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@caterpillardiary
Reblog if you are waiting until marriage to have sex.
First because I’m kind of curious, and second because I think it’s one of those things that, no matter how secure you are in your decision, it’s a little scary to tell others. I think it’s great when people can support each other with this.
The weekend when Christians celebrate a non-Christian, pagan holiday and offer up praises to a scapegoat who died temporally (for three days to be exact), so that you can be saved eternally. It’s odd how a temporary sacrifice saves you eternally, but temporary infractions damn you eternally. I will never again practice this backward religion.
As a Christian, I’d love to respond to your concerns! Sorry if this is weird, but I just really have been touched by God’s love in my life and felt like I should help explain.
Backstory time! God created humans because he wants to have a family. He is an all-loving God who wants to share his power. God created us with a beautiful gift of free will, so we could chose to love him or not. While God is all-loving, he is also completely just. Imagine a Father who loved his children, but never punished them. Picture a young child hitting or even murdering his brother, and the Father staying silent. That wouldn’t be right! So God has to be just and have punishments for evil.
God cannot tolerate evil since he must be all-just. When humans chose by themselves to commit evil, there had to be a separation from God. By choosing evil over God, humans committed to eternity away from him. Hell isn’t necessarily a burning pit preachers often describe it as. While there is figurative language about flames, many believe Hell is simply an eternal absence from God. Eternal absence from his love. Which, to me, who would not be alive today if not for the infinite love of God, is unimaginable!!
It is our choice to commit evil or “temporary infractions”. We make the choice. However, since God is just and loving, he is also forgiving. God came in the form of man as Jesus to chose Love over Evil. When he died for those three days, he was conquering death. He rose, so that we too could rise and escape our well-deserved punishment. Jesus literally conquered death to bring us life!
He paid the price for me, for you, for everyone! I could never imagine getting close to being perfect. I mess up all the time. I’m rude to my parents, my friends. I say hurtful things to my boyfriend. I still will face punishment in the form of worldly results that can hurt me and the people I have hurt. However through the love of God, there is a way of forgiveness to wash my sins away. I don’t have to be perfect, because God was perfect for me.
Like, the fact that I mess up so much, and God still loved me enough to die for me just blows my mind every day. It’s crazy. I’ve been through a lot of abuse in the past, but I have slowly been able to recover knowing that I will always be loved by God. And you are loved by him too!
Dreaming of the house we’ll share one day.
Throw your own pity party in front of me. My pain is worthless compared to your “guilt”.
Making me promise not to cry doesn’t rip away any of the pain when you toy with my emotions.
In the end
They will all stop talking to you.
They will all start ignoring you.
They will all stop caring about you.
Be prepared.
Maybe its just right person wrong timing, or maybe im just too fucked up to be loved by anyone
I didn’t want to fall for you. But you kept casting out your fishing rod until I bit the hook. Then you threw the rod in the water and walked away.
I know you don’t mean to lead me on. You’re my best friend. But filling your apologies with “you’re amazing” and “you deserve the best” doesn’t help. It’s a slap to the face.
Ever seen a smushed caterpillar on the sidewalk? Its guts smeared on the pavement. Unrecognizable.
That’s me.
I’m looking for a new you. Not the real you, but the fake you I made up in my mind. Not the real you that ignored me, used me, and then destroyed me, but the fake you that I thought would always love me.
All of the guys I meet are real yous.
I’ve given up on love. I’m desensitized. I either go too extreme and scare guys away, or I hide in a shadow of myself and feel nothing.
i could write a poem about how one day you’re going to regret doing this to me. that one day you’ll look back and realize that i was the only person who ever fucking loved you right. how in ten years when someone asks what the worst thing you ever did was, my face will pop into your head and you’ll tell them the story about the girl who only wanted to love you and how you destroyed her. but i won’t because the truth is that none of that will ever happen. you don’t care and you never did. it doesn’t faze you that you ruined my trust in men for years to come. in fact you will quickly forget about me and everything we were.
THERES NOTHING POETIC ABOUT THE WAY YOU SMILED WHILE BREAKING MY HEART// 4am
I don’t understand how it can go from You Belong With Me and Love Story to White Horse and Dear John just like that.
Terrible Secrets Building Up Inside Me
I’ve covered up my depression for so long that sometimes I break out laughing when I’m crying. When they told me my cousin died in a motorcycle accident, I burst out laughing. He was the father of 3 young kids.
I obsessed over my instructor, to the point where I would cry over him every single night. I would count how many days until I turned 18 and write about him in my diary. And I would get in my car and sob as I drove home. My entire body would shake and sometimes I could hardly see the road, but I would keep driving. Every single night. Sometimes I would find a place in random parts of the city, like under bridges or behind buildings, to curl up and cry.
When I was 17, that same instructor asked me out and promised me we could take things slow. He wouldn’t let me tell anyone though, including my friends and our boss. The moment I turned 18 he started pressuring me for sex, constantly. When I refused, he went to the boss first and got me fired and banned from the place. It’s been so long since I’ve seen my friends. I feel so empty. The crying feels different now.
I’m fascinated with cults. My favorite book is The Special Ones.
I fantasize about having a relationship/sex with my car sometimes.
I’m actually terrified of sex. I hate it. I thought love was supposed to be romantic like the movies, but all those Disney films just hide the truth. I never in a Million Years thought he would just want me for my body. It was a complete shock and eye opener to what the world is really like. And I hate it and am so scared for the future.
I’m afraid I will never marry. I’m terrified I won’t be good enough for anyone, and they’ll all just dump me because of my personality.
Life plan
Go to college this Fall
Meet man of dreams sometime in my 2nd or 3rd semester
Get proposed to a year later at comic con (SDCC or NYCC) while in a couple cosplay of one of my fav ships
Wedding half a year later.
Honeymoon in Disney World
Graduate with BS
Get pregnant
Graduate with MS
Have baby
Repeat get pregnant and have baby 4 or 5x
Die
im unironically very pro-divorce i think its a beautiful thing!
like……. having the freedom to legally sever all ties to someone with whomst you no longer have a relationship built on mutual love trust and respect? love that!!!
The legalization of no-fault divorce across the US directly correlated with a decline in women’s suicide and with domestic violence, divorce is rad
While divorce being legal is 100% important, don’t necessarily paint it as being a good thing or “rad”. Going through a divorce can be very difficult. It can take a huge emotional toll on all people involved, including the splitting spouses, family members, and especially children. Many children have long lasting issues, often requiring therapy, due to their parents going through a divorce and having to grow up in a divided home.
While it’s an important and necessary freedom, especially when getting out of an abusive relationship, divorce should not be thrown around all dilly dally in a happy, carefree, everyone wins perspective.
