Praise the Baes

Colleen, 27, Toronto, whore, bartender, perennial student, sexclub worker. I'm asexual, armoantic, and a huge fucking nerd. Hellenic Polytheist, but no one's allowed to fuck with Catholics here. Will talk about religion. If someone wants to teach me to sail or ride a motorcycle hit me up. Twitter & Insta same username. Snapchat available on request.

[pterribledinosaurdrawings]

Two days in a row and still nothing! And a couple weeks ago, AND again a few days before that. give me my thunderstorm!!!

[pterribledinosaurdrawings]

Hmm.

[pterribledinosaurdrawings]

It did not.

[shirtsthatgohard]

[orcboxer]

Things that work in fiction but not real life

torture getting reliable information out of people

knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour

jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact

calling the police to deescalate a situation

rafting your way off a desert island

correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes

effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else

ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences

heterosexual cowboy

[eosofspades]

i didn't have "i'm broken" teenage asexual angst i had "i'm literally being the only reasonable one about this concept and the rest of you are behaving like fucking freaks" perception issues

[myflagmynation]

and if they ask—call it peace ( j.p. )

[legendaryrunawaytyrant]

Poem by Sylvie j.p. ( @pencap )

[gyudons]

what if we were an elite goalie tandem who gave each other hugs after winning games. and what if i sat half-naked in the locker room as cameras filmed me before the game. and i grabbed you by your hip pad and dragged you close. and you had a little happy giggle about it. and we were both boys.

[rivertigo]

makes me so mad that I’ll never be able to open up some guys rib cage and just stick my hands in his organs and move em around while he moans and whimpers. imagine getting your prostate grabbed from the inside. must feel crazy

[champagnemoon]

body positivity has largely failed because people started arguing for attractiveness and romantic prospects instead of respect and dignity

[carewitchproject]

this is truly the best summary of what all of this SHOULD be about

[sonshinin]

[commievoltie-deactivated2021070]

“They call us now, before they drop the bombs. The phone rings and someone who knows my first name calls and says in perfect Arabic “This is David.” And in my stupor of sonic booms and glass-shattering symphonies still smashing around in my head I think, Do I know any Davids in Gaza? They call us now to say Run. You have 58 seconds from the end of this message. Your house is next. They think of it as some kind of war-time courtesy. It doesn’t matter that there is nowhere to run to. It means nothing that the borders are closed and your papers are worthless and mark you only for a life sentence in this prison by the sea and the alleyways are narrow and there are more human lives packed one against the other more than any other place on earth Just run. We aren’t trying to kill you. It doesn’t matter that you can’t call us back to tell us the people we claim to want aren’t in your house that there’s no one here except you and your children who were cheering for Argentina sharing the last loaf of bread for this week counting candles left in case the power goes out. It doesn’t matter that you have children. You live in the wrong place and now is your chance to run to nowhere. It doesn’t matter that 58 seconds isn’t long enough to find your wedding album or your son’s favorite blanket or your daughter’s almost completed college application or your shoes or to gather everyone in the house. It doesn’t matter what you had planned. It doesn’t matter who you are. Prove you’re human. Prove you stand on two legs. Run.”

—

Lena Khalaf Tuffaha, Running Orders                                            

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/143255/running-orders

[creepymutelilbugger]

"i have to water the shitbird wait a minute"

"prosper stupid poultry"

[elethart]

[patricia-taxxon]

"bread wetness" scale with a baguette on one side, a mug of beer on the other, and spaghetti right in the middle

[soaphoe]

THE GOAT HAS BURNED

[soaphoe]

LOOK UPON HIM AND REJOICE

[meangirlnurse]

absolutely obsessed with this entertainment reporter getting roasted by one of the breaking bad actors. he just goes right for the throat 

[prideprejudce]

tbh this is proof that social media has completely ruined my sense of humor like i could go see a stand up comedian live and not laugh as hard as i did from reading this one fucking tweet

[headspace-hotel]

You Are Not Wasting Time; It Was Given To You As A Gift, Freely and Generously; Is Rain Wasted Because It Falls On Gardens, Grass, Disgruntled Birds, and Umbrellas All The Same?