anyway

27, philly, she/her. doing my best.

[yeahiwasintheshit]

[playwrongs]

Goose Shit by Evil Mary Oliver Who Lives in Your Head

You do have to be good. In fact, you have to be perfect. Having even one perturbation will disqualify you from going to the grocery store. You are obligated to walk on your knees  for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting, backwards, in underwear made of red-hot puff adders. You can't let that soft, fallible animal of your body love what it loves.   Are you kidding? Tell me about despair, yours, and keep telling me, and don't stop, or you'll completely explode and go to jail, and then hell. Meanwhile the world goes on without you. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of hailstones are beating down on your head, pouring into the buildings and deep gutters, the corpse-laden mountains and the rivers-- did you read that article about the one that turned bright yellow from pollution? Meanwhile the wild geese, hissing and shitting everywhere will not leave your yard. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, you can always get lonelier! And I can help. I call to you like the wild geese, harsh and intimidating, over and over announcing your place-- oop, sorry, never mind, someone else took it.

[chicago-geniza]

[memewhore]

[normal-horoscopes]

In the club humbled by the totality of my ignorance

[victusinveritas]

[fine-ass-fatshion]

This is not like a fully completed thought but yk

So I've done my first aid + CPR a few times. And every single time I try and bring up scenarios for fat folks

Specifically like 'what if someone is too large for me to wrap my arms around then to do the heimleich'

And its incredibly rare I get a decent answer.

How absolutely insane is it that me, as a fat person, is asking how to have MY life saved or to save ANOTHER life, is an impossible feat if someone is fat.

Most of the time they tell me to 'just try anyways uwu'

There has got to be a better option.

[whiskeydickclaws]

From a first aid and CPR trainer, who is also fat.

The heimleich is scientifically as effective as slapping someone VERY hard on the back. The only reason it's so well taught is the man that invented it did a lot of great PR for himself. It's also a bit easier for smaller framed people to get the necessary force in, because people are often extremely scared to hurt people, even in life threatening situations.

With larger bodied people, whether they be fat, tall, muscular, etc. If you cannot get your arms around them, literally just slap the shit out of their shoulders. You want hard, open palmed slaps right in the center of the shoulders or slightly below.

If they are too tall for you to reach that high, guide them to lean over the back of a chair, and then slap slap slap slap slap.

It's been proven to be just as effective through many studies. It just doesn't have a trademarked name and a dramatic effect in film.

If you have to do CPR on a larger bodied person, again, fat, body builder, tall and broad, whoever, the trick to finding where you want to put your hands if going to be to take your hand and shove it in their armpit. No seriously. Put your hand in their armpit, then drag it in a straight line towards yourself until you're in the center of the chest, then put your other hand beneath that one. This is where you push. Then you are going to move the arm closest to you out of the way so you can get closer to them, and get the leverage you need to press down for compressions. The more of your body weight that is over your hands, the better the compression will be. Act like you are trying desperately to pack the last of your clothes in a suitcase, and just slam down hard on their chest.

They will make *horrible* noises. You might even break ribs.

But a broken rib is better than being dead.

One day, perhaps, other CPR and First Aid instructors will actually know and teach this shit. But the medical field is filled with people who don't know, don't care, or just outright hate fat people. So while this information won't fix your complaint, I do hope it helps someone out there with saving their loved ones, should it ever be needed.

[prideprejudce]

have you ever seen a tweet that just knocks you the fuck out

[youngalientype]

[funnytwittertweets]

[funnytwittertweets]

[sevaria]

the terf skateboard loser arguing biological advantage now cos a trans woman beat her but what was her excuse for losing to a literal 7 year old in 2019

[sevaria]

Those lil girls beat her ass (x)

[lainpsx]

[issamomma]

So uuuuhhhh…got my daughter a yogurt this morning and learned something new.

[issamomma]

Guys I just realized they meant there’s a city in Texas called Ding Dong. I thought the people at GoGurt were really like, “DING DONG! WAKE UP SHEEPLE. BIG GOVERNMENT DOESN’T WANT YOU TO KNOW. TEXAS IS REAL. LOOK IT UP. GET THIS TO THE PEOPLE.” Like some big exec at Yoplait is ready to lose his life over exposing a national secret through the medium of childrens’ yogurt snack tubes.

[awbrainno]

My morning routine? That's simple: first I wake up, then I get out of bed, then I experience various ailments, maladies, afflictions, etc.

[corvidaedream]

i love the idea of ghosts not being dead people but just places where time is kind of thin

like one of my friends & his girlfriend have a ghost in their very old new england house that’s apparently an old timey little boy who does shit like jump on the bed and slam doors but if they tell him very sternly “daniel, stop that” the activity stops immediately

and i love the idea that years ago theres this rowdy little 19th century boy just being alive and playing in his room but if he gets too loud sometimes, the ghostly form of my 21st century friend shows up and is like “Hey! Cut it out.” and then vanishes and no one believes this child

[depsidase]

[tainbocuailnge]

“all powerful entity falls head over heels for the first shit ass mcnobody who dared to call them a bitch to their face” is, perhaps not the absolute best trope but it’s definitely up there I’d say

[engulfes]

It is deeply embarrassing, i think, to be truly earnest about your feelings but it’s also the most important thing in the world