread the Carloman spirit far and wide! Now, without further ado, here's wishing you very happy holidays from Carloman! La Marche Des Rois by Carloman

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THE BOUNDARIES OF ART EXIST ONLY IN YOUR FEEBLE MINDS. BEHOLD THE FIRST MUSIC VIDEO BY CARLOMAN -- PERHAPS THE FIRST TRUE MUSIC VIDEO EVER -- PLUNDERED FROM THE SOUL OF OUR GIFTED CONSORT SCORPIUM SICAM, (OR SCORPION DAGGER AS HE IS KNOWN IN HIS PRESENT FORM).

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nuns and the penis tree Roman de la Rose, France 14th century.

Paris, Bibliothèque nationale de France, Français 25526, fols. 106v, 160r

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CARLOMAN II

<a href="http://carloman.bandcamp.com/album/carloman-ii" data-mce-href="http://carloman.bandcamp.com/album/carloman-ii">Carloman II by Carloman</a>

Please rise.

Réquiem ætérnam dona ei Dómine; et lux perpétua lúceat ei. Requiéscat in pace. Amen. 1,129 years ago on this day, December 12th in the year of grace 884, Carloman II met his untimely death in a hunting accident. Today he returns and he has a vague but passionate story to tell. Only you can be the judge of what his tale is worth to you, but please note that proceeds allow Carloman to do what he does, and that Carloman is forever grateful for whatever support you can offer. Beyond that, it is between your conscience and your god. Now please close the door, dim the lights, pour yourselves an absynthe, and abandon yourselves to CARLOMAN II.

http://carloman.bandcamp.com/album/carloman-ii

[carloman-blog]

The RESURRECTION is coming...

Alas, the musical anachronism that is Carloman has returned! Below is a link to L'Avant Garde, the promotional track off the upcoming album, CARLOMAN II. *Caveat emptor* This is a tale packed with betrayal, hubris, love, and gratuitous eunuchising. It is an antihero's tragic journey into far away lands rich with beasts and brigands, sand and sea, injury and intoxication. Some have compared Carloman II's journey to that of Super Mario II -- those peasants have been dealt with. They are now on a long journey of their own. CARLOMAN II will be released in its entirety to pagans and holy men (or women) alike on 12/12 (the 1,129th anniversary of our death). Until then look forward to tidings, teasers and abuse. Honi soit qui mal y pense!

<a href="http://carloman.bandcamp.com/track/lavant-garde" data-mce-href="http://carloman.bandcamp.com/track/lavant-garde">L'Avant Garde by Carloman</a>

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CarloMaru

Carloman is delighted to share page-space with one of the internet's most respected celebrities. 

Thanks to the noenoesooh! (?) blog for the post! 

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A Carloman Christmas!

This season Carloman takes on a beautiful French carol that has stood the test of 500 years. Will it stand the test of Carloman?

Download "Entre le Boeuf et l'Ane Gris" on Bandcamp: http://carloman.bandcamp.com/album/a-carloman-christmas

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March of the Beasts

Alas, finally, the original lyric sheet to chanson de Carloman, "March of the Beasts." This particular manuscript was by far the most difficult to obtain, as it required repelling into the caves of southern France and defeating a number of ungodly creatures, whose sole to duty, it would seem, was to protect the sheet from the hands of pseudo-archeologists, such as ourselves, over the past millennium.

Unfortunately for them-- if archetypal lore has taught us anything, it is that the beasts will always lose...

Like other Carloman lyric sheets, the language is beyond obsolete, but, with resources that we simply do not have time to get into, we did our best to translate.

sidenote: Interestingly enough, the musical notation seen above appears to be a crude attempt to capture the tempo and intensity of a variety of animalistic grunts, not unlike very early percussive notations. Anyway, enjoy...

<a href="http://carloman.bandcamp.com/track/march-of-the-beasts" _mce_href="http://carloman.bandcamp.com/track/march-of-the-beasts">March of the Beasts by Carloman</a>

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People often ask what has influenced the art of Carloman. Well, it can be narrowed down to one man: Peter Pringle. Carloman, however, is not even in the same class as Lord Pringle. We only hope to exist in his shadow and sustain ourselves by feasting on the crumbs that fall from the mouth of this giant.

Prepare to hear the story of BEOWULF as you have never heard it before. If a tear you do not shed, we suggest you immediately partake on a quest, one in which you may desperately hope to discover a SOUL.

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wonders of creation

Another magnificent beast from the minds of our Ottoman brethren.

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Monocerus vs Unicorn: The Debate Lives On

We are all familiar with the unicorn-- a majestic white horse with a brilliant horn erupting from its forehead. They drink rainbows and defecate gold.  Most people, however, are unaware of the quite similar “monocerus,” a beast which is also described as having an imposing horn atop their cranium. Yet, while sporting the torso of a horse, the monocerus possesses a black horn, the feet of an elephant and the tail of a boar—in other words, it is ugly.

This leads us to a serious question: are these two the members of the same species?? What makes a unicorn a unicorn and a monocerus a monocerus? Well, one need look no further than the entomology!  

The prefix, “uni,” is derived from Latin for “one” and the suffix “corn,” from the Latin, “cornus,” meaning “horn.”

What about monocerus? Why don’t we ask our friends the ancient Greeks! For them, “Mono” means “one” and “ceros” means… wait for it… “horn.” ha!

So, good folks, we seem to have a conspiracy in our midst. Surely, the monocerus, even with its unsightly body and crusty black horn, is at least a member of the same family. It seems that many refuse to acknowledge the similarities between these two creatures, in order to preserve the pureness of the oh-so-perfect unicorn.

Or perhaps there is another explanation— one extremely controversial. There is no unicorn! Bear with us now… Perhaps our idea of the unicorn is simply a version of what we wish the monocerus could be. We do not care for imperfect things, we strive for perfection. The monocerus has such undeniable potential, but we cannot look past its nasty appearance. Thus, we’d rather deny its existence in replace of a beast that is perfect; a beast, such as the unicorn, onto which we can attach all of our personal hopes and aspirations, knowing they are safe. While doing so, we use the friendless monocerus as a metaphorical well into which we dump our buckets of shame.

In this blog’s humble opinion... until we learn to accept ourselves as we are, accept that we are not unicorns, but in fact are all imperfect monoceruses, clumpy elephant feet and all, we will never be truly happy. Until we accept, nay embrace, that monocerus in the mirror, we are doomed to live out the rest of our days grasping at the untouchable and wallowing in our own, self-imposed misery.

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Gerberga

On display is another one of the original Carloman chanson manuscripts-- this one in particular titled “Gerberga.”

For those who missed the previous language explanation, the text is made up of an esoteric lexicon, used only within secret royal circles over a millennium ago. So, for all that is holy, please do not attempt to translate it and simply trust our interpration below. Thank you.

<a href="http://carloman.bandcamp.com/track/gerberga" _mce_href="http://carloman.bandcamp.com/track/gerberga">Gerberga by Carloman</a>

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Visit Original Link

Please forgive the brief downtime since the last Carloman post. We have been quite busy acquiring new deeds and subjugating foreign peoples. Soon, however, we shall return to share with you the spoils of our conquers.

For now, please enjoy the mesmerizing motion of the stick jester whilst turning an ear to the toe-tapping sounds of "Bransle du Chandelier."

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Medieval Europeans didn’t feel much affection for snakes, but still coveted snake eggs, believing they had magical powers. No less an authority than Pliny passed along advice on how to procure one of the precious items. The intrepid snake egg thief had to leap over a writhing mass of hissing snakes, toss the snake egg into the air, and apparently catch it in a piece of cloth.

Another interpretation of the heist was that the snakes themselves would loft the eggs into the air. Either way, if the snake egg fell to the ground, so the rulebook read, its magical powers were lost. The only problem was that the objects thought to be snake eggs were really fossil sea urchins.

Alternately called fairy loaves, pixie weights and shepherds’ crowns, the fossils were believed to protect against bad luck, protect against illness, safeguard their owners from lightning, help the deceased on their journey to the afterlife, or help the deceased return to life. Humans apparently have a long history of collecting and revering fossil sea urchins. A hand axe with a fossil urchin embedded in it has been attributed to Homo heidelbergensis.

source

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Carloman hates snakes.

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Far be it from Carloman to ruin the moment of such a beautiful and powerful musical performance, but the last padre's thingie is crooked. See for yourself at 1:41. What would Queen Mary II say, my brothers?

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Brine of Capricorn

Before your eyes lies the original manuscript of the Carloman chanson "Brine of Capricorn." It will be the first of many similar manuscripts that will be dusted off to share with the viewing public for the first time in over a millennium.

For those unable to decipher the arcane medieval text (don't bother trying to look it up, you'll never find it, it's that obscure) you will have to trust us with the modern English translation here below...

"Sail with me tonight                       Sail with me all night Like a cold knife                             Like a cold knife Piercing the years of tears                Piercing the years of tears In our eyes                                    In our eyes                              Finally go home                             Tonight we go home Back into the hole...                       Back into the hole..."

&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://carloman.bandcamp.com/track/brine-of-capricorn" _mce_href="http://carloman.bandcamp.com/track/brine-of-capricorn"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;Brine of Capricorn by Carloman&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;