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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Today's Document
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Xuebing Du
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@carter-baker-blog
velpayne:
That’d be nice, thanks. I guess I’d be Velma - my name is already halfway there with Vel. You look more like a Daphne anyway, all beautiful.. and shit.
Aw, you’re a sweetie. You’re not fat like Velma though, you can be the cute version of her. Anyway, where do you want to start?
mikarose-o:
Mika shook her head, “No. I sent her a letter after I graduated, but I haven’t really…communicated with anyone for a while.” Mika couldn’t remember the last letter she had sent to anyone, let alone Ms. Wilcott. It had to have been a little over two years, a few months after her admittance. She remembered writing letters for the first few months, but that she slowly wrote less letters, took more time to respond, so that eventually her lack of a response seemed normal. “I think I have some in my room. I haven’t tried for a while so they wouldn’t be in this one.”
“Anyone?” Carter asked, raising an eyebrow. “Not even your parents?” Carter felt isolated enough in Lakeside, she would hate to be Mika and not speak to anyone outside the nut house. Mika seemed normal enough, not someone who needed to be cut off from society as a whole. “Maybe you could show me those sometime? I’d love to see, art is really fun.”
mikarose-o:
“She’s a good person,” Mika said, “I liked her a lot.” She shrugged and thought about her many attempts at people. “I can get about everything but the face,” she admitted, “then it might as well be a stick figure.” She grimaced at the thought of her last face: it ended up completely too harsh and the proportions were off. “I’m awful at faces.”
“Do you keep in touch with her? I bet she’d love a letter from one of her more promising students.” Carter smiled, then thought of Mika’s self reported limitations. Eight pounds lighter, and Carter would have offered herself as a body model. But looking the way she was sure she looked, with a bloated stomach and round thighs, she didn’t want anyone focusing on the details of her figure for an extended amount of time. “I’m sure you’re not as bad as you think. Do you have any examples?”
velpayne:
I doubt it, they usually like to rub it in your face that you fucked up. If someone’s messing with me, I swear.. that was the last of my whiskey.
Want me to help you look for it? I found someone’s sketch book the other day, so I’m basically on my way to becoming Velma. Or maybe Daphne.
Mika glanced down at the one Carter stopped on, quickly taking in the scene. The trees in the forest took the majority of the page, save the bottom two inches that showed small segments of the tree’s trunks embedded in the ground. “You kind of sound like my high school art teacher,” she murmured before looking at the girl, reminded of Ms. Wilcott, her personal safe haven for four years.
“Well, sounds like your high school art teacher had good taste.” Carter complimented before continuing to flip through her art book. “Hey, do you ever draw people?” She asked, looking back at Mika. Carter had always wanted to model, but being in front of a camera that she couldn’t control and edit was never a good idea. Still, if she could get someone to draw her, that would be a nice little ego boost.
velpayne:
I haven’t been able to find my favorite flask all day. I swear, if I find out someone took it, I’m going to kick their ass.
Urg, that’s the worst. I’m sorry. You don’t think someone found it, do you? Like a staff member? I’m pretty sure they’d tell you if they confiscated it.
.
First Impressions || Mark & Carter
He’d been in a place similar to Lakeside once before in his life, and he regarded both experiences with overwhelming hatred. He’d never imagined himself to be insane, and having the label slapped onto him by others in his life, while it hadn’t stung, had proven to infuriate him. Normalcy had been how he’d considered his existence – though he’d often think of himself as above others – and it was doubtful he’d ever consider things differently, regardless of how many therapist appointments he was given. He’d endured years of them previously and all they’d done in his benefit was aid in improving his ability to lie realistically; nothing more, nothing less. They’d been so obsessed with imaginary paranoia that they’d never bothered to consider whether his problems (though he’d remain adamant that he had none) ran along different, less obvious paths. Given his good behavior, something that he’d displayed only in the presence of particular staff members, he’d managed to win his release earlier than expected – he planned to practice a similar strategy in his current situation.
As his strategy only immediately extended towards staff members he considered important enough, his interactions with other patients remained a gamble. On some occasions, regardless of his personal feelings, he’d react more pleasantly towards company – in others, his attitude might’ve been considered intolerable: he was rude, sarcastic, and otherwise callous. Even those he’d previously reacted kindly towards couldn’t be certain he’d consider them in the same light later on, his tolerance for falsifying warmth waning depending on a variety of factors, many of which he couldn’t control himself. In that moment, he’d exhausted himself in his therapy session, and hoping his irritability was able to be sensed by those around him, had settled in the common room. His strategy, however, wasn’t entirely effective, if the woman who’d approached him were any indication. “Yeah, are you surprised? They’re trying to suck the life out of you, and the easiest way to do that is to bore you to death,” he muttered, not bothering to withhold his annoyance.
Carter didn’t let her disappointment with his bad attitude show. She was hoping that he would be happy to have someone to complain with, but she couldn’t say she was entirely surprised about his apparent complete lack of interest. She knew it meant she just had to try a little harder and be a little more clever. If she let every set back stop her from going after what she wanted, she would still be thirty pounds heavier with no hope of becoming a household name. “Not surprised, no. Just annoyed. If they want us to get better, whatever that means, it isn’t gonna help to coddle us. Then the people who are actually crazy go out into the real world and freak out the first time they see anything even a little racy.” Her tone matched his in annoyance, but she was directing her frustrations at the institution, not at home. She hoped he would follow suit.
“Wait, sorry, what’s your name again?” She asked, pretending she didn’t already know the answer. Mark didn’t seem like the type of person who would be happy that a relative stranger already knew his name and reputation, so it was better for her if she played dumb. “I think we might’ve been in a group session or something together. But honestly I have no idea, days here are so damn repetitive.” That part was more true, every day felt almost the same. The few changes, things like food and activities, were hardly ever welcome. Carter might have been fine with the monotony of it if she felt she was getting anything productive done.
Mika watched as Carter flipped through, critiquing each drawing as they came, and she bit her lip, preventing herself from commenting on each drawing. After Carter went through a few, Mika turned her attention to the girl to gauge her reaction.
Carter stopped at a pencil sketch of a nature scene with a thick forest. Carter had always liked the aesthetics of the woods, and she also thought this drawing in particular might be one Mika would be proud of. “Oh, I love this one. You can totally feel the energy of the forest, it’s amazing. You have a lot of talent, you know that?”
“Guess I don’t. I usually don’t get a very good read on people… People are just kinda difficult.” Blake couldn’t help but laugh at the girl’s comment. He took a second to take in her appearance—- bold eyebrows matched with equally bold eyes. Blake came to the conclusion that it wasn’t her personality that scared him off, but rather her eyebrows. “Well perhaps it was the eyebrows,” he acknowledged as he crossed his arms over his chest. “When you think about it, they are kind of amazing. I mean, they’re like twenty shades darker than your hair color. Did you bleach your hair lighter or something?”
Carter laughed with Blake, feeling accomplished that he seemed to be at ease with her. Or at least more at ease than he had seemed five minutes ago, and she would make more progress as time went on, she was sure of it. “Amazing?” She said in playful disbelief. “I’ve heard lots of things about my eyebrows, but not amazing. Usually it’s like...distracting, or unique, or that I have two caterpillars crawling across my forehead.” She joked, but she did remember kids being mean about them in grade school. She had begged her dads to let her get them waxed, but they said she was too young. Now they were practically a calling card. “I can’t reveal all my secrets, can I? I don’t want you trying to steal my signature look.” She chuckled again, then lightly touched his arm to test his boundaries with her.
First Impressions || Mark & Carter
Carter couldn’t wait to leave Lakeside. She didn’t think it would take too long, she ate in front of the nurses and she sugar coated the truth enough to her therapists that it seemed like she was making a great, but realistic, amount of progress. When she thought about her life after this place, one of the things she focused on was the way her fellow patients would talk about her when she wasn’t around. So far, she thought most of them would speak highly of her. They’d say she was warm, friendly, and pretty. She wanted to be someone that they could feel emotionally intimate with, and she was pretty far along on that goal. A plus side was that once her recovery blog was off the ground, they could contribute sometimes. Not all of them, but the nice and pretty ones. They could tell people how good she was to them and how she helped them recover.
One person who wasn’t on the shortlist to contribute to her blog was Mark Montero. Carter hadn’t spoken to him much, but he seemed cold and rude. To Carter, that was a challenge. If she could get him to like him, get him to think that she was smart and talented and good, she knew that it would make her feel whole. At least for a moment.
Carter saw Mark in the common room alone. She thought that was a perfect opportunity to get him in her corner. She sat down across from him and picked up a book that was on the table, sighed, and put it down. “I feel like every book here is so...dry. They try so hard to avoid anything that might set us off, so we just get secondhand books meant for middle schoolers.” She complained, thinking he might like someone a little more rude and academic than Carter usually acted.
Ethan slid away from Carter as soon as she sat down next to him, so that he was at the very edge. He didn’t notice her smell, the only thing he was aware of was how close she was to him. “I dunno.” Ethan remembered learning it years ago, but he didn’t remember the name of it.
Carter frowned, but regained her composure in a half a second. She didn’t like other people to see her disappointed, it wasn’t something she was comfortable being associated with. “I’m sorry, I’m kinda gross right now. I was just taking a jog. You know, cause it helps me sleep.” Working out did help her sleep, but not in the way she had implied. It was just much easier to sleep when she didn’t feel like a two ton whale.
Standing Lunch Date|| Stella & Carter
Stella hated meal time. The worst part about it was that she had to endure it everyday. She had to take tiny bites and then spit them out in her napkin just so the nurses would let her leave. After getting her tray, she scanned the cafeteria for her friend, then smiled when she spotted her. She sat down and looked at Carter, faking a smile. “Yeah, do you want mine?” She knew the answer would be no, she asked every single time. Stella shrugged and took a peanut from her tray, contemplating on if she would put it in her mouth or not.
“No, thanks. I already feel full from breakfast.” She began to cut her grilled cheese into little squares with a fork and knife. Food was easier to consume when it was in tiny pieces, Carter always felt less heavy eating it that way. “I’m thinking about going vegan or something like that. Do you think the staff would go for that?” Carter knew that she could be convincing, but getting the staff who knew she was there for not wanting to eat a lot to let her totally skip dairy and meat.
Carter put one square of grilled cheese in her mouth and chewed it thoroughly. She always took longer than other people to eat her food. Eating too much at once made her feel too heavy, and she knew she wouldn’t digest it well. Her digestive system hadn’t been her friend since freshman year of high school, and force feeding it pounds of food certainly wouldn’t help.
“Well I’d say you’re doing pretty well at the whole friend thing. Actually, you’re probably doing better than me and I’ve been here for a few years,” Blake assured as hew dipped his head in embarrassment and rubbed the back of his neck. “But I guess it’s good that I come across as sweet.” The very thought of people actually thinking of him in a positive manner made Blake’s face break out into a smile. “You come across as… intimidating. I don’t know why, but I think I actually avoided talking to you because of your proficient social skills.”
Carter laughed warmly. “Social skills? You must not know me very well.” She wanted to make him feel safe and not feel pressure to impress her in any way, so she had to hide her happiness in finding out her reputation for people who didn’t know her was that she was good at talking to people. She didn’t want to be intimidating, that was bad news, but she doubted that most people found friendliness off putting. “Trust me, you really don’t need to intimidated by me. The scariest thing about me is probably my eyebrows.”
Mika looked down at her sketchbook and back at Carter, wavering on showing them to her. “I wouldn’t necessarily call it showing off,” she finally said, “but you can look if you want.” She held the sketchbook out for Carter to take, “I don’t really have any favorites or anything, so…you can just…do whatever.”
Carter smiled broadly. She hoped that Mika letting her flip through it meant that some trust had been built between the two of them. She took it from Mika and opened up to the first page, making sure to angle it so Mika could also see. Carter didn’t want Mika to feel nervous, wondering if she was looking at something that make embarass her.
A small smile appeared on the brunettes face. “Sure, I don’t have anything else really to do other then drawing and reading so go ahead.”
“Fantastic. Want to sit down?” Carter sat on a couch and put a pillow on the floor in front of her, that way she could get a good angle on her hair. “And while I’m doing this, we should totally catch up. How have you been doing, Alexa?”
