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mal | 27 | i made this account because i read tumblr blogs like the morning paper, and have accumulated over 300 tabs on my phone of just tumblr links i find funny. last time i had a tumblr account i was 18. holy shit

[anglaised]

no one likes to say it on here bc we are supposed to be like very lady like or proper and whatever but it rlly is underrated how great u feel after taking a huge poo like sorry it just feels so freeing like and im not scared to say it the moments before u do a huge poo are so scary like u feel like life is over and everything is hopeless and then right after ur done u have the strength 2 face a new day bravely and u feel light and beautiful and unburdened maybe its uncouth to say but i dont care its my truth

[caffedorzo]

[draconym]

I used to really like the ✨ emoji but now she's best friends with AI and I feel like I can't trust her anymore

[vacuously-true]

NO do NOT let them win. We can save her. We can wrest her association back from AI. She doesn't deserve this and we can't abandon her.

[nighthaunting]

thought too hard about MRI machines today and had this come to me in a vision

[beesmygod]

mri accident is literally one of my biggest anxiety freakouts. i dont care about being in the tiny loud tube, im so scared of a secret piece of metal i dont know about in my body will tear through me like a knife through butter. what if i ate a quarter in my sleep

[neutral-wizard]

Quarters George who eats a $10 roll of quarters every night is shredded into a fine mist my the MRI

[its-grape-juice-i-swear]

TIME TO POST ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE IMAGES!!!!

Back when I worked at the hospital, I had to take MRI training and it was my favorite thing every time. It was only like 10 minutes long and went a little something like this:

Hey. The MRI is basically a really big magnet and by basically I mean it is and we literally never turn it off. It's like really big. Really really big and powerful and The Magnet is always on. We don't turn it off Ever, for any reason. We mean it bro, The Magnet is literally always on. It's crazy strong and will definitely kill you. So don't bring any metal into the MRI room, man. You will fuck up the machine (because The Magnet is always on) and then you will die (again, because The Magnet is always on). Here's some fun questions for you to test your understanding!

1) The ______ is always on.

2) The Magnet is ______ on.

3) How often is The Magnet on?

4) The Magnet is always __.

5) The Magnet is always on. T/F

6) The Magnet is usually on but we know to turn it off for you because you're a very special boy :) T/F

7) My weak fleshy body can survive the wrath of The Magnet. T/F

8) Look at this 500 lbs steel hospital bed, which The Magnet has crumpled into an origami crane. Imagine if that was you.

9) Is The Magnet ever off?

10) Sometimes we turn The Magnet off. T/F

Thank you for taking MRI training. We hope you learned that The Magnet is always on, because it is. It's on Right Now and it will be on every time you come to the MRI. Have fun and remember: The Magnet is always on!

I love you MRI training. The Magnet is always on.

[weaselle]

going to start saying The Magnet Is Always On the way some people say God Has A Plan

[suredisaster-deactivated2024022]

Every time i think about this tweet i start crying

[pathetic-gamer]

he gets it

[enki2]

[sadomarxist]

[ruckuscauser]

[fwizard]

all i need is a sweet treat. and six thousand dollars

[chadzia-deactivated20180101]

[ireniggg]

Keep it real:

If I threw a "Black Ops 3" concert

would you come?

[mevil]

[donnatartlet]

[dooptwo]

when the function has your lucky fruit!

[feral-robots]

Is this true

[flipchild]

his boundless, indefatigable hope and curiosity

[focsle]

Speaking of trees, I’ve been reading The Overstory and it’s such an astoundingly stunning book, but the thing that made me know it was special came just a few lines into the first page.

“A good answer must be reinvented many times, from scratch.” Lodged into my brain the second I read it and hasn’t left me. It’s gonna be with me as a guide for the rest of my life, I think.

[focsle]

Finished this—cracked me open a little in many parts. There’s a quote in it that’s, “What do all good stories do?[…] They kill you a little. They turn you into something you weren’t."

This book has the stuff of that, for me.

[focsle]

Or this bit…

“Say the planet is born at midnight and it runs for one day. First there is nothing. Two hours are lost to lava and meteors. Life doesn’t show up until three or four a.m. Even then, it’s just the barest self-copying bits and pieces. From dawn to late morning—a million million years of branching—nothing more exists than lean and simple cells.

Then there is everything. Something wild happens, not long after noon. One kind of simple cell enslaves a couple of others. Nuclei get membranes. Cells evolve organelles. What was once a solo campsite grows into a town.

The day is two-thirds done when animals and plants part ways. And still life is only single cells. Dusk falls before compound life takes hold. Every large living thing is a latecomer, showing up after dark. Nine p.m. brings jellyfish and worms. Later that hour comes the breakout—backbones, cartilage, an explosion of body forms. From one instant to the next, countless new stems and twigs in the spreading crown burst open and run.

Plants make it up on land just before ten. Then insects, who instantly take to the air. Moments later, tetrapods crawl up from the tidal muck, carrying around on their skin and in their guts whole worlds of earlier creatures. By eleven, dinosaurs have shot their bolt, leaving the mammals and birds in charge for an hour.

Somewhere in that last sixty minutes, high up in the phylogenetic canopy, life grows aware. Creatures start to speculate. Animals start teaching their children about the past and the future. Animals learn to hold rituals.

Anatomically modern man shows up four seconds before midnight. The first cave paintings appear three seconds later. And in a thousandth of a click of the second hand, life solves the mystery of DNA and starts to map the tree of life itself.

By midnight, most of the globe is converted to row crops for the care and feeding of one species. And that’s when the tree of life becomes something else again. That’s when the giant trunk starts to teeter.”

[cicada-swarm]

wild having moral OCD while also believing in the inherent goodness of humanity/the necessity for restorative justice, because it’s like: yeah, people are a product of their circumstances. very rarely is anyone truly incapable of change and there’s no such thing as a person who is fundamentally evil. except for me of course.