lore drop delete later i suppoer
i only realized this recently but growing up the way i did in the philippines was kinda wild. what do u mean i was never allowed outside the house like on the literal neighborhood bc the risk of assault or kidnapping was that high? almost the entirety of summers spent indoors except for occasional family outings was it really so unsafe? kind of, yeah, its part of reality in a country... where i grew up sitting in the family van and street children, entire families really, lived sat walked naked in the depths of old manila.... poverty in the philippines.
it was also wild bc i went to a chinese christian school through my childhood. and they were racist af (colorism) and they were homophobic, fatphobic, believed women belonged in kitchens and served husbands, it was baked into the culture, not Loud Aggressive Bigotry but Casually, Mundanely Disgusting the little social bubble i was trapped in a pre internet(mobile) 2000-2012 era
it was kinda more of the same when i went to university in the philippines plus it was a lot like high school 2. they treat u like babies there. and i was a baby, i was 16 when i entered uni bc education wasnt standardized and i didnt go to junior high. i went to a catholic filipino(!) university, this really snooty westernized "liberal" school. i guess it really was "liberal" in local context but not so much compared to the rest of the world.
plus in uni they didnt treat me Filipino. i was perceived Chinese (it was my 20s I finally understood, i am Not Chinese). at 16 i wasnt even thinking deep yet about my identity bc brain scrambled by chinese christian school and being hit and bullied as a child by my own parents i guess. but anyway the kids in uni treated me Differently. it was not necessarily Bad, it was weird and subtle. but i know i must have had like idk "social privilege" (whether i was aware or not, whether i wanted it or not) because of my skin color i am on the lighter side....
etc etc a weird background like this has stunted my growth and thinking in a lot of ways . the good thing is i feel like my mind has finally caught up now that im 30 and started actually processing the trauma and realizing the wrongs that were normalized... i guess i never had good role models until i met new people online and made friends. so thankful for that
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