Carrotdiscs

Noah (Aries), He/Him Pronouns I no longer want to kill myself

[sabertoothwalrus]

aint it crazy how everyone is famous nowadays and yet I dont know who anyone is. there are countless people that will have more followers on instagram than the population of Sacramento and no one I know irl has ever heard of them

[beadyeyes]

4yo: actually, my dad work for nike

Me: my dad works for dinosaur

4yo: (very skeptic but doesn't have the words to call me out) tell me what... is the... dinosaurs name😑

[angelicguy]

my toddler is 3 years old and wont eat anything other than fine porterhouse steaks and sweet port wine

[milk5]

you need to discipline your child. port is a horrible choice for the main course and wildly clashes with a rich béarnaise.

[angelicguy]

dude hes three….

[bumblr-dotcom]

And uncultured. Get a new child

[fwizard]

all i need is a sweet treat. and six thousand dollars

[badassdemonsword]

this gif is like... almost biblical. as if hes experiencing a pharaohs curse...

[lucifers-golden-bitch-apparently]

wtf were you gonna say

[redhotarsenic]

Please respect my privacy

[lucifers-golden-bitch-apparently]

my deepest apologies

[redhotarsenic]

I forgive you

[redhotarsenic]

Anyway me when I suck that pharaoh good and hard through his scaramphigousus

[valtsv]

time to make a post on tumblr. surely no one will interpret it to be as offensive and bad intentioned as possible.

[valtsv]

by talos this cant be happening

[psshaw]

[lilifred]

everyone's talking about the ibs/autism haha funny comparison thing while I'm still stuck on the concept that hamsters exist in the wild. like naturally

tf do you mean they're a wild creature. you find those ankle-biters at the pet store

[psshaw]

Not a biologist, but the evolution of mammals is way more granular than you might expect. Humans are the sole surviving species of the genus Homo, which was a real party before the other ones went extinct. You're in for a fun time.

Domestic cats are believed to be domesticated not from tigers, but from the African wildcat:

Which evolved to be small just because it's sometimes more useful to be small.

And no, hamsters are not off-brand rats. They're part of the rodent order, which includes beavers, moles, capybaras, guinea pigs (yes, also wild) and lots of other fun things:

[thesecretuncle]

Shit. This dude knows an extreme amount about a niche subject. Crazy what you can accomplish when you have treatment resistant IBS

[psshaw]

I want it on record that I shit mostly normal.

[carby]

Roses are red, my favorite season is fall,

[parkchanwoohoo]

I love how clearly impressed his friends are at this dkhdkfkd "start the frogs"

[modogoblin]

[wtf-is-hockey]

God sometimes I'm writing smut and I'll like, delete a sentence because I'm like, no, I can't write that. It's too indulgent. And then it's like. Girl, what the fuck are you even going to the candy store for if you're just going to buy raisins. Get real.

[pseudospaceship]

"what the fuck are you even going to the candy store for if you're just going to buy raisins" is honestly the thing I needed to hear today

[she-ramen]

the she-ra reboot makes this video relevant again which means we are in the best timeline

[she-ramen]

the kids these days dont know this masterpiece…they will learn

[logan-exe]

the Masters of the Universe remake makes this video relevant again which means we are in the best timeline

[precision-instrument]

[heavensenthousepet]

you learn something new everyday. unless you're a historian. then you learn something old

[melonisopod]

[albva]

[albva]

um. i think that will make an even awkwarder silence

[elliespectacular]

⚠️ WARNING ⚠️

The joke is already funny!

Further additions or permutations may weaken its potency!

[egberts]

the world's smallest carnivore is called the "least weasel" 😭😭 i'm dying but like if it's the smallest carnivore then it sure is the least amount of weasel you can have 😭😭😭

[sator-the-wanderer]

Look at him: this is absolutely the least amount of weasel you can have

[daughterofsarenrae]

To really put it in perspective

[flootzavut]

Immediately I love him